Re: Illness/Injury: How Nada Reacted to YOU?

[Guest guest]

sometimes she would become remote, sometimes she wouldn't believe I was really

sick and would accuse me of lying, and sometimes she would act like I was at

fault. and sometimes she was normal. when I was younger I was sick ALOT and I

remember going to the doctor alot. sometimes she just acted really strange to

me.

>

> Hey!

>

> I joined the Adult Children of Narcissists board after someone on here

recommended it... it doesn't address my experiences with Nada as much as I

thought it would, but every now and then a post strikes a cord. There was one

about jumping to the worst conclusion at any sign of illness as a symptom of

being a KO. I was wondering if anyone else had similar experiences...

>

> ****************

>

> By default, I " know " what the worst possibility is, but I *don't* actually

believe it. The reason I do this instinctually is because my NM/Nada ALWAYS

jumps to the worst conclusions--it can't just be pneumonia again, it MUST be

some terrible lung condition that HAS to be seen by a specialist! Y'all know

what I'm talking about *rolls eyes*

>

> She overreacts to the slightest things in herself and especially in me (since

I'm just an appendage to her). Her BPD kicks in when she thinks that if I'm sick

she can " come up " to take care of me or she'll insist I " come down " to stay with

her so she can " take care " of me or make sure I see a doctor. Grrr... she always

thinks of some reason to say " you need me (or I need you), so come home NOW or

else. "

>

> Adding insult to injury with the whole " you're sick and need me to take care

of you " ploy... She hasn't " taken care " of me since g-d knows when: maybe early

elementary school (?). I'm the one taking care of her when she's sick: taking

her temperature, making her food, being at her beck and call, giving up my bed

if she likes it better, not sleeping in the bed if we shared one, calling or

taking her to the doctor if she got really bad.

>

> The last time *I* was really sick at home, I had a stomach ache SO bad that I

could barely sit up, and couldn't walk or leave the house. It lasted at least a

week, and she just yelled at me for being " lazy " and not wanting to help HER.

She also wouldn't give me back the lower bunk (which I had loaned her a couple

weeks earlier because her back hurt and she had a headache). She *finally* took

me to a doctor... I had a nasty case of gastritis, and they gave me some

prescription that made it better after a day or two. I could have been saved all

that pain if she had just believed me and taken me to a doctor.

>

> Better yet, the *last *time I was sick, she insisted I come home despite the

long drive (she was driving and it was thanksgiving break, and it was safer to

let her have her way than risk her staying at my place). I had a headache that

made it really hard for me to focus on anything small, so reading (even

homework) was out of the question. My NM/Nada insisted I read over her college

essay anyways, and got testy when I started to protest. So I went over it for

her (my eyes teared up and it took me forEVER). My comments were critical, but

kind... I worked as a writing tutor so I've gotten quite good at making

constructive criticism and acknowledging the GOOD as well as the areas needing

improvement.

>

> Nada didn't like my comments, so she yelled and yelled and yelled even though

I begged her not to (splitting headache). She then tried to throw me out (I was

in my nightie trying to get some sick-sleep). I got on clothes and had my bag

ready to go... she calmed down enough to let me stay a little longer (6-hour

busride when sick? No thanks), then she decided that if my headache was too bad

to read then maybe I shouldn't go back to college at all (um... headaches don't

last forever). She calmed down enough eventually, and I hightailed it out of

there as soon as a reasonably could without arousing suspicion.

>

>

> Ugh... I'm SO glad I went NC. It really sucked to have to pretend I wasn't

sick or hadn't injured myself--which happens a lot, sadly--just to keep her

calm. I didn't tell her I had swine flu until the school made all the

arrangements for me to be in " isolation " (stay in your room, someone will check

in on you daily, here's a flu kit). The only reason I told her was because it

would buy me a couple extra days at school. When my eating disorder came back, I

didn't tell her. I was out of school for weeks, and " faked " being there on our

almost-daily calls (she did most of the talking, so it was easy).

>

> So yes, that was my rant... wow, I forgot how difficult she was about illness

and injury. Everything is B & W: it's the most devastating thing in the world or

" you're making it up! " but never the middle ground.

