Guest guest Posted July 30, 2010 Report Share Posted July 30, 2010 How do you tell him? YOU DON'T. " Eloping " means you're running off to get married rather than having a public wedding. So get whatever witnesses you want, swear them to secrecy, and go get married. Then, when you're back, you've had the honeymoon, you're securely settled in your new home, THEN you can tell your parents. You can have a family get-together if you like, a sort of pseudo-reception, and make the big announcement. Whatever you think his madness will tolerate. It's sad that you can't involve your mom - because if he found out you'd told her, it could be dangerous for her. You might also want to help your mom make an escape plan, in case the abuse gets worse. Don't plan to let her live with you - that would just give him two targets. But you can help her set aside money, provide a safety deposit box for essential documents, etc. Good luck and best wishes in your new life! > > I am 25 years old and still living in my parents home. I am moving in with my boyfriend in less than a month from now. Lucky for me, it's an hour away from where my father lives. The week both of them found out, they gave me complete h*ll over it. Even my 11 year old cousin said " Leave her alone!!! " It was constant attacks at my character and capability for one full week. Then one day my father approaches me and claims that I treat him like crap, and he starts the victimizing himself cycle all over again. He blames me for starting fights, claims he is a very peaceful and giving person. This version of himself I think is maybe deep down what he wants to be sometimes, but it's not who he is at all. Anyways, back to the point... He blames me for starting the fights, recounts the story in a way that didn't actually happen, decides he wants to end the fights so he can have a peaceful last month of me here, and starts to get excited that I'm getting out of his house. My mother on the other hand, confessed to me she's worried about being alone with him in this house. When my father is alone with her, he will blow up on her (as in screaming), threaten divorce, try to convince her she's crazy, etc. > > My dad makes up these stories in his head and he truly believes they actually happened. He's delusional thinking he has more money than he does, more intelligence, more capabilities, and that he's a better person than he actually is. He goes around boasting, " I am probably the most giving person you will ever meet. " More like the most traumatizing person I will ever meet... Is this characteristic of BPDs? Delusion? I mean, he really believes these stories he's made up in his head and they never even happened. He will call you out on it and harass you over these things that never even happened. It's really crazy. > > My father is now wanting a relationship with his mother... All because she told him that she wishes she never had the two siblings he's always been jealous of. It made him so giddy and happy, it was really kind of sick actually. If I had been told that, I would have cried my eyes out and yelled at that person for sharing something so incredibly awful with me. Instead, he gets super happy and just starts bashing those two siblings even more. Now, he's got this egoistic thing like he's better than both of them. In fact, out of the 6 total kids only 2 of them came out normal, all the others have psychological disorders. > > > I am planning to get married in October. I have been secretly planning an elopement since April and have only told 2 people (now all of you haha). I have absolutely no idea when to tell my father. I wish I could just never tell him lol. Since I don't live with him anymore I won't know how to gauge it... but he'll either completely flip out... or act like he's fine with it. Part of me wants to wait until it's over to tell him but then the longer notice I give him, the more he'll try to worm his way into it, or convince me to never get married. See, he thinks that I shouldn't end up with anyone, be a complete loser who can't take care of myself, all so he can have me at home forever and ever. They were looking into buying a bigger house for the three of us, and that's what prompted me to give in and tell them I'm moving out. As Sinatra said, " The best revenge is success. " > > > I am probably not making much sense with all these random bits. How and when do you tell a psychotically needy and delusional father about major life changes? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2010 Report Share Posted July 30, 2010 How do you tell him? YOU DON'T. " Eloping " means you're running off to get married rather than having a public wedding. So get whatever witnesses you want, swear them to secrecy, and go get married. Then, when you're back, you've had the honeymoon, you're securely settled in your new home, THEN you can tell your parents. You can have a family get-together if you like, a sort of pseudo-reception, and make the big announcement. Whatever you think his madness will tolerate. It's sad that you can't involve your mom - because if he found out you'd told her, it could be dangerous for her. You might also want to help your mom make an escape plan, in case the abuse gets worse. Don't plan to let her live with you - that would just give him two targets. But you can help her set aside money, provide a safety