Re: Nada Strikes Again (and at the worst possible moment)

[Guest guest]

AAAAAAAAND AGAIN!!!

Another email...

******************

" Mom said you were okay with her having D.

I'd rather she was with you...but I don't know if it's an option for you.

And I love D so much.

Please let me know before I fly on Saturday morning 7 am "

********************

First of all, I get a wee bit testy when she refers to my grandma as " Mom " .

There are enough boundary/role blurrings going on between me and Nada without

her referring to my grandma the way she would with a sibling or a friend... I'm

her CHILD first, definitely not a sibling, and I doubt we'll ever be friends

with the whole NC thing ;-) Also, why is she vesting the responsibility of her

decision in ME. Maybe that's just how I'm reading into it, but I feel like she's

asking me to stop her, like " I'm going to do this thing that's very painful for

me, but you can stop me with just one call or email, and ONLY you can stop me. "

Although, that WOULD make for one of those great, cheesy movie scenes where

someone rushes through security and *just* gets there in time to convince their

lover to take them back or not leave or apologize or something.

Sorry for the long venting guys =(

-Frances

[Guest guest]

Frances,

It sounds to me like she is hitting all the nerves so you will respond. I

wouldn't respond! You told her no contact I say stick to your guns. In

regards to the Chi...talk to your grandmother and make arrangements for D's

care and well being...it's a bait to get you to talk to her.

Focus your energy on what is in front of your right now...and that is your

trip to Canada.

I hope that rekindling the retailationship with family will be just what you

need right now.

All the best

Stefanie

>

>

> Hey!

>

> So as some of you know, I'm 19, in college, recently went NC, getting back

> in touch with formerly estranged family members, and bout to fly up to

> Canada to visit my dad, half-brother, and half-sister for the first time in

> around a decade (give or take a few years depending on the person).

>

> This weekend, my grandma, who is from Germany but lives in Canada, is

> flying back to Canada after an extended stay in Germany. My Nada also

> randomly chose this weekend to fly up to Canada and give my dog to my

> Grandma. 3 generations of women, 1 airport =P

>

> Nada *just* sent me this email, and since I don't get to see my therapist

> tomorrow because of my flight, I'm freaking out about how to process this on

> top of going into another emotionally charged situation. So I'm going to

> break all my Nada's rules about " not making her look good " " what happens at

> home stays at home " " saying bad things about her " and post the email here

> along with my comments. I don't know what I'm asking for, but feel free to

> share anything and everything! I've left her spelling and sentences alone

> and inserted my comments ***[like this].

>

> ****

>

> I haven't heard from you but hope you are enjoying summer. ***[yeah no

> shit, remember the letter I sent saying I would NOT be contacting you *at

> least* for the summer and I asked you to do the same]

>

> I am writing because I am really up for a lot of hard work next month with

> school . It's my dream, as you know. ***[oh I know, you dragged me through

> every step of the process, you made me edit your essays even when I was sick

> or home on " vacation " . Where were you when I applied to college? Oh yeah,

> washing your hands of everything, even the clearly marked " to be filled out

> by parent/guardian " forms]

>

> I dont know where you live or how ***[or how? you probably didn't mean that

> as a judgment, but I feel judged... or how my ass, I'm perfectly capable of

> living on my own, I've only been living away from home since I was ELEVEN

> and paying for it since I was EIGHTEEN]...but i am trying to make the best

> decision under the circumstance and before I fly to Canada.

>

> I'd love to keep D here. ***[Delilah, my dog who she threatens to get rid

> of every time she gets mad at me]

> I just really feel all alone with three dogs and it has been so expensive

> and even where I am staying they don't allow three ***[first of all, when

> our family dog was sick, you got a dog all for yourself. the family dog

> dies, and I didn't want to replace him, but you adopted two chihuahuas (and

> blamed me for getting them even though I said that we might not be able to

> handle three total) then the chichuachuas had a puppy (Delilah). We got rid

> of the parents and were down to two dogs. You wanted another crested

> hairless, and I WARNED YOU that three dogs could be too much, especially

> while I was away at school, but you got that 3rd one anyways. NOT MY

> PROBLEM]

>

> I've kept her and loved her ***[you mean not feeding her enough, leaving

> her at home because you don't like her, verbally abusing her to strangers,

> shoving her off things that are TOO bloody high] for sooo long and would

> like to continue but in May I got really sick with a reactivation of

> shingles and had it not been for one nurses rescue , I would have been in a

> wheelchair today ***[shingles is HORRIBLY painful, but it is NOT life

> threatening and CANNOT put you in a wheelchair... or at least that's what my

> medical findings have been, if anyone knows for sure, PLEASE LET ME KNOW].

> The disease gets worse on recurrences.I could not work. My pills cost 300

> ***[so, the price you'll drop on a dress or fabric or shoes that you barely

> use, but HAVE to have even when you turn around and say " oh hey, I can't

> afford your tuition anymore " or " I have to eat cabbage every day to put you

> through school " (not true)] Even Estella ***[her maid] could not come near

> me. And before that, I had fallen at a hotel while trying to find a place.