>

> -Frances

>

[Guest guest]

sometimes she would become remote, sometimes she wouldn't believe I was really

sick and would accuse me of lying, and sometimes she would act like I was at

fault. and sometimes she was normal. when I was younger I was sick ALOT and I

remember going to the doctor alot. sometimes she just acted really strange to

me.

>

> Hey!

>

> I joined the Adult Children of Narcissists board after someone on here

recommended it... it doesn't address my experiences with Nada as much as I

thought it would, but every now and then a post strikes a cord. There was one

about jumping to the worst conclusion at any sign of illness as a symptom of

being a KO. I was wondering if anyone else had similar experiences...

>

> ****************

>

> By default, I " know " what the worst possibility is, but I *don't* actually

believe it. The reason I do this instinctually is because my NM/Nada ALWAYS

jumps to the worst conclusions--it can't just be pneumonia again, it MUST be

some terrible lung condition that HAS to be seen by a specialist! Y'all know

what I'm talking about *rolls eyes*

>

> She overreacts to the slightest things in herself and especially in me (since

I'm just an appendage to her). Her BPD kicks in when she thinks that if I'm sick

she can " come up " to take care of me or she'll insist I " come down " to stay with

her so she can " take care " of me or make sure I see a doctor. Grrr... she always

thinks of some reason to say " you need me (or I need you), so come home NOW or

else. "

>

> Adding insult to injury with the whole " you're sick and need me to take care

of you " ploy... She hasn't " taken care " of me since g-d knows when: maybe early

elementary school (?). I'm the one taking care of her when she's sick: taking

her temperature, making her food, being at her beck and call, giving up my bed

if she likes it better, not sleeping in the bed if we shared one, calling or

taking her to the doctor if she got really bad.

>

> The last time *I* was really sick at home, I had a stomach ache SO bad that I

could barely sit up, and couldn't walk or leave the house. It lasted at least a

week, and she just yelled at me for being " lazy " and not wanting to help HER.

She also wouldn't give me back the lower bunk (which I had loaned her a couple

weeks earlier because her back hurt and she had a headache). She *finally* took

me to a doctor... I had a nasty case of gastritis, and they gave me some

prescription that made it better after a day or two. I could have been saved all

that pain if she had just believed me and taken me to a doctor.

>

> Better yet, the *last *time I was sick, she insisted I come home despite the

long drive (she was driving and it was thanksgiving break, and it was safer to

let her have her way than risk her staying at my place). I had a headache that

made it really hard for me to focus on anything small, so reading (even

homework) was out of the question. My NM/Nada insisted I read over her college

essay anyways, and got testy when I started to protest. So I went over it for

her (my eyes teared up and it took me forEVER). My comments were critical, but

kind... I worked as a writing tutor so I've gotten quite good at making

constructive criticism and acknowledging the GOOD as well as the areas needing

improvement.

>

> Nada didn't like my comments, so she yelled and yelled and yelled even though

I begged her not to (splitting headache). She then tried to throw me out (I was

in my nightie trying to get some sick-sleep). I got on clothes and had my bag

ready to go... she calmed down enough to let me stay a little longer (6-hour

busride when sick? No thanks), then she decided that if my headache was too bad

to read then maybe I shouldn't go back to college at all (um... headaches don't

last forever). She calmed down enough eventually, and I hightailed it out of

there as soon as a reasonably could without arousing suspicion.

>

>

> Ugh... I'm SO glad I went NC. It really sucked to have to pretend I wasn't

sick or hadn't injured myself--which happens a lot, sadly--just to keep her

calm. I didn't tell her I had swine flu until the school made all the

arrangements for me to be in " isolation " (stay in your room, someone will check

in on you daily, here's a flu kit). The only reason I told her was because it

would buy me a couple extra days at school. When my eating disorder came back, I

didn't tell her. I was out of school for weeks, and " faked " being there on our

almost-daily calls (she did most of the talking, so it was easy).