deposit box for essential documents, etc. Good luck and best wishes in your new life! > > I am 25 years old and still living in my parents home. I am moving in with my boyfriend in less than a month from now. Lucky for me, it's an hour away from where my father lives. The week both of them found out, they gave me complete h*ll over it. Even my 11 year old cousin said " Leave her alone!!! " It was constant attacks at my character and capability for one full week. Then one day my father approaches me and claims that I treat him like crap, and he starts the victimizing himself cycle all over again. He blames me for starting fights, claims he is a very peaceful and giving person. This version of himself I think is maybe deep down what he wants to be sometimes, but it's not who he is at all. Anyways, back to the point... He blames me for starting the fights, recounts the story in a way that didn't actually happen, decides he wants to end the fights so he can have a peaceful last month of me here, and starts to get excited that I'm getting out of his house. My mother on the other hand, confessed to me she's worried about being alone with him in this house. When my father is alone with her, he will blow up on her (as in screaming), threaten divorce, try to convince her she's crazy, etc. > > My dad makes up these stories in his head and he truly believes they actually happened. He's delusional thinking he has more money than he does, more intelligence, more capabilities, and that he's a better person than he actually is. He goes around boasting, " I am probably the most giving person you will ever meet. " More like the most traumatizing person I will ever meet... Is this characteristic of BPDs? Delusion? I mean, he really believes these stories he's made up in his head and they never even happened. He will call you out on it and harass you over these things that never even happened. It's really crazy. > > My father is now wanting a relationship with his mother... All because she told him that she wishes she never had the two siblings he's always been jealous of. It made him so giddy and happy, it was really kind of sick actually. If I had been told that, I would have cried my eyes out and yelled at that person for sharing something so incredibly awful with me. Instead, he gets super happy and just starts bashing those two siblings even more. Now, he's got this egoistic thing like he's better than both of them. In fact, out of the 6 total kids only 2 of them came out normal, all the others have psychological disorders. > > > I am planning to get married in October. I have been secretly planning an elopement since April and have only told 2 people (now all of you haha). I have absolutely no idea when to tell my father. I wish I could just never tell him lol. Since I don't live with him anymore I won't know how to gauge it... but he'll either completely flip out... or act like he's fine with it. Part of me wants to wait until it's over to tell him but then the longer notice I give him, the more he'll try to worm his way into it, or convince me to never get married. See, he thinks that I shouldn't end up with anyone, be a complete loser who can't take care of myself, all so he can have me at home forever and ever. They were looking into buying a bigger house for the three of us, and that's what prompted me to give in and tell them I'm moving out. As Sinatra said, " The best revenge is success. " > > > I am probably not making much sense with all these random bits. How and when do you tell a psychotically needy and delusional father about major life changes? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2010 Report Share Posted July 30, 2010 How do you tell him? YOU DON'T. " Eloping " means you're running off to get married rather than having a public wedding. So get whatever witnesses you want, swear them to secrecy, and go get married. Then, when you're back, you've had the honeymoon, you're securely settled in your new home, THEN you can tell your parents. You can have a family get-together if you like, a sort of pseudo-reception, and make the big announcement. Whatever you think his madness will tolerate. It's sad that you can't involve your mom - because if he found out you'd told her, it could be dangerous for her. You might also want to help your mom make an escape plan, in case the abuse gets worse. Don't plan to let her live with you - that would just give him two targets. But you can help her set aside money, provide a safety deposit box for essential documents, etc. Good luck and best wishes in your new life! > > I am 25 years old and still living in my parents home. I am moving in with my boyfriend in less than a month from now. Lucky for me, it's an hour away from where my father lives. The week both of them found out, they gave me complete h*ll over it. Even my 11 year old cousin said " Leave her alone!!! " It was constant attacks at my character and capability for one full week. Then one day my father approaches me and claims that I treat him like crap, and he starts the victimizing himself cycle all over again. He blames me for starting fights, claims he is a very peaceful and giving person. This version of himself I think is maybe deep down what he wants to be sometimes, but it's not who he is at all. Anyways, back to the point... He blames me for starting the fights, recounts the story