Re: what kind of a cancer supporter are you?

[Guest guest]

Lynda,

Thanks for sharing that! I'm very glad that you found it helpful for

you!

Hugs and prayer!

Cherie

>

> http://www.cancerlynx.com/angels_bolters.html

>

>

> Kathy ly ston sent me this. I found it helpful.

>

> CancerLynx - we prowl the net

>

> May 28, 2000

>

> Angels and bolters: a field guide to the wildlife of cancer

> Ritchie M.D.

>

> When you are diagnosed with cancer, strange things happen to other

> people. Cancer will probably change you, but it also changes people

> around you, people you thought you knew.

>

> People behave in unexpected ways. Some you thought were friends

> disappear. Others hang around. And of those who keep coming around,

> you will be glad to see some, and less glad to see others.

>

> You will find out who your friends are, as the saying goes. As if

> that's a good thing. As if anyone ever really wants to find out who

> can be counted on and who can't. Someone you rarely saw and didn't

> feel particularly close to may turn out to be the person who is

most

> supportive, who most understands what you are going through.

>

> Although each person's cancer experience is unique, there are some

> commonalities. The following is a guide to the creatures you may

encounter.

>

> Preachers

> Preachers are anxious to give you advice and information. They are

> convinced that they know what is best for you, and they go out of

> their way to share their answers. They bring you books and tapes,

> herbs and pills, or they know where you can send money - usually a

> lot of money - to obtain a product that is guaranteed to cure you.

> This guarantee, on closer examination, turns out to be more like a

> strong opinion.

>

> So they will assure you that vegetarians don't get cancer, or

> meditators don't get cancer, or those who think happy thoughts.

None

> of which is true. They bring you tofu and sprouts when you really

> want a pizza, and then you feel guilty for eating pizza at all.

They

> insist that you think positive, at a time when you are bald and

> nauseated and have a temperature of 104 and a major body part is

missing.

>

> Preachers are usually well-meaning and sincerely concerned for your

> welfare, so they are hard to ignore. They are convinced that the

one

> thing they promote is the thing that will cure your cancer, if you

> only do it correctly. This last part is the kicker - if it doesn't

> work, you must not be doing it right.

>

> Clueless

> The clueless make inane comments. These comments usually fall into

> one of three categories:

> * Cancer is not really a problem. (e.g., Losing your hair/body

> part/health is not really a problem.)

> * Cancer is really a blessing. (You'll find out who your

friends

> are. Cancer is a gift from God because you are so strong.)

> * You caused your cancer.(Remember that time you had a negative

> thought? You are not praying hard enough.)

>

> There are an infinite variety of idiotic remarks. When you have

> cancer you are liable to hear one or two that are amazingly

thoughtless.

>

> If preachers are honestly concerned for your welfare, the clueless

> are primarily concerned about themselves. They want you to be

> cheerful because it makes them more comfortable (this includes some

> health care personnel). Those who deny their own sadness and grief

do

> not want to hear about yours.

>

> The clueless want to believe that the world makes sense, that it is

> fair and just, that people get what they deserve. They are willing

to

> ignore any evidence to the contrary. They don't really understand

> your situation; they cannot see your illness from your perspective.

> They are not interested enough to understand, or they are too

fearful

> of their own well being.

>

> But their ignorance is not your problem. Education of the clueless

is

> extremely time-consuming and frequently doomed. It should be

> undertaken only in desperate circumstances, or out of sheer

boredom.

> These people are exhausting. You may have to decide whether their

> company is worth the emotional cost, as you are likely to end up

> taking care of them.

>

> Bolters

> Bolters disappear when you are diagnosed with cancer. The bolter is

> someone who was always around before you had cancer, but now does

not

> call and does not show up. Bolters may or may not send a card

before

> they leave.

>

> When questioned, bolters make excuses: they knew you were tired, or

> they knew you would ask if you needed anything, thus blaming their

> absence on you. Like the clueless, their distance reflects their

own

> discomfort. They stay away because they are afraid of their own

> sadness or their own mortality.

>

> A related creature is the virtual bolter. Virtual bolters may be

> physically present but act as if you were no longer there. They

> ignore you, as if you were invisible. You find yourself not invited

> to events, as if you didn't exist. You are suddenly excluded from a

> weekly meeting you have attended for years.

>

> Like the clueless, bolters are generally resistant to logic and are

> thought to be incurable. When they are caught and questioned they

> blame others, and it may be best to simply let them go.

>

> Angels

> Angels know what to do, and they know what you need. They drop by

> with a bag of groceries or they offer to walk the dog. They will

> listen when you need to talk, or they can just sit next to you and

be

> there without having to do anything or say anything. They know that

> just being there is doing something. Angels tread lightly because

> they have no agenda of their own.

>

> They treat you like the person you always were. They know that

> despite the cancer you are still you. Sometimes angels just know

what

> you need, and sometimes they need to ask. An angel knows how to

> listen to the answer, how to listen to what you say and to what

> you're not saying. You can cry with angels and you can laugh with

> them, sometimes both at the same time. Some are born angels. Others

> have to learn, which takes time and may be awkward at first.

>

> Fellow Travelers

> For fellow travelers, your cancer journey is their journey. Family

> members become fellow travelers out of necessity. Others stick with

> you by choice.

>

> When you have cancer, they have it too. And in some ways their

> journey is harder, a time of frustration and powerlessness. While

you

> can fight the cancer, they can only observe.

>

> Fellow travelers want to be supportive, although at first they may

> not know how. They can become angels but it will take time. Most of

> us are not good listeners, and it takes a while to learn. You can

> help by being patient and by asking for what you need.

>

> The clueless are right about one thing - there are good things

about

> having cancer. The best is the opportunity for a closer

relationship

> with those who care about you. And, of course, you learn who your

friends are.

