Re: My intro; sorry, this is a book!

[Guest guest]

WELCOME, Jeannie: I can relate to many parts of your history. My parents also

considered me the 'fat child', but my brother was considered the 'thin' child.

So they restricted what I ate (I was put on a diet at age 6), but they gave my

brother special 'treats' to get him to gain weight. My parents were also very

perfectionistic and judgmental. However my brother was the 'golden child' and

could do no wrong, while I could do nothing right in my mom's eyes.

I also struggled with restricting, bingeing and purging for over 30 years. Then

I learned Intuitive Eating and stopped restricting, which helped me decrease my

bingeing and purging. Then I endured several years of medical problems, before I

was correctly diagnosed. Eventually intuitive eating taught me to eat according

to my hunger/fullness cues foods that felt good in my body (rather than just

what tasted good in my mouth). So I no longer unnecessarily restrict, binge or

purge.

So I want to reassure you that intuitive eating CAN help you overcome restrict

and binge cycles. No matter how long you used overeating to cope with emotional

pain, you can learn to eat according to your body cues of hunger and fullness,

rather than use a diet to tell you when, what and how much to eat.

If you have not read " Intuitive Eating' by Tribole and Resch, I suggest you get

that book right away. Although the authors recommend that you 'legalize food' so

that you can eat what you want, that doesn't mean ignoring how you feel after

eating. They also recommend that you learn to recognize your hunger and fullness

cues so that you let your body tell you when, what and how much to eat. You CAN

learn to eat the way your body was created to eat, no matter how long or how

extremely you have practiced disordered eating habits.

I'm glad you joined our group and bravely shared your 'story'.

SUE

>

> Hi All,

>

> I just joined but am very familiar with groups and lists, so I figured

> I'd just jump in. This has been a very long journey for me, so forgive

> me for the length of this post.

>

> I'm a 51 yr. old stay-at-home mom, been with my husband 32 years

> (married 28), and have two great boys (13 and 17).

>

> My father is from India where you eat everything on your plate;

> naturally, he's thin and basically eats to keep himself alive. My

> mother is American, and always saying she can't eat this or that because

> she's fat. She eats things that don't taste good just because they

> don't have many calories. Plus, my dad is always watching what she

> eats! As a kid, we weren't allowed to serve ourselves and we had to eat

> everything, no matter what. My younger sister is skinny and always has

> been--I love her dearly and we're the best of friends, but it is really,

> really hard having a model-thin sister when you're not, especially for a

> teenager. My mom was always trying to fatten her up and slim me down,

> and all our relatives treated her like a fragile flower because she was

> thin (I was " strong " ). Add in a brother who was mentally ill/had social

> issues from a very young age, and you can see how I started to get

> Screwed Up. Dinner was always a family meal, and very stressful--my dad

> had a stressful job and an explosive temper, and he and my brother used

> to argue politics all the time. I used to shred and tie my paper napkin

> into tiny knots to deal with the tension. Boy...remembering all that,

> now I'm wondering why I'm not really more messed up than I am!

>

> I was deemed " overweight " and put on a diet when I was about 8, although

> when I look back at pictures of myself I realize I was very muscular and

> most likely only overweight according to the charts. At first I thought

> being on a diet was special in a good way, and then I started to realize

> it was only special in a bad way. Over the next ten years or so, my

> weight went up and down but was actually pretty normal for most of high

> school although I was starting to establish binge patterns. In

> particular, I think I learned that eating with people was unpleasant

> (family dinners) and eating by myself (binging) was calming and

> pleasant, at least for the moment.

>

> I had self-esteem and depression issues in college, and flunked out,

> then dropped out of another college. Major guilt and feelings of

> worthlessness--did I mention that my parents and paternal relatives are

> very big on education and overachieving? Throughout my 20s and in my

> early 30s I went through diet/binge cycles, became bulimic for about

> five years and at least managed to get myself out of that. Since

> stopping binging/purging, life has been binging/dieting through the

> birth of my kids, the suicide of my brother 10 years ago, and everything

> else.

>

> When I was 38, just after my youngest son was born, I decided to get in

> shape once and for all (ha) and over two years dieted and exercised

> myself into total buffness. Then, of course, it all piled on again and

> more. My brother died about that time and I told myself it was OK to

> gain some weight, but then it just kept going on. Up and down, a

> little, until a year ago I once again decided that this was IT and I had

> to lose weight. I put myself on a strict regimen of no sugar, almost no

> processed food, low sodium and tracked my nutritional intake very

> carefully. For the most part, other than being really restrictive, I

> liked eating that way. I felt really good, and I liked seeing that it

> was possible to get all my daily requirements just through diet. I lost

> 40 lbs. But then we went on a cruise last summer, and I told myself it

> was OK to eat whatever I wanted on the ship, but then I couldn't stop.

> So here I am again, all the lost weight back on and a little more besides.

>

> I just can't do this cycling anymore. I don't WANT to do it anymore. I

> realized recently that I don't know how to eat normally at all. I'm

> always either gaining or losing. I don't know how to just maintain

> myself. I also realized I have an addictive/obsessive personality.