in a way that didn't actually happen, decides he wants to end the fights so he can have a peaceful last month of me here, and starts to get excited that I'm getting out of his house. My mother on the other hand, confessed to me she's worried about being alone with him in this house. When my father is alone with her, he will blow up on her (as in screaming), threaten divorce, try to convince her she's crazy, etc. > > My dad makes up these stories in his head and he truly believes they actually happened. He's delusional thinking he has more money than he does, more intelligence, more capabilities, and that he's a better person than he actually is. He goes around boasting, " I am probably the most giving person you will ever meet. " More like the most traumatizing person I will ever meet... Is this characteristic of BPDs? Delusion? I mean, he really believes these stories he's made up in his head and they never even happened. He will call you out on it and harass you over these things that never even happened. It's really crazy. > > My father is now wanting a relationship with his mother... All because she told him that she wishes she never had the two siblings he's always been jealous of. It made him so giddy and happy, it was really kind of sick actually. If I had been told that, I would have cried my eyes out and yelled at that person for sharing something so incredibly awful with me. Instead, he gets super happy and just starts bashing those two siblings even more. Now, he's got this egoistic thing like he's better than both of them. In fact, out of the 6 total kids only 2 of them came out normal, all the others have psychological disorders. > > > I am planning to get married in October. I have been secretly planning an elopement since April and have only told 2 people (now all of you haha). I have absolutely no idea when to tell my father. I wish I could just never tell him lol. Since I don't live with him anymore I won't know how to gauge it... but he'll either completely flip out... or act like he's fine with it. Part of me wants to wait until it's over to tell him but then the longer notice I give him, the more he'll try to worm his way into it, or convince me to never get married. See, he thinks that I shouldn't end up with anyone, be a complete loser who can't take care of myself, all so he can have me at home forever and ever. They were looking into buying a bigger house for the three of us, and that's what prompted me to give in and tell them I'm moving out. As Sinatra said, " The best revenge is success. " > > > I am probably not making much sense with all these random bits. How and when do you tell a psychotically needy and delusional father about major life changes? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2010 Report Share Posted July 31, 2010 when you are talking about the boasting, delusion, stuff with money, etc, etc, that sounds very much like my father who in alot of ways is a classic Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You might look it up and see if the list of criteria helps you. I do believe my father has some borderline traits...he is strange in that he has some typically female behaviors like staying on the phone all the time and gossiping like women are supposed to be guilty of...he says horrible things about people, also, pretty much on a daily basis, and most of them are not true. I can relate to how you feel about your father now from looking back at when I was that age. Getting out of their house will help you tremendously with looking at 'telling' them something as imparting information instead of confessing, asking for permission, or any of those weird feelings you get when you have to give unpleasant news to an NPD/BPD person. I can most definitely relate to the pathological lying and the delusion. It's said that narcissists have a 'false self' that is a perfect self that they project, thus they can't take responsibility, ever admit they are wrong, or apologize. It truly is like the wizard of Oz, the false self, and you are toto pulling back the curtain, which they absolutely can't tolerate. my father sees himself as very giving, too, but it comes with a price. and he loves to think of himself as having more money, as well, so he's had bankruptcy twice and is in credit trouble again with collection agents calling. he's also refinanced their house twice and now the payment is twice what it started. I can relate to alot of what you posted. My mother is something along the lines of bpd, the waif/hermit kind. I have heard some stories from my fathers childhood and it is very, very sad. I have had a few hideous confrontations with him this past year...in the last twelve months I have come to realize that I was always trying to get behind the b.s. of his insanity to get to the 'real' person, the 'real' self, that was back there so that I could find the father that really loved me and I have sadly come to the conclusion that that 'self' is so destroyed it absolutely no longer exists, except in fragments here and there. the abuse he suffered as a child was just too extensively damaging to allow him to function as a psychologically intergrated person. You have to do what is right for you in all ways. There is alot online about NPD but alot of it is dominated by this NPD guy named sam vanakin or something similar so most people avoid those sites