Guest guest Posted July 20, 2010 Report Share Posted July 20, 2010 With my family, I'd rather do without the kidney. Tina > > > > I know this is incredibly neurotic, but do any of you worry about going NC and burning bridges? What I mean is, what if one day my daughter needed a kidney and I needed to find a match? Stuff like that. My husband rolled his eyes at me when I mentioned this to him. I guess I am just afraid of regret. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 20, 2010 Report Share Posted July 20, 2010 With my family, I'd rather do without the kidney. Tina > > > > I know this is incredibly neurotic, but do any of you worry about going NC and burning bridges? What I mean is, what if one day my daughter needed a kidney and I needed to find a match? Stuff like that. My husband rolled his eyes at me when I mentioned this to him. I guess I am just afraid of regret. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 20, 2010 Report Share Posted July 20, 2010 Funny you should bring up the kidney scenario - my mom actually used that on me one time! I had cut off all contact with my world-class sociopath brother and his alcoholic babymama, and my mother tried to guilt me in to having a relationship with them because their child (an innocent, to be sure) " might need a kidney someday " and I wouldn't be there to give her mine. It never occurred to her that if the child's parents wanted to have a close family circle of organ donors, they might consider not being such total a##holes. But to answer your question - yes, I did worry about losing contact with whatever tenuously connected distant cousins there are on Mom's side of the family - but they are all living in the same area as she does, so seeing them would almost always mean going through her. I decided there are consequences to any decision, and a pro/con analysis came down clearly on the " con " side of remaining enmeshed with Mom. Some bridges are just gonna have to burn, I guess. Besides, the way she " runs through " her family and friends, she's already burned the bridges in front of me. My main concern is that they'd think I'm like her - guilt by association. I do hold out hope that someday I'll run into these folks and they'll acknowledge what a problem she was, and we can go on from there. > > > > > > I know this is incredibly neurotic, but do any of you worry about going NC and burning bridges? What I mean is, what if one day my daughter needed a kidney and I needed to find a match? Stuff like that. My husband rolled his eyes at me when I mentioned this to him. I guess I am just afraid of regret. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 21, 2010 Report Share Posted July 21, 2010 Jackie - So how did Nada react to your reply? I got the full " boo-hoo-hoo, you don't love your family " treatment for telling my mom that I wasn't going to subject myself to my brother's lying, stealing, no-'count behavior on the off chance his child would need a kidney someday. Nadas and kidneys - a whole new thesis topic. > > this is really weird, and scary...MY nada asked me if I'd donate a kidney > to one of my siblings if they needed it ( none of them were ever sick) what > IS it with them ??? I told her it would depend on what happened to the > first...damaged by drug/alcohol, no, I would not... > > > Jackie > > > > Funny you should bring up the kidney scenario - my mom actually used that on > me one time! I had cut off all contact with my world-class sociopath > brother and his alcoholic babymama, and my mother tried to guilt me in to > having a relationship with them because their child (an innocent, to be > sure) " might need a kidney someday " and I wouldn't be there to give her > mine. It never occurred to her that if the child's parents wanted to have a > close family circle of organ donors, they might consider not being such > total a##holes. > > But to answer your question - yes, I did worry about losing contact with > whatever tenuously connected distant cousins there are on Mom's side of the > family - but they are all living in the same area as she does, so seeing > them would almost always mean going through her. I decided there are > consequences to any decision, and a pro/con analysis came down clearly on > the " con " side of remaining enmeshed with Mom. Some bridges are just gonna > have to burn, I guess. Besides, the way she " runs through " her family and > friends, she's already burned the bridges in front of me. My main concern > is that they'd think I'm like her - guilt by association. I do hold out > hope that someday I'll run into these folks and they'll acknowledge what a > problem she was, and we can go on from there. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 21, 2010 Report Share Posted July 21, 2010 Oh man I am no stranger to those stupid " tests " . She did that to me when I was in elementary school. > > nada was angry that I would refuse to help a sibling...I told her what was > the point they'd only destroy the new kidney...she said that wasn't the > point !! she's always had these little " tests " for me ( and probably my > siblings as well) like what if both parents died, would I be willing to > help my older sister ? My older sister is almost 10 years older then > me...and has been a goof off her whole life...she has a college degree is > very talented in artwork, but refuses to live under anyone's rule but her > own...my parents are STILL supporting her ( she's now 61 and nada pays her > rent !!) I told nada no, I would not support my sister...we dont have that > kind of extra money !! again, nada was angry because I wouldn't take > responsibility for my older sister !! my older sister needs to grow up and > take responsibility for herself !! > > Jackie, the very selfish child !! > > > > > > > Jackie - So how did Nada react to your reply? I got the full " boo-hoo-hoo, > you don't love your family " treatment for telling my mom that I wasn't going > to subject myself to my brother's lying, stealing, no-'count behavior on the > off chance his child would need a kidney someday. > > Nadas and kidneys - a whole new thesis topic. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 21, 2010 Report Share Posted July 21, 2010 Oh man I am no stranger to those stupid " tests " . She did that to me when I was in elementary school. > > nada was angry that I would refuse to help a sibling...I told her what was > the point they'd only destroy the new kidney...she said that wasn't the > point !! she's always had these little " tests " for me ( and probably my > siblings as well) like what if both parents died, would I be willing to > help my older sister ? My older sister is almost 10 years older then > me...and has been a goof off her whole life...she has a college degree is > very talented in artwork, but refuses to live under anyone's rule but her > own...my parents are STILL supporting her ( she's now 61 and nada pays her > rent !!) I told nada no, I would not support my sister...we dont have that > kind of extra money !! again, nada was angry because I wouldn't take > responsibility for my older sister !! my older sister needs to grow up and > take responsibility for herself !! > > Jackie, the very selfish child !! > > > > > > > Jackie - So how did Nada react to your reply? I got the full " boo-hoo-hoo, > you don't love your family " treatment for telling my mom that I wasn't going > to subject myself to my brother's lying, stealing, no-'count behavior on the > off chance his child would need a kidney someday. > > Nadas and kidneys - a whole new thesis topic. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2010 Report Share Posted July 22, 2010 This makes total sense to me. It may be neurotic on the outside, but . . . isn't that as valid a reason as any to be concerned about going NC? There is no rule book for cutting your mother out of your life in order to survive. Grief and loss and the confusion of BP is just too complex to be straightforward. No wonder it comes out in strange worries such as this one. I sometimes wonder, deep down inside, if I am searching for a reason--any reason--to stay connected with my mother and be somewhat " normal. " It's just too much to take in that contacting your own mother is worse than your daughter going without a kidney. Gross. > > I know this is incredibly neurotic, but do any of you worry about going NC and burning bridges? What I mean is, what if one day my daughter needed a kidney and I needed to find a match? Stuff like that. My husband rolled his eyes at me when I mentioned this to him. I guess I am just afraid of regret. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2010 Report Share Posted July 22, 2010 This makes total sense to me. It may be neurotic on the outside, but . . . isn't that as valid a reason as any to be concerned about going NC? There is no rule book for cutting your mother out of your life in order to survive. Grief and loss and the confusion of BP is just too complex to be straightforward. No wonder it comes out in strange worries such as this one. I sometimes wonder, deep down inside, if I am searching for a reason--any reason--to stay connected with my mother and be somewhat " normal. " It's just too much to take in that contacting your own mother is worse than your daughter going without a kidney. Gross. > > I know this is incredibly neurotic, but do any of you worry about going NC and burning bridges? What I mean is, what if one day my daughter needed a kidney and I needed to find a match? Stuff like that. My husband rolled his eyes at me when I mentioned this to him. I guess I am just afraid of regret. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2010 Report Share Posted July 22, 2010 This makes total sense to me. It may be neurotic on the outside, but . . . isn't that as valid a reason as any to be concerned about going NC? There is no rule book for cutting your mother out of your life in order to survive. Grief and loss and the confusion of BP is just too complex to be straightforward. No wonder it comes out in strange worries such as this one. I sometimes wonder, deep down inside, if I am searching for a reason--any reason--to stay connected with my mother and be somewhat " normal. " It's just too much to take in that contacting your own mother is worse than your daughter going without a kidney. Gross. > > I know this is incredibly neurotic, but do any of you worry about going NC and burning bridges? What I mean is, what if one day my daughter needed a kidney and I needed to find a match? Stuff like that. My husband rolled his eyes at me when I mentioned this to him. I guess I am just afraid of regret. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2010 Report Share Posted July 22, 2010 my nada started this when I was in jr high, and it still continues... Jackie Oh man I am no stranger to those stupid " tests " . She did that to me when I was in elementary school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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