> My tailbone was damaged and the docs found out from

> Xrays that all these years of back pain are from excess arthrits on my

> lower back and the fact that I have four bones like wings in my pelvis not

> two (which is normal) and they keep moving around / hence the pain and

> arthritis. [why is this relevant?] And yet I still managed to care for all

> the dogs and Delilah adores me as always ***[oh yeah, guild trip]. I would

> missher and cry very much if she was gone ***[of COURSE you're the victim

> here] but I don't have any reason to logically keep her: I have school, you

> are busy creating your own life, I am stress prone and I have to somehow run

> my business at the same time while studying ***[oh yes, being a

> $20-something-a-minute phone psychic that yells at her clients is *soooo*

> difficult to manage]. If there was ANYYhing I could do or hear from you

> ***[OOOHHHHHHH so THAT'S what you want, to hear from me, eh?] about keeping

> her I would ! Estella says D loves me sooooo much and I love her enormously

> too***[that's like the " everytime you X G-d kills a kitten logic]. But my

> head says I've made too many mistakes in the past by following my heart

> ...and it's now time to use logic. Please give me your blessing to take her

> to my mom. My mom isn't perfect and she criticised my new apartment bbefore

> she even saw it ***[um, ok... how is that relevant?]. And yet she was

> do good and caring for ugliy raggedy little ricky ***[Grandma fell in love

> with a dog my mum adopted, and my mum didn't like the dog much, so she gave

> him to Grandma]. She eould make D very happy with love that is not like to a

> daughtet but to something that is like to a baby and fun and easy.

>

> Regatdless of what my mom says, My apattment is so alive and

> modern***[ok... still not sure how this is relevant]. The dogs love it too

> and there's so much nature and friendly residents and children. I think of

> you everyday and wonder how or if you would be pleased!

>

> Mom said she spoke with you six weeks ago...and it was ok.***[uh, grandma

> didn't tell me about this... I should ask her about it]

>

> Again I would do anything to hear a better option. ***[fuck you, you're not

> hearing from me. Grandma is a MUCH better dog owner than you are, and I've

> SEEN it with my own damn eyes. I've been looking forward to this change for

> WEEKS]

>

> ******

>

> Ok guys,

> thanks,

> frances

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Frances,

It sounds to me like she is hitting all the nerves so you will respond. I

wouldn't respond! You told her no contact I say stick to your guns. In

regards to the Chi...talk to your grandmother and make arrangements for D's

care and well being...it's a bait to get you to talk to her.

Focus your energy on what is in front of your right now...and that is your

trip to Canada.

I hope that rekindling the retailationship with family will be just what you

need right now.

All the best

Stefanie

>

>

> Hey!

>

> So as some of you know, I'm 19, in college, recently went NC, getting back

> in touch with formerly estranged family members, and bout to fly up to

> Canada to visit my dad, half-brother, and half-sister for the first time in

> around a decade (give or take a few years depending on the person).

>

> This weekend, my grandma, who is from Germany but lives in Canada, is

> flying back to Canada after an extended stay in Germany. My Nada also

> randomly chose this weekend to fly up to Canada and give my dog to my

> Grandma. 3 generations of women, 1 airport =P

>

> Nada *just* sent me this email, and since I don't get to see my therapist

> tomorrow because of my flight, I'm freaking out about how to process this on

> top of going into another emotionally charged situation. So I'm going to

> break all my Nada's rules about " not making her look good " " what happens at

> home stays at home " " saying bad things about her " and post the email here

> along with my comments. I don't know what I'm asking for, but feel free to

> share anything and everything! I've left her spelling and sentences alone

> and inserted my comments ***[like this].

>

> ****

>

> I haven't heard from you but hope you are enjoying summer. ***[yeah no

> shit, remember the letter I sent saying I would NOT be contacting you *at

> least* for the summer and I asked you to do the same]

>

> I am writing because I am really up for a lot of hard work next month with

> school . It's my dream, as you know. ***[oh I know, you dragged me through

> every step of the process, you made me edit your essays even when I was sick

> or home on " vacation " . Where were you when I applied to college? Oh yeah,

> washing your hands of everything, even the clearly marked " to be filled out

> by parent/guardian " forms]

>

> I dont know where you live or how ***[or how? you probably didn't mean that

> as a judgment, but I feel judged... or how my ass, I'm perfectly capable of

> living on my own, I've only been living away from home since I was ELEVEN

> and paying for it since I was EIGHTEEN]...but i am trying to make the best

> decision under the circumstance and before I fly to Canada.

>

> I'd love to keep D here. ***[Delilah, my dog who she threatens to get rid

> of every time she gets mad at me]

> I just really feel all alone with three dogs and it has been so expensive

> and even where I am staying they don't allow three ***[first of all, when

> our family dog was sick, you got a dog all for yourself. the family dog

> dies, and I didn't want to replace him, but you adopted two chihuahuas (and

> blamed me for getting them even though I said that we might not be able to

> handle three total) then the chichuachuas had a puppy (Delilah). We got rid

> of the parents and were down to two dogs. You wanted another crested

> hairless, and I WARNED YOU that three dogs could be too much, especially

> while I was away at school, but you got that 3rd one anyways. NOT MY

> PROBLEM]

>

> I've kept her and loved her ***[you mean not feeding her enough, leaving

> her at home because you don't like her, verbally abusing her to strangers,

> shoving her off things that are TOO bloody high] for sooo long and would

> like to continue but in May I got really sick with a reactivation of

> shingles and had it not been for one nurses rescue , I would have been in a

> wheelchair today ***[shingles is HORRIBLY painful, but it is NOT life

> threatening and CANNOT put you in a wheelchair... or at least that's what my

> medical findings have been, if anyone knows for sure, PLEASE LET ME KNOW].

> The disease gets worse on recurrences.I could not work. My pills cost 300

> ***[so, the price you'll drop on a dress or fabric or shoes that you barely

> use, but HAVE to have even when you turn around and say " oh hey, I can't

> afford your tuition anymore " or " I have to eat cabbage every day to put you

> through school " (not true)] Even Estella ***[her maid] could not come near

> me. And before that, I had fallen at a hotel while trying to find a place.