>

> <http://www.cancerlynx.com/contact.html>

> kitten picture

> From the book Angels and Bolters: Women's Cancer Scripts

>

[Guest guest]

Cherie,

And it is oh so true. Probably with any illness, like breast implant

problems. I encountered the same types then also.

Lynda

At 12:47 PM 2/3/2008, you wrote:

>Lynda,

>

>Thanks for sharing that! I'm very glad that you found it helpful for

>you!

>

>Hugs and prayer!

>Cherie

>

>

> >

> >

>

<http://www.cancerlynx.com/angels_bolters.html>http://www.cancerlynx.com/angels_\

bolters.html

> >

> >

> > Kathy ly ston sent me this. I found it helpful.

> >

> > CancerLynx - we prowl the net

> >

> > May 28, 2000

> >

> > Angels and bolters: a field guide to the wildlife of cancer

> > Ritchie M.D.

> >

> > When you are diagnosed with cancer, strange things happen to other

> > people. Cancer will probably change you, but it also changes people

> > around you, people you thought you knew.

> >

> > People behave in unexpected ways. Some you thought were friends

> > disappear. Others hang around. And of those who keep coming around,

> > you will be glad to see some, and less glad to see others.

> >

> > You will find out who your friends are, as the saying goes. As if

> > that's a good thing. As if anyone ever really wants to find out who

> > can be counted on and who can't. Someone you rarely saw and didn't

> > feel particularly close to may turn out to be the person who is

>most

> > supportive, who most understands what you are going through.

> >

> > Although each person's cancer experience is unique, there are some

> > commonalities. The following is a guide to the creatures you may

>encounter.

> >

> > Preachers

> > Preachers are anxious to give you advice and information. They are

> > convinced that they know what is best for you, and they go out of

> > their way to share their answers. They bring you books and tapes,

> > herbs and pills, or they know where you can send money - usually a

> > lot of money - to obtain a product that is guaranteed to cure you.

> > This guarantee, on closer examination, turns out to be more like a

> > strong opinion.

> >

> > So they will assure you that vegetarians don't get cancer, or

> > meditators don't get cancer, or those who think happy thoughts.

>None

> > of which is true. They bring you tofu and sprouts when you really

> > want a pizza, and then you feel guilty for eating pizza at all.

>They

> > insist that you think positive, at a time when you are bald and

> > nauseated and have a temperature of 104 and a major body part is

>missing.

> >

> > Preachers are usually well-meaning and sincerely concerned for your

> > welfare, so they are hard to ignore. They are convinced that the

>one

> > thing they promote is the thing that will cure your cancer, if you

> > only do it correctly. This last part is the kicker - if it doesn't

> > work, you must not be doing it right.

> >

> > Clueless

> > The clueless make inane comments. These comments usually fall into

> > one of three categories:

> > * Cancer is not really a problem. (e.g., Losing your hair/body

> > part/health is not really a problem.)

> > * Cancer is really a blessing. (You'll find out who your

>friends

> > are. Cancer is a gift from God because you are so strong.)

> > * You caused your cancer.(Remember that time you had a negative

> > thought? You are not praying hard enough.)

> >

> > There are an infinite variety of idiotic remarks. When you have

> > cancer you are liable to hear one or two that are amazingly

>thoughtless.

> >

> > If preachers are honestly concerned for your welfare, the clueless

> > are primarily concerned about themselves. They want you to be

> > cheerful because it makes them more comfortable (this includes some

> > health care personnel). Those who deny their own sadness and grief

>do

> > not want to hear about yours.

> >

> > The clueless want to believe that the world makes sense, that it is

> > fair and just, that people get what they deserve. They are willing

>to

> > ignore any evidence to the contrary. They don't really understand

> > your situation; they cannot see your illness from your perspective.

> > They are not interested enough to understand, or they are too

>fearful

> > of their own well being.

> >

> > But their ignorance is not your problem. Education of the clueless

>is

> > extremely time-consuming and frequently doomed. It should be

> > undertaken only in desperate circumstances, or out of sheer

>boredom.

> > These people are exhausting. You may have to decide whether their

> > company is worth the emotional cost, as you are likely to end up

> > taking care of them.

> >

> > Bolters

> > Bolters disappear when you are diagnosed with cancer. The bolter is

> > someone who was always around before you had cancer, but now does

>not

> > call and does not show up. Bolters may or may not send a card

>before

> > they leave.

> >

> > When questioned, bolters make excuses: they knew you were tired, or

> > they knew you would ask if you needed anything, thus blaming their

> > absence on you. Like the clueless, their distance reflects their

>own

> > discomfort. They stay away because they are afraid of their own

> > sadness or their own mortality.

> >

> > A related creature is the virtual bolter. Virtual bolters may be

> > physically present but act as if you were no longer there. They

> > ignore you, as if you were invisible. You find yourself not invited

> > to events, as if you didn't exist. You are suddenly excluded from a

> > weekly meeting you have attended for years.

> >

> > Like the clueless, bolters are generally resistant to logic and are

> > thought to be incurable. When they are caught and questioned they

> > blame others, and it may be best to simply let them go.

> >

> > Angels

> > Angels know what to do, and they know what you need. They drop by

> > with a bag of groceries or they offer to walk the dog. They will

> > listen when you need to talk, or they can just sit next to you and

>be

> > there without having to do anything or say anything. They know that

> > just being there is doing something. Angels tread lightly because

> > they have no agenda of their own.

> >

> > They treat you like the person you always were. They know that

> > despite the cancer you are still you. Sometimes angels just know

>what

> > you need, and sometimes they need to ask. An angel knows how to

> > listen to the answer, how to listen to what you say and to what

> > you're not saying. You can cry with angels and you can laugh with

> > them, sometimes both at the same time. Some are born angels. Others

> > have to learn, which takes time and may be awkward at first.

