Guest guest Posted July 20, 2010 Report Share Posted July 20, 2010 This scares me to death. I told my siblings about it so that we could discuss it as things came up and I could hopefully help them to understand some of the why's of what we keep having to deal with. I know it's just a matter of time before it " gets around " that I have started this terrible rumour about her. Maybe not, but I think it's likely. Part of me doesn't care. I'm kind of to the point now where I'm thinking " bring it " . I'm ready. Ha, ha,ha Big talk now, we'll see how I do when it is really brought. (That's the new english Sometimes I wonder if I should just approach her with it myself. Then I can't find the reason to do that. What difference would it make? None. It would just start the next drama, with me in the middle. And I work very hard not to ever be the cause or the instigator of any of the drama. I have decided however, if it does come out I will not deny it, I will offer to explain it to her. That makes me laugh. No one explains anything to her. She would most likely be very lucid for awhile in an effort to prove me wrong. That could be cool. Oh well, the bottom line is I don't look forward to it, hope she never has to know anything about it at this point of her life. > > > Oh yes....And my mother went into a huge rant about how she wasn't the crazy one. She went on and on and on about how normal she was and she wasn't the one " whoring around " (referring to a family member who lived with her boyfriend) or " being an alcoholic " (referring to anyone who takes a drop of alcohol....it went on for months. > > No advice except run away real fast. > > > > > > > the bomb was dropped > > > > > Has anyone ever had someone tell a BP that their loved ones think they have a PD? I really wish this belief wasn't presented in this way (or any way at all, for that matter) and now it has really sent my mother into a tailspin. Any advice? > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 20, 2010 Report Share Posted July 20, 2010 This scares me to death. I told my siblings about it so that we could discuss it as things came up and I could hopefully help them to understand some of the why's of what we keep having to deal with. I know it's just a matter of time before it " gets around " that I have started this terrible rumour about her. Maybe not, but I think it's likely. Part of me doesn't care. I'm kind of to the point now where I'm thinking " bring it " . I'm ready. Ha, ha,ha Big talk now, we'll see how I do when it is really brought. (That's the new english Sometimes I wonder if I should just approach her with it myself. Then I can't find the reason to do that. What difference would it make? None. It would just start the next drama, with me in the middle. And I work very hard not to ever be the cause or the instigator of any of the drama. I have decided however, if it does come out I will not deny it, I will offer to explain it to her. That makes me laugh. No one explains anything to her. She would most likely be very lucid for awhile in an effort to prove me wrong. That could be cool. Oh well, the bottom line is I don't look forward to it, hope she never has to know anything about it at this point of her life. > > > Oh yes....And my mother went into a huge rant about how she wasn't the crazy one. She went on and on and on about how normal she was and she wasn't the one " whoring around " (referring to a family member who lived with her boyfriend) or " being an alcoholic " (referring to anyone who takes a drop of alcohol....it went on for months. > > No advice except run away real fast. > > > > > > > the bomb was dropped > > > > > Has anyone ever had someone tell a BP that their loved ones think they have a PD? I really wish this belief wasn't presented in this way (or any way at all, for that matter) and now it has really sent my mother into a tailspin. Any advice? > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 20, 2010 Report Share Posted July 20, 2010 This scares me to death. I told my siblings about it so that we could discuss it as things came up and I could hopefully help them to understand some of the why's of what we keep having to deal with. I know it's just a matter of time before it " gets around " that I have started this terrible rumour about her. Maybe not, but I think it's likely. Part of me doesn't care. I'm kind of to the point now where I'm thinking " bring it " . I'm ready. Ha, ha,ha Big talk now, we'll see how I do when it is really brought. (That's the new english Sometimes I wonder if I should just approach her with it myself. Then I can't find the reason to do that. What difference would it make? None. It would just start the next drama, with me in the middle. And I work very hard not to ever be the cause or the instigator of any of the drama. I have decided however, if it does come out I will not deny it, I will offer to explain it to her. That makes me laugh. No one explains anything to her. She would most likely be very lucid for awhile in an effort to prove me wrong. That could be cool. Oh well, the bottom line is I don't look forward to it, hope she never has to know anything about it at this point of her life. > > > Oh yes....And my mother went into a huge rant about how she wasn't the crazy one. She went on and on and on about how normal she was and she wasn't the one " whoring around " (referring to a family member who lived with her boyfriend) or " being an alcoholic " (referring to anyone who takes a drop of alcohol....it went on for months. > > No advice except run away real fast. > > > > > > > the bomb was dropped > > > > > Has anyone ever had someone tell a BP that their loved ones think they have a PD? I really wish this belief wasn't presented in this way (or any way at all, for that matter) and now it has really sent my mother into a tailspin. Any advice? > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 21, 2010 Report Share Posted July 21, 2010 Wendi, You know, when I dropped the proverbial bomb with my nada, it was a tactical move. I knew going in that her response would be to attack me and to resist the information with all of her might. I tried to stay calm and clear-headed and to continue from a position of empathy (without seeming patronizing). She did a lot of screaming and swearing that she wasn't the crazy one, and doubled up on earlier threats to harm the crazy people who she felt were out to get her - me included. But after a while, and in typical BPD fashion, she warmed to the idea. Part of her was grateful for an answer to a life she couldn't understand - destroyed relationships and failure after failure in employment situations. But another part of her liked having an excuse for her erratic behavior. Sometimes, she'd decide it wasn't BPD at all, but alcoholism (she'd only been