> My tailbone was damaged and the docs found out from

> Xrays that all these years of back pain are from excess arthrits on my

> lower back and the fact that I have four bones like wings in my pelvis not

> two (which is normal) and they keep moving around / hence the pain and

> arthritis. [why is this relevant?] And yet I still managed to care for all

> the dogs and Delilah adores me as always ***[oh yeah, guild trip]. I would

> missher and cry very much if she was gone ***[of COURSE you're the victim

> here] but I don't have any reason to logically keep her: I have school, you

> are busy creating your own life, I am stress prone and I have to somehow run

> my business at the same time while studying ***[oh yes, being a

> $20-something-a-minute phone psychic that yells at her clients is *soooo*

> difficult to manage]. If there was ANYYhing I could do or hear from you

> ***[OOOHHHHHHH so THAT'S what you want, to hear from me, eh?] about keeping

> her I would ! Estella says D loves me sooooo much and I love her enormously

> too***[that's like the " everytime you X G-d kills a kitten logic]. But my

> head says I've made too many mistakes in the past by following my heart

> ...and it's now time to use logic. Please give me your blessing to take her

> to my mom. My mom isn't perfect and she criticised my new apartment bbefore

> she even saw it ***[um, ok... how is that relevant?]. And yet she was

> do good and caring for ugliy raggedy little ricky ***[Grandma fell in love

> with a dog my mum adopted, and my mum didn't like the dog much, so she gave

> him to Grandma]. She eould make D very happy with love that is not like to a

> daughtet but to something that is like to a baby and fun and easy.

>

> Regatdless of what my mom says, My apattment is so alive and

> modern***[ok... still not sure how this is relevant]. The dogs love it too

> and there's so much nature and friendly residents and children. I think of

> you everyday and wonder how or if you would be pleased!

>

> Mom said she spoke with you six weeks ago...and it was ok.***[uh, grandma

> didn't tell me about this... I should ask her about it]

>

> Again I would do anything to hear a better option. ***[fuck you, you're not

> hearing from me. Grandma is a MUCH better dog owner than you are, and I've

> SEEN it with my own damn eyes. I've been looking forward to this change for

> WEEKS]

>

> ******

>

> Ok guys,

> thanks,

> frances

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Frances,

It sounds to me like she is hitting all the nerves so you will respond. I

wouldn't respond! You told her no contact I say stick to your guns. In

regards to the Chi...talk to your grandmother and make arrangements for D's

care and well being...it's a bait to get you to talk to her.

Focus your energy on what is in front of your right now...and that is your

trip to Canada.

I hope that rekindling the retailationship with family will be just what you

need right now.

All the best

Stefanie

>

>

> Hey!

>

> So as some of you know, I'm 19, in college, recently went NC, getting back

> in touch with formerly estranged family members, and bout to fly up to

> Canada to visit my dad, half-brother, and half-sister for the first time in

> around a decade (give or take a few years depending on the person).

>

> This weekend, my grandma, who is from Germany but lives in Canada, is

> flying back to Canada after an extended stay in Germany. My Nada also

> randomly chose this weekend to fly up to Canada and give my dog to my

> Grandma. 3 generations of women, 1 airport =P

>

> Nada *just* sent me this email, and since I don't get to see my therapist

> tomorrow because of my flight, I'm freaking out about how to process this on

> top of going into another emotionally charged situation. So I'm going to

> break all my Nada's rules about " not making her look good " " what happens at

> home stays at home " " saying bad things about her " and post the email here

> along with my comments. I don't know what I'm asking for, but feel free to

> share anything and everything! I've left her spelling and sentences alone

> and inserted my comments ***[like this].

>

> ****

>

> I haven't heard from you but hope you are enjoying summer. ***[yeah no

> shit, remember the letter I sent saying I would NOT be contacting you *at

> least* for the summer and I asked you to do the same]

>

> I am writing because I am really up for a lot of hard work next month with

> school . It's my dream, as you know. ***[oh I know, you dragged me through

> every step of the process, you made me edit your essays even when I was sick

> or home on " vacation " . Where were you when I applied to college? Oh yeah,

> washing your hands of everything, even the clearly marked " to be filled out

> by parent/guardian " forms]

>

> I dont know where you live or how ***[or how? you probably didn't mean that

> as a judgment, but I feel judged... or how my ass, I'm perfectly capable of

> living on my own, I've only been living away from home since I was ELEVEN

> and paying for it since I was EIGHTEEN]...but i am trying to make the best

> decision under the circumstance and before I fly to Canada.

>

> I'd love to keep D here. ***[Delilah, my dog who she threatens to get rid

> of every time she gets mad at me]

> I just really feel all alone with three dogs and it has been so expensive

> and even where I am staying they don't allow three ***[first of all, when

> our family dog was sick, you got a dog all for yourself. the family dog

> dies, and I didn't want to replace him, but you adopted two chihuahuas (and

> blamed me for getting them even though I said that we might not be able to

> handle three total) then the chichuachuas had a puppy (Delilah). We got rid

> of the parents and were down to two dogs. You wanted another crested

> hairless, and I WARNED YOU that three dogs could be too much, especially

> while I was away at school, but you got that 3rd one anyways. NOT MY

> PROBLEM]

>

> I've kept her and loved her ***[you mean not feeding her enough, leaving

> her at home because you don't like her, verbally abusing her to strangers,

> shoving her off things that are TOO bloody high] for sooo long and would

> like to continue but in May I got really sick with a reactivation of

> shingles and had it not been for one nurses rescue , I would have been in a

> wheelchair today ***[shingles is HORRIBLY painful, but it is NOT life

> threatening and CANNOT put you in a wheelchair... or at least that's what my

> medical findings have been, if anyone knows for sure, PLEASE LET ME KNOW].