> When I was getting buff, I was more or less addicted to exercise (and I

> so miss being that fit!). When I was eating the ultra nutritional diet,

> I was addicted to tracking everything. But I can't do that for the rest

> of my life--I want to be hungry and eat without having to think about

> portions, weighing it, tracking it, and judging it or myself. I'm sick

> of thinking about food all the time, and having it run my life. I've

> been treating food as both an enemy and a friend for so long, and I just

> want it to be what it is--food.

>

> I think I'm ready for this. I hope I'm ready for this. I'm at least

> determined to stop weighing myself, stop tracking everything, and try to

> just think about what I want to eat and how hungry I am. I do want to

> lose weight (and I want to lose that desire, too), but more than that I

> want to stop fighting with myself over food and treating it like an enemy.

>

> Whew! It was very tiring to write all this. I do have some questions,

> but I need to think about them because I'm not sure yet just what I need

> to ask. Thank you all for being here. Just writing this all down has

> been a little carthartic.

>

> Jeannie

>

[Guest guest]

OMG Jeannie, thank you so much for writing your 'book' of a story. It was

therapeutic for me just to read and relate to so many of your struggles/pain.

I am struggling every day, every min with this food addiction, food obsession,

food compulsion... I am sooooo tired mentally and physically...

[Guest guest]

OMG Jeannie, thank you so much for writing your 'book' of a story. It was

therapeutic for me just to read and relate to so many of your struggles/pain.

I am struggling every day, every min with this food addiction, food obsession,

food compulsion... I am sooooo tired mentally and physically...

[Guest guest]

Hi Jeannie,

Thanks for sharing your story! And no apolgies needed for the length... you will see how helpful it is when others share their stories.

It sounds like eating and family meals have been a real minefield for you... no wonder it's a loaded issue for you!

Your comment about wanting to lose weight, but also wanting to get rid of that impulse made me smile. I think that for many of us, it's not that we stop wishing to lose weight entirely, though some do, it's more that we learn a) to love ourselves now, at this or any weight (love and accepting ourselves now is not the same thing as not hoping to someday be a different weight... it took me a LONG time to realize that!) and to stop seeing our weight as a measure of ourselves as people/our self worth.

At least, that's how it seems to me...

Anyway, welcome to the group. I think you will find it a great resource.

Abby

IE since 11/08

 

Hi All,

I just joined but am very familiar with groups and lists, so I figured

I'd just jump in. This has been a very long journey for me, so forgive

me for the length of this post.

I'm a 51 yr. old stay-at-home mom, been with my husband 32 years

(married 28), and have two great boys (13 and 17).

My father is from India where you eat everything on your plate;

naturally, he's thin and basically eats to keep himself alive. My

mother is American, and always saying she can't eat this or that because

she's fat. She eats things that don't taste good just because they

don't have many calories. Plus, my dad is always watching what she

eats! As a kid, we weren't allowed to serve ourselves and we had to eat

everything, no matter what. My younger sister is skinny and always has

been--I love her dearly and we're the best of friends, but it is really,

really hard having a model-thin sister when you're not, especially for a

teenager. My mom was always trying to fatten her up and slim me down,

and all our relatives treated her like a fragile flower because she was

thin (I was " strong " ). Add in a brother who was mentally ill/had social

issues from a very young age, and you can see how I started to get

Screwed Up. Dinner was always a family meal, and very stressful--my dad

had a stressful job and an explosive temper, and he and my brother used

to argue politics all the time. I used to shred and tie my paper napkin

into tiny knots to deal with the tension. Boy...remembering all that,

now I'm wondering why I'm not really more messed up than I am!

I was deemed " overweight " and put on a diet when I was about 8, although

when I look back at pictures of myself I realize I was very muscular and

most likely only overweight according to the charts. At first I thought

being on a diet was special in a good way, and then I started to realize

it was only special in a bad way. Over the next ten years or so, my

weight went up and down but was actually pretty normal for most of high

school although I was starting to establish binge patterns. In

particular, I think I learned that eating with people was unpleasant

(family dinners) and eating by myself (binging) was calming and

pleasant, at least for the moment.

I had self-esteem and depression issues in college, and flunked out,

then dropped out of another college. Major guilt and feelings of

worthlessness--did I mention that my parents and paternal relatives are

very big on education and overachieving? Throughout my 20s and in my

early 30s I went through diet/binge cycles, became bulimic for about

five years and at least managed to get myself out of that. Since

stopping binging/purging, life has been binging/dieting through the

birth of my kids, the suicide of my brother 10 years ago, and everything

else.

When I was 38, just after my youngest son was born, I decided to get in

shape once and for all (ha) and over two years dieted and exercised

myself into total buffness. Then, of course, it all piled on again and

more. My brother died about that time and I told myself it was OK to

gain some weight, but then it just kept going on. Up and down, a

little, until a year ago I once again decided that this was IT and I had

to lose weight. I put myself on a strict regimen of no sugar, almost no

processed food, low sodium and tracked my nutritional intake very

carefully. For the most part, other than being really restrictive, I

liked eating that way. I felt really good, and I liked seeing that it

was possible to get all my daily requirements just through diet. I lost

40 lbs. But then we went on a cruise last summer, and I told myself it

was OK to eat whatever I wanted on the ship, but then I couldn't stop.

So here I am again, all the lost weight back on and a little more besides.

