Re: Hi, I'm New Here (LONG!)

[Guest guest]

Hi Laurie,

Thanks for the welcome.

I have not read any of Geneen Roth's books, but the idea of trashing my diet

books is interesting . I have fiberglass tubs in my house, so I really couldn't

burn them in the bathtub; I'd not only melt the tub but probably burn down the

whole house! But perhaps the old Weber can be used for more than just grilling

up burgers! LOL

Actually, while it's an intriguing idea, it also strikes me as a bit scary. As

much as I know I don't want to keep dieting, something about those books is

comforting. False hope, I guess. Plus, the mere thought of all the money I've

spent on them going down the drain is a bit depressing, too. Maybe I'll start

with the " fitness " (aka diet) magazines. Goodness knows I've got whole

libraries of those, too. Might be a less scary baby step.

Josie

>

>

> Hi, Josie,

>

> Welcome to our group! You've certainly come to the right place. No apologies

needed for the length of your message--I found it fascinating and full of things

with which I could identify. I absolutely love the part about when you were in

France, and how you lost weight without even being aware of practicing IE. I

imagine all the parts of that experience--the good, basic food; the " natural "

support from the French who eat small quantities; the walking everywhere; and

not least, the FUN!--all contributed to being able to reach your natural,

healthy weight seemingly effortlessly. There are a lot of good pieces of

information for all of us there--how to put it together so that it works and

feels great.

>

> I, too, had a parent who " kidded " about weight, only it was my father kidding

my mother, not me. It wasn't until my mother was dying that she told me, in

tears, how much that kidding had hurt her during her whole life. Just because

someone says it is or presents it as " kidding " doesn't mean that the comments

don't sting and have an effect. All it does is allow them to get away with

hurting others and yet be able to claim they're doing nothing wrong. Your

mother's nickname for you was hurtful, and I'm sorry you have had to live with

that memory. Being naturally taller is not easy in any case for a girl growing

up, so being kidded about your weight in addition to that--well, it's a lot to

have to bear, especially when part of it is coming from your mother.

>

> My job is also a major challenge for me, not because I work overlong hours,

but because I don't trust and respect my employers' decisions, and sometimes

feel morally compromised. I gained most of my weight after grad school and while

on this particular job, where I do a lot of Chaotic Unconscious Eating (and a

bit of the Refuse Not, too!). And then when I get home, I stress eat fairly

consciously, to try to bury the things I don't like about my job.

>

> BTW, I am betting I could vie with your dieting book library. I am seriously

thinking of following Roth's advice, gathering them all up and getting rid of

them. Burning them in the bathtub like she suggests would just set off our smoke

alarm, but I'm going to gather them together tonight, and will probably just

stuff them unceremoniously into the recycling bin. It seems like a statement I

could love making.

>

> I look forward to hearing more from you--and it seems like we can count on you

for that, LOL!

>

> All best,

> Laurie

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh and setting a big fire in your house will only fill it full of toxic

smoke, much better to put them in the recycle bin. If you have a

problem with discarding them because of the money you've spent on them,

I understand that one. But if just buying and reading the books would

make me "skinny", I'd be a stick. So the books have no magic in them.

And I've got boxes of magazines I couldn't bring myself to get rid of,

but decided that donating them to the hospital emergency room waiting

room worked to alleviate my guilt. I gave all my past issues of Weight

Watchers magazine to my fellow weight watchers, so those are gone.

You're right... baby steps.

Needing to practice what I preach, I'm heading to my diet books now,

Dawn B

Hi Laurie,

Thanks for the welcome.

I have not read any of Geneen Roth's books, but the idea of trashing my

diet books is interesting . I have fiberglass tubs in my house, so I

really couldn't burn them in the bathtub; I'd not only melt the tub but

probably burn down the whole house! But perhaps the old Weber can be

used for more than just grilling up burgers! LOL

Actually, while it's an intriguing idea, it also strikes me as a bit

scary. As much as I know I don't want to keep dieting, something about

those books is comforting. False hope, I guess. Plus, the mere thought

of all the money I've spent on them going down the drain is a bit

depressing, too. Maybe I'll start with the "fitness" (aka diet)

magazines. Goodness knows I've got whole libraries of those, too. Might

be a less scary baby step.

