Re: Re: Welcome Home Sweet Lynda:

[Guest guest]

Welcome Home Sweet Lynda:

We have all missed your posts. I am sorry that you must go through all this. It must be very frustrating when you lose control of your life. The chemo is something that most of us know nothing about; however, it is important to kill off the cancer cells....we will be here to listen to you, and you have the right to be angry.

Honey, we will all pray for you, and everything will work out. Spring is coming, and then you will be able to go out doors, and enjoy all of your beautiful flowers. They are all waiting for you to give them love. I love your ASAP poem, thank you for sharing.

Sending love and hope to you...Lea and

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Re: Re: Rogene, ear

Hi everyone,Now that I am home, I can fill everyone in on what is happening.I am scheduled for chemo again on Tues. I can tell you that the anxiety and panic started this last Wed. I am trying to control it, but it seems to be winning.I have figured out a lot of things about how I feel about all of this.First of all, I am angry as hell. That anger has many components. There is fear (a lot of fear), there is the loss of control over my life, there is the pain that my family and friends are feeling, there is the angry and not being able to do the things I normally do that make me who I am (or feel like I am who I am) and then there is the deep, deep anger at my body for betraying me so seriously.There may be more components to this anger, but these are the ones I have identified this last week.There is also the need to try to not see the chemo as the enemy of my body (which in some ways it is, but it also kills the cancer cells, so it could be seen as my friend). I cannot see it that way at this point. I need to work on that.So, as you can see, I have been thinking and feeling a lot of things, and now have to decide how to work on all of these issues.I had two thoracentesis while in Hawaii, and will continue to have to have them at regular intervals until the chemo destroys enough of the cancer to allow the drainage to occur naturally. I am going to try to spread out the intervals so I have less of these. That may be possible and it may not be possible.I have many things to think about and deal with, and then I have the side effects of the chemo to also deal with. And the possible (they say probable) loss of my hair, which also effects self-esteem and trying to feel positive. And one must feel positive if one is to fight this disease.This is probably not the whole picture, but it just lets you know what I have been doing with my time and energy while I was enjoying the healing environment of the Big Island of Hawaii.Lynda