he runs because they tend to be full of drama and in-fighting. I think you just need to elope and live your life. If you want contact with them you can send notice of an address change. I think it's generally accepted that something happened to personality disordered people in the 1 year old to 3 year old stage, which is called the 'shame & self-doubt vs. autonomy' stage of development. So these folks had some hurdles they couldn't quite make, and they got stuck and are still, for all intents and purposes, toddlers, and you have to take that into account when dealing with them. Congrats on breaking free and starting a new life! > > I am 25 years old and still living in my parents home. I am moving in with my boyfriend in less than a month from now. Lucky for me, it's an hour away from where my father lives. The week both of them found out, they gave me complete h*ll over it. Even my 11 year old cousin said " Leave her alone!!! " It was constant attacks at my character and capability for one full week. Then one day my father approaches me and claims that I treat him like crap, and he starts the victimizing himself cycle all over again. He blames me for starting fights, claims he is a very peaceful and giving person. This version of himself I think is maybe deep down what he wants to be sometimes, but it's not who he is at all. Anyways, back to the point... He blames me for starting the fights, recounts the story in a way that didn't actually happen, decides he wants to end the fights so he can have a peaceful last month of me here, and starts to get excited that I'm getting out of his house. My mother on the other hand, confessed to me she's worried about being alone with him in this house. When my father is alone with her, he will blow up on her (as in screaming), threaten divorce, try to convince her she's crazy, etc. > > My dad makes up these stories in his head and he truly believes they actually happened. He's delusional thinking he has more money than he does, more intelligence, more capabilities, and that he's a better person than he actually is. He goes around boasting, " I am probably the most giving person you will ever meet. " More like the most traumatizing person I will ever meet... Is this characteristic of BPDs? Delusion? I mean, he really believes these stories he's made up in his head and they never even happened. He will call you out on it and harass you over these things that never even happened. It's really crazy. > > My father is now wanting a relationship with his mother... All because she told him that she wishes she never had the two siblings he's always been jealous of. It made him so giddy and happy, it was really kind of sick actually. If I had been told that, I would have cried my eyes out and yelled at that person for sharing something so incredibly awful with me. Instead, he gets super happy and just starts bashing those two siblings even more. Now, he's got this egoistic thing like he's better than both of them. In fact, out of the 6 total kids only 2 of them came out normal, all the others have psychological disorders. > > > I am planning to get married in October. I have been secretly planning an elopement since April and have only told 2 people (now all of you haha). I have absolutely no idea when to tell my father. I wish I could just never tell him lol. Since I don't live with him anymore I won't know how to gauge it... but he'll either completely flip out... or act like he's fine with it. Part of me wants to wait until it's over to tell him but then the longer notice I give him, the more he'll try to worm his way into it, or convince me to never get married. See, he thinks that I shouldn't end up with anyone, be a complete loser who can't take care of myself, all so he can have me at home forever and ever. They were looking into buying a bigger house for the three of us, and that's what prompted me to give in and tell them I'm moving out. As Sinatra said, " The best revenge is success. " > > > I am probably not making much sense with all these random bits. How and when do you tell a psychotically needy and delusional father about major life changes? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2010 Report Share Posted July 31, 2010 I didn't think about the feeling as if you need to ask permission from them, when telling about life changes, that's a really good point. You and I do seem like our backgrounds have a lot of similarities. I don't know too much about the NPD. But something did hit me when I read your reply... My dad doesn't have a " real " self. Perhaps his mannerisms, tastes in food and so forth might be part of him, but it's like his disorders make up his entire personality. He complains all the time that he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. When my dad is happy he's a straight up extremely egotistical narcissist mixed with a psychotic neediness. AND when he's unhappy... Turns goes into this rampage out to demolish whoever he perceives as the " enemy " . Usually when I start to notice him sliding into the bad mode, I'll start ticking him off so he'll focus on me instead of my mother. It's better than him threatening divorce for the 14th time. At the same time he can get disgustingly needy. Like earlier today, my father started doting on my mother in this almost sickening baby voice telling her how pretty she is (he