> >

> > Fellow Travelers

> > For fellow travelers, your cancer journey is their journey. Family

> > members become fellow travelers out of necessity. Others stick with

> > you by choice.

> >

> > When you have cancer, they have it too. And in some ways their

> > journey is harder, a time of frustration and powerlessness. While

>you

> > can fight the cancer, they can only observe.

> >

> > Fellow travelers want to be supportive, although at first they may

> > not know how. They can become angels but it will take time. Most of

> > us are not good listeners, and it takes a while to learn. You can

> > help by being patient and by asking for what you need.

> >

> > The clueless are right about one thing - there are good things

>about

> > having cancer. The best is the opportunity for a closer

>relationship

> > with those who care about you. And, of course, you learn who your

>friends are.

> >

> >

>

<<http://www.cancerlynx.com/contact.html>http://www.cancerlynx.com/contact.html>

> > kitten picture

> > From the book Angels and Bolters: Women's Cancer Scripts

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lynda,

That was great and so true. Illness does create discomfort even in

the best-intentioned. I've lost friends through this but gained many

as well. It is surprising to see who really is able to handle it and

others who flee when the going gets rough. I hope you're hanging in

there and that these chemo symptoms become a distant memory soon.

Prayers and Love, PH

> > >

> > >

> >

<http://www.cancerlynx.com/angels_bolters.html>http://www.cancerlynx.c

om/angels_bolters.html

> > >

> > >

> > > Kathy ly ston sent me this. I found it helpful.

> > >

> > > CancerLynx - we prowl the net

> > >

> > > May 28, 2000

> > >

> > > Angels and bolters: a field guide to the wildlife of cancer

> > > Ritchie M.D.

> > >

> > > When you are diagnosed with cancer, strange things happen to

other

> > > people. Cancer will probably change you, but it also changes

people

> > > around you, people you thought you knew.

> > >

> > > People behave in unexpected ways. Some you thought were friends

> > > disappear. Others hang around. And of those who keep coming

around,

> > > you will be glad to see some, and less glad to see others.

> > >

> > > You will find out who your friends are, as the saying goes. As

if

> > > that's a good thing. As if anyone ever really wants to find out

who

> > > can be counted on and who can't. Someone you rarely saw and

didn't

> > > feel particularly close to may turn out to be the person who is

> >most

> > > supportive, who most understands what you are going through.

> > >

> > > Although each person's cancer experience is unique, there are

some

> > > commonalities. The following is a guide to the creatures you may

> >encounter.

> > >

> > > Preachers

> > > Preachers are anxious to give you advice and information. They

are

> > > convinced that they know what is best for you, and they go out

of

> > > their way to share their answers. They bring you books and

tapes,

> > > herbs and pills, or they know where you can send money -

usually a

> > > lot of money - to obtain a product that is guaranteed to cure

you.

> > > This guarantee, on closer examination, turns out to be more

like a

> > > strong opinion.

> > >

> > > So they will assure you that vegetarians don't get cancer, or

> > > meditators don't get cancer, or those who think happy thoughts.

> >None

> > > of which is true. They bring you tofu and sprouts when you

really

> > > want a pizza, and then you feel guilty for eating pizza at all.

> >They

> > > insist that you think positive, at a time when you are bald and

> > > nauseated and have a temperature of 104 and a major body part is

> >missing.

> > >

> > > Preachers are usually well-meaning and sincerely concerned for

your

> > > welfare, so they are hard to ignore. They are convinced that the

> >one

> > > thing they promote is the thing that will cure your cancer, if

you

> > > only do it correctly. This last part is the kicker - if it

doesn't

> > > work, you must not be doing it right.

> > >

> > > Clueless

> > > The clueless make inane comments. These comments usually fall

into

> > > one of three categories:

> > > * Cancer is not really a problem. (e.g., Losing your hair/body

> > > part/health is not really a problem.)

> > > * Cancer is really a blessing. (You'll find out who your

> >friends

> > > are. Cancer is a gift from God because you are so strong.)

> > > * You caused your cancer.(Remember that time you had a negative

> > > thought? You are not praying hard enough.)

> > >

> > > There are an infinite variety of idiotic remarks. When you have

> > > cancer you are liable to hear one or two that are amazingly

> >thoughtless.

> > >

> > > If preachers are honestly concerned for your welfare, the

clueless

> > > are primarily concerned about themselves. They want you to be

> > > cheerful because it makes them more comfortable (this includes

some

> > > health care personnel). Those who deny their own sadness and

grief

> >do

> > > not want to hear about yours.

> > >

> > > The clueless want to believe that the world makes sense, that

it is

> > > fair and just, that people get what they deserve. They are

willing

> >to

> > > ignore any evidence to the contrary. They don't really

understand

> > > your situation; they cannot see your illness from your

perspective.

> > > They are not interested enough to understand, or they are too

> >fearful

> > > of their own well being.

> > >

> > > But their ignorance is not your problem. Education of the

clueless

> >is

> > > extremely time-consuming and frequently doomed. It should be

> > > undertaken only in desperate circumstances, or out of sheer

> >boredom.

> > > These people are exhausting. You may have to decide whether

their

> > > company is worth the emotional cost, as you are likely to end up

> > > taking care of them.

> > >

> > > Bolters

> > > Bolters disappear when you are diagnosed with cancer. The

bolter is

> > > someone who was always around before you had cancer, but now

does

> >not

> > > call and does not show up. Bolters may or may not send a card

> >before

> > > they leave.

