Re: the bomb was dropped

[Guest guest]

Wendi,

You know, when I dropped the proverbial bomb with my nada, it was a tactical

move. I knew going in that her response would be to attack me and to resist the

information with all of her might. I tried to stay calm and clear-headed and to

continue from a position of empathy (without seeming patronizing). She did a

lot of screaming and swearing that she wasn't the crazy one, and doubled up on

earlier threats to harm the crazy people who she felt were out to get her - me

included. But after a while, and in typical BPD fashion, she warmed to the

idea. Part of her was grateful for an answer to a life she couldn't understand

- destroyed relationships and failure after failure in employment situations.

But another part of her liked having an excuse for her erratic behavior.

Sometimes, she'd decide it wasn't BPD at all, but alcoholism (she'd only been

drinking for about 2 years before I went NC, and based on family reports, I'm

sure she'd been BPD since adolescence or early adulthood).

I did it because I needed a way to speak to her about her behaviors that felt

honest and so that I could continue to insist treatment (she'd already been

diagnosed with bipolar disorder) that I knew might have better chances of

helping her. I know that it's definitely not the right choice for most people

and that BPs are mostly resistant to the idea, especially if it's coming from

others. I was moving toward the end of my ability to continue supporting her

(which is how our relationship had always been structured) and so I made the

attempt to make it honest before I went NC.

I'm sorry that your siblings betrayed your trust and created a chaotic and

potentially very destructive situation between you and your mother. I hope that

you can find a way to make the information useful - for your siblings, for your

mother, for you. If that can't happen, I wish you the very best of luck in

dealing with a bad situation.

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> > Oh yes....And my mother went into a huge rant about how she wasn't the crazy

one. She went on and on and on about how normal she was and she wasn't the one

" whoring around " (referring to a family member who lived with her boyfriend) or

" being an alcoholic " (referring to anyone who takes a drop of alcohol....it went

on for months.

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> > No advice except run away real fast.

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> > the bomb was dropped

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> > Has anyone ever had someone tell a BP that their loved ones think they have

a PD? I really wish this belief wasn't presented in this way (or any way at all,

for that matter) and now it has really sent my mother into a tailspin. Any

advice?

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