Josie

>

>

> Hi, Josie,

>

> Welcome to our group! You've certainly come to the right place. No

apologies needed for the length of your message--I found it fascinating

and full of things with which I could identify. I absolutely love the

part about when you were in France, and how you lost weight without

even being aware of practicing IE. I imagine all the parts of that

experience--the good, basic food; the "natural" support from the French

who eat small quantities; the walking everywhere; and not least, the

FUN!--all contributed to being able to reach your natural, healthy

weight seemingly effortlessly. There are a lot of good pieces of

information for all of us there--how to put it together so that it

works and feels great.

>

> I, too, had a parent who "kidded" about weight, only it was my

father kidding my mother, not me. It wasn't until my mother was dying

that she told me, in tears, how much that kidding had hurt her during

her whole life. Just because someone says it is or presents it as

"kidding" doesn't mean that the comments don't sting and have an

effect. All it does is allow them to get away with hurting others and

yet be able to claim they're doing nothing wrong. Your mother's

nickname for you was hurtful, and I'm sorry you have had to live with

that memory. Being naturally taller is not easy in any case for a girl

growing up, so being kidded about your weight in addition to

that--well, it's a lot to have to bear, especially when part of it is

coming from your mother.

>

> My job is also a major challenge for me, not because I work

overlong hours, but because I don't trust and respect my employers'

decisions, and sometimes feel morally compromised. I gained most of my

weight after grad school and while on this particular job, where I do a

lot of Chaotic Unconscious Eating (and a bit of the Refuse Not, too!).

And then when I get home, I stress eat fairly consciously, to try to

bury the things I don't like about my job.

>

> BTW, I am betting I could vie with your dieting book library. I am

seriously thinking of following Roth's advice, gathering them all up

and getting rid of them. Burning them in the bathtub like she suggests

would just set off our smoke alarm, but I'm going to gather them

together tonight, and will probably just stuff them unceremoniously

into the recycling bin. It seems like a statement I could love making.

>

> I look forward to hearing more from you--and it seems like we can

count on you for that, LOL!

>

> All best,

> Laurie

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh and setting a big fire in your house will only fill it full of toxic

smoke, much better to put them in the recycle bin. If you have a

problem with discarding them because of the money you've spent on them,

I understand that one. But if just buying and reading the books would

make me "skinny", I'd be a stick. So the books have no magic in them.

And I've got boxes of magazines I couldn't bring myself to get rid of,

but decided that donating them to the hospital emergency room waiting

room worked to alleviate my guilt. I gave all my past issues of Weight

Watchers magazine to my fellow weight watchers, so those are gone.

You're right... baby steps.

Needing to practice what I preach, I'm heading to my diet books now,

Dawn B

Hi Laurie,

Thanks for the welcome.

I have not read any of Geneen Roth's books, but the idea of trashing my

diet books is interesting . I have fiberglass tubs in my house, so I

really couldn't burn them in the bathtub; I'd not only melt the tub but

probably burn down the whole house! But perhaps the old Weber can be

used for more than just grilling up burgers! LOL

Actually, while it's an intriguing idea, it also strikes me as a bit

scary. As much as I know I don't want to keep dieting, something about

those books is comforting. False hope, I guess. Plus, the mere thought

of all the money I've spent on them going down the drain is a bit

depressing, too. Maybe I'll start with the "fitness" (aka diet)

magazines. Goodness knows I've got whole libraries of those, too. Might

be a less scary baby step.

Josie

>

>

> Hi, Josie,

>

> Welcome to our group! You've certainly come to the right place. No

apologies needed for the length of your message--I found it fascinating

and full of things with which I could identify. I absolutely love the

part about when you were in France, and how you lost weight without

even being aware of practicing IE. I imagine all the parts of that

experience--the good, basic food; the "natural" support from the French

who eat small quantities; the walking everywhere; and not least, the

FUN!--all contributed to being able to reach your natural, healthy

weight seemingly effortlessly. There are a lot of good pieces of

information for all of us there--how to put it together so that it

works and feels great.

