Re: Re:A Letter To Me RePost [edited] From: What Is You P...

[Guest guest]

Dear Friend,

I would love to recommend to you Bishop's book Remembering Your Soul Purpose. It's a workbook and it helped me tremendously in defining exactly why I am here on this beautiful earth.

Love and hugs, Cheryl in GAvisit me at: www.myspace.com/senegaladyMay we learn to benefit the life of Earth with peace, humble in our needs,

and generous in our giving.Joanne Sunshower

In a message dated 1/25/2008 6:33:02 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, hisalone@... writes:

and HH, warning long letter

I can relate to your friends letter so well bless her soul for reaching out it at times can take great strength to do even that. I try to remember that I yoyo that this spiritual journey I obviously am on is one where I take deep long breaths, ponder, relapse, grow and in time clarity begins to come. I've been doing this yoyo all my life and each year I get older it only gets worse however, I also am searching much deeper for my purpose because the pain is that bad.

You mention that our purpose comes to us that we need NOT search I somewhat agree with it and I get it. I know that those that seek find and those that go to the quiet place within to merely listen and or seek also find. I am learning to do more of the silence thing, journeling while I listen and then write.

This year I came to the realization that just maybe I spend way too much time on ME instead of others, that I am way too shut in with too much time on my hands and I don't properly take care of the gifts that God gave me. That being, a vast universe that heals my body every day, my own immune system. I sit and imagine all the things this body of mine has been put through via me and it's amazing I am still standing and breathing. I should thank it for holding out and defying my laziness and lack of wanting to connect to it. Who wants to connect to a fat body or one that causes us such immense pain we spend our waking hours disconnecting to survive. Our body is merely screaming at us to protect us, to tell us hey out there.." I need your help " and it won't quit until we listen. If our body is sick it stands to reason that many other aspects of us are as well. Soooo I have started with my thought life, my self worth, my dedication to feeding my spirit every single day, teaching my mind something every day, physically starting an exercise regimen. I hate exercise I paid a thousand dollars for a years membership that is finally ending but I am getting back up again and trying with a total gym in my home. Just five minutes is a forward motion. Sometimes we just have to get up and fight when we don't want too because we know the suffering will be even greater and we don't want to die an early death think of our grand children! I have fibro and take shots to supress my immune system. I am addicted to codiene and morphine and I've developed heart problems at the age of 45. This is my bottom. Like I said baby steps and because of this group, because of the things I am feeding my soul every day, because of my forced stubborness I know I am going to rise above.

I took your advice at least I think it was you hmm lol...and put notes all over my house with affirmations some from EFT videos at youtube (wonderful tool) and some from Abraham Hicks. I write poetry, take free classes at allpoetry.com and read old poets their wisdom is endless. Love i know is the source of it all but it's something I still have a hard time with. I've tried to read living on love and I dont get through it easily. I tend to want to get right to the end and work the instructions. Love in my world is not something that brought pleasure, good feelings, or even a feeling of belonging and for you all who can relate well it will take time to unlearn what we were taught love is. I read that adults must unlearn what society has taught them. We must learn to return to the child like state of love.

I almost tend to shrink when I here the word love because I don't get much of it now nor have I in my life and when I try to offer it myself it comes out in blips and bleeps. Abuse has a funny way of shutting down a spirit so hard not even the person can unlock it. I know I have love inside of me I've seen it flow out but it would be only by the grace of God. I can feel love on a empath level for others immensely to the point of taking on others emotions and pains but the love of God, the love of a husband and self love I don't grasp real well. I've longed and prayed and agonized over wanting to understand it, to become one with it but it still eludes me mostly.

I know for a fact that the part of the pain I feel is from not knowing what I am good at, what my real purpose is. I am good at too many things but not the best, not enough to say this is my calling. My gifts and interests are so many my mind swims with confusion as to what I should hone to offer up to God and others. If I knew what I was suppose to be doing I would finish college, I would start a business, I would write a book on it, I would shower others with it but I get side tracked with all my other interests because I get bored too easily doing one thing. Its confusing where to others who are lucky they have known from a young age what they are good at. I have the label of mom and that is all I have ever known in my life no work ethics or social label and I know I am far more than a mother.....so who am I and what am I suppose to be doing for humanity...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm lol. Ummmmmm maybe I should be writing and boring people yah thats it !! Snort!

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