I just can't do this cycling anymore. I don't WANT to do it anymore. I

realized recently that I don't know how to eat normally at all. I'm

always either gaining or losing. I don't know how to just maintain

myself. I also realized I have an addictive/obsessive personality.

When I was getting buff, I was more or less addicted to exercise (and I

so miss being that fit!). When I was eating the ultra nutritional diet,

I was addicted to tracking everything. But I can't do that for the rest

of my life--I want to be hungry and eat without having to think about

portions, weighing it, tracking it, and judging it or myself. I'm sick

of thinking about food all the time, and having it run my life. I've

been treating food as both an enemy and a friend for so long, and I just

want it to be what it is--food.

I think I'm ready for this. I hope I'm ready for this. I'm at least

determined to stop weighing myself, stop tracking everything, and try to

just think about what I want to eat and how hungry I am. I do want to

lose weight (and I want to lose that desire, too), but more than that I

want to stop fighting with myself over food and treating it like an enemy.

Whew! It was very tiring to write all this. I do have some questions,

but I need to think about them because I'm not sure yet just what I need

to ask. Thank you all for being here. Just writing this all down has

been a little carthartic.

Jeannie

[Guest guest]

Hi Jeannie,

Thanks for sharing your story! And no apolgies needed for the length... you will see how helpful it is when others share their stories.

It sounds like eating and family meals have been a real minefield for you... no wonder it's a loaded issue for you!

Your comment about wanting to lose weight, but also wanting to get rid of that impulse made me smile. I think that for many of us, it's not that we stop wishing to lose weight entirely, though some do, it's more that we learn a) to love ourselves now, at this or any weight (love and accepting ourselves now is not the same thing as not hoping to someday be a different weight... it took me a LONG time to realize that!) and to stop seeing our weight as a measure of ourselves as people/our self worth.

At least, that's how it seems to me...

Anyway, welcome to the group. I think you will find it a great resource.

Abby

IE since 11/08

 

Hi All,

I just joined but am very familiar with groups and lists, so I figured

I'd just jump in. This has been a very long journey for me, so forgive

me for the length of this post.

I'm a 51 yr. old stay-at-home mom, been with my husband 32 years

(married 28), and have two great boys (13 and 17).

My father is from India where you eat everything on your plate;

naturally, he's thin and basically eats to keep himself alive. My

mother is American, and always saying she can't eat this or that because

she's fat. She eats things that don't taste good just because they

don't have many calories. Plus, my dad is always watching what she

eats! As a kid, we weren't allowed to serve ourselves and we had to eat

everything, no matter what. My younger sister is skinny and always has

been--I love her dearly and we're the best of friends, but it is really,

really hard having a model-thin sister when you're not, especially for a

teenager. My mom was always trying to fatten her up and slim me down,

and all our relatives treated her like a fragile flower because she was

thin (I was " strong " ). Add in a brother who was mentally ill/had social

issues from a very young age, and you can see how I started to get

Screwed Up. Dinner was always a family meal, and very stressful--my dad

had a stressful job and an explosive temper, and he and my brother used

to argue politics all the time. I used to shred and tie my paper napkin

into tiny knots to deal with the tension. Boy...remembering all that,

now I'm wondering why I'm not really more messed up than I am!

I was deemed " overweight " and put on a diet when I was about 8, although

when I look back at pictures of myself I realize I was very muscular and

most likely only overweight according to the charts. At first I thought

being on a diet was special in a good way, and then I started to realize

it was only special in a bad way. Over the next ten years or so, my

weight went up and down but was actually pretty normal for most of high

school although I was starting to establish binge patterns. In

particular, I think I learned that eating with people was unpleasant

(family dinners) and eating by myself (binging) was calming and

pleasant, at least for the moment.

I had self-esteem and depression issues in college, and flunked out,

then dropped out of another college. Major guilt and feelings of

worthlessness--did I mention that my parents and paternal relatives are

very big on education and overachieving? Throughout my 20s and in my

early 30s I went through diet/binge cycles, became bulimic for about

five years and at least managed to get myself out of that. Since

stopping binging/purging, life has been binging/dieting through the

birth of my kids, the suicide of my brother 10 years ago, and everything

else.

When I was 38, just after my youngest son was born, I decided to get in

shape once and for all (ha) and over two years dieted and exercised

myself into total buffness. Then, of course, it all piled on again and

more. My brother died about that time and I told myself it was OK to

gain some weight, but then it just kept going on. Up and down, a

little, until a year ago I once again decided that this was IT and I had

to lose weight. I put myself on a strict regimen of no sugar, almost no

processed food, low sodium and tracked my nutritional intake very

carefully. For the most part, other than being really restrictive, I

liked eating that way. I felt really good, and I liked seeing that it

was possible to get all my daily requirements just through diet. I lost

40 lbs. But then we went on a cruise last summer, and I told myself it

was OK to eat whatever I wanted on the ship, but then I couldn't stop.

So here I am again, all the lost weight back on and a little more besides.

I just can't do this cycling anymore. I don't WANT to do it anymore. I

realized recently that I don't know how to eat normally at all. I'm

always either gaining or losing. I don't know how to just maintain

myself. I also realized I have an addictive/obsessive personality.