> > >

> > > When questioned, bolters make excuses: they knew you were

tired, or

> > > they knew you would ask if you needed anything, thus blaming

their

> > > absence on you. Like the clueless, their distance reflects their

> >own

> > > discomfort. They stay away because they are afraid of their own

> > > sadness or their own mortality.

> > >

> > > A related creature is the virtual bolter. Virtual bolters may be

> > > physically present but act as if you were no longer there. They

> > > ignore you, as if you were invisible. You find yourself not

invited

> > > to events, as if you didn't exist. You are suddenly excluded

from a

> > > weekly meeting you have attended for years.

> > >

> > > Like the clueless, bolters are generally resistant to logic and

are

> > > thought to be incurable. When they are caught and questioned

they

> > > blame others, and it may be best to simply let them go.

> > >

> > > Angels

> > > Angels know what to do, and they know what you need. They drop

by

> > > with a bag of groceries or they offer to walk the dog. They will

> > > listen when you need to talk, or they can just sit next to you

and

> >be

> > > there without having to do anything or say anything. They know

that

> > > just being there is doing something. Angels tread lightly

because

> > > they have no agenda of their own.

> > >

> > > They treat you like the person you always were. They know that

> > > despite the cancer you are still you. Sometimes angels just know

> >what

> > > you need, and sometimes they need to ask. An angel knows how to

> > > listen to the answer, how to listen to what you say and to what

> > > you're not saying. You can cry with angels and you can laugh

with

> > > them, sometimes both at the same time. Some are born angels.

Others

> > > have to learn, which takes time and may be awkward at first.

> > >

> > > Fellow Travelers

> > > For fellow travelers, your cancer journey is their journey.

Family

> > > members become fellow travelers out of necessity. Others stick

with

> > > you by choice.

> > >

> > > When you have cancer, they have it too. And in some ways their

> > > journey is harder, a time of frustration and powerlessness.

While

> >you

> > > can fight the cancer, they can only observe.

> > >

> > > Fellow travelers want to be supportive, although at first they

may

> > > not know how. They can become angels but it will take time.

Most of

> > > us are not good listeners, and it takes a while to learn. You

can

> > > help by being patient and by asking for what you need.

> > >

> > > The clueless are right about one thing - there are good things

> >about

> > > having cancer. The best is the opportunity for a closer

> >relationship

> > > with those who care about you. And, of course, you learn who

your

> >friends are.

> > >

> > >

> >

<<http://www.cancerlynx.com/contact.html>http://www.cancerlynx.com/con

tact.html>

> > > kitten picture

> > > From the book Angels and Bolters: Women's Cancer Scripts

> > >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

True, true.

Trying to hand in there, not at the end of my rope yet.

Lynda

At 01:06 PM 2/3/2008, you wrote:

>Lynda,

>That was great and so true. Illness does create discomfort even in

>the best-intentioned. I've lost friends through this but gained many

>as well. It is surprising to see who really is able to handle it and

>others who flee when the going gets rough. I hope you're hanging in

>there and that these chemo symptoms become a distant memory soon.

>Prayers and Love, PH

>

>

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

><<http://www.cancerlynx.com/angels_bolters.html>http://www.cancerlynx.com/angel\

s_bolters.html>http://www.cancerlynx.c

>om/angels_bolters.html

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Kathy ly ston sent me this. I found it helpful.

> > > >

> > > > CancerLynx - we prowl the net

> > > >

> > > > May 28, 2000

> > > >

> > > > Angels and bolters: a field guide to the wildlife of cancer

> > > > Ritchie M.D.

> > > >

> > > > When you are diagnosed with cancer, strange things happen to

>other

> > > > people. Cancer will probably change you, but it also changes

>people

> > > > around you, people you thought you knew.

> > > >

> > > > People behave in unexpected ways. Some you thought were friends

> > > > disappear. Others hang around. And of those who keep coming

>around,

> > > > you will be glad to see some, and less glad to see others.

> > > >

> > > > You will find out who your friends are, as the saying goes. As

>if

> > > > that's a good thing. As if anyone ever really wants to find out

>who

> > > > can be counted on and who can't. Someone you rarely saw and

>didn't

> > > > feel particularly close to may turn out to be the person who is

> > >most

> > > > supportive, who most understands what you are going through.

> > > >

> > > > Although each person's cancer experience is unique, there are

>some

> > > > commonalities. The following is a guide to the creatures you may

> > >encounter.

> > > >

> > > > Preachers

> > > > Preachers are anxious to give you advice and information. They

>are

> > > > convinced that they know what is best for you, and they go out

>of

> > > > their way to share their answers. They bring you books and

>tapes,

> > > > herbs and pills, or they know where you can send money -

>usually a

> > > > lot of money - to obtain a product that is guaranteed to cure

>you.

> > > > This guarantee, on closer examination, turns out to be more

>like a

> > > > strong opinion.

> > > >

> > > > So they will assure you that vegetarians don't get cancer, or

> > > > meditators don't get cancer, or those who think happy thoughts.

> > >None

> > > > of which is true. They bring you tofu and sprouts when you

>really

> > > > want a pizza, and then you feel guilty for eating pizza at all.

> > >They

> > > > insist that you think positive, at a time when you are bald and

> > > > nauseated and have a temperature of 104 and a major body part is

> > >missing.

> > > >

> > > > Preachers are usually well-meaning and sincerely concerned for

>your

> > > > welfare, so they are hard to ignore. They are convinced that the

> > >one

> > > > thing they promote is the thing that will cure your cancer, if

>you

> > > > only do it correctly. This last part is the kicker - if it

>doesn't

> > > > work, you must not be doing it right.

> > > >

> > > > Clueless

> > > > The clueless make inane comments. These comments usually fall

>into

> > > > one of three categories:

> > > > * Cancer is not really a problem. (e.g., Losing your hair/body

> > > > part/health is not really a problem.)