>

> I, too, had a parent who "kidded" about weight, only it was my

father kidding my mother, not me. It wasn't until my mother was dying

that she told me, in tears, how much that kidding had hurt her during

her whole life. Just because someone says it is or presents it as

"kidding" doesn't mean that the comments don't sting and have an

effect. All it does is allow them to get away with hurting others and

yet be able to claim they're doing nothing wrong. Your mother's

nickname for you was hurtful, and I'm sorry you have had to live with

that memory. Being naturally taller is not easy in any case for a girl

growing up, so being kidded about your weight in addition to

that--well, it's a lot to have to bear, especially when part of it is

coming from your mother.

>

> My job is also a major challenge for me, not because I work

overlong hours, but because I don't trust and respect my employers'

decisions, and sometimes feel morally compromised. I gained most of my

weight after grad school and while on this particular job, where I do a

lot of Chaotic Unconscious Eating (and a bit of the Refuse Not, too!).

And then when I get home, I stress eat fairly consciously, to try to

bury the things I don't like about my job.

>

> BTW, I am betting I could vie with your dieting book library. I am

seriously thinking of following Roth's advice, gathering them all up

and getting rid of them. Burning them in the bathtub like she suggests

would just set off our smoke alarm, but I'm going to gather them

together tonight, and will probably just stuff them unceremoniously

into the recycling bin. It seems like a statement I could love making.

>

> I look forward to hearing more from you--and it seems like we can

count on you for that, LOL!

>

> All best,

> Laurie

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow Josie, I can identify with so many of the things you said. I know how you

feel about not liking eating alone without distraction because it feels lonely.

I feel the same way although I am trying to do it anyway. I not only find it

lonely but boring and irritating.

I too am not as much scared of gaining weight but not losing anymore. I have an

entire closet of skinny jeans and only a few pants that actual fit me right now.

I have a hard time giving up that desire to get back into them fast and then

work on IE. I have committed to not doing that but the thought is still there

and I have to constantly remind myself that if I could have done that I already

would have.

Thanks so much for sharing your story it was not too long but totally

interesting.

Robin

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> My name is Josie and I've just joined the group. So glad to have found it! I

suppose I'll start by telling you about myself and how I got here. (I'm known

to be long winded! Just giving you fair warning up front. LOL)

>

> I'm 43 and have been dieting just about forever. I grew up feeling really

fat, but when I look back at photos, I actually can't believe how skinny I was.

It just about kills me now to realize how much I beat myself up back then for no

good cause. Could I have stood to lose a few pounds (10, maybe 15, as a

teenager)? Sure. But I was nothing like the behemouth I thought I was.

Looking back, I think several things contributed to that feeling. First, I grew

quickly and was always a good head or more taller than most of the kids in my

class. I reached my current height of 5'9 " by the time I was 12. So I was

bigger, and correspondingly heavier, but I wasn't really fat. The other thing

is that I come from a family of athletes but I have never, ever, had any

athletic ability, whatsoever. Just don't possess that gene. So, I could never

compete or keep up with the other kids in gym class or recess. Can't say that I

really had a strong desire to play sports (was far more interested in reading),

but I did feel left out when others were playing and I wasn't. Lastly, my

mother (who is naturally thin and has never struggled with her weight) would

make flippant comments about my size. For example, I have distinct memories of

her calling me Minnesota Fats (I grew up in MN) several times. It wasn't mean

spirited and she never pushed me to diet. I think she thought she was being

funny and never realized how much that might affect me, and I was not the kind

to ever let on to that, either.

>

> Anyway, growing up, there wasn't any purposeful food restriction, but we

weren't rich, so things like Mc's or desserts or candy, were very special

treats. I do remember wanting the things that tasted so good and there not

often being money to get them. So when I got my first job and had money of my

own, being able to buy those kinds of things for myself anytime I wanted them

was a big deal and I did it often. I never went on any structured or formal

diets as a teen, but I was always very conscious of not looking like the models

in the teen magazines and sometimes I would restrict my eating on my own, though

always in secret because I was embarrassed about needing to diet.