>

> So yes, that was my rant... wow, I forgot how difficult she was about illness

and injury. Everything is B & W: it's the most devastating thing in the world or

" you're making it up! " but never the middle ground.

>

> -Frances

>

[Guest guest]

My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

because they didn't eat right. Etc.

When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had a

huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I got it

- what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being born?

And so on and so on.

But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

fault. Ever.

She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the asthma -

she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers to

control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never could

grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should suffer.

She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about people

who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again because

it was their fault.

Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

In a message dated 7/28/2010 12:49:33 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

hellfireblonde99@... writes:

I can relate to the extreme nada behaviors. My nada was the same, either

all or nothing. Nada used to constantly deny if I was hurt or sick depending

on her mood. Then for a minor thing, she'd send me to the Doctor or insist

on unnecessary antibiotics, for nothing. Yet if I was hurt badly she could

care less.

The worst was when I was really hurt and she would yell at me. I severely

sprained my ankle sledding when I was five or so and she refused to ice,

elevate, or allow me crutches. I walked on that mangled ankle and it has

never been the same since. My right foot still curls inwards at a funny angle.

Actually I think I remember her laughing at how badly I was limping and

telling everybody what happened but I don't remember her helping me in any

way. Throughout school if there was a kid on crutches I always wondered how

those kids managed to get the crutches when they were hurt. It was a mystery

to me.

Another time I smashed my fingers in an old wooden window pane that slid

down fast, and I mean SMASHED my fingers to bits. Blood, swelling, finger

nails fallen off, crushed bone, awful just awful. I was about 7 or so. I

screamed bloody murder and cried, OBVIOUSLY, and nada got so frustrated at me

that she kept yelling at me and snapping with temper outbursts.

I learned very early on to stifle my pain and shut the hell up, suffer in

silence. It's better than a nada rage whilst in pain. She waited until at

least a day, or even several days to take me to the Doctor. All they did was

soak my hand in disinfecting fluid. No xrays, nada didn't insist either. I

think the only reason she took me in was because my hand was in such bad

shape that it was evident to the other adults around and nada likely

couldn't get away with neglecting the injury. (we were at the lake with my

uncle,

aunt, and cousins) My right middle finger is permanently flat and the last

joint (tip) is much larger than the left with a funny round spot near the

joint. Clearly the bone was squished owwwww!

I have memories of many, many similar incidents. The golden child (eldest

boy) however; he was a delicate flower for which nada would move heaven and

earth to pamper. Nada also facilitated his violent abuse towards me, the

younger sibling for years and years. He was all that mattered to her.

Just recently I was preparing for a cooking event at work and dropped a

giant knife on my foot and impailed my toe. I made the mistake of breifly

mentioning it to nada (I had to since she asked about the cooking event that I

missed because I was in the hospital patching up the toe). I got a blank

reaction, nothing. No empathy, questions about if the toe will be ok,

nothing, blank. Nada however talks endlessly about her latest arthritic woe,

pain, discomfort, procedure, etc. Endlessly. I guess some things never change.

I just realized I am kind of accident prone! LOL

[Guest guest]

My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

because they didn't eat right. Etc.

When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had a

huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I got it

- what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being born?

And so on and so on.

But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

fault. Ever.

She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the asthma -

she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers to

control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never could

grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should suffer.

She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about people

who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again because

it was their fault.

Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

In a message dated 7/28/2010 12:49:33 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

hellfireblonde99@... writes:

I can relate to the extreme nada behaviors. My nada was the same, either

all or nothing. Nada used to constantly deny if I was hurt or sick depending

on her mood. Then for a minor thing, she'd send me to the Doctor or insist

on unnecessary antibiotics, for nothing. Yet if I was hurt badly she could

care less.

The worst was when I was really hurt and she would yell at me. I severely

sprained my ankle sledding when I was five or so and she refused to ice,

elevate, or allow me crutches. I walked on that mangled ankle and it has

never been the same since. My right foot still curls inwards at a funny angle.

Actually I think I remember her laughing at how badly I was limping and

telling everybody what happened but I don't remember her helping me in any

way. Throughout school if there was a kid on crutches I always wondered how

those kids managed to get the crutches when they were hurt. It was a mystery

to me.