> > > > * Cancer is really a blessing. (You'll find out who your

> > >friends

> > > > are. Cancer is a gift from God because you are so strong.)

> > > > * You caused your cancer.(Remember that time you had a negative

> > > > thought? You are not praying hard enough.)

> > > >

> > > > There are an infinite variety of idiotic remarks. When you have

> > > > cancer you are liable to hear one or two that are amazingly

> > >thoughtless.

> > > >

> > > > If preachers are honestly concerned for your welfare, the

>clueless

> > > > are primarily concerned about themselves. They want you to be

> > > > cheerful because it makes them more comfortable (this includes

>some

> > > > health care personnel). Those who deny their own sadness and

>grief

> > >do

> > > > not want to hear about yours.

> > > >

> > > > The clueless want to believe that the world makes sense, that

>it is

> > > > fair and just, that people get what they deserve. They are

>willing

> > >to

> > > > ignore any evidence to the contrary. They don't really

>understand

> > > > your situation; they cannot see your illness from your

>perspective.

> > > > They are not interested enough to understand, or they are too

> > >fearful

> > > > of their own well being.

> > > >

> > > > But their ignorance is not your problem. Education of the

>clueless

> > >is

> > > > extremely time-consuming and frequently doomed. It should be

> > > > undertaken only in desperate circumstances, or out of sheer

> > >boredom.

> > > > These people are exhausting. You may have to decide whether

>their

> > > > company is worth the emotional cost, as you are likely to end up

> > > > taking care of them.

> > > >

> > > > Bolters

> > > > Bolters disappear when you are diagnosed with cancer. The

>bolter is

> > > > someone who was always around before you had cancer, but now

>does

> > >not

> > > > call and does not show up. Bolters may or may not send a card

> > >before

> > > > they leave.

> > > >

> > > > When questioned, bolters make excuses: they knew you were

>tired, or

> > > > they knew you would ask if you needed anything, thus blaming

>their

> > > > absence on you. Like the clueless, their distance reflects their

> > >own

> > > > discomfort. They stay away because they are afraid of their own

> > > > sadness or their own mortality.

> > > >

> > > > A related creature is the virtual bolter. Virtual bolters may be

> > > > physically present but act as if you were no longer there. They

> > > > ignore you, as if you were invisible. You find yourself not

>invited

> > > > to events, as if you didn't exist. You are suddenly excluded

>from a

> > > > weekly meeting you have attended for years.

> > > >

> > > > Like the clueless, bolters are generally resistant to logic and

>are

> > > > thought to be incurable. When they are caught and questioned

>they

> > > > blame others, and it may be best to simply let them go.

> > > >

> > > > Angels

> > > > Angels know what to do, and they know what you need. They drop

>by

> > > > with a bag of groceries or they offer to walk the dog. They will

> > > > listen when you need to talk, or they can just sit next to you

>and

> > >be

> > > > there without having to do anything or say anything. They know

>that

> > > > just being there is doing something. Angels tread lightly

>because

> > > > they have no agenda of their own.

> > > >

> > > > They treat you like the person you always were. They know that

> > > > despite the cancer you are still you. Sometimes angels just know

> > >what

> > > > you need, and sometimes they need to ask. An angel knows how to

> > > > listen to the answer, how to listen to what you say and to what

> > > > you're not saying. You can cry with angels and you can laugh

>with

> > > > them, sometimes both at the same time. Some are born angels.

>Others

> > > > have to learn, which takes time and may be awkward at first.

> > > >

> > > > Fellow Travelers

> > > > For fellow travelers, your cancer journey is their journey.

>Family

> > > > members become fellow travelers out of necessity. Others stick

>with

> > > > you by choice.

> > > >

> > > > When you have cancer, they have it too. And in some ways their

> > > > journey is harder, a time of frustration and powerlessness.

>While

> > >you

> > > > can fight the cancer, they can only observe.

> > > >

> > > > Fellow travelers want to be supportive, although at first they

>may

> > > > not know how. They can become angels but it will take time.

>Most of

> > > > us are not good listeners, and it takes a while to learn. You

>can

> > > > help by being patient and by asking for what you need.

> > > >

> > > > The clueless are right about one thing - there are good things

> > >about

> > > > having cancer. The best is the opportunity for a closer

> > >relationship

> > > > with those who care about you. And, of course, you learn who

>your

> > >friends are.

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

><<<http://www.cancerlynx.com/contact.html>http://www.cancerlynx.com/contact.htm\

l>http://www.cancerlynx.com/con

>tact.html>

> > > > kitten picture

> > > > From the book Angels and Bolters: Women's Cancer Scripts

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dede,

Slept pretty well, but woke up at 3 something, and then just dosed on

and off. Had to get up early because I could not lie in bed any longer.

I feel queasy. I was able to eat a little dinner last night, but not

the kind of food I like to eat. Just something very mild that would

not make me feel more queasy.

Having the foot problem with burning. Trying to find something to do

about that.

I am sure that the nausea will slow down in the next week. It cannot

hang in there for the whole time between treatments.

Lynda

At 06:45 AM 2/4/2008, you wrote:

>Lynda ~

>Wonderful article ! So true ! ! Thank you

>for sharing it ! I found another good article

>on that site, gonna share it with the group.....

>Its about cinnamon........I always put cinnamon

>in my coffee......( that I drink......hee hee hee)

>How you feeling today ? Sending you lots

>of prayers and love ~ Dede

>

>

>

>

>----------

>Who's never won?

><http://music.aol.com/grammys/pictures/never-won-a-grammy?NCID=aolcmp0030000000\

2548>Biggest

>Grammy Award surprises of all time on AOL Music.