> The disease gets worse on recurrences.I could not work. My pills cost 300

> ***[so, the price you'll drop on a dress or fabric or shoes that you barely

> use, but HAVE to have even when you turn around and say " oh hey, I can't

> afford your tuition anymore " or " I have to eat cabbage every day to put you

> through school " (not true)] Even Estella ***[her maid] could not come near

> me. And before that, I had fallen at a hotel while trying to find a place.

> My tailbone was damaged and the docs found out from

> Xrays that all these years of back pain are from excess arthrits on my

> lower back and the fact that I have four bones like wings in my pelvis not

> two (which is normal) and they keep moving around / hence the pain and

> arthritis. [why is this relevant?] And yet I still managed to care for all

> the dogs and Delilah adores me as always ***[oh yeah, guild trip]. I would

> missher and cry very much if she was gone ***[of COURSE you're the victim

> here] but I don't have any reason to logically keep her: I have school, you

> are busy creating your own life, I am stress prone and I have to somehow run

> my business at the same time while studying ***[oh yes, being a

> $20-something-a-minute phone psychic that yells at her clients is *soooo*

> difficult to manage]. If there was ANYYhing I could do or hear from you

> ***[OOOHHHHHHH so THAT'S what you want, to hear from me, eh?] about keeping

> her I would ! Estella says D loves me sooooo much and I love her enormously

> too***[that's like the " everytime you X G-d kills a kitten logic]. But my

> head says I've made too many mistakes in the past by following my heart

> ...and it's now time to use logic. Please give me your blessing to take her

> to my mom. My mom isn't perfect and she criticised my new apartment bbefore

> she even saw it ***[um, ok... how is that relevant?]. And yet she was

> do good and caring for ugliy raggedy little ricky ***[Grandma fell in love

> with a dog my mum adopted, and my mum didn't like the dog much, so she gave

> him to Grandma]. She eould make D very happy with love that is not like to a

> daughtet but to something that is like to a baby and fun and easy.

>

> Regatdless of what my mom says, My apattment is so alive and

> modern***[ok... still not sure how this is relevant]. The dogs love it too

> and there's so much nature and friendly residents and children. I think of

> you everyday and wonder how or if you would be pleased!

>

> Mom said she spoke with you six weeks ago...and it was ok.***[uh, grandma

> didn't tell me about this... I should ask her about it]

>

> Again I would do anything to hear a better option. ***[fuck you, you're not

> hearing from me. Grandma is a MUCH better dog owner than you are, and I've

> SEEN it with my own damn eyes. I've been looking forward to this change for

> WEEKS]

>

> ******

>

> Ok guys,

> thanks,

> frances

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sound advice! I emailed my grandma, and apparently my mum is pulling some pretty

similar garbage with her too! My grandma and I have been discussing her taking

Delilah for a while, and I'm really happy she is: she likes Delilah and is a

wonderful, experienced dog owner.

Thank you for the well wishes,

Frances

>

> >

> >

> > Hey!

> >

> > So as some of you know, I'm 19, in college, recently went NC, getting back

> > in touch with formerly estranged family members, and bout to fly up to

> > Canada to visit my dad, half-brother, and half-sister for the first time in

> > around a decade (give or take a few years depending on the person).

> >

> > This weekend, my grandma, who is from Germany but lives in Canada, is

> > flying back to Canada after an extended stay in Germany. My Nada also

> > randomly chose this weekend to fly up to Canada and give my dog to my

> > Grandma. 3 generations of women, 1 airport =P

> >

> > Nada *just* sent me this email, and since I don't get to see my therapist

> > tomorrow because of my flight, I'm freaking out about how to process this on

> > top of going into another emotionally charged situation. So I'm going to

> > break all my Nada's rules about " not making her look good " " what happens at

> > home stays at home " " saying bad things about her " and post the email here

> > along with my comments. I don't know what I'm asking for, but feel free to

> > share anything and everything! I've left her spelling and sentences alone

> > and inserted my comments ***[like this].

> >

> > ****

> >

> > I haven't heard from you but hope you are enjoying summer. ***[yeah no

> > shit, remember the letter I sent saying I would NOT be contacting you *at

> > least* for the summer and I asked you to do the same]

> >

> > I am writing because I am really up for a lot of hard work next month with

> > school . It's my dream, as you know. ***[oh I know, you dragged me through

> > every step of the process, you made me edit your essays even when I was sick

> > or home on " vacation " . Where were you when I applied to college? Oh yeah,

> > washing your hands of everything, even the clearly marked " to be filled out

> > by parent/guardian " forms]

> >

> > I dont know where you live or how ***[or how? you probably didn't mean that

> > as a judgment, but I feel judged... or how my ass, I'm perfectly capable of

> > living on my own, I've only been living away from home since I was ELEVEN

> > and paying for it since I was EIGHTEEN]...but i am trying to make the best

> > decision under the circumstance and before I fly to Canada.

> >

> > I'd love to keep D here. ***[Delilah, my dog who she threatens to get rid

> > of every time she gets mad at me]

> > I just really feel all alone with three dogs and it has been so expensive

> > and even where I am staying they don't allow three ***[first of all, when

> > our family dog was sick, you got a dog all for yourself. the family dog

> > dies, and I didn't want to replace him, but you adopted two chihuahuas (and

> > blamed me for getting them even though I said that we might not be able to

> > handle three total) then the chichuachuas had a puppy (Delilah). We got rid

> > of the parents and were down to two dogs. You wanted another crested

> > hairless, and I WARNED YOU that three dogs could be too much, especially

> > while I was away at school, but you got that 3rd one anyways. NOT MY

> > PROBLEM]

> >

> > I've kept her and loved her ***[you mean not feeding her enough, leaving

> > her at home because you don't like her, verbally abusing her to strangers,

> > shoving her off things that are TOO bloody high] for sooo long and would

> > like to continue but in May I got really sick with a reactivation of

> > shingles and had it not been for one nurses rescue , I would have been in a

> > wheelchair today ***[shingles is HORRIBLY painful, but it is NOT life

> > threatening and CANNOT put you in a wheelchair... or at least that's what my

> > medical findings have been, if anyone knows for sure, PLEASE LET ME KNOW].