NEVER does this), and my mother replied " ewww! gross stop it! " I am an extremely blunt person and because of this my father thinks I hate him but I really don't give a crap anymore. I replied, " That's because you are psychotically needy and when you say that stuff it just sounds ughhh! It's creepy!! " My mother started laughing. She gets upset with me when I get extremely blunt with him but most of the time she loves to watch someone not take his crap for once. At times though the sides seem totally fused together. For instance, as a child... My father told me all these horrible awful stories about my mother, and since I was old enough to understand, he's been convincing me of how awful my mother was. Granted, she was physically abusive to me back then but she's not really like that anymore. He turned me on her and convinced me she was evil or something. As I got older I started putting the pieces together, especially after I asked my mother about all of the stories he told me. None of them were true. Horrifying story after horrifying story were all lies. I figure the safest thing now is to not believe a single word he says. He had this almost psychotic dependency on me, convincing me that my job was to take care of him. He'd berate me with horrible stories about how bad of a person I was, how I was going to be a loser, then told me I was crazy when I told officials in high school how I was being treated. He wanted me to be nothing in life so I would always be there for him, and always need him and his money. He would behave like the classic " wealthy parent " (of which he was not) and would constantly tell me how I was an embarrassment to him, how much money he had and that there are life expectations on me that I must fulfill just because I am his daughter. If I didn't give him what he wanted, he would go out on a rampage to destroy me (sometimes it was my physical belongings). There were SO many times I ran up to my room as fast as I could, locking all of the doors to keep him out, screaming and begging for him to stop it, but eventually I'd always have to open the door and be subjected to being completely terrorized. All during this, he would be convincing me how absolutely wonderful he is and that I was just a complete pain. After hours of being berated, I would just cave in and start believing whatever he told me. I read up on brainwashing once and it was EXACTLY my father... in the exact order too. Beat me down so bad that I felt messed up, then he'd feed me his answer and then I'd feel better in the end like he somehow helped me. Look it up on howstuffworks.com... breaks it down. I married someone once because dad told me that this guy was better than me and his dream son in law. Proudly boasted all the time, " Well, looks like you are marryign your dad! " Turns out the guy was classic NPD and treated me like I was less than dirt. One day dad decided after I was married he didn't like him anymore, so he told me to divorce him. Then we actually decide to end it, and my dad starts calling me literally begging me to stay with that guy. I told him it was over. I walk into his house later on and he's sitting in the living room chair crying his eyes out because that guy and I were breaking up. He begged me and begged me to stay with him. It was extremely psychotic. He was acting like it was his divorce. It was a bit like... his genetics marrying a guy that was exactly like him was the closest thing he could get to marrying himself, and divorcing himself was far too painful to bare. Even while he's in his happy NPD mode, he still tries to mess with me... For instance, telling me I'm not in his will at all and asking if that bothers me, almost looking for a fight. I genuinely don't care about his money and I don't want it. This tremendously bothers him. He gets this strange look on his face when something was not to his liking. It's really hard to describe... He gets it anytime I made a new friend, dated someone, wanted to do something that made me happy, etc. It's like... jealousy, anger, possessiveness and controlling all into one. He does it ANYTIME I make a move that shows I am my own person. He hates that... He tries to hide it a lot of times but I know him inside and out... I learned how to survive around him by reading him like a book and anticipating every single move he made so I could be prepared. Is it possible for a person to be equally NPD and BPD? Or could this be something else? > > > > I am 25 years old and still living in my parents home. I am moving in with my boyfriend in less than a month from now. Lucky for me, it's an hour away from where my father lives. The week both of them found out, they gave me complete h*ll over it. Even my 11 year old cousin said " Leave her alone!!! " It was constant attacks at my character and capability for one full week. Then one day my father approaches me and claims that I treat him like crap, and he starts the victimizing himself cycle all over again. He blames me for starting fights, claims he is a very peaceful and giving person. This version of himself I think is maybe deep down what he wants to be sometimes, but it's not who he is at all. Anyways, back to the point... He blames me for starting the fights, recounts the story in a way that didn't actually happen, decides he wants to end the fights so he can have a peaceful last month of