When I was getting buff, I was more or less addicted to exercise (and I

so miss being that fit!). When I was eating the ultra nutritional diet,

I was addicted to tracking everything. But I can't do that for the rest

of my life--I want to be hungry and eat without having to think about

portions, weighing it, tracking it, and judging it or myself. I'm sick

of thinking about food all the time, and having it run my life. I've

been treating food as both an enemy and a friend for so long, and I just

want it to be what it is--food.

I think I'm ready for this. I hope I'm ready for this. I'm at least

determined to stop weighing myself, stop tracking everything, and try to

just think about what I want to eat and how hungry I am. I do want to

lose weight (and I want to lose that desire, too), but more than that I

want to stop fighting with myself over food and treating it like an enemy.

Whew! It was very tiring to write all this. I do have some questions,

but I need to think about them because I'm not sure yet just what I need

to ask. Thank you all for being here. Just writing this all down has

been a little carthartic.

Jeannie

[Guest guest]

Hi Jeannie,

Thanks for sharing your story! And no apolgies needed for the length... you will see how helpful it is when others share their stories.

It sounds like eating and family meals have been a real minefield for you... no wonder it's a loaded issue for you!

Your comment about wanting to lose weight, but also wanting to get rid of that impulse made me smile. I think that for many of us, it's not that we stop wishing to lose weight entirely, though some do, it's more that we learn a) to love ourselves now, at this or any weight (love and accepting ourselves now is not the same thing as not hoping to someday be a different weight... it took me a LONG time to realize that!) and to stop seeing our weight as a measure of ourselves as people/our self worth.

At least, that's how it seems to me...

Anyway, welcome to the group. I think you will find it a great resource.

Abby

IE since 11/08

 

Hi All,

I just joined but am very familiar with groups and lists, so I figured

I'd just jump in. This has been a very long journey for me, so forgive

me for the length of this post.

I'm a 51 yr. old stay-at-home mom, been with my husband 32 years

(married 28), and have two great boys (13 and 17).

My father is from India where you eat everything on your plate;

naturally, he's thin and basically eats to keep himself alive. My

mother is American, and always saying she can't eat this or that because

she's fat. She eats things that don't taste good just because they

don't have many calories. Plus, my dad is always watching what she

eats! As a kid, we weren't allowed to serve ourselves and we had to eat

everything, no matter what. My younger sister is skinny and always has

been--I love her dearly and we're the best of friends, but it is really,

really hard having a model-thin sister when you're not, especially for a

teenager. My mom was always trying to fatten her up and slim me down,

and all our relatives treated her like a fragile flower because she was

thin (I was " strong " ). Add in a brother who was mentally ill/had social

issues from a very young age, and you can see how I started to get

Screwed Up. Dinner was always a family meal, and very stressful--my dad

had a stressful job and an explosive temper, and he and my brother used

to argue politics all the time. I used to shred and tie my paper napkin

into tiny knots to deal with the tension. Boy...remembering all that,

now I'm wondering why I'm not really more messed up than I am!

I was deemed " overweight " and put on a diet when I was about 8, although

when I look back at pictures of myself I realize I was very muscular and

most likely only overweight according to the charts. At first I thought

being on a diet was special in a good way, and then I started to realize

it was only special in a bad way. Over the next ten years or so, my

weight went up and down but was actually pretty normal for most of high

school although I was starting to establish binge patterns. In

particular, I think I learned that eating with people was unpleasant

(family dinners) and eating by myself (binging) was calming and

pleasant, at least for the moment.

I had self-esteem and depression issues in college, and flunked out,

then dropped out of another college. Major guilt and feelings of

worthlessness--did I mention that my parents and paternal relatives are

very big on education and overachieving? Throughout my 20s and in my

early 30s I went through diet/binge cycles, became bulimic for about

five years and at least managed to get myself out of that. Since

stopping binging/purging, life has been binging/dieting through the

birth of my kids, the suicide of my brother 10 years ago, and everything

else.

When I was 38, just after my youngest son was born, I decided to get in

shape once and for all (ha) and over two years dieted and exercised

myself into total buffness. Then, of course, it all piled on again and

more. My brother died about that time and I told myself it was OK to

gain some weight, but then it just kept going on. Up and down, a

little, until a year ago I once again decided that this was IT and I had

to lose weight. I put myself on a strict regimen of no sugar, almost no

processed food, low sodium and tracked my nutritional intake very

carefully. For the most part, other than being really restrictive, I

liked eating that way. I felt really good, and I liked seeing that it

was possible to get all my daily requirements just through diet. I lost

40 lbs. But then we went on a cruise last summer, and I told myself it

was OK to eat whatever I wanted on the ship, but then I couldn't stop.

So here I am again, all the lost weight back on and a little more besides.

I just can't do this cycling anymore. I don't WANT to do it anymore. I

realized recently that I don't know how to eat normally at all. I'm

always either gaining or losing. I don't know how to just maintain

myself. I also realized I have an addictive/obsessive personality.

When I was getting buff, I was more or less addicted to exercise (and I

so miss being that fit!). When I was eating the ultra nutritional diet,

I was addicted to tracking everything. But I can't do that for the rest

of my life--I want to be hungry and eat without having to think about

portions, weighing it, tracking it, and judging it or myself. I'm sick

of thinking about food all the time, and having it run my life. I've

been treating food as both an enemy and a friend for so long, and I just

want it to be what it is--food.