> > The disease gets worse on recurrences.I could not work. My pills cost 300

> > ***[so, the price you'll drop on a dress or fabric or shoes that you barely

> > use, but HAVE to have even when you turn around and say " oh hey, I can't

> > afford your tuition anymore " or " I have to eat cabbage every day to put you

> > through school " (not true)] Even Estella ***[her maid] could not come near

> > me. And before that, I had fallen at a hotel while trying to find a place.

> > My tailbone was damaged and the docs found out from

> > Xrays that all these years of back pain are from excess arthrits on my

> > lower back and the fact that I have four bones like wings in my pelvis not

> > two (which is normal) and they keep moving around / hence the pain and

> > arthritis. [why is this relevant?] And yet I still managed to care for all

> > the dogs and Delilah adores me as always ***[oh yeah, guild trip]. I would

> > missher and cry very much if she was gone ***[of COURSE you're the victim

> > here] but I don't have any reason to logically keep her: I have school, you

> > are busy creating your own life, I am stress prone and I have to somehow run

> > my business at the same time while studying ***[oh yes, being a

> > $20-something-a-minute phone psychic that yells at her clients is *soooo*

> > difficult to manage]. If there was ANYYhing I could do or hear from you

> > ***[OOOHHHHHHH so THAT'S what you want, to hear from me, eh?] about keeping

> > her I would ! Estella says D loves me sooooo much and I love her enormously

> > too***[that's like the " everytime you X G-d kills a kitten logic]. But my

> > head says I've made too many mistakes in the past by following my heart

> > ...and it's now time to use logic. Please give me your blessing to take her

> > to my mom. My mom isn't perfect and she criticised my new apartment bbefore

> > she even saw it ***[um, ok... how is that relevant?]. And yet she was

> > do good and caring for ugliy raggedy little ricky ***[Grandma fell in love

> > with a dog my mum adopted, and my mum didn't like the dog much, so she gave

> > him to Grandma]. She eould make D very happy with love that is not like to a

> > daughtet but to something that is like to a baby and fun and easy.

> >

> > Regatdless of what my mom says, My apattment is so alive and

> > modern***[ok... still not sure how this is relevant]. The dogs love it too

> > and there's so much nature and friendly residents and children. I think of

> > you everyday and wonder how or if you would be pleased!

> >

> > Mom said she spoke with you six weeks ago...and it was ok.***[uh, grandma

> > didn't tell me about this... I should ask her about it]

> >

> > Again I would do anything to hear a better option. ***[fuck you, you're not

> > hearing from me. Grandma is a MUCH better dog owner than you are, and I've

> > SEEN it with my own damn eyes. I've been looking forward to this change for

> > WEEKS]

> >

> > ******

> >

> > Ok guys,

> > thanks,

> > frances

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sound advice! I emailed my grandma, and apparently my mum is pulling some pretty

similar garbage with her too! My grandma and I have been discussing her taking

Delilah for a while, and I'm really happy she is: she likes Delilah and is a

wonderful, experienced dog owner.

Thank you for the well wishes,

Frances

>

> >

> >

> > Hey!

> >

> > So as some of you know, I'm 19, in college, recently went NC, getting back

> > in touch with formerly estranged family members, and bout to fly up to

> > Canada to visit my dad, half-brother, and half-sister for the first time in

> > around a decade (give or take a few years depending on the person).

> >

> > This weekend, my grandma, who is from Germany but lives in Canada, is

> > flying back to Canada after an extended stay in Germany. My Nada also

> > randomly chose this weekend to fly up to Canada and give my dog to my

> > Grandma. 3 generations of women, 1 airport =P

> >

> > Nada *just* sent me this email, and since I don't get to see my therapist

> > tomorrow because of my flight, I'm freaking out about how to process this on

> > top of going into another emotionally charged situation. So I'm going to

> > break all my Nada's rules about " not making her look good " " what happens at

> > home stays at home " " saying bad things about her " and post the email here

> > along with my comments. I don't know what I'm asking for, but feel free to

> > share anything and everything! I've left her spelling and sentences alone

> > and inserted my comments ***[like this].

> >

> > ****

> >

> > I haven't heard from you but hope you are enjoying summer. ***[yeah no

> > shit, remember the letter I sent saying I would NOT be contacting you *at

> > least* for the summer and I asked you to do the same]

> >

> > I am writing because I am really up for a lot of hard work next month with

> > school . It's my dream, as you know. ***[oh I know, you dragged me through

> > every step of the process, you made me edit your essays even when I was sick

> > or home on " vacation " . Where were you when I applied to college? Oh yeah,

> > washing your hands of everything, even the clearly marked " to be filled out

> > by parent/guardian " forms]

> >

> > I dont know where you live or how ***[or how? you probably didn't mean that

> > as a judgment, but I feel judged... or how my ass, I'm perfectly capable of

> > living on my own, I've only been living away from home since I was ELEVEN

> > and paying for it since I was EIGHTEEN]...but i am trying to make the best

> > decision under the circumstance and before I fly to Canada.

