Scars in interpersonal relations from nada's lying and my sense of invisibility

[Guest guest]

Hi folks,

While I was growing up my nada lied alot. Daily, sometimes even hourly. Things

large and small. What suited her purposes she lied about. This despite

protestations of the importance of being truthful at all times. Also I was in

many ways invisible to her. She had an ability to empathize with some of my

emotions, but had little understanding of who I was as a person. Partly this was

because she was very depressed; partly, especially as I got older, it was

because she was unable and unwilling to acknowledge that I had a right to be a

separate person with unique characteristics, interests and talents.

This has made me ever vigilant in my interpersonal relationships. If someone

lies to me I get defensive and angry. I am ever vigilant, on the lookout for a

lie. And I'm easily inclined to feel invisible and angry when ignored, even when

the lack of attention from my the person I am relating to is due to a benign

reason, such as tiredness for example.

I realize that these instinctive reactions and defenses are often not

appropriate responses to a given situation. I and those around me would be

happier if I could leave this stuff behind. Any suggestions as to how I can

learn to do that?

Shalom

[Guest guest]

I can totally relate to this. I get soooo angry if I see a friend being

unrespectful. I feel as if this anger protects me from further insults and in

most cases it does. I've started to socialize with more emotionally intelligent

individuals.

Maybe we need to be around people who respect and value us. Maybe we have been

attracting people with the same behaviours as nadas since at least it's familiar

to us. What do you think ???

> >

> > Hi folks,

> >

> > While I was growing up my nada lied alot. Daily, sometimes even hourly.

Things large and small. What suited her purposes she lied about. This despite

protestations of the importance of being truthful at all times. Also I was in

many ways invisible to her. She had an ability to empathize with some of my

emotions, but had little understanding of who I was as a person. Partly this was

because she was very depressed; partly, especially as I got older, it was

because she was unable and unwilling to acknowledge that I had a right to be a

separate person with unique characteristics, interests and talents.

> >

> > This has made me ever vigilant in my interpersonal relationships. If someone

lies to me I get defensive and angry. I am ever vigilant, on the lookout for a

lie. And I'm easily inclined to feel invisible and angry when ignored, even when

the lack of attention from my the person I am relating to is due to a benign

reason, such as tiredness for example.

> >

> > I realize that these instinctive reactions and defenses are often not

appropriate responses to a given situation. I and those around me would be

happier if I could leave this stuff behind. Any suggestions as to how I can

learn to do that?

> > Shalom

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I can totally relate to this. I get soooo angry if I see a friend being

unrespectful. I feel as if this anger protects me from further insults and in

most cases it does. I've started to socialize with more emotionally intelligent

individuals.

Maybe we need to be around people who respect and value us. Maybe we have been

attracting people with the same behaviours as nadas since at least it's familiar

to us. What do you think ???

> >

> > Hi folks,

> >

> > While I was growing up my nada lied alot. Daily, sometimes even hourly.

Things large and small. What suited her purposes she lied about. This despite

protestations of the importance of being truthful at all times. Also I was in

many ways invisible to her. She had an ability to empathize with some of my

emotions, but had little understanding of who I was as a person. Partly this was

because she was very depressed; partly, especially as I got older, it was

because she was unable and unwilling to acknowledge that I had a right to be a

separate person with unique characteristics, interests and talents.

> >

> > This has made me ever vigilant in my interpersonal relationships. If someone

lies to me I get defensive and angry. I am ever vigilant, on the lookout for a

lie. And I'm easily inclined to feel invisible and angry when ignored, even when

the lack of attention from my the person I am relating to is due to a benign

reason, such as tiredness for example.

> >

> > I realize that these instinctive reactions and defenses are often not

appropriate responses to a given situation. I and those around me would be

happier if I could leave this stuff behind. Any suggestions as to how I can

learn to do that?

> > Shalom

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I can totally relate to this. I get soooo angry if I see a friend being

unrespectful. I feel as if this anger protects me from further insults and in

most cases it does. I've started to socialize with more emotionally intelligent

individuals.

Maybe we need to be around people who respect and value us. Maybe we have been

attracting people with the same behaviours as nadas since at least it's familiar

to us. What do you think ???

> >

> > Hi folks,

> >

> > While I was growing up my nada lied alot. Daily, sometimes even hourly.

Things large and small. What suited her purposes she lied about. This despite

protestations of the importance of being truthful at all times. Also I was in

many ways invisible to her. She had an ability to empathize with some of my

emotions, but had little understanding of who I was as a person. Partly this was

because she was very depressed; partly, especially as I got older, it was

because she was unable and unwilling to acknowledge that I had a right to be a

separate person with unique characteristics, interests and talents.

> >

> > This has made me ever vigilant in my interpersonal relationships. If someone

lies to me I get defensive and angry. I am ever vigilant, on the lookout for a

lie. And I'm easily inclined to feel invisible and angry when ignored, even when

the lack of attention from my the person I am relating to is due to a benign

reason, such as tiredness for example.

> >

> > I realize that these instinctive reactions and defenses are often not

appropriate responses to a given situation. I and those around me would be

happier if I could leave this stuff behind. Any suggestions as to how I can

learn to do that?

> > Shalom

> >

>