me here, and starts to get excited that I'm getting out of his house. My mother on the other hand, confessed to me she's worried about being alone with him in this house. When my father is alone with her, he will blow up on her (as in screaming), threaten divorce, try to convince her she's crazy, etc. > > > > My dad makes up these stories in his head and he truly believes they actually happened. He's delusional thinking he has more money than he does, more intelligence, more capabilities, and that he's a better person than he actually is. He goes around boasting, " I am probably the most giving person you will ever meet. " More like the most traumatizing person I will ever meet... Is this characteristic of BPDs? Delusion? I mean, he really believes these stories he's made up in his head and they never even happened. He will call you out on it and harass you over these things that never even happened. It's really crazy. > > > > My father is now wanting a relationship with his mother... All because she told him that she wishes she never had the two siblings he's always been jealous of. It made him so giddy and happy, it was really kind of sick actually. If I had been told that, I would have cried my eyes out and yelled at that person for sharing something so incredibly awful with me. Instead, he gets super happy and just starts bashing those two siblings even more. Now, he's got this egoistic thing like he's better than both of them. In fact, out of the 6 total kids only 2 of them came out normal, all the others have psychological disorders. > > > > > > I am planning to get married in October. I have been secretly planning an elopement since April and have only told 2 people (now all of you haha). I have absolutely no idea when to tell my father. I wish I could just never tell him lol. Since I don't live with him anymore I won't know how to gauge it... but he'll either completely flip out... or act like he's fine with it. Part of me wants to wait until it's over to tell him but then the longer notice I give him, the more he'll try to worm his way into it, or convince me to never get married. See, he thinks that I shouldn't end up with anyone, be a complete loser who can't take care of myself, all so he can have me at home forever and ever. They were looking into buying a bigger house for the three of us, and that's what prompted me to give in and tell them I'm moving out. As Sinatra said, " The best revenge is success. " > > > > > > I am probably not making much sense with all these random bits. How and when do you tell a psychotically needy and delusional father about major life changes? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2010 Report Share Posted July 31, 2010 Yes - elope. No, don't tell. Just follow your heart and live your life and try not to let the BPD dictate what you do. Yes to the hallucination stories for sure!!! Honestly, if I were to get married (which I won't, the only reason I would is to get rid of my BPD-ridden last name) I wouldn't say a word. They could find out about it when they google search me, because that's the only way they have to contact me anymore anyway. Good luck, hon! Are you NC/LC what? If you haven't yet, I think its time to start putting some boundaries on your time. On Sat, Jul 31, 2010 at 2:05 AM, sweetsoulmusic09 < sweetsoulmusic09@...> wrote: > > > I didn't think about the feeling as if you need to ask permission from > them, when telling about life changes, that's a really good point. You and I > do seem like our backgrounds have a lot of similarities. > > I don't know too much about the NPD. But something did hit me when I read > your reply... My dad doesn't have a " real " self. Perhaps his mannerisms, > tastes in food and so forth might be part of him, but it's like his > disorders make up his entire personality. He complains all the time that he > doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. When my dad is happy he's a > straight up extremely egotistical narcissist mixed with a psychotic > neediness. AND when he's unhappy... Turns goes into this rampage out to > demolish whoever he perceives as the " enemy " . Usually when I start to notice > him sliding into the bad mode, I'll start ticking him off so he'll focus on > me instead of my mother. It's better than him threatening divorce for the > 14th time. At the same time he can get disgustingly needy. Like earlier > today, my father started doting on my mother in this almost sickening baby > voice telling her how pretty she is (he NEVER does this), and my mother > replied " ewww! gross stop it! " I am an extremely blunt person and because of > this my father thinks I hate him but I really don't give a crap anymore. I > replied, " That's because you are psychotically needy and when you say that > stuff it just sounds ughhh! It's creepy!! " My mother started laughing. She > gets upset with me when I get extremely blunt with him but most of the time > she loves to watch someone not take his crap for once. > > At times though the sides seem totally fused together. For instance, as a > child... My father told me all these horrible awful stories about my mother, > and since I was old enough to understand, he's been convincing me of how > awful my mother was. Granted, she was physically abusive to me back then but > she's not really like that anymore. He turned me on her and convinced