>

> When I went away to college, my freshman 15 was a freshman 20. All the dining

hall food you could eat, combined with endless pizza and sodas and other fast

food delivery was a recipe for disaster. During this time, I was always very

conscious of my weight and would sometimes try to cut back, but I never really

went on a formal diet. I briefly lost that 20 pounds in my junior year (more on

that in a minute), but gained it all back in my senior year when I was stressed

out and studying for my final exams during my last semester. From college, I

started a job that I thought would be great but turned out to be a nightmare. I

left it after a couple of months and spent several months searching for work,

lying around the house all day watching tv, and eating. There was another 20

pounds. From there, I went to graduate school, then entered the workforce.

During that time and up to today, my weight has gradually crept up (and this is

when the true dieting started, so the creep was between bouts of dieting and

losing). My highest weight was 252 pounds, but I've been 230 - 235 for the last

year. With regard to IE, I have been doing it for a couple of weeks, but

interestingly have tried it twice before, with good results, once

unintentionally and once intentionally.

>

> The first (unintentional) time was when I spent a semester studying in Paris

during my junior year in college. The whole lifestyle there, good high quality

food in small quantities, easy-going attitude, lots of walking, was so great.

Even though I was conscious of being bigger than all those stylish Parisiennes,

I wasn't trying to lose weight. I was too busy having fun. I ate plenty of

bread, cheese, chocolates, butter, and everything else I wanted, but I came home

the thinnest I have ever been as an adult.

>

> The second time I tried IE was about 12 years ago. At that time, I was

probably about 225 pounds. Interestingly, I bought the Tribole and Resch book

Intuitive Eating, and followed it. I remember feeling really liberated by the

concept and getting to a point where I felt like I was making good progress and

slowly losing weight. I can't remember, precisely, why I stopped. I suspect

that the primary reason was that it wasn't working fast enough and that some

diet promised I'd lose 30 pounds in a week or something and I decided to try it.

It may also have had something to do with my life at that time, too. I was

living in a city that I didn't like and where I had few friends and hated my

job. By and large, I was not a happy camper during that time.

>

> Since then, I've moved across country and now live in a place I love. I still

struggle with friends (sole single among lots of married or otherwise coupled

folks with kids who have little time to socialize), but I am also quite an

introvert, so I actually enjoy, and need, lots of time alone. For the most

part, I don't think I feel lonely that often. I have an insanely stressful job

that often requires travel and a perfectionist boss who is kind but *very* hard

to please and I am a workaholic, often working from 7:00 am to 7:00 pm or later.

This is a source of many problems for me. I'm trying to deal with that. It's

probably my biggest struggle.

>

> In the ten years since moving to where I am, my weight has yo-yo'd up and down

in a 20 - 30 pound range, repeatedly. I have joined, quit, and rejoined Weight

Watchers six times (that's separate from the two times I tried it during

graduate school). I could start a library with all the diet books I own. I

have joined numerous online diet programs. I have belonged to every gym there

ever was. I have paid small fortunes to " experts " (sometimes with questionable

credentials) and health spas who told me the way I was supposed to do things. I

read about nutrition, health, diets and fitness, obsessively. I feel like if

someone gave me the registered dietician test tomorrow, I could pass it with

flying colors because I read everything and I'm always looking for the answer

that's going to help me finally get to my goal weight. Through it all, whatever

little " success " I've had has been fleeting.

>

> I've become increasingly frustrated and neurotic at my lack of progress. I

have literally lost and regained the same five pounds on a weekly basis for the

last year and no matter what, I can't seem to get below 230. I was compulsively

weighing myself several times per day. I'd be elated when the needle went down

a couple pounds, only to be devastated the next week when it went back up. I

knew my level of desperation was becoming unreasonable and out of control when I

seriously considered spending $3000 to go to The Biggest Loser Fitness Ranch in

Utah. It's difficult for me to express in words how much I despise the show The

Biggest Loser. I cannot bring myself to watch it. I think it's dangerous,

unsafe, abusive, humiliating, unreasonable, and that the weight loss is

unsustainable. And yet, I found myself perusing their website and seriously

considering paying them to feed me 1200 calories per day and force me to

exercise six hours per day because I thought maybe I just wasn't giving dieting

my full effort and if I just had one week where I was forced to give 110%, I

would see what I was capable of and it would make a difference. That was when I

said enough. I just couldn't do this anymore. That was three weeks ago.