I think I'm ready for this. I hope I'm ready for this. I'm at least

determined to stop weighing myself, stop tracking everything, and try to

just think about what I want to eat and how hungry I am. I do want to

lose weight (and I want to lose that desire, too), but more than that I

want to stop fighting with myself over food and treating it like an enemy.

Whew! It was very tiring to write all this. I do have some questions,

but I need to think about them because I'm not sure yet just what I need

to ask. Thank you all for being here. Just writing this all down has

been a little carthartic.

Jeannie

[Guest guest]

Hi Sue,

I'm guessing that many people's stories are similar, and when I have

time I'm going to try to go back and read as much as I can. In my

parents' defense, in general they have treated all us kids equally.

What happened to me in regards to food was unintended, although it had

bad consequences anyway. My sister can't help the way she's built any

more than I can--she got my dad's genes and I got my mom's. Sigh.

I'm going to order that book today. "The Rules of Eating" is in our

public library so I'll get that one, too. I'm having a hard time not

looking at nutrition labels on food. It's been sort of automatic. I

do try to restrict sodium as much as I can, but I'm pretty used to a

low sodium intake now and I don't think that will affect what I want to

eat. It's so ironic that I know so much about nutrition and yet so

little about how to eat!

Jeannie

sue wrote:

WELCOME, Jeannie: I can relate to many parts of your history. My

parents also considered me the 'fat child', but my brother was

considered the 'thin' child. So they restricted what I ate (I was put

on a diet at age 6), but they gave my brother special 'treats' to get

him to gain weight. My parents were also very perfectionistic and

judgmental. However my brother was the 'golden child' and could do no

wrong, while I could do nothing right in my mom's eyes.

I also struggled with restricting, bingeing and purging for over 30

years. Then I learned Intuitive Eating and stopped restricting, which

helped me decrease my bingeing and purging. Then I endured several

years of medical problems, before I was correctly diagnosed. Eventually

intuitive eating taught me to eat according to my hunger/fullness cues

foods that felt good in my body (rather than just what tasted good in

my mouth). So I no longer unnecessarily restrict, binge or purge.

So I want to reassure you that intuitive eating CAN help you overcome

restrict and binge cycles. No matter how long you used overeating to

cope with emotional pain, you can learn to eat according to your body

cues of hunger and fullness, rather than use a diet to tell you when,

what and how much to eat.

If you have not read "Intuitive Eating' by Tribole and Resch, I suggest

you get that book right away. Although the authors recommend that you

'legalize food' so that you can eat what you want, that doesn't mean

ignoring how you feel after eating. They also recommend that you learn

to recognize your hunger and fullness cues so that you let your body

tell you when, what and how much to eat. You CAN learn to eat the way

your body was created to eat, no matter how long or how extremely you

have practiced disordered eating habits.

I'm glad you joined our group and bravely shared your 'story'.

SUE

[Guest guest]

Hi Sue,

I'm guessing that many people's stories are similar, and when I have

time I'm going to try to go back and read as much as I can. In my

parents' defense, in general they have treated all us kids equally.

What happened to me in regards to food was unintended, although it had

bad consequences anyway. My sister can't help the way she's built any

more than I can--she got my dad's genes and I got my mom's. Sigh.

I'm going to order that book today. "The Rules of Eating" is in our

public library so I'll get that one, too. I'm having a hard time not

looking at nutrition labels on food. It's been sort of automatic. I

do try to restrict sodium as much as I can, but I'm pretty used to a

low sodium intake now and I don't think that will affect what I want to

eat. It's so ironic that I know so much about nutrition and yet so

little about how to eat!

Jeannie

sue wrote:

WELCOME, Jeannie: I can relate to many parts of your history. My

parents also considered me the 'fat child', but my brother was

considered the 'thin' child. So they restricted what I ate (I was put

on a diet at age 6), but they gave my brother special 'treats' to get

him to gain weight. My parents were also very perfectionistic and

judgmental. However my brother was the 'golden child' and could do no

wrong, while I could do nothing right in my mom's eyes.

I also struggled with restricting, bingeing and purging for over 30

years. Then I learned Intuitive Eating and stopped restricting, which

helped me decrease my bingeing and purging. Then I endured several

years of medical problems, before I was correctly diagnosed. Eventually

intuitive eating taught me to eat according to my hunger/fullness cues

foods that felt good in my body (rather than just what tasted good in

my mouth). So I no longer unnecessarily restrict, binge or purge.

So I want to reassure you that intuitive eating CAN help you overcome

restrict and binge cycles. No matter how long you used overeating to

cope with emotional pain, you can learn to eat according to your body

cues of hunger and fullness, rather than use a diet to tell you when,

what and how much to eat.

If you have not read "Intuitive Eating' by Tribole and Resch, I suggest

you get that book right away. Although the authors recommend that you

'legalize food' so that you can eat what you want, that doesn't mean

ignoring how you feel after eating. They also recommend that you learn

to recognize your hunger and fullness cues so that you let your body

tell you when, what and how much to eat. You CAN learn to eat the way

your body was created to eat, no matter how long or how extremely you

have practiced disordered eating habits.

