Guest guest Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 Patty, I do feel that I was directed to the path I am taking. Only time will tell. And I feel that I am being guided to work out these feelings. So guess we agree on that. Lynda At 05:34 PM 2/29/2008, you wrote: >Lynda, >It sounds like you have spent alot of time thinking over things while >you were on vacation. > >I can understand your anger and frustration at your body's betrayal. >I would probably feel the same thing. I hope you can come to terms >with it and feel comforted and cared for. > >Trusting in the One who holds your life in His hands is the only >thing I know for sure that brings peace. He is not unmindful of all >that you are feeling and going through. He knows. We don't know the >why's and the what for's. We may never. But we CAN know that He >loves us and knows our needs. We also know that HOWEVER He answers >our prayers is the right path to life. > >I'll be praying for your healing. >Hugs, >Patty > > > > > > Hi everyone, > > > > Now that I am home, I can fill everyone in on what is happening. > > > > I am scheduled for chemo again on Tues. I can tell you that the > > anxiety and panic started this last Wed. I am trying to control >it, > > but it seems to be winning. > > > > I have figured out a lot of things about how I feel about all of >this. > > > > First of all, I am angry as hell. That anger has many > > components. There is fear (a lot of fear), there is the loss of > > control over my life, there is the pain that my family and friends > > are feeling, there is the angry and not being able to do the things >I > > normally do that make me who I am (or feel like I am who I am) and > > then there is the deep, deep anger at my body for betraying me so >seriously. > > > > There may be more components to this anger, but these are the ones >I > > have identified this last week. > > > > There is also the need to try to not see the chemo as the enemy of >my > > body (which in some ways it is, but it also kills the cancer cells, > > so it could be seen as my friend). I cannot see it that way at >this > > point. I need to work on that. > > > > So, as you can see, I have been thinking and feeling a lot of >things, > > and now have to decide how to work on all of these issues. > > > > I had two thoracentesis while in Hawaii, and will continue to have >to > > have them at regular intervals until the chemo destroys enough of >the > > cancer to allow the drainage to occur naturally. I am going to try > > to spread out the intervals so I have less of these. That may be > > possible and it may not be possible. > > > > I have many things to think about and deal with, and then I have >the > > side effects of the chemo to also deal with. And the possible >(they > > say probable) loss of my hair, which also effects self-esteem and > > trying to feel positive. And one must feel positive if one is to > > fight this disease. > > > > This is probably not the whole picture, but it just lets you know > > what I have been doing with my time and energy while I was enjoying > > the healing environment of the Big Island of Hawaii. > > > > Lynda > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2008 Report Share Posted March 1, 2008 Patty, Yes that does make a difference if the people I will work for are Christians. I have been a christian for over 20 years. My husband and I are looking over the material and he is going to have to help me because I dont like to make decisions in this state of mind. But it sounds very rewarding especially the travel you get to do . I cant wait til I can travel. I think I am going to have to wait til I get a little more better where I am getting out of the house a little more often. But I wont forget about it because my husband saved in the favorites to study when he gets time. Love In a message dated 2/29/2008 7:34:19 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, glory2glory1401@... writes: Lynda,It sounds like you have spent alot of time thinking over things while you were on vacation. I can understand your anger and frustration at your body's betrayal.I would probably feel the same thing. I hope you can come to terms with it and feel comforted and cared for.Trusting in the One who holds your life in His hands is the only thing I know for sure that brings peace. He is not unmindful of all that you are feeling and going through. He knows. We don't know the why's and the what for's. We may never. But we CAN know that He loves us and knows our needs. We also know that HOWEVER He answers our prayers is the right path to life.I'll be praying for your healing.Hugs,Patty>> Hi everyone,> > Now that I am home, I can fill everyone in on what is happening.> > I am scheduled for chemo again on Tues. I can tell you that the > anxiety and panic started this last Wed. I am trying to control it, > but it seems to be winning.> > I have figured out a lot of things about how I feel about all of this.> > First of all, I am angry as hell. That anger has many > components. There is fear (a lot of fear), there is the loss of > control over my life, there is the pain that my family and friends > are feeling, there is the angry and not being able to do the things I > normally do that make me who I am (or feel like I am who I am) and > then there is the deep, deep anger at my body for betraying me so seriously.