Fathers BPD & Advice?

[Guest guest]

I am 25 years old and still living in my parents home. I am moving in with my

boyfriend in less than a month from now. Lucky for me, it's an hour away from

where my father lives. The week both of them found out, they gave me complete

h*ll over it. Even my 11 year old cousin said " Leave her alone!!! " It was

constant attacks at my character and capability for one full week. Then one day

my father approaches me and claims that I treat him like crap, and he starts the

victimizing himself cycle all over again. He blames me for starting fights,

claims he is a very peaceful and giving person. This version of himself I think

is maybe deep down what he wants to be sometimes, but it's not who he is at all.

Anyways, back to the point... He blames me for starting the fights, recounts the

story in a way that didn't actually happen, decides he wants to end the fights

so he can have a peaceful last month of me here, and starts to get excited that

I'm getting out of his house. My mother on the other hand, confessed to me

she's worried about being alone with him in this house. When my father is alone

with her, he will blow up on her (as in screaming), threaten divorce, try to

convince her she's crazy, etc.

My dad makes up these stories in his head and he truly believes they actually

happened. He's delusional thinking he has more money than he does, more

intelligence, more capabilities, and that he's a better person than he actually

is. He goes around boasting, " I am probably the most giving person you will

ever meet. " More like the most traumatizing person I will ever meet... Is this

characteristic of BPDs? Delusion? I mean, he really believes these stories

he's made up in his head and they never even happened. He will call you out on

it and harass you over these things that never even happened. It's really

crazy.

My father is now wanting a relationship with his mother... All because she told

him that she wishes she never had the two siblings he's always been jealous of.

It made him so giddy and happy, it was really kind of sick actually. If I had

been told that, I would have cried my eyes out and yelled at that person for

sharing something so incredibly awful with me. Instead, he gets super happy and

just starts bashing those two siblings even more. Now, he's got this egoistic

thing like he's better than both of them. In fact, out of the 6 total kids only

2 of them came out normal, all the others have psychological disorders.

I am planning to get married in October. I have been secretly planning an

elopement since April and have only told 2 people (now all of you haha). I have

absolutely no idea when to tell my father. I wish I could just never tell him

lol. Since I don't live with him anymore I won't know how to gauge it... but

he'll either completely flip out... or act like he's fine with it. Part of me

wants to wait until it's over to tell him but then the longer notice I give him,

the more he'll try to worm his way into it, or convince me to never get married.

See, he thinks that I shouldn't end up with anyone, be a complete loser who

can't take care of myself, all so he can have me at home forever and ever. They

were looking into buying a bigger house for the three of us, and that's what

prompted me to give in and tell them I'm moving out. As Sinatra said,

" The best revenge is success. "

I am probably not making much sense with all these random bits. How and when do

you tell a psychotically needy and delusional father about major life changes?