> >

> > I'd love to keep D here. ***[Delilah, my dog who she threatens to get rid

> > of every time she gets mad at me]

> > I just really feel all alone with three dogs and it has been so expensive

> > and even where I am staying they don't allow three ***[first of all, when

> > our family dog was sick, you got a dog all for yourself. the family dog

> > dies, and I didn't want to replace him, but you adopted two chihuahuas (and

> > blamed me for getting them even though I said that we might not be able to

> > handle three total) then the chichuachuas had a puppy (Delilah). We got rid

> > of the parents and were down to two dogs. You wanted another crested

> > hairless, and I WARNED YOU that three dogs could be too much, especially

> > while I was away at school, but you got that 3rd one anyways. NOT MY

> > PROBLEM]

> >

> > I've kept her and loved her ***[you mean not feeding her enough, leaving

> > her at home because you don't like her, verbally abusing her to strangers,

> > shoving her off things that are TOO bloody high] for sooo long and would

> > like to continue but in May I got really sick with a reactivation of

> > shingles and had it not been for one nurses rescue , I would have been in a

> > wheelchair today ***[shingles is HORRIBLY painful, but it is NOT life

> > threatening and CANNOT put you in a wheelchair... or at least that's what my

> > medical findings have been, if anyone knows for sure, PLEASE LET ME KNOW].

> > The disease gets worse on recurrences.I could not work. My pills cost 300

> > ***[so, the price you'll drop on a dress or fabric or shoes that you barely

> > use, but HAVE to have even when you turn around and say " oh hey, I can't

> > afford your tuition anymore " or " I have to eat cabbage every day to put you

> > through school " (not true)] Even Estella ***[her maid] could not come near

> > me. And before that, I had fallen at a hotel while trying to find a place.

> > My tailbone was damaged and the docs found out from

> > Xrays that all these years of back pain are from excess arthrits on my

> > lower back and the fact that I have four bones like wings in my pelvis not

> > two (which is normal) and they keep moving around / hence the pain and

> > arthritis. [why is this relevant?] And yet I still managed to care for all

> > the dogs and Delilah adores me as always ***[oh yeah, guild trip]. I would

> > missher and cry very much if she was gone ***[of COURSE you're the victim

> > here] but I don't have any reason to logically keep her: I have school, you

> > are busy creating your own life, I am stress prone and I have to somehow run

> > my business at the same time while studying ***[oh yes, being a

> > $20-something-a-minute phone psychic that yells at her clients is *soooo*

> > difficult to manage]. If there was ANYYhing I could do or hear from you

> > ***[OOOHHHHHHH so THAT'S what you want, to hear from me, eh?] about keeping

> > her I would ! Estella says D loves me sooooo much and I love her enormously

> > too***[that's like the " everytime you X G-d kills a kitten logic]. But my

> > head says I've made too many mistakes in the past by following my heart

> > ...and it's now time to use logic. Please give me your blessing to take her

> > to my mom. My mom isn't perfect and she criticised my new apartment bbefore

> > she even saw it ***[um, ok... how is that relevant?]. And yet she was

> > do good and caring for ugliy raggedy little ricky ***[Grandma fell in love

> > with a dog my mum adopted, and my mum didn't like the dog much, so she gave

> > him to Grandma]. She eould make D very happy with love that is not like to a

> > daughtet but to something that is like to a baby and fun and easy.

> >

> > Regatdless of what my mom says, My apattment is so alive and

> > modern***[ok... still not sure how this is relevant]. The dogs love it too

> > and there's so much nature and friendly residents and children. I think of

> > you everyday and wonder how or if you would be pleased!

> >

> > Mom said she spoke with you six weeks ago...and it was ok.***[uh, grandma

> > didn't tell me about this... I should ask her about it]

> >

> > Again I would do anything to hear a better option. ***[fuck you, you're not

> > hearing from me. Grandma is a MUCH better dog owner than you are, and I've

> > SEEN it with my own damn eyes. I've been looking forward to this change for

> > WEEKS]

> >

> > ******

> >

> > Ok guys,

> > thanks,

> > frances

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sound advice! I emailed my grandma, and apparently my mum is pulling some pretty

similar garbage with her too! My grandma and I have been discussing her taking

Delilah for a while, and I'm really happy she is: she likes Delilah and is a

wonderful, experienced dog owner.

Thank you for the well wishes,

Frances

>

> >

> >

> > Hey!

> >

> > So as some of you know, I'm 19, in college, recently went NC, getting back

> > in touch with formerly estranged family members, and bout to fly up to

> > Canada to visit my dad, half-brother, and half-sister for the first time in

> > around a decade (give or take a few years depending on the person).

> >

> > This weekend, my grandma, who is from Germany but lives in Canada, is

> > flying back to Canada after an extended stay in Germany. My Nada also

> > randomly chose this weekend to fly up to Canada and give my dog to my

> > Grandma. 3 generations of women, 1 airport =P

> >

> > Nada *just* sent me this email, and since I don't get to see my therapist

> > tomorrow because of my flight, I'm freaking out about how to process this on

> > top of going into another emotionally charged situation. So I'm going to

> > break all my Nada's rules about " not making her look good " " what happens at

> > home stays at home " " saying bad things about her " and post the email here

> > along with my comments. I don't know what I'm asking for, but feel free to

> > share anything and everything! I've left her spelling and sentences alone

> > and inserted my comments ***[like this].

> >

> > ****

> >

> > I haven't heard from you but hope you are enjoying summer. ***[yeah no

> > shit, remember the letter I sent saying I would NOT be contacting you *at

> > least* for the summer and I asked you to do the same]

> >

> > I am writing because I am really up for a lot of hard work next month with

> > school . It's my dream, as you know. ***[oh I know, you dragged me through

> > every step of the process, you made me edit your essays even when I was sick

> > or home on " vacation " . Where were you when I applied to college? Oh yeah,

> > washing your hands of everything, even the clearly marked " to be filled out

> > by parent/guardian " forms]

> >

> > I dont know where you live or how ***[or how? you probably didn't mean that

> > as a judgment, but I feel judged... or how my ass, I'm perfectly capable of

> > living on my own, I've only been living away from home since I was ELEVEN

> > and paying for it since I was EIGHTEEN]...but i am trying to make the best

> > decision under the circumstance and before I fly to Canada.