> > There may be more components to this anger, but these are the ones I > have identified this last week.> > There is also the need to try to not see the chemo as the enemy of my > body (which in some ways it is, but it also kills the cancer cells, > so it could be seen as my friend). I cannot see it that way at this > point. I need to work on that.> > So, as you can see, I have been thinking and feeling a lot of things, > and now have to decide how to work on all of these issues.> > I had two thoracentesis while in Hawaii, and will continue to have to > have them at regular intervals until the chemo destroys enough of the > cancer to allow the drainage to occur naturally. I am going to try > to spread out the intervals so I have less of these. That may be > possible and it may not be possible.> > I have many things to think about and deal with, and then I have the > side effects of the chemo to also deal with. And the possible (they > say probable) loss of my hair, which also effects self-esteem and > trying to feel positive. And one must feel positive if one is to > fight this disease.> > This is probably not the whole picture, but it just lets you know > what I have been doing with my time and energy while I was enjoying > the healing environment of the Big Island of Hawaii.> > Lynda> Delicious ideas to please the pickiest eaters. Watch the video on AOL Living. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2008 Report Share Posted March 1, 2008 Patty, Yes that does make a difference if the people I will work for are Christians. I have been a christian for over 20 years. My husband and I are looking over the material and he is going to have to help me because I dont like to make decisions in this state of mind. But it sounds very rewarding especially the travel you get to do . I cant wait til I can travel. I think I am going to have to wait til I get a little more better where I am getting out of the house a little more often. But I wont forget about it because my husband saved in the favorites to study when he gets time. Love In a message dated 2/29/2008 7:34:19 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, glory2glory1401@... writes: Lynda,It sounds like you have spent alot of time thinking over things while you were on vacation. I can understand your anger and frustration at your body's betrayal.I would probably feel the same thing. I hope you can come to terms with it and feel comforted and cared for.Trusting in the One who holds your life in His hands is the only thing I know for sure that brings peace. He is not unmindful of all that you are feeling and going through. He knows. We don't know the why's and the what for's. We may never. But we CAN know that He loves us and knows our needs. We also know that HOWEVER He answers our prayers is the right path to life.I'll be praying for your healing.Hugs,Patty>> Hi everyone,> > Now that I am home, I can fill everyone in on what is happening.> > I am scheduled for chemo again on Tues. I can tell you that the > anxiety and panic started this last Wed. I am trying to control it, > but it seems to be winning.> > I have figured out a lot of things about how I feel about all of this.> > First of all, I am angry as hell. That anger has many > components. There is fear (a lot of fear), there is the loss of > control over my life, there is the pain that my family and friends > are feeling, there is the angry and not being able to do the things I > normally do that make me who I am (or feel like I am who I am) and > then there is the deep, deep anger at my body for betraying me so seriously.> > There may be more components to this anger, but these are the ones I > have identified this last week.> > There is also the need to try to not see the chemo as the enemy of my > body (which in some ways it is, but it also kills the cancer cells, > so it could be seen as my friend). I cannot see it that way at this > point. I need to work on that.> > So, as you can see, I have been thinking and feeling a lot of things, > and now have to decide how to work on all of these issues.> > I had two thoracentesis while in Hawaii, and will continue to have to > have them at regular intervals until the chemo destroys enough of the > cancer to allow the drainage to occur naturally. I am going to try > to spread out the intervals so I have less of these. That may be > possible and it may not be possible.> > I have many things to think about and deal with, and then I have the > side effects of the chemo to also deal with. And the possible (they > say probable) loss of my hair, which also effects self-esteem and > trying to feel positive. And one must feel positive if one is to > fight this disease.> > This is probably not the whole picture, but it just lets you know > what I have been doing with my time and energy while I was enjoying > the healing environment of the Big Island of Hawaii.> > Lynda> Delicious ideas to please the pickiest eaters. Watch the video on AOL Living. