Friendships that bring up food stuff

[Guest guest]

Hi, Tana,

I think you're doing a wonderful job holding this woman off. She sounds like a bit of a pill! The fact that you are aware of this issue is a huge step towards solving it for yourself. I have a friend who complains nonstop about our workplace and though I've tried to tell her that I don't want to complain about the place (if it's so bad, I should talk to the boss or quit), it's very hard for me not to get sucked into her negative attitude when we go out to lunch. Before I realize it, I'm saying things I don't want to be saying and feeling crummy about myself later for saying them. Then I stress eat at my desk. So like you, it's crucial for me to stick to my guns and not be drawn into doing what this woman does. She's otherwise a really wonderful person, so I don't want to cut off my friendship with her. I've tried talking with her, but I guess I'm going to have to keep saying it and keep myself vigilant so that I don't join in. I think your idea of saying a little prayer ahead of time is a good one. I'll give it a try Friday when I'm in the office again. Thanks for bringing this up. I'm betting a lot of us have this same or a similar problem.

All best,

Laurie

Tana wrote:

>>>I think I've mentioned to a few of you that a lot of my food stuff revolves around my codependancy. Well I have this relationship that I do over and over in my life of being friends with people who don't have boundaries and who aren't interested in being healthy in their life, right now that person is my neighbor.

Its incredible to me that one person can wreak such havoc in my personal life but somehow they can. We've lived here a yr and I really struggle with setting boundaries with people so I was friendly and as time went on I found myself lending her food out of my cupboard 2-3 times a week and she came over all the time and it just got weird for me. Because of my inability to say no this woman felt like she could have free reign in my home. Well I have had a few conversations with her about it and I have been able to avoid her for most of the summer.

At the same time I have gone back to my IE so I am really just in the first few weeks of letting go of the food obsession and allowing myself to eat what I want when I want. Well today was her birthday and she wanted me and my kids to go to the pool with her and her kids and so I went with her. I immediately felt the urge to obsess around food, and I wanted to eat even though I was hungry. I don't think that I did but the shorts I am wearing are a little tight around the waist so I keep focusing on that.

I said a little prayer before we went to the pool and asked God to help me be aware if she was trying to be manipulative or if she was talking trash about people which are two things she does that drives me crazy. It actually went better than expected, but I am so scared to hang out with her because I am scared I won't be able to hold my own with her and I will overeat because of it. I also am aware though that if I don't learn how to say no to this person I will inevitably end up having this relationship again in the future with someone else untill I can learn to take care of myself in it.

I really just needed to get this out and share it with someone so it wasn't just going round and round in my head.

Thank you,

Tana<<<