> >

> > I'd love to keep D here. ***[Delilah, my dog who she threatens to get rid

> > of every time she gets mad at me]

> > I just really feel all alone with three dogs and it has been so expensive

> > and even where I am staying they don't allow three ***[first of all, when

> > our family dog was sick, you got a dog all for yourself. the family dog

> > dies, and I didn't want to replace him, but you adopted two chihuahuas (and

> > blamed me for getting them even though I said that we might not be able to

> > handle three total) then the chichuachuas had a puppy (Delilah). We got rid

> > of the parents and were down to two dogs. You wanted another crested

> > hairless, and I WARNED YOU that three dogs could be too much, especially

> > while I was away at school, but you got that 3rd one anyways. NOT MY

> > PROBLEM]

> >

> > I've kept her and loved her ***[you mean not feeding her enough, leaving

> > her at home because you don't like her, verbally abusing her to strangers,

> > shoving her off things that are TOO bloody high] for sooo long and would

> > like to continue but in May I got really sick with a reactivation of

> > shingles and had it not been for one nurses rescue , I would have been in a

> > wheelchair today ***[shingles is HORRIBLY painful, but it is NOT life

> > threatening and CANNOT put you in a wheelchair... or at least that's what my

> > medical findings have been, if anyone knows for sure, PLEASE LET ME KNOW].

> > The disease gets worse on recurrences.I could not work. My pills cost 300

> > ***[so, the price you'll drop on a dress or fabric or shoes that you barely

> > use, but HAVE to have even when you turn around and say " oh hey, I can't

> > afford your tuition anymore " or " I have to eat cabbage every day to put you

> > through school " (not true)] Even Estella ***[her maid] could not come near

> > me. And before that, I had fallen at a hotel while trying to find a place.

> > My tailbone was damaged and the docs found out from

> > Xrays that all these years of back pain are from excess arthrits on my

> > lower back and the fact that I have four bones like wings in my pelvis not

> > two (which is normal) and they keep moving around / hence the pain and

> > arthritis. [why is this relevant?] And yet I still managed to care for all

> > the dogs and Delilah adores me as always ***[oh yeah, guild trip]. I would

> > missher and cry very much if she was gone ***[of COURSE you're the victim

> > here] but I don't have any reason to logically keep her: I have school, you

> > are busy creating your own life, I am stress prone and I have to somehow run

> > my business at the same time while studying ***[oh yes, being a

> > $20-something-a-minute phone psychic that yells at her clients is *soooo*

> > difficult to manage]. If there was ANYYhing I could do or hear from you

> > ***[OOOHHHHHHH so THAT'S what you want, to hear from me, eh?] about keeping

> > her I would ! Estella says D loves me sooooo much and I love her enormously

> > too***[that's like the " everytime you X G-d kills a kitten logic]. But my

> > head says I've made too many mistakes in the past by following my heart

> > ...and it's now time to use logic. Please give me your blessing to take her

> > to my mom. My mom isn't perfect and she criticised my new apartment bbefore

> > she even saw it ***[um, ok... how is that relevant?]. And yet she was

> > do good and caring for ugliy raggedy little ricky ***[Grandma fell in love

> > with a dog my mum adopted, and my mum didn't like the dog much, so she gave

> > him to Grandma]. She eould make D very happy with love that is not like to a

> > daughtet but to something that is like to a baby and fun and easy.

> >

> > Regatdless of what my mom says, My apattment is so alive and

> > modern***[ok... still not sure how this is relevant]. The dogs love it too

> > and there's so much nature and friendly residents and children. I think of

> > you everyday and wonder how or if you would be pleased!

> >

> > Mom said she spoke with you six weeks ago...and it was ok.***[uh, grandma

> > didn't tell me about this... I should ask her about it]

> >

> > Again I would do anything to hear a better option. ***[fuck you, you're not

> > hearing from me. Grandma is a MUCH better dog owner than you are, and I've

> > SEEN it with my own damn eyes. I've been looking forward to this change for

> > WEEKS]

> >

> > ******

> >

> > Ok guys,

> > thanks,

> > frances

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

If you get in touch, and tell her how wonderful it is that Delilah is going to

Grandma's, she will most likely come up with some excuse or scenario making it

impossible to carry out your wishes (and Grandma's) without some big problem or

complication. I can't imagine why this would be, or what it would be, but it's

what I'd expect my mother to do. ( " Oh, you'll have to come here and get the

dog. " " Oh, I can't afford to take her over the border because her shots aren't

up to date. " " Oh, I just pulled a story out of my butt so I can get your

attention. " )

She will also quite likely tell your grandmother that you aren't on board, or

create some kind of drama about what should be a very simple transaction. So

it's good you're talking to Grandma, and can be sure you're both on the same

page about this.

As long as you're sure the dog won't suffer for it, I'd say maintaining your NC

is fine. But she's clearly using Delilah as bait, so please let us know when

the dog is safe in Grandma's hands.

>

> >

> >

> > Hey!

> >

> > So as some of you know, I'm 19, in college, recently went NC, getting back

> > in touch with formerly estranged family members, and bout to fly up to

> > Canada to visit my dad, half-brother, and half-sister for the first time in

> > around a decade (give or take a few years depending on the person).