I'm glad you joined our group and bravely shared your 'story'.

SUE

[Guest guest]

Hi Sue,

I'm guessing that many people's stories are similar, and when I have

time I'm going to try to go back and read as much as I can. In my

parents' defense, in general they have treated all us kids equally.

What happened to me in regards to food was unintended, although it had

bad consequences anyway. My sister can't help the way she's built any

more than I can--she got my dad's genes and I got my mom's. Sigh.

I'm going to order that book today. "The Rules of Eating" is in our

public library so I'll get that one, too. I'm having a hard time not

looking at nutrition labels on food. It's been sort of automatic. I

do try to restrict sodium as much as I can, but I'm pretty used to a

low sodium intake now and I don't think that will affect what I want to

eat. It's so ironic that I know so much about nutrition and yet so

little about how to eat!

Jeannie

sue wrote:

WELCOME, Jeannie: I can relate to many parts of your history. My

parents also considered me the 'fat child', but my brother was

considered the 'thin' child. So they restricted what I ate (I was put

on a diet at age 6), but they gave my brother special 'treats' to get

him to gain weight. My parents were also very perfectionistic and

judgmental. However my brother was the 'golden child' and could do no

wrong, while I could do nothing right in my mom's eyes.

I also struggled with restricting, bingeing and purging for over 30

years. Then I learned Intuitive Eating and stopped restricting, which

helped me decrease my bingeing and purging. Then I endured several

years of medical problems, before I was correctly diagnosed. Eventually

intuitive eating taught me to eat according to my hunger/fullness cues

foods that felt good in my body (rather than just what tasted good in

my mouth). So I no longer unnecessarily restrict, binge or purge.

So I want to reassure you that intuitive eating CAN help you overcome

restrict and binge cycles. No matter how long you used overeating to

cope with emotional pain, you can learn to eat according to your body

cues of hunger and fullness, rather than use a diet to tell you when,

what and how much to eat.

If you have not read "Intuitive Eating' by Tribole and Resch, I suggest

you get that book right away. Although the authors recommend that you

'legalize food' so that you can eat what you want, that doesn't mean

ignoring how you feel after eating. They also recommend that you learn

to recognize your hunger and fullness cues so that you let your body

tell you when, what and how much to eat. You CAN learn to eat the way

your body was created to eat, no matter how long or how extremely you

have practiced disordered eating habits.

I'm glad you joined our group and bravely shared your 'story'.

SUE

[Guest guest]

I am very tired of it, too. I don't want to be an old lady binging on

candy! I keep thinking if I can quit smoking (14 years ago), I should

be able to do this, but it is so hard.

Jeannie

rsk424 wrote:

OMG Jeannie, thank you so much for writing your 'book' of a story.

It was therapeutic for me just to read and relate to so many of your

struggles/pain.

I am struggling every day, every min with this food addiction, food

obsession, food compulsion... I am sooooo tired mentally and

physically...

[Guest guest]

I am very tired of it, too. I don't want to be an old lady binging on

candy! I keep thinking if I can quit smoking (14 years ago), I should

be able to do this, but it is so hard.

Jeannie

rsk424 wrote:

OMG Jeannie, thank you so much for writing your 'book' of a story.

It was therapeutic for me just to read and relate to so many of your

struggles/pain.

I am struggling every day, every min with this food addiction, food

obsession, food compulsion... I am sooooo tired mentally and

physically...

[Guest guest]

Hi Abby,

Fortunately my family now is very, very different from my childhood

family.  Very laid back.  My kids are wonderful teens, lol.  We have

pretty much given up on structured family dinners because of sports and

such.  We generally eat more or less together and at the same time, but

one person might be reading the paper, others watching tv, and someone

else doing homework.  It probably sounds like an odd way to do it, but

I'm OK with not sitting down at the dining room table for obvious

reasons, lol.

More than losing the weight I would like to at least be somewhat fit. 

The older I get the more I recognize that being an unfit senior is not

a good thing at all.  I don't want to be in bad shape for the last

years of my life.  I really, really miss how strong and muscular I was

when I was running, swimming, and working out all the time--it was

obsessive, but at the same time I was in such great physical shape.  I

know I can't be that way again because I'd never be able to keep it up,

but even a part of that would keep my body healthy into old age.  I do

also want to be OK with my body and not always think of it as my enemy.

Jeannie

Abigail Wolfson wrote:

 

Hi Jeannie,

Thanks for sharing your story! And no apolgies needed for the

length... you will see how helpful it is when others share their

stories.

It sounds like eating and family meals have been a real minefield

for you... no wonder it's a loaded issue for you!

Your comment about wanting to lose weight, but also wanting to get

rid of that impulse made me smile. I think that for many of us, it's

not that we stop wishing to lose weight entirely, though some do, it's

more that we learn a) to love ourselves now, at this or any weight

(love and accepting ourselves now is not the same thing as not hoping

to someday be a different weight... it took me a LONG time to realize

that!) and to stop seeing our weight as a measure of ourselves as

people/our self worth.

At least, that's how it seems to me...

Anyway, welcome to the group. I think you will find it a great

resource.

