Re: The Dump........Hysterical......Our Funny Lady:

[Guest guest]

Darling Dede:

Honey, you have turned us both on our heads with your antics. We are trying to be serious and then you send this. told me to tell you that the modern-day term is to "download" poop...his would be beer, he always has one beer everyday. He is laughing so hard, he might fall out of his chair.

I am reading and editing the course as writes it, but I am not an expert. I find mistakes that are not mistakes...but it makes him read it again. We are almost finished phase 3, then will take a break from writing.

Yesterday, when was here, her little boy asked why our home was so full of stuff, then he told me that we need a larger home. We need to get rid of some of our furniture.

Honey, you bring laughter into our lives...we love you...Lea and Superman

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The Dump........Hysterical......

Taking a Dump... I'm sure that upon reading this, you'll nod your head in agreement asyou will all have experienced most, if not all of the scenarios listed. Ifyou haven't you need more fiber.....The Perfect Dump Every once in a while everyone experiences the perfect dump. It's rarebut a real thing of beauty. You sit down expecting the worse, but what youget is a smooth sliding, fart-less masterpiece that breaks the water withthe splash-less grace of an Olympic high-diving champion. You use the toilettissue to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that allis right in the world and that you are in perfect harmony with it.

The Beer Dump Nasty! Depends upon the dumper's tolerance and is the result of toomany beers - doesn't matter if it was 2 or 22. What you get is a sinister,lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by an odious malevolent fog that could closethe bathroom for days. Naked flames are ill advised.....The Chilli Dump (aka The Japanese Flag) Hot when it goes in and napalm when it comes out. It stays with youall day stinging yer ring and generally making your choccie starfish feellike the Shuttle's heat shield. Also makes your ass look like "a JapaneseFlag". The Empty Roll Dump Relief - you've finished and reach for the tissue only to find anempty cardboard cylinder staring back at you. Panic overcomes you. You coulduse the curtains but then someone would ask "where are the curtains?" Usethe rug? Nah, too bulky and cumbersome. You then come to the same conclusionthat every "empty roll dumper " must face.....pull up yer kecks tighten yercheeks and shuffle yourself to the nearest loo roll. Failing that you couldalways use your shirt-tail or one of your socks!The Splash Back Dump This one drops like a depth charge creating a column of cold waterthat washes your sphincter with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now your wet- and embarrassed if the column of water went half way up your back. Tip ofthe day: blot instead of wiping.The Childbirth Dump This one is just too big to go through the aperture provided by naturefor this purpose. You sit there thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts,and then gets no better. You sweat violently and wonder if you'll ever seeyour loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Mandies trying to hatch monster loaf!" There are only three things you can do: 1. Scream 2. Call an Obstetrician 3. Hope to hell you've got some Vaselineto help you get through it. The Machine Gun Dump Best utilized in public conveniences. You sit there in sublime peacewhen suddenly you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break thetranquility like machine gun fire. The guy in the next cubicle hits thefloor like a Vietnam veteran, cradling his umbrella like a M16....damncommies.The Sound Effect Dump You feel a noisy one coming on but relatives, friends or work matesare within earshot. So, you must employ some clever techniques to cover thedisgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is of the essence. At theprecise moment of release, try the following: 1. Flush the toilet 2. Droploose change on the floor, 3. Sing the first two stanzas of your favoriteopera.The Cling-On Dump You've finished but there's one damn morsel that refuses to drop. Yougrip the seat with both hands and wriggle. You twist and pump but the littlebastard just hands there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach betweenyou and the water below. If only you had some scissors.......The Whole Roll Dump No matter how much you wipe, it just isn't enough. You blow the wholeroll and have to flush at least a dozen times. The whole episode is consumerwaste. Eventually if your toilet paper runs into minimal supply anythingwill do, towels, wash clothes, carpet, walls, whatever it takes.The Encore Dump Ahhh, you've done, so you wipe, dress, flush, wash hands and are aboutto leave the auditorium when you feel another dump coming on. You musttherefore return for a curtain call. The world record is seven encores..... The Houdini Dump You go, you stand to flush and it has disappeared! Did it creep downthe pipe or did you dream the whole thing? Should you flush? Oh yes as youcan guarantee that if you don't, it will reappear and smile at the nextperson who comes in.

Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.