>

> I started by reading a book called Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat, by

Michele May. It was a good start, but in parts, it still struck me as a little

diet-y. Still, it was someplace to begin. Then I dug out my old copy of

Intuitive Eating (I still have it from 12 years ago!) and I am about 3/4 of the

way through that. I think I prefer this approach. I think I have four eating

styles. At times I am a meticulous Careful Eater. I have a pretty strong Diet

Rebel, so there is often some rebellious eating taking place. When work is bad

(which is often), Chaotic Unconscious Eating is also a big stumbling block.

Refuse Not Unconscious Eating is also an issue.

>

> That said, I have had a good couple of weeks. I felt an immediate sense of

relief when I said I wasn't dieting anymore. I'm finding that I am *much* less

neurotic about food and am not obsessing about it 24/7. I'm not obsessively

trolling for snacks all day long and I have been eating less and feeling more

satisfied. I have been struggling with levels of hunger. I know what ravenous

feels like, I know what stuffed to the gills feels like, and I feel like I have

a pretty good sense of what satisfied feels like. But I really struggle with

knowing when I'm hungry enough to eat. It seems like I go from satisfied to

ravenous with no in-between (then I eat WAY too fast and can't seem to slow

myself down) and I know it's because I'm having a hard time knowing what gentle

hunger is. I also really struggle with not cleaning my plate. When it tastes

good, I want all of it. I'm trying to only eat out where I can get small

portions and serve myself on smaller plates so I don't have to deal with that

temptation right now. I also struggle with eating without distractions. I'm

single and live alone. Sitting down at the table and doing nothing but eating

(no book, no tv, no music, no nothing!) feels lonely to me. I resist that one

right now.

>

> I do have fears, though. I not particularly scared of gaining, but even

though I lost weight using IE in the past, I am afraid that I will not be able

to lose *enough.* I'm not happy at this size and the idea that perhaps I might

never get to a size I'm happy at is scary. I also fear the reactions of others

(the Food Police). I've always had a nagging sense that the reason diets didn't

work for me was because I made excuses. I'm very sensitive to people thinking

I'm making excuses and not trying to lose. The idea that people would judge me

if I told them I was doing IE and think of it as an excuse to stay fat disturbs

me. Those are probably my two biggest fears.

>

> Okay. I guess I've rambled on more than enough. I'll stop now and give

everyone a break! LOL

>

> I'll just close by saying I'm really glad I found this group and am looking

forward to learning from everyone and getting support, too.

>

> Thanks!

> Josie

>

[Guest guest]

My friend is a librarian and taught me a long time ago that you can always donate books to libraries by putting them in the drop box, even after hours. I guess it's "understood" in the library world that they are donations.KateOh and setting a big fire in your house will only fill it full of toxic smoke, much better to put them in the recycle bin. If you have a problem with discarding them because of the money you've spent on them, I understand that one. But if just buying and reading the books would make me "skinny", I'd be a stick. So the books have no magic in them. And I've got boxes of magazines I couldn't bring myself to get rid of, but decided that donating them to the hospital emergency room waiting room worked to alleviate my guilt. I gave all my past issues of Weight Watchers magazine to my fellow weight watchers, so those are gone. You're right... baby steps.Needing to practice what I preach, I'm heading to my diet books now,Dawn B Hi Laurie,Thanks for the welcome. I have not read any of Geneen Roth's books, but the idea of trashing my diet books is interesting . I have fiberglass tubs in my house, so I really couldn't burn them in the bathtub; I'd not only melt the tub but probably burn down the whole house! But perhaps the old Weber can be used for more than just grilling up burgers! LOLActually, while it's an intriguing idea, it also strikes me as a bit scary. As much as I know I don't want to keep dieting, something about those books is comforting. False hope, I guess. Plus, the mere thought of all the money I've spent on them going down the drain is a bit depressing, too. Maybe I'll start with the "fitness" (aka diet) magazines. Goodness knows I've got whole libraries of those, too. Might be a less scary baby step.Josie>> > Hi, Josie,> > Welcome to our group! You've certainly come to the right place. No apologies needed for the length of your message--I found it fascinating and full of things with which I could identify. I absolutely love the part about when you were in France, and how you lost weight without even being aware of practicing IE. I imagine all the parts of that experience--the good, basic food; the "natural" support from the French who eat small quantities; the walking everywhere; and not least, the FUN!--all contributed to being able to reach your natural, healthy weight seemingly effortlessly. There are a lot of good pieces of information for all of us there--how to put it together so that it works and feels great.> > I, too, had a parent who "kidded" about weight, only it was my father kidding my mother, not me. It wasn't until my mother was dying that she told me, in tears, how much that kidding had hurt her during her whole life. Just because someone says it is or presents it as "kidding" doesn't mean that the comments don't sting and have an effect. All it does is allow them to get away with hurting others and yet be able to claim they're doing nothing wrong. Your mother's nickname for you was hurtful, and I'm sorry you have had to live with that memory. Being naturally taller is not easy in any case for a girl growing up, so being kidded about your weight in addition to that--well, it's a lot to have to bear, especially when part of it is coming from your mother.> > My job is also a major challenge for me, not because I work overlong hours, but because I don't trust and respect my employers' decisions, and sometimes feel morally compromised. I gained most of my weight after grad school and while on this particular job, where I do a lot of Chaotic Unconscious Eating (and a bit of the Refuse Not, too!). And then when I get home, I stress eat fairly consciously, to try to bury the things I don't like about my job.> > BTW, I am betting I could vie with your dieting book library. I am seriously thinking of following Roth's advice, gathering them all up and getting rid of them. Burning them in the bathtub like she suggests would just set off our smoke alarm, but I'm going to gather them together tonight, and will probably just stuff them unceremoniously into the recycling bin. It seems like a statement I could love making.> > I look forward to hearing more from you--and it seems like we can count on you for that, LOL!> > All best,> Laurie> > >