>

[Guest guest]

Sweet Lynda:

We are sorry that you had a bad night. It reallys helps when you post your symptoms for us. This morning, we have to go to the dentist and have our teeth cleaned. Then we have a few things to do, but we will be home by noon.

Honey, we hope that the symptoms go away, and that you will have some comfort. This is a bad time for you, and it breaks our hearts to see you suffer. Could you use an electric blanket, because that would make you warm and comfy?

We are praying that you start feeling better soon. My mails is not going through, but I hope that it is better today.

Sending love and health to you......Lea and

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`````

Re: what kind of a cancer supporter are you?

Dede,Slept pretty well, but woke up at 3 something, and then just dosed on and off. Had to get up early because I could not lie in bed any longer.I feel queasy. I was able to eat a little dinner last night, but not the kind of food I like to eat. Just something very mild that would not make me feel more queasy.Having the foot problem with burning. Trying to find something to do about that.I am sure that the nausea will slow down in the next week. It cannot hang in there for the whole time between treatments.LyndaAt 06:45 AM 2/4/2008, you wrote:>Lynda ~>Wonderful article ! So true ! ! Thank you>for sharing it ! I found another good article>on that site, gonna share it with the group.....>Its about cinnamon........I always put cinnamon>in my coffee......( that I drink......hee hee hee)>How you feeling today ? Sending you lots>of prayers and love ~ Dede>>>>>---------->Who's never won? ><http://music.aol.com/grammys/pictures/never-won-a-grammy?NCID=aolcmp00300000002548>Biggest >Grammy Award surprises of all time on AOL Music.>

[Guest guest]

My mail is coming through Dede...love to all...Lea...Dentist now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~````````

what kind of a cancer supporter are you?

Goodmorning Lynda ~

I am glad you got some good sleep, wish

it was all night tho. I am sorry you are so

queezy. I hope that passes soon for you.

How are your lungs feeling ?

I am sorry your foot is burning. Dad told

me one day that he could iron his pants with

his feet. I tell ya, this chemo is quite the rough

road. God Bless YOU, I hope you get some

relief very soon !

Love you ~ Dede

Who's never won? Biggest Grammy Award surprises of all time on AOL Music.

[Guest guest]

Lynda ~

That bag balm is the bomb, huh? works so good !

They told my father to keep his hands and feet warm

cuz of the hand and feet deal, and to protect his feet

like a diabetic. My heart and prayers are with you !

Love you ~ Dede

Here is a brew suposed to help with the nausia:

Chrysanthemum has a cooling, detoxifying effect. When combined with a small amount of decaf green tea, cinnamon and ginger, chrysanthemum can help quell nausea from chemotherapy and radiation therapies.

http://www.aikihealing.com/healthprosperity/v1n2/index.html,

I thought this was kewl too:

Visualize the tumor or cyst as a block of ice.

Breathe in deeply and imagine that ice melting.

Exhale fully and feel the warmth of your breath melting the ice further.

Repeat this cycle four more times.

After the last cycle, imagine that block of ice fully melted.

Imagine exhaling liquid as mist, leaving the body cleansed, cool and light.

Women can also do this meditation with a focus on fibroids, ovarian and breast cysts.

I also thought this recipe sounds pretty darn tastey ! ! Darn worth

a try ! ! :

Turnips: This remarkable yet common healing food has an impact on all 12 meridians (energy pathways in the body) to help us move out pathogens and detoxify the body.

Turnips in the diet can provide support to people who are going through chemotherapy or radiation therapies or for those who need to detoxify stress chemicals that form as we respond to everyday life.

In Asian countries, soups are made of turnip, carrots and cabbage to help strengthen the immunity system and heal from viruses, bacterial infections and other pathogens. A cup or two of this type of soup 4-7 times a week, can strengthen the internal organs and promote a vibrant flow of energy throughout the body. When our energy flows smoothly and without obstructions, disease cannot exist.

You can make this soup easily by using a base of 4 cups of organic chicken broth (low sodium or organic vegetable broth), 3 large turnips diced, 3 large carrots diced, and 1/2 cup of white cabbage. Add in 1-2 tsp of toasted garlic, 1 small purple onion, 2 tsp of fennel seed, and 2 stalks of finely chopped organic celery for flavor.

Bring to boil, then simmer for one hour.Who's never won? Biggest Grammy Award surprises of all time on AOL Music.

[Guest guest]

Rogene,

I don't think the cal-mag is the answer, but I will try.

This is from the toxins that are circulating and they can irritate

the thinnest skin areas.

I would not dare stick my feet in ice water.

Bare feet around the house seems to keep my feet cool, but still have

the foot-hand syndrome. In fact, my feet being cold seems to

increase my having chills, so finally put some bag balm on my feet

and put on some socks.

Just need the nausea to go away. That would help a lot.

Lynda

At 12:08 PM 2/4/2008, you wrote:

>Lynda,

>

>Can you take some extra Calcium/Magnesium for the foot burning?

>

>If it works, it will kick in about an hour after taking it . . .

>

>Hope it does! . . .

>

>Whatever you do, don't soak your feet in ice water. . . People in

>the Erythromelalgia group were getting tissue damage from doing so.

>

>Walking on cold tile can help.

>

>Hugs and prayers,

>

>Rogene

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lynda,Wow! . . . I can't imagine going through this! . . . You have to be strong, and stay strong to make it! You are one of the strongest women I've met in the implant mess though! . . . You're going to get through it -but with more anguish than a soul should deal with.Would the patches they use for motion sickness help with nausea?Hugs and prayers,Rogene

[Guest guest]

Hi, Lynda

I hope you enjoy your Hawaii trip................that is a once in a lifetime thing for me! I think one day I will have to go there. If i do I may never come back.............I am a kinda secluded girl thats probably why I like going out into the woods hunting...Sometimes i just watch the animals.