Another time I smashed my fingers in an old wooden window pane that slid

down fast, and I mean SMASHED my fingers to bits. Blood, swelling, finger

nails fallen off, crushed bone, awful just awful. I was about 7 or so. I

screamed bloody murder and cried, OBVIOUSLY, and nada got so frustrated at me

that she kept yelling at me and snapping with temper outbursts.

I learned very early on to stifle my pain and shut the hell up, suffer in

silence. It's better than a nada rage whilst in pain. She waited until at

least a day, or even several days to take me to the Doctor. All they did was

soak my hand in disinfecting fluid. No xrays, nada didn't insist either. I

think the only reason she took me in was because my hand was in such bad

shape that it was evident to the other adults around and nada likely

couldn't get away with neglecting the injury. (we were at the lake with my

uncle,

aunt, and cousins) My right middle finger is permanently flat and the last

joint (tip) is much larger than the left with a funny round spot near the

joint. Clearly the bone was squished owwwww!

I have memories of many, many similar incidents. The golden child (eldest

boy) however; he was a delicate flower for which nada would move heaven and

earth to pamper. Nada also facilitated his violent abuse towards me, the

younger sibling for years and years. He was all that mattered to her.

Just recently I was preparing for a cooking event at work and dropped a

giant knife on my foot and impailed my toe. I made the mistake of breifly

mentioning it to nada (I had to since she asked about the cooking event that I

missed because I was in the hospital patching up the toe). I got a blank

reaction, nothing. No empathy, questions about if the toe will be ok,

nothing, blank. Nada however talks endlessly about her latest arthritic woe,

pain, discomfort, procedure, etc. Endlessly. I guess some things never change.

I just realized I am kind of accident prone! LOL

[Guest guest]

My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

because they didn't eat right. Etc.

When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had a

huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I got it

- what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being born?

And so on and so on.

But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

fault. Ever.

She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the asthma -

she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers to

control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never could

grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should suffer.

She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about people

who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again because

it was their fault.

Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

In a message dated 7/28/2010 12:49:33 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

hellfireblonde99@... writes:

I can relate to the extreme nada behaviors. My nada was the same, either

all or nothing. Nada used to constantly deny if I was hurt or sick depending

on her mood. Then for a minor thing, she'd send me to the Doctor or insist

on unnecessary antibiotics, for nothing. Yet if I was hurt badly she could

care less.

The worst was when I was really hurt and she would yell at me. I severely

sprained my ankle sledding when I was five or so and she refused to ice,

elevate, or allow me crutches. I walked on that mangled ankle and it has

never been the same since. My right foot still curls inwards at a funny angle.

Actually I think I remember her laughing at how badly I was limping and

telling everybody what happened but I don't remember her helping me in any

way. Throughout school if there was a kid on crutches I always wondered how

those kids managed to get the crutches when they were hurt. It was a mystery

to me.

Another time I smashed my fingers in an old wooden window pane that slid

down fast, and I mean SMASHED my fingers to bits. Blood, swelling, finger

nails fallen off, crushed bone, awful just awful. I was about 7 or so. I

screamed bloody murder and cried, OBVIOUSLY, and nada got so frustrated at me

that she kept yelling at me and snapping with temper outbursts.

I learned very early on to stifle my pain and shut the hell up, suffer in

silence. It's better than a nada rage whilst in pain. She waited until at

least a day, or even several days to take me to the Doctor. All they did was

soak my hand in disinfecting fluid. No xrays, nada didn't insist either. I

think the only reason she took me in was because my hand was in such bad

shape that it was evident to the other adults around and nada likely

couldn't get away with neglecting the injury. (we were at the lake with my

uncle,

aunt, and cousins) My right middle finger is permanently flat and the last

joint (tip) is much larger than the left with a funny round spot near the

joint. Clearly the bone was squished owwwww!

I have memories of many, many similar incidents. The golden child (eldest

boy) however; he was a delicate flower for which nada would move heaven and

earth to pamper. Nada also facilitated his violent abuse towards me, the

younger sibling for years and years. He was all that mattered to her.