[Guest guest]

That's great to know, too. Much easier to drop a couple in the book bin every

now and then than to wait until there's a big batch to try to dispose of.

Thanks!

> >> >

> >> >

> >> > Hi, Josie,

> >> >

> >> > Welcome to our group! You've certainly come to the right place.

> >> No apologies needed for the length of your message--I found it

> >> fascinating and full of things with which I could identify. I

> >> absolutely love the part about when you were in France, and how you

> >> lost weight without even being aware of practicing IE. I imagine

> >> all the parts of that experience--the good, basic food; the

> >> " natural " support from the French who eat small quantities; the

> >> walking everywhere; and not least, the FUN!--all contributed to

> >> being able to reach your natural, healthy weight seemingly

> >> effortlessly. There are a lot of good pieces of information for all

> >> of us there--how to put it together so that it works and feels great.

> >> >

> >> > I, too, had a parent who " kidded " about weight, only it was my

> >> father kidding my mother, not me. It wasn't until my mother was

> >> dying that she told me, in tears, how much that kidding had hurt

> >> her during her whole life. Just because someone says it is or

> >> presents it as " kidding " doesn't mean that the comments don't sting

> >> and have an effect. All it does is allow them to get away with

> >> hurting others and yet be able to claim they're doing nothing

> >> wrong. Your mother's nickname for you was hurtful, and I'm sorry

> >> you have had to live with that memory. Being naturally taller is

> >> not easy in any case for a girl growing up, so being kidded about

> >> your weight in addition to that--well, it's a lot to have to bear,

> >> especially when part of it is coming from your mother.

> >> >

> >> > My job is also a major challenge for me, not because I work

> >> overlong hours, but because I don't trust and respect my employers'

> >> decisions, and sometimes feel morally compromised. I gained most of

> >> my weight after grad school and while on this particular job, where

> >> I do a lot of Chaotic Unconscious Eating (and a bit of the Refuse

> >> Not, too!). And then when I get home, I stress eat fairly

> >> consciously, to try to bury the things I don't like about my job.

> >> >

> >> > BTW, I am betting I could vie with your dieting book library. I

> >> am seriously thinking of following Roth's advice, gathering them

> >> all up and getting rid of them. Burning them in the bathtub like

> >> she suggests would just set off our smoke alarm, but I'm going to

> >> gather them together tonight, and will probably just stuff them

> >> unceremoniously into the recycling bin. It seems like a statement I

> >> could love making.

> >> >

> >> > I look forward to hearing more from you--and it seems like we can

> >> count on you for that, LOL!

> >> >

> >> > All best,

> >> > Laurie

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >>

> >>

> >

> >

>