Abby

IE since 11/08

On Jan 23, 2010 3:54 PM, "jeanniet58" <jeanniet58gmail> wrote:

 

Hi All,

I just joined but am very familiar with groups and lists, so I figured

I'd just jump in. This has been a very long journey for me, so forgive

me for the length of this post.

I'm a 51 yr. old stay-at-home mom, been with my husband 32 years

(married 28), and have two great boys (13 and 17).

My father is from India where you eat everything on your plate;

naturally, he's thin and basically eats to keep himself alive. My

mother is American, and always saying she can't eat this or that

because

she's fat. She eats things that don't taste good just because they

don't have many calories. Plus, my dad is always watching what she

eats! As a kid, we weren't allowed to serve ourselves and we had to eat

everything, no matter what. My younger sister is skinny and always has

been--I love her dearly and we're the best of friends, but it is

really,

really hard having a model-thin sister when you're not, especially for

a

teenager. My mom was always trying to fatten her up and slim me down,

and all our relatives treated her like a fragile flower because she was

thin (I was "strong"). Add in a brother who was mentally ill/had social

issues from a very young age, and you can see how I started to get

Screwed Up. Dinner was always a family meal, and very stressful--my dad

had a stressful job and an explosive temper, and he and my brother used

to argue politics all the time. I used to shred and tie my paper napkin

into tiny knots to deal with the tension. Boy...remembering all that,

now I'm wondering why I'm not really more messed up than I am!

I was deemed "overweight" and put on a diet when I was about 8,

although

when I look back at pictures of myself I realize I was very muscular

and

most likely only overweight according to the charts. At first I thought

being on a diet was special in a good way, and then I started to

realize

it was only special in a bad way. Over the next ten years or so, my

weight went up and down but was actually pretty normal for most of high

school although I was starting to establish binge patterns. In

particular, I think I learned that eating with people was unpleasant

(family dinners) and eating by myself (binging) was calming and

pleasant, at least for the moment.

I had self-esteem and depression issues in college, and flunked out,

then dropped out of another college. Major guilt and feelings of

worthlessness--did I mention that my parents and paternal

relatives are

very big on education and overachieving? Throughout my 20s and in my

early 30s I went through diet/binge cycles, became bulimic for about

five years and at least managed to get myself out of that. Since

stopping binging/purging, life has been binging/dieting through the

birth of my kids, the suicide of my brother 10 years ago, and

everything

else.

When I was 38, just after my youngest son was born, I decided to get in

shape once and for all (ha) and over two years dieted and exercised

myself into total buffness. Then, of course, it all piled on again and

more. My brother died about that time and I told myself it was OK to

gain some weight, but then it just kept going on. Up and down, a

little, until a year ago I once again decided that this was IT and I

had

to lose weight. I put myself on a strict regimen of no sugar, almost no

processed food, low sodium and tracked my nutritional intake very

carefully. For the most part, other than being really restrictive, I

liked eating that way. I felt really good, and I liked seeing that it

was possible to get all my daily requirements just through diet. I lost

40 lbs. But then we went on a cruise last summer, and I told myself it

was OK to eat whatever I wanted on the ship, but then I couldn't stop.

So here I am again, all the lost weight back on and a little more

besides.

I just can't do this cycling anymore. I don't WANT to do it anymore. I

realized recently that I don't know how to eat normally at all. I'm

always either gaining or losing. I don't know how to just maintain

myself. I also realized I have an addictive/obsessive personality.

When I was getting buff, I was more or less addicted to exercise (and I

so miss being that fit!). When I was eating the ultra nutritional diet,

I was addicted to tracking everything. But I can't do that for the rest

of my life--I want to be hungry and eat without having to think about

portions, weighing it, tracking it, and judging it or myself. I'm sick

of thinking about food all the time, and having it run my life. I've

been treating food as both an enemy and a friend for so long, and I

just

want it to be what it is--food.

I think I'm ready for this. I hope I'm ready for this. I'm at least

determined to stop weighing myself, stop tracking everything, and try

to

just think about what I want to eat and how hungry I am. I do want to

lose weight (and I want to lose that desire, too), but more than that I

want to stop fighting with myself over food and treating it like an

enemy.

Whew! It was very tiring to write all this. I do have some questions,

but I need to think about them because I'm not sure yet just what I

need

to ask. Thank you all for being here. Just writing this all down has

been a little carthartic.

Jeannie

[Guest guest]

Hi Abby,

Fortunately my family now is very, very different from my childhood

family.  Very laid back.  My kids are wonderful teens, lol.  We have

pretty much given up on structured family dinners because of sports and

such.  We generally eat more or less together and at the same time, but

one person might be reading the paper, others watching tv, and someone

else doing homework.  It probably sounds like an odd way to do it, but

I'm OK with not sitting down at the dining room table for obvious

reasons, lol.

More than losing the weight I would like to at least be somewhat fit. 

The older I get the more I recognize that being an unfit senior is not

a good thing at all.  I don't want to be in bad shape for the last

years of my life.  I really, really miss how strong and muscular I was

when I was running, swimming, and working out all the time--it was

obsessive, but at the same time I was in such great physical shape.  I

know I can't be that way again because I'd never be able to keep it up,

but even a part of that would keep my body healthy into old age.  I do

also want to be OK with my body and not always think of it as my enemy.