Just recently I was preparing for a cooking event at work and dropped a

giant knife on my foot and impailed my toe. I made the mistake of breifly

mentioning it to nada (I had to since she asked about the cooking event that I

missed because I was in the hospital patching up the toe). I got a blank

reaction, nothing. No empathy, questions about if the toe will be ok,

nothing, blank. Nada however talks endlessly about her latest arthritic woe,

pain, discomfort, procedure, etc. Endlessly. I guess some things never change.

I just realized I am kind of accident prone! LOL

[Guest guest]

Here's another example of discovering that my nada's behavior is really just

part of a bigger picture. I somehow missed the previous comments on this topic

but after reading yours, I can really relate.

As a child it seemed like I was always going to the doctor but I don't know why.

On the other hand (no pun intended here) when I was young and fell on a piece of

glass cutting open my hand, my nada stood calmly in the bathroom applying her

makeup and essentially told me it was my fault because I was playing on the side

of the house where I didn't belong.

More recently I was doing some errands with her and I progressively got sicker

and in more pain. I ended up having to leave her place and go to ER even though

I didn't want to go there. She got angry with me because then I wasn't available

to pick up her dog from the vet office.

On the other hand (again) I don't have a good feel for my medical history. She

tells such horror stories about my health (and her own) that I don't know what's

true and what isn't. For years she said I had cancer as a child. Only a few

years ago she admitted I didn't. I had a mole removed but it was benign. But

just 2 days ago she was telling the story again about how I had skin cancer as a

child. I've learned not to respond to questions her doctor asks about her health

because I just never know. One time she'll say she has had a heart attack,

another time she'll say no.

Today she had cataract surgery. I had typed out all the pre-surgical

instructions in large type to make it easy for her. When I got over there she

told me she was able to take her pills this morning without using the pudding to

get them down, just used a sip of water (as allowed). We got to the surgical

place and she told them she had pudding this morning. I almost blew up. I said,

" You told me you didn't have any pudding. " It got kind of messy and they had to

delay her surgery for 6 hours. Then she pouted because everything goes wrong for

her and her life has been one big disaster. On and on.

OK, sorry. I've tired from listening to her today. And I have to drive her back

tomorrow for her follow up appt. She insisted that I not spend the night with

her. God only knows what will happen.

[Guest guest]

Here's another example of discovering that my nada's behavior is really just

part of a bigger picture. I somehow missed the previous comments on this topic

but after reading yours, I can really relate.

As a child it seemed like I was always going to the doctor but I don't know why.

On the other hand (no pun intended here) when I was young and fell on a piece of

glass cutting open my hand, my nada stood calmly in the bathroom applying her

makeup and essentially told me it was my fault because I was playing on the side

of the house where I didn't belong.

More recently I was doing some errands with her and I progressively got sicker

and in more pain. I ended up having to leave her place and go to ER even though

I didn't want to go there. She got angry with me because then I wasn't available

to pick up her dog from the vet office.

On the other hand (again) I don't have a good feel for my medical history. She

tells such horror stories about my health (and her own) that I don't know what's

true and what isn't. For years she said I had cancer as a child. Only a few

years ago she admitted I didn't. I had a mole removed but it was benign. But

just 2 days ago she was telling the story again about how I had skin cancer as a

child. I've learned not to respond to questions her doctor asks about her health

because I just never know. One time she'll say she has had a heart attack,

another time she'll say no.

Today she had cataract surgery. I had typed out all the pre-surgical

instructions in large type to make it easy for her. When I got over there she

told me she was able to take her pills this morning without using the pudding to

get them down, just used a sip of water (as allowed). We got to the surgical

place and she told them she had pudding this morning. I almost blew up. I said,

" You told me you didn't have any pudding. " It got kind of messy and they had to

delay her surgery for 6 hours. Then she pouted because everything goes wrong for

her and her life has been one big disaster. On and on.

OK, sorry. I've tired from listening to her today. And I have to drive her back

tomorrow for her follow up appt. She insisted that I not spend the night with

her. God only knows what will happen.

