Re: Weighing...

[Guest guest]

It's interesting that you write this, because I have a similar, though slightly

different problem.

Generally speaking, I find that my clothes do get tighter or looser as I gain or

lose, so they're not bad measures. Though, I have found that my body shape has

changed over time so certain clothes don't fit me properly anymore, even though

I have gained. For example, I had a pretty nice pair of Liz Claiborne wool

slacks that I could wear with a blazer when I had to look very professional.

When I bought them, they were a decent fit. Over time when I gained and reached

my heaviest weight, I could still wear them, but they were definitely snug.

Several years ago, I went on a diet and got down to 217 pounds and I was

swimming in them. Subsequently, I regained all of the weight, but oddly, they

were always big on me from that point on, and that was even before I was working

out regularly. So, somehow, my weight shifted or something and you're right,

those pants wouldn't have been a good measure, even though all my other clothes

got tighter. Weird!

But on the subject of body dysmorphia, it's not always the case, but it's not

uncommon for me to look in the mirror at home, even naked, and think I'm getting

leaner and that I look pretty darn good. I mean, I don't think I look like a

supermodel, or anything, but some days I can feel pretty good about myself.

Then, literally, on the same day, I can go out and see my reflection in a store

window or in a restroom mirror and think I look really fat and gross, even if

I've been having a good day and there hasn't been some sort of event that has

upset me (which can definitely change my perception of how I look). That's what

happened the other day when I was so bent out of shape over my co-worker. I've

never been able to figure that out. I could understand it if I always felt like

I looked either good or bad, but for the perception to change so drastically

within a matter of hours has always been baffling to me. Seems like some sort

of weird version of dysmorphia.

Josie

>

>

> I'm wondering if I'm the only person who mostly doesn't find how my clothes

fit to be a reliable gauge of whether I'm gaining or losing? For one thing, I've

a lot overweight, and dropping (or gaining) 10 pounds doesn't actually make my

clothes fit all that much differently, at least not something I notice. I also

have various food allergies, so I can feel bloated only because of the food

allergies, so that doesn't really work for me, either.

>

> But even more to the point is this: I don't see my body as it really is.

Anorexics are well known to have body dysmorphia, but I think some compulsive

overeaters may, too, though in the other direction. At least that's true for me.

If I get a little lighter feeling, I have a disproportionate feeling that I'm

losing weight like crazy, maybe too fast! In some ways I find my fat comforting,

safe, grounding, in some ways, sick as that sounds. I actually *fear* losing

weight, so have to take it slowly so I can get used to a new lower weight, or I

start freaking out. That happened to me last year, after I lost 30 pounds. It

took me several months to get used to the lower weight, even though I lost the

weight very slowly.

>

> So for me at least, not weighing is kind of dangerous, because I can talk

myself into thinking that I weigh less than I do, that maybe I'm losing too

much, even when that's not the case. And even though scales can lie, too (due to

water weight, muscle increase, etc.), for me stepping on the scales

occasionally, if done in a mindful, gentle way, is a reality check I think is

helpful for me.

>

> Finally, the rebel in me says that anything that is outlawed is something I've

gotta have, so making weighing--or anything else--taboo makes me want to do it

all that much more, and I get obsessive about it. So for now I'm going to tell

myself that I'll check my weight " sometime next month. " Or sooner, if I think it

will be helpful. (Like Josie, I change my mind a lot!)

>

> All best,

> Laurie

>