drinking for about 2 years before I went NC, and based on family reports, I'm sure she'd been BPD since adolescence or early adulthood). I did it because I needed a way to speak to her about her behaviors that felt honest and so that I could continue to insist treatment (she'd already been diagnosed with bipolar disorder) that I knew might have better chances of helping her. I know that it's definitely not the right choice for most people and that BPs are mostly resistant to the idea, especially if it's coming from others. I was moving toward the end of my ability to continue supporting her (which is how our relationship had always been structured) and so I made the attempt to make it honest before I went NC. I'm sorry that your siblings betrayed your trust and created a chaotic and potentially very destructive situation between you and your mother. I hope that you can find a way to make the information useful - for your siblings, for your mother, for you. If that can't happen, I wish you the very best of luck in dealing with a bad situation. > > > > > > Oh yes....And my mother went into a huge rant about how she wasn't the crazy one. She went on and on and on about how normal she was and she wasn't the one " whoring around " (referring to a family member who lived with her boyfriend) or " being an alcoholic " (referring to anyone who takes a drop of alcohol....it went on for months. > > > > No advice except run away real fast. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > the bomb was dropped > > > > > > > > > > Has anyone ever had someone tell a BP that their loved ones think they have a PD? I really wish this belief wasn't presented in this way (or any way at all, for that matter) and now it has really sent my mother into a tailspin. Any advice? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 21, 2010 Report Share Posted July 21, 2010 Hi , Thanks for your time on this. I didn't mean to make it sound like they had betrayed me, I'm just afraid that they might at some point. Things have been said before, but with all the lying that my nada does I'm never sure what was said by who. I appriciate you sharing your experience with telling her about it. If she was younger I might consider it more seriously, but she's almost 70 so it seems pointless at this stage of her life. There won't be any help, and you are right, she would use it as a reason for her behavior. It wouldn't change a thing, maybe even make things worse. Thanks again. Wendi > > > > > > > > > Oh yes....And my mother went into a huge rant about how she wasn't the crazy one. She went on and on and on about how normal she was and she wasn't the one " whoring around " (referring to a family member who lived with her boyfriend) or " being an alcoholic " (referring to anyone who takes a drop of alcohol....it went on for months. > > > > > > No advice except run away real fast. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > the bomb was dropped > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Has anyone ever had someone tell a BP that their loved ones think they have a PD? I really wish this belief wasn't presented in this way (or any way at all, for that matter) and now it has really sent my mother into a tailspin. Any advice? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 21, 2010 Report Share Posted July 21, 2010 Hi , Thanks for your time on this. I didn't mean to make it sound like they had betrayed me, I'm just afraid that they might at some point. Things have been said before, but with all the lying that my nada does I'm never sure what was said by who. I appriciate you sharing your experience with telling her about it. If she was younger I might consider it more seriously, but she's almost 70 so it seems pointless at this stage of her life. There won't be any help, and you are right, she would use it as a reason for her behavior. It wouldn't change a thing, maybe even make things worse. Thanks again. Wendi > > > > > > > > > Oh yes....And my mother went into a huge rant about how she wasn't the crazy one. She went on and on and on about how normal she was and she wasn't the one " whoring around " (referring to a family member who lived with her boyfriend) or " being an alcoholic " (referring to anyone who takes a drop of alcohol....it went on for months. > > > > > > No advice except run away real fast. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > the bomb was dropped > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Has anyone ever had someone tell a BP that their loved ones think they have a PD? I really wish this belief wasn't presented in this way (or any way at all, for that matter) and now it has really sent my mother into a tailspin. Any advice? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2010 Report Share Posted July 22, 2010 Thanks for this post. I've often wondered how this conversation would go, should I ever decide to break NC w/ nada. I can't imagine what point it would serve, but I also wonder what would happen if the situation called for me speaking the truth. Thanks for bringing up a good question. I'll be anxious to hear of others' experiences. Blessings, Karla > > Has anyone ever had someone tell a BP that their loved ones think they have a PD? I really wish this belief wasn't presented in this way (or any way at all, for that matter) and now it has really sent my mother into a tailspin. Any advice? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2010 Report Share Posted July 22, 2010 Thanks for this post. I've often wondered how this conversation would go, should I ever decide to break NC w/ nada. I can't imagine what point it would serve, but I also wonder what would happen if the situation called for me speaking the truth. Thanks for bringing up a good question. I'll be anxious to hear of others' experiences. Blessings, Karla > > Has anyone ever had someone tell a BP that their loved ones think they have a PD? I really wish this belief wasn't presented in this way (or any way at all, for that matter) and now it has really sent my mother into a tailspin. Any advice? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2010 Report Share Posted July 22, 2010 Thanks for this post. I've often wondered how this conversation would go, should I ever decide to break NC w/ nada. I can't imagine what point it would serve, but I also wonder what would happen if the situation called for me speaking the truth. Thanks for bringing up a good question. I'll be anxious to hear of others' experiences. Blessings, Karla > > Has anyone ever had someone tell a BP that their loved ones think they have a PD? I really wish this belief wasn't presented in this way (or any way at all, for that matter) and now it has really sent my mother into a tailspin. Any advice? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.