> >

> > This weekend, my grandma, who is from Germany but lives in Canada, is

> > flying back to Canada after an extended stay in Germany. My Nada also

> > randomly chose this weekend to fly up to Canada and give my dog to my

> > Grandma. 3 generations of women, 1 airport =P

> >

> > Nada *just* sent me this email, and since I don't get to see my therapist

> > tomorrow because of my flight, I'm freaking out about how to process this on

> > top of going into another emotionally charged situation. So I'm going to

> > break all my Nada's rules about " not making her look good " " what happens at

> > home stays at home " " saying bad things about her " and post the email here

> > along with my comments. I don't know what I'm asking for, but feel free to

> > share anything and everything! I've left her spelling and sentences alone

> > and inserted my comments ***[like this].

> >

> > ****

> >

> > I haven't heard from you but hope you are enjoying summer. ***[yeah no

> > shit, remember the letter I sent saying I would NOT be contacting you *at

> > least* for the summer and I asked you to do the same]

> >

> > I am writing because I am really up for a lot of hard work next month with

> > school . It's my dream, as you know. ***[oh I know, you dragged me through

> > every step of the process, you made me edit your essays even when I was sick

> > or home on " vacation " . Where were you when I applied to college? Oh yeah,

> > washing your hands of everything, even the clearly marked " to be filled out

> > by parent/guardian " forms]

> >

> > I dont know where you live or how ***[or how? you probably didn't mean that

> > as a judgment, but I feel judged... or how my ass, I'm perfectly capable of

> > living on my own, I've only been living away from home since I was ELEVEN

> > and paying for it since I was EIGHTEEN]...but i am trying to make the best

> > decision under the circumstance and before I fly to Canada.

> >

> > I'd love to keep D here. ***[Delilah, my dog who she threatens to get rid

> > of every time she gets mad at me]

> > I just really feel all alone with three dogs and it has been so expensive

> > and even where I am staying they don't allow three ***[first of all, when

> > our family dog was sick, you got a dog all for yourself. the family dog

> > dies, and I didn't want to replace him, but you adopted two chihuahuas (and

> > blamed me for getting them even though I said that we might not be able to

> > handle three total) then the chichuachuas had a puppy (Delilah). We got rid

> > of the parents and were down to two dogs. You wanted another crested

> > hairless, and I WARNED YOU that three dogs could be too much, especially

> > while I was away at school, but you got that 3rd one anyways. NOT MY

> > PROBLEM]

> >

> > I've kept her and loved her ***[you mean not feeding her enough, leaving

> > her at home because you don't like her, verbally abusing her to strangers,

> > shoving her off things that are TOO bloody high] for sooo long and would

> > like to continue but in May I got really sick with a reactivation of

> > shingles and had it not been for one nurses rescue , I would have been in a

> > wheelchair today ***[shingles is HORRIBLY painful, but it is NOT life

> > threatening and CANNOT put you in a wheelchair... or at least that's what my

> > medical findings have been, if anyone knows for sure, PLEASE LET ME KNOW].

> > The disease gets worse on recurrences.I could not work. My pills cost 300

> > ***[so, the price you'll drop on a dress or fabric or shoes that you barely

> > use, but HAVE to have even when you turn around and say " oh hey, I can't

> > afford your tuition anymore " or " I have to eat cabbage every day to put you

> > through school " (not true)] Even Estella ***[her maid] could not come near

> > me. And before that, I had fallen at a hotel while trying to find a place.

> > My tailbone was damaged and the docs found out from

> > Xrays that all these years of back pain are from excess arthrits on my

> > lower back and the fact that I have four bones like wings in my pelvis not

> > two (which is normal) and they keep moving around / hence the pain and

> > arthritis. [why is this relevant?] And yet I still managed to care for all

> > the dogs and Delilah adores me as always ***[oh yeah, guild trip]. I would

> > missher and cry very much if she was gone ***[of COURSE you're the victim

> > here] but I don't have any reason to logically keep her: I have school, you

> > are busy creating your own life, I am stress prone and I have to somehow run

> > my business at the same time while studying ***[oh yes, being a

> > $20-something-a-minute phone psychic that yells at her clients is *soooo*

> > difficult to manage]. If there was ANYYhing I could do or hear from you

> > ***[OOOHHHHHHH so THAT'S what you want, to hear from me, eh?] about keeping

> > her I would ! Estella says D loves me sooooo much and I love her enormously

> > too***[that's like the " everytime you X G-d kills a kitten logic]. But my

> > head says I've made too many mistakes in the past by following my heart

> > ...and it's now time to use logic. Please give me your blessing to take her

> > to my mom. My mom isn't perfect and she criticised my new apartment bbefore

> > she even saw it ***[um, ok... how is that relevant?]. And yet she was

> > do good and caring for ugliy raggedy little ricky ***[Grandma fell in love

> > with a dog my mum adopted, and my mum didn't like the dog much, so she gave

> > him to Grandma]. She eould make D very happy with love that is not like to a

> > daughtet but to something that is like to a baby and fun and easy.

> >

> > Regatdless of what my mom says, My apattment is so alive and

> > modern***[ok... still not sure how this is relevant]. The dogs love it too

> > and there's so much nature and friendly residents and children. I think of

> > you everyday and wonder how or if you would be pleased!

> >

> > Mom said she spoke with you six weeks ago...and it was ok.***[uh, grandma

> > didn't tell me about this... I should ask her about it]

> >

> > Again I would do anything to hear a better option. ***[fuck you, you're not

> > hearing from me. Grandma is a MUCH better dog owner than you are, and I've

> > SEEN it with my own damn eyes. I've been looking forward to this change for

> > WEEKS]

> >

> > ******

> >

> > Ok guys,

> > thanks,

> > frances

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>