me she > was evil or something. As I got older I started putting the pieces together, > especially after I asked my mother about all of the stories he told me. None > of them were true. Horrifying story after horrifying story were all lies. I > figure the safest thing now is to not believe a single word he says. He had > this almost psychotic dependency on me, convincing me that my job was to > take care of him. He'd berate me with horrible stories about how bad of a > person I was, how I was going to be a loser, then told me I was crazy when I > told officials in high school how I was being treated. He wanted me to be > nothing in life so I would always be there for him, and always need him and > his money. He would behave like the classic " wealthy parent " (of which he > was not) and would constantly tell me how I was an embarrassment to him, how > much money he had and that there are life expectations on me that I must > fulfill just because I am his daughter. If I didn't give him what he wanted, > he would go out on a rampage to destroy me (sometimes it was my physical > belongings). There were SO many times I ran up to my room as fast as I > could, locking all of the doors to keep him out, screaming and begging for > him to stop it, but eventually I'd always have to open the door and be > subjected to being completely terrorized. All during this, he would be > convincing me how absolutely wonderful he is and that I was just a complete > pain. After hours of being berated, I would just cave in and start believing > whatever he told me. I read up on brainwashing once and it was EXACTLY my > father... in the exact order too. Beat me down so bad that I felt messed up, > then he'd feed me his answer and then I'd feel better in the end like he > somehow helped me. Look it up on howstuffworks.com... breaks it down. > > I married someone once because dad told me that this guy was better than me > and his dream son in law. Proudly boasted all the time, " Well, looks > like you are marryign your dad! " Turns out the guy was classic NPD and > treated me like I was less than dirt. One day dad decided after I was > married he didn't like him anymore, so he told me to divorce him. Then we > actually decide to end it, and my dad starts calling me literally begging me > to stay with that guy. I told him it was over. I walk into his house later > on and he's sitting in the living room chair crying his eyes out because > that guy and I were breaking up. He begged me and begged me to stay with > him. It was extremely psychotic. He was acting like it was his divorce. It > was a bit like... his genetics marrying a guy that was exactly like him was > the closest thing he could get to marrying himself, and divorcing himself > was far too painful to bare. > > Even while he's in his happy NPD mode, he still tries to mess with me... > For instance, telling me I'm not in his will at all and asking if that > bothers me, almost looking for a fight. I genuinely don't care about his > money and I don't want it. This tremendously bothers him. He gets this > strange look on his face when something was not to his liking. It's really > hard to describe... He gets it anytime I made a new friend, dated someone, > wanted to do something that made me happy, etc. It's like... jealousy, > anger, possessiveness and controlling all into one. He does it ANYTIME I > make a move that shows I am my own person. He hates that... He tries to hide > it a lot of times but I know him inside and out... I learned how to survive > around him by reading him like a book and anticipating every single move he > made so I could be prepared. > > Is it possible for a person to be equally NPD and BPD? Or could this be > something else? > > > > > > > > > I am 25 years old and still living in my parents home. I am moving in > with my boyfriend in less than a month from now. Lucky for me, it's an hour > away from where my father lives. The week both of them found out, they gave > me complete h*ll over it. Even my 11 year old cousin said " Leave her > alone!!! " It was constant attacks at my character and capability for one > full week. Then one day my father approaches me and claims that I treat him > like crap, and he starts the victimizing himself cycle all over again. He > blames me for starting fights, claims he is a very peaceful and giving > person. This version of himself I think is maybe deep down what he wants to > be sometimes, but it's not who he is at all. Anyways, back to the point... > He blames me for starting the fights, recounts the story in a way that > didn't actually happen, decides he wants to end the fights so he can have a > peaceful last month of me here, and starts to get excited that I'm getting > out of his house. My mother on the other hand, confessed to me she's worried > about being alone with him in this house. When my father is alone with her, > he will blow up on her (as in screaming), threaten divorce, try to convince > her she's crazy, etc. > > > > > > My dad makes up these stories in his head and he truly believes they > actually happened. He's delusional thinking he has more money than he does, > more intelligence, more capabilities, and that he's a better person than he > actually is. He goes around boasting, " I am probably the most giving person > you will ever meet. " More like the most traumatizing person I