What peace the Lord gives me out there just like you'll get in Hawaii ,I bet!

Enjoy .......I hope you are feeling good today...I am doing OK hitting the toilet a lot with my footballs scoring higher than any other superbowl.

Today in a great day because Jesus Christ lives BIG in me today. Amen!!!!!!1

l

In a message dated 2/5/2008 10:36:32 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, devans@... writes:

Good Morning, Sweet Lynda:

Thank you for sharing this with the group. I hope that you will think of us as your Angels, because we will always be here for you. The people who just do not want anything to do with your health have no compassion. They are the ones who you do not want around you.

We all wish that the cancer would go away, because you do not need this. Just think about the 15th, and then you will be on your way to Hawaii. This is the best medicine, because you will be in a safe place surrounded by love and beauty.

Stay close...sending as always...Lea

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

what kind of a cancer supporter are you?

http://www.cancerlynx.com/angels_bolters.htmlKathy ly ston sent me this. I found it helpful.CancerLynx - we prowl the netMay 28, 2000Angels and bolters: a field guide to the wildlife of cancer Ritchie M.D.When you are diagnosed with cancer, strange things happen to other people. Cancer will probably change you, but it also changes people around you, people you thought you knew.People behave in unexpected ways. Some you thought were friends disappear. Others hang around. And of those who keep coming around, you will be glad to see some, and less glad to see others.You will find out who your friends are, as the saying goes. As if that's a good thing. As if anyone ever really wants to find out who can be counted on and who can't. Someone you rarely saw and didn't feel particularly close to may turn out to be the person who is most supportive, who most understands what you are going through.Although each person's cancer experience is unique, there are some commonalities. The following is a guide to the creatures you may encounter.PreachersPreachers are anxious to give you advice and information. They are convinced that they know what is best for you, and they go out of their way to share their answers. They bring you books and tapes, herbs and pills, or they know where you can send money - usually a lot of money - to obtain a product that is guaranteed to cure you. This guarantee, on closer examination, turns out to be more like a strong opinion.So they will assure you that vegetarians don't get cancer, or meditators don't get cancer, or those who think happy thoughts. None of which is true. They bring you tofu and sprouts when you really want a pizza, and then you feel guilty for eating pizza at all. They insist that you think positive, at a time when you are bald and nauseated and have a temperature of 104 and a major body part is missing.Preachers are usually well-meaning and sincerely concerned for your welfare, so they are hard to ignore. They are convinced that the one thing they promote is the thing that will cure your cancer, if you only do it correctly. This last part is the kicker - if it doesn't work, you must not be doing it right.CluelessThe clueless make inane comments. These comments usually fall into one of three categories:* Cancer is not really a problem. (e.g., Losing your hair/body part/health is not really a problem.)* Cancer is really a blessing. (You'll find out who your friends are. Cancer is a gift from God because you are so strong.)* You caused your cancer.(Remember that time you had a negative thought? You are not praying hard enough.)There are an infinite variety of idiotic remarks. When you have cancer you are liable to hear one or two that are amazingly thoughtless.If preachers are honestly concerned for your welfare, the clueless are primarily concerned about themselves. They want you to be cheerful because it makes them more comfortable (this includes some health care personnel). Those who deny their own sadness and grief do not want to hear about yours.The clueless want to believe that the world makes sense, that it is fair and just, that people get what they deserve. They are willing to ignore any evidence to the contrary. They don't really understand your situation; they cannot see your illness from your perspective. They are not interested enough to understand, or they are too fearful of their own well being.But their ignorance is not your problem. Education of the clueless is extremely time-consuming and frequently doomed. It should be undertaken only in desperate circumstances, or out of sheer boredom. These people are exhausting. You may have to decide whether their company is worth the emotional cost, as you are likely to end up taking care of them.BoltersBolters disappear when you are diagnosed with cancer. The bolter is someone who was always around before you had cancer, but now does not call and does not show up. Bolters may or may not send a card before they leave.When questioned, bolters make excuses: they knew you were tired, or they knew you would ask if you needed anything, thus blaming their absence on you. Like the clueless, their distance reflects their own discomfort. They stay away because they are afraid of their own sadness or their own mortality.A related creature is the virtual bolter. Virtual bolters may be physically present but act as if you were no longer there. They ignore you, as if you were invisible. You find yourself not invited to events, as if you didn't exist. You are suddenly excluded from a weekly meeting you have attended for years.Like the clueless, bolters are generally resistant to logic and are thought to be incurable. When they are caught and questioned they blame others, and it may be best to simply let them go.AngelsAngels know what to do, and they know what you need. They drop by with a bag of groceries or they offer to walk the dog. They will listen when you need to talk, or they can just sit next to you and be there without having to do anything or say anything. They know that just being there is doing something. Angels tread lightly because they have no agenda of their own.They treat you like the person you always were. They know that despite the cancer you are still you. Sometimes angels just know what you need, and sometimes they need to ask. An angel knows how to listen to the answer, how to listen to what you say and to what you're not saying. You can cry with angels and you can laugh with them, sometimes both at the same time. Some are born angels. Others have to learn, which takes time and may be awkward at first.Fellow TravelersFor fellow travelers, your cancer journey is their journey. Family members become fellow travelers out of necessity. Others stick with you by choice.When you have cancer, they have it too. And in some ways their journey is harder, a time of frustration and powerlessness. While you can fight the cancer, they can only observe.Fellow travelers want to be supportive, although at first they may not know how. They can become angels but it will take time. Most of us are not good listeners, and it takes a while to learn. You can help by being patient and by asking for what you need.The clueless are right about one thing - there are good things about having cancer. The best is the opportunity for a closer relationship with those who care about you. And, of course, you learn who your friends are.<http://www.cancerlynx.com/contact.html>kitten pictureFrom the book Angels and Bolters: Women's Cancer Scripts

Who's never won? Biggest Grammy Award surprises of all time on AOL Music.

