Things My Mother Taught Me

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Note: forwarded message attached.

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1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.2. My mother taught me RELIGION

'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!4. My mother taught me LOGICBecause I said so, that's why.5. My mother taught me MORE LOGICIf you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.6. My mother taught me FORESIGHTMake sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.7. My mother taught me IRONY

Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about.8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

*Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM

Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!10. My mother taught me about STAMINA

You'll sit there until all that fish is gone.11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it!12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY _*.'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFEI brought you into this world, and I can take you out14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

Stop acting like your father!15. My mother taught me about ENVY

There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION

*Just wait until we get home.'17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

You are going to get it when you get home!'18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE

If you don't stop making that face, it's going to freeze that way19. My mother taught me ESP

*Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'20. My mother taught me HUMOR.When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULTIf you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

You got that from your father'23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

*'Shut that door behind you. You don't live in a barn?'24. My mother taught me WISDOM_.When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'25. And my favorite...My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.