will ever > meet... Is this characteristic of BPDs? Delusion? I mean, he really believes > these stories he's made up in his head and they never even happened. He will > call you out on it and harass you over these things that never even > happened. It's really crazy. > > > > > > My father is now wanting a relationship with his mother... All because > she told him that she wishes she never had the two siblings he's always been > jealous of. It made him so giddy and happy, it was really kind of sick > actually. If I had been told that, I would have cried my eyes out and yelled > at that person for sharing something so incredibly awful with me. Instead, > he gets super happy and just starts bashing those two siblings even more. > Now, he's got this egoistic thing like he's better than both of them. In > fact, out of the 6 total kids only 2 of them came out normal, all the others > have psychological disorders. > > > > > > > > > I am planning to get married in October. I have been secretly planning > an elopement since April and have only told 2 people (now all of you haha). > I have absolutely no idea when to tell my father. I wish I could just never > tell him lol. Since I don't live with him anymore I won't know how to gauge > it... but he'll either completely flip out... or act like he's fine with it. > Part of me wants to wait until it's over to tell him but then the longer > notice I give him, the more he'll try to worm his way into it, or convince > me to never get married. See, he thinks that I shouldn't end up with anyone, > be a complete loser who can't take care of myself, all so he can have me at > home forever and ever. They were looking into buying a bigger house for the > three of us, and that's what prompted me to give in and tell them I'm moving > out. As Sinatra said, " The best revenge is success. " > > > > > > > > > I am probably not making much sense with all these random bits. How and > when do you tell a psychotically needy and delusional father about major > life changes? > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2010 Report Share Posted July 31, 2010 Yes, it is possible for a person to have more than one mental illness or personality disorder at the same time; that's called having a co-morbidity. My mother was diagnosed (twice) with borderline pd, but she also exhibits most of the traits of narcissistic pd, and even some antisocial pd traits and some histrionic pd traits. I sometimes think of her as the " walking Cluster B. " -Annie > ...Is it possible for a person to be equally NPD and BPD? Or could this be something else? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2010 Report Share Posted July 31, 2010 Yes, it is possible for a person to have more than one mental illness or personality disorder at the same time; that's called having a co-morbidity. My mother was diagnosed (twice) with borderline pd, but she also exhibits most of the traits of narcissistic pd, and even some antisocial pd traits and some histrionic pd traits. I sometimes think of her as the " walking Cluster B. " -Annie > ...Is it possible for a person to be equally NPD and BPD? Or could this be something else? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2010 Report Share Posted July 31, 2010 Yes, it is possible for a person to have more than one mental illness or personality disorder at the same time; that's called having a co-morbidity. My mother was diagnosed (twice) with borderline pd, but she also exhibits most of the traits of narcissistic pd, and even some antisocial pd traits and some histrionic pd traits. I sometimes think of her as the " walking Cluster B. " -Annie > ...Is it possible for a person to be equally NPD and BPD? Or could this be something else? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2010 Report Share Posted July 31, 2010 I can really relate to these borderline father stories. It's horrible to hear, but nice to know I'm not alone. On Sat, Jul 31, 2010 at 12:43 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > Yes, it is possible for a person to have more than one mental illness or > personality disorder at the same time; that's called having a co-morbidity. > My mother was diagnosed (twice) with borderline pd, but she also exhibits > most of the traits of narcissistic pd, and even some antisocial pd traits > and some histrionic pd traits. I sometimes think of her as the " walking > Cluster B. " > -Annie > > > > > > ...Is it possible for a person to be equally NPD and BPD? Or could this > be something else? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2010 Report Share Posted July 31, 2010 I can really relate to these borderline father stories. It's horrible to hear, but nice to know I'm not alone. On Sat, Jul 31, 2010 at 12:43 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > Yes, it is possible for a person to have more than one mental illness or > personality disorder at the same time; that's called having a co-morbidity. > My mother was diagnosed (twice) with borderline pd, but she also exhibits > most of the traits of narcissistic pd, and even some antisocial pd traits > and some histrionic pd traits. I sometimes think of her as the " walking > Cluster B. " > -Annie > > > > > > ...Is it possible for a person to be equally NPD and BPD? Or could this > be something else? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.