[Guest guest]

Good Morning, Sweet Lynda:

Thank you for sharing this with the group. I hope that you will think of us as your Angels, because we will always be here for you. The people who just do not want anything to do with your health have no compassion. They are the ones who you do not want around you.

We all wish that the cancer would go away, because you do not need this. Just think about the 15th, and then you will be on your way to Hawaii. This is the best medicine, because you will be in a safe place surrounded by love and beauty.

Stay close...sending as always...Lea

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

what kind of a cancer supporter are you?

http://www.cancerlynx.com/angels_bolters.htmlKathy ly ston sent me this. I found it helpful.CancerLynx - we prowl the netMay 28, 2000Angels and bolters: a field guide to the wildlife of cancer Ritchie M.D.When you are diagnosed with cancer, strange things happen to other people. Cancer will probably change you, but it also changes people around you, people you thought you knew.People behave in unexpected ways. Some you thought were friends disappear. Others hang around. And of those who keep coming around, you will be glad to see some, and less glad to see others.You will find out who your friends are, as the saying goes. As if that's a good thing. As if anyone ever really wants to find out who can be counted on and who can't. Someone you rarely saw and didn't feel particularly close to may turn out to be the person who is most supportive, who most understands what you are going through.Although each person's cancer experience is unique, there are some commonalities. The following is a guide to the creatures you may encounter.PreachersPreachers are anxious to give you advice and information. They are convinced that they know what is best for you, and they go out of their way to share their answers. They bring you books and tapes, herbs and pills, or they know where you can send money - usually a lot of money - to obtain a product that is guaranteed to cure you. This guarantee, on closer examination, turns out to be more like a strong opinion.So they will assure you that vegetarians don't get cancer, or meditators don't get cancer, or those who think happy thoughts. None of which is true. They bring you tofu and sprouts when you really want a pizza, and then you feel guilty for eating pizza at all. They insist that you think positive, at a time when you are bald and nauseated and have a temperature of 104 and a major body part is missing.Preachers are usually well-meaning and sincerely concerned for your welfare, so they are hard to ignore. They are convinced that the one thing they promote is the thing that will cure your cancer, if you only do it correctly. This last part is the kicker - if it doesn't work, you must not be doing it right.CluelessThe clueless make inane comments. These comments usually fall into one of three categories:* Cancer is not really a problem. (e.g., Losing your hair/body part/health is not really a problem.)* Cancer is really a blessing. (You'll find out who your friends are. Cancer is a gift from God because you are so strong.)* You caused your cancer.(Remember that time you had a negative thought? You are not praying hard enough.)There are an infinite variety of idiotic remarks. When you have cancer you are liable to hear one or two that are amazingly thoughtless.If preachers are honestly concerned for your welfare, the clueless are primarily concerned about themselves. They want you to be cheerful because it makes them more comfortable (this includes some health care personnel). Those who deny their own sadness and grief do not want to hear about yours.The clueless want to believe that the world makes sense, that it is fair and just, that people get what they deserve. They are willing to ignore any evidence to the contrary. They don't really understand your situation; they cannot see your illness from your perspective. They are not interested enough to understand, or they are too fearful of their own well being.But their ignorance is not your problem. Education of the clueless is extremely time-consuming and frequently doomed. It should be undertaken only in desperate circumstances, or out of sheer boredom. These people are exhausting. You may have to decide whether their company is worth the emotional cost, as you are likely to end up taking care of them.BoltersBolters disappear when you are diagnosed with cancer. The bolter is someone who was always around before you had cancer, but now does not call and does not show up. Bolters may or may not send a card before they leave.When questioned, bolters make excuses: they knew you were tired, or they knew you would ask if you needed anything, thus blaming their absence on you. Like the clueless, their distance reflects their own discomfort. They stay away because they are afraid of their own sadness or their own mortality.A related creature is the virtual bolter. Virtual bolters may be physically present but act as if you were no longer there. They ignore you, as if you were invisible. You find yourself not invited to events, as if you didn't exist. You are suddenly excluded from a weekly meeting you have attended for years.Like the clueless, bolters are generally resistant to logic and are thought to be incurable. When they are caught and questioned they blame others, and it may be best to simply let them go.AngelsAngels know what to do, and they know what you need. They drop by with a bag of groceries or they offer to walk the dog. They will listen when you need to talk, or they can just sit next to you and be there without having to do anything or say anything. They know that just being there is doing something. Angels tread lightly because they have no agenda of their own.They treat you like the person you always were. They know that despite the cancer you are still you. Sometimes angels just know what you need, and sometimes they need to ask. An angel knows how to listen to the answer, how to listen to what you say and to what you're not saying. You can cry with angels and you can laugh with them, sometimes both at the same time. Some are born angels. Others have to learn, which takes time and may be awkward at first.Fellow TravelersFor fellow travelers, your cancer journey is their journey. Family members become fellow travelers out of necessity. Others stick with you by choice.When you have cancer, they have it too. And in some ways their journey is harder, a time of frustration and powerlessness. While you can fight the cancer, they can only observe.Fellow travelers want to be supportive, although at first they may not know how. They can become angels but it will take time. Most of us are not good listeners, and it takes a while to learn. You can help by being patient and by asking for what you need.The clueless are right about one thing - there are good things about having cancer. The best is the opportunity for a closer relationship with those who care about you. And, of course, you learn who your friends are.<http://www.cancerlynx.com/contact.html>kitten pictureFrom the book Angels and Bolters: Women's Cancer Scripts