Jeannie

Abigail Wolfson wrote:

 

Hi Jeannie,

Thanks for sharing your story! And no apolgies needed for the

length... you will see how helpful it is when others share their

stories.

It sounds like eating and family meals have been a real minefield

for you... no wonder it's a loaded issue for you!

Your comment about wanting to lose weight, but also wanting to get

rid of that impulse made me smile. I think that for many of us, it's

not that we stop wishing to lose weight entirely, though some do, it's

more that we learn a) to love ourselves now, at this or any weight

(love and accepting ourselves now is not the same thing as not hoping

to someday be a different weight... it took me a LONG time to realize

that!) and to stop seeing our weight as a measure of ourselves as

people/our self worth.

At least, that's how it seems to me...

Anyway, welcome to the group. I think you will find it a great

resource.

Abby

IE since 11/08

On Jan 23, 2010 3:54 PM, "jeanniet58" <jeanniet58gmail> wrote:

 

Hi All,

I just joined but am very familiar with groups and lists, so I figured

I'd just jump in. This has been a very long journey for me, so forgive

me for the length of this post.

I'm a 51 yr. old stay-at-home mom, been with my husband 32 years

(married 28), and have two great boys (13 and 17).

My father is from India where you eat everything on your plate;

naturally, he's thin and basically eats to keep himself alive. My

mother is American, and always saying she can't eat this or that

because

she's fat. She eats things that don't taste good just because they

don't have many calories. Plus, my dad is always watching what she

eats! As a kid, we weren't allowed to serve ourselves and we had to eat

everything, no matter what. My younger sister is skinny and always has

been--I love her dearly and we're the best of friends, but it is

really,

really hard having a model-thin sister when you're not, especially for

a

teenager. My mom was always trying to fatten her up and slim me down,

and all our relatives treated her like a fragile flower because she was

thin (I was "strong"). Add in a brother who was mentally ill/had social

issues from a very young age, and you can see how I started to get

Screwed Up. Dinner was always a family meal, and very stressful--my dad

had a stressful job and an explosive temper, and he and my brother used

to argue politics all the time. I used to shred and tie my paper napkin

into tiny knots to deal with the tension. Boy...remembering all that,

now I'm wondering why I'm not really more messed up than I am!

I was deemed "overweight" and put on a diet when I was about 8,

although

when I look back at pictures of myself I realize I was very muscular

and

most likely only overweight according to the charts. At first I thought

being on a diet was special in a good way, and then I started to

realize

it was only special in a bad way. Over the next ten years or so, my

weight went up and down but was actually pretty normal for most of high

school although I was starting to establish binge patterns. In

particular, I think I learned that eating with people was unpleasant

(family dinners) and eating by myself (binging) was calming and

pleasant, at least for the moment.

I had self-esteem and depression issues in college, and flunked out,

then dropped out of another college. Major guilt and feelings of

worthlessness--did I mention that my parents and paternal

relatives are

very big on education and overachieving? Throughout my 20s and in my

early 30s I went through diet/binge cycles, became bulimic for about

five years and at least managed to get myself out of that. Since

stopping binging/purging, life has been binging/dieting through the

birth of my kids, the suicide of my brother 10 years ago, and

everything

else.

When I was 38, just after my youngest son was born, I decided to get in

shape once and for all (ha) and over two years dieted and exercised

myself into total buffness. Then, of course, it all piled on again and

more. My brother died about that time and I told myself it was OK to

gain some weight, but then it just kept going on. Up and down, a

little, until a year ago I once again decided that this was IT and I

had

to lose weight. I put myself on a strict regimen of no sugar, almost no

processed food, low sodium and tracked my nutritional intake very

carefully. For the most part, other than being really restrictive, I

liked eating that way. I felt really good, and I liked seeing that it

was possible to get all my daily requirements just through diet. I lost

40 lbs. But then we went on a cruise last summer, and I told myself it

was OK to eat whatever I wanted on the ship, but then I couldn't stop.

So here I am again, all the lost weight back on and a little more

besides.

I just can't do this cycling anymore. I don't WANT to do it anymore. I

realized recently that I don't know how to eat normally at all. I'm

always either gaining or losing. I don't know how to just maintain

myself. I also realized I have an addictive/obsessive personality.

When I was getting buff, I was more or less addicted to exercise (and I

so miss being that fit!). When I was eating the ultra nutritional diet,

I was addicted to tracking everything. But I can't do that for the rest

of my life--I want to be hungry and eat without having to think about

portions, weighing it, tracking it, and judging it or myself. I'm sick

of thinking about food all the time, and having it run my life. I've

been treating food as both an enemy and a friend for so long, and I

just

want it to be what it is--food.

I think I'm ready for this. I hope I'm ready for this. I'm at least

determined to stop weighing myself, stop tracking everything, and try

to

just think about what I want to eat and how hungry I am. I do want to

lose weight (and I want to lose that desire, too), but more than that I

want to stop fighting with myself over food and treating it like an

enemy.

Whew! It was very tiring to write all this. I do have some questions,

but I need to think about them because I'm not sure yet just what I

need

to ask. Thank you all for being here. Just writing this all down has

been a little carthartic.

Jeannie