Tell Me You Didn't Crack Up Laughing

[Guest guest]

This was written by a guy ...

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge

of men and women differ so much, And I never

have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their

head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,

'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.' I said, 'WHAT??!!

What was that?!' So she says the words that every man on the

planet dreads to hear...'You're just not in touch with my

emotional needs as a woman enoughfor me to satisfy your

physical needs as a man.'She responded to my puzzled look by saying,

'Can't you just love meor who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time

with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a

big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while

she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't

decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes,

so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair

of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She musthave thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to thinkshe was testing me because she asked for a tennis bra celet when shedoesn't even know how to play tennis.I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.'

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all

dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out,

'No honey, I don't feel like it.'Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped

with a baffled, 'WHAT?'I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile.

You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough

for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me,

I added 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for

the things I buy you?'Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....

but at least she knows I out smarted her.