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2008 Report Share Posted March 1, 2008 , Thanks--I'm sure you meant this to be private! I'll be checking back with you! Patty > > > > Hi everyone, > > > > Now that I am home, I can fill everyone in on what is happening. > > > > I am scheduled for chemo again on Tues. I can tell you that the > > anxiety and panic started this last Wed. I am trying to control > it, > > but it seems to be winning. > > > > I have figured out a lot of things about how I feel about all of > this. > > > > First of all, I am angry as hell. That anger has many > > components. There is fear (a lot of fear), there is the loss of > > control over my life, there is the pain that my family and friends > > are feeling, there is the angry and not being able to do the things > I > > normally do that make me who I am (or feel like I am who I am) and > > then there is the deep, deep anger at my body for betraying me so > seriously. > > > > There may be more components to this anger, but these are the ones > I > > have identified this last week. > > > > There is also the need to try to not see the chemo as the enemy of > my > > body (which in some ways it is, but it also kills the cancer cells, > > so it could be seen as my friend). I cannot see it that way at > this > > point. I need to work on that. > > > > So, as you can see, I have been thinking and feeling a lot of > things, > > and now have to decide how to work on all of these issues. > > > > I had two thoracentesis while in Hawaii, and will continue to have > to > > have them at regular intervals until the chemo destroys enough of > the > > cancer to allow the drainage to occur naturally. I am going to try > > to spread out the intervals so I have less of these. That may be > > possible and it may not be possible. > > > > I have many things to think about and deal with, and then I have > the > > side effects of the chemo to also deal with. And the possible > (they > > say probable) loss of my hair, which also effects self-esteem and > > trying to feel positive. And one must feel positive if one is to > > fight this disease. > > > > This is probably not the whole picture, but it just lets you know > > what I have been doing with my time and energy while I was enjoying > > the healing environment of the Big Island of Hawaii. > > > > Lynda > > > > > > > > > > **************Ideas to please picky eaters. Watch video on AOL Living. > (http://living.aol.com/video/how-to-please-your-picky-eater/rachel- campos-duffy/ > 2050827?NCID=aolcmp00300000002598) > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2008 Report Share Posted March 1, 2008 , Thanks--I'm sure you meant this to be private! I'll be checking back with you! Patty > > > > Hi everyone, > > > > Now that I am home, I can fill everyone in on what is happening. > > > > I am scheduled for chemo again on Tues. I can tell you that the > > anxiety and panic started this last Wed. I am trying to control > it, > > but it seems to be winning. > > > > I have figured out a lot of things about how I feel about all of > this. > > > > First of all, I am angry as hell. That anger has many > > components. There is fear (a lot of fear), there is the loss of > > control over my life, there is the pain that my family and friends > > are feeling, there is the angry and not being able to do the things > I > > normally do that make me who I am (or feel like I am who I am) and > > then there is the deep, deep anger at my body for betraying me so > seriously. > > > > There may be more components to this anger, but these are the ones > I > > have identified this last week. > > > > There is also the need to try to not see the chemo as the enemy of > my > > body (which in some ways it is, but it also kills the cancer cells, > > so it could be seen as my friend). I cannot see it that way at > this > > point. I need to work on that. > > > > So, as you can see, I have been thinking and feeling a lot of > things, > > and now have to decide how to work on all of these issues. > > > > I had two thoracentesis while in Hawaii, and will continue to have > to > > have them at regular intervals until the chemo destroys enough of > the > > cancer to allow the drainage to occur naturally. I am going to try > > to spread out the intervals so I have less of these. That may be > > possible and it may not be possible. > > > > I have many things to think about and deal with, and then I have > the > > side effects of the chemo to also deal with. And the possible > (they > > say probable) loss of my hair, which also effects self-esteem and > > trying to feel positive. And one must feel positive if one is to > > fight this disease. > > > > This is probably not the whole picture, but it just lets you know > > what I have been doing with my time and energy while I was enjoying > > the healing environment of the Big Island of Hawaii. > > > > Lynda > > > > > > > > > > **************Ideas to please picky eaters. Watch video on AOL Living. > (http://living.aol.com/video/how-to-please-your-picky-eater/rachel- campos-duffy/ > 2050827?NCID=aolcmp00300000002598) > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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