Frustrated With the BPD Books that say....

[Guest guest]

The non-BPD should NEVER set boundaries and NEVER use tough love because you are

only wounding someone who cannot help it. So, this approach to me is abusive.

To me, it is the same as telling the victim of rape to shut up and color and let

her attacker do it over and over again and she isn't entitled to rights or

safety or sanity because the rapist obviously has a disorder.

Granted, BPDs have it tough - no doubt about it but to put more blame on the

non-BPD than the BPD already has and make it absolutely impossible for them to

protect themselves just makes me incredulous. I wonder if those individuals

have ever suffered physical abuse from nada because they didn't tip toe quietly

enough through the house or shred them verbally because they left a speck on the

dish they just washed at 8 years old or humilated and invalidated them when they

cried out to another adult for help from abuse and nada intervened and convinced

that adult that they were just a sympathy seeking pathological liar. To me,

such actions define abuse and abusers do not get to continue to abuse their

victims. By requiring that we must stand still and not take insult (when we try

but always do at some level) we just create more psychoses for the psychiatrists

to untangle. I have suffered Post-Traumatic Event Syndrome nada episodes

playing over and over in my head, hyper-vigilant thoughts for months, never

knowing from which direction the next attack was going to come. My only safety

and sanity was to get away from her so I could be emotionally safe, where her

energy vampirism could not deplete me, where her words could no longer harm me.

I suffered guilt for the longest time and I read these words by an author today

- " You cannot set boundaries with a BPD because they don't work and it will just

hurt them further. " OMG! WTF? Seriously?! Wow, REALLY? You just said that?

Okay, so back to the rapist...he might be mentally and physically harmed in jail

so you bad evil victims, just shut up and color, okay?

Okay, I'm not really mad but I'm frustrated that just because my nada has a

personality disorder, I'm supposed to excuse her insidious, painful, vile and

vengeful emotional and verbal abuse? I don't care who you are or what you

have...I've got a lot on my plate being a single mother of 4 kids, a demanding

job and lots of plates always in the air. I will not tolerate any form of abuse

in my life for any reason.

What kind of insensitive person would require a victim to shut up and color? I

don't get it. BPD diagnosis is not an excuse and a shield to hide abuse behind.

Just like alcoholism...when the alcoholics get tired of the consequences in

their lives, they are told to go get help and family members are never

manipulated by programs into staying when they've been abused or hurt.

Alcoholism is also called a disease and it causes great harm to its host but is

no excuse for bad behavior. Lots of personality disorders exist but should not

excuse people from harm. Okay - so wait, I have a strong bill-paying aversion

that runs deep and connects to a deep seated childhood fear of poverty and so

must repeatedly scream at, threaten and abuse my creditors even though I charge

my accounts up like the best of them. How long do you think my case will last

in court? Get help and knock off your bad behavior is going to be the outcome.

After lawsuits for bad behavior, of course.

I am empathetic towards those with personality disorders, absolutely and I

include so many in my prayers every night but I get to make choices in life

despite my fears just as they do. Abusive behavior is NOT okay. Using a

diagnosis to excuse bad behavior, is not okay. BPDs should be understood,

absolutely, not engaging in behavior that would be purposely hurtful to them -

right! I get that, no way, wouldn't even dream of it but if setting a boundary

to protect myself is necessary in my opinion, it's done and any pain I cause is

not intentional. It is a matter of emotional self-preservation.

Okay, my soap box is back under the bed now. LOL