[Guest guest]

Here's another example of discovering that my nada's behavior is really just

part of a bigger picture. I somehow missed the previous comments on this topic

but after reading yours, I can really relate.

As a child it seemed like I was always going to the doctor but I don't know why.

On the other hand (no pun intended here) when I was young and fell on a piece of

glass cutting open my hand, my nada stood calmly in the bathroom applying her

makeup and essentially told me it was my fault because I was playing on the side

of the house where I didn't belong.

More recently I was doing some errands with her and I progressively got sicker

and in more pain. I ended up having to leave her place and go to ER even though

I didn't want to go there. She got angry with me because then I wasn't available

to pick up her dog from the vet office.

On the other hand (again) I don't have a good feel for my medical history. She

tells such horror stories about my health (and her own) that I don't know what's

true and what isn't. For years she said I had cancer as a child. Only a few

years ago she admitted I didn't. I had a mole removed but it was benign. But

just 2 days ago she was telling the story again about how I had skin cancer as a

child. I've learned not to respond to questions her doctor asks about her health

because I just never know. One time she'll say she has had a heart attack,

another time she'll say no.

Today she had cataract surgery. I had typed out all the pre-surgical

instructions in large type to make it easy for her. When I got over there she

told me she was able to take her pills this morning without using the pudding to

get them down, just used a sip of water (as allowed). We got to the surgical

place and she told them she had pudding this morning. I almost blew up. I said,

" You told me you didn't have any pudding. " It got kind of messy and they had to

delay her surgery for 6 hours. Then she pouted because everything goes wrong for

her and her life has been one big disaster. On and on.

OK, sorry. I've tired from listening to her today. And I have to drive her back

tomorrow for her follow up appt. She insisted that I not spend the night with

her. God only knows what will happen.

[Guest guest]

thats about how my nada was until SHE got cancer...twice !! non Hodgekins

lymphoma....she's been cancer free for over 6 years now...not even cancer

can live in her she's that evil LOL

Jackie

My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

because they didn't eat right. Etc.

When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had a

huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I got it

- what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being born?

And so on and so on.

But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

fault. Ever.

She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the asthma -

she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers to

control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never could

grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should suffer.

She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about people

who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again because

it was their fault.

Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

[Guest guest]

thats about how my nada was until SHE got cancer...twice !! non Hodgekins

lymphoma....she's been cancer free for over 6 years now...not even cancer

can live in her she's that evil LOL

Jackie

My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

because they didn't eat right. Etc.

When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had a

huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I got it

- what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being born?

And so on and so on.

But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

fault. Ever.

She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the asthma -

she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers to

control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never could

grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should suffer.

She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about people

who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again because

it was their fault.

Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

[Guest guest]

Oh gosh, I had the same inhaler fight when I got pneumonia (and bronchitis later

that year)... I could hardly breath and I was given an inhaler and Nada yelled

bloody murder.

>

> My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

> If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

> because they didn't eat right. Etc.

> When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had a

> huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I got it

> - what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being born?

> And so on and so on.

> But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

> fault. Ever.

> She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the asthma -

> she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers to

> control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never could

> grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should suffer.

> She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about people

> who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again because

> it was their fault.

> Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

>

>

> In a message dated 7/28/2010 12:49:33 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> hellfireblonde99@... writes:

>

>

>

>

> I can relate to the extreme nada behaviors. My nada was the same, either

> all or nothing. Nada used to constantly deny if I was hurt or sick depending

> on her mood. Then for a minor thing, she'd send me to the Doctor or insist

> on unnecessary antibiotics, for nothing. Yet if I was hurt badly she could

> care less.

>

> The worst was when I was really hurt and she would yell at me. I severely

> sprained my ankle sledding when I was five or so and she refused to ice,

> elevate, or allow me crutches. I walked on that mangled ankle and it has

> never been the same since. My right foot still curls inwards at a funny angle.

> Actually I think I remember her laughing at how badly I was limping and

> telling everybody what happened but I don't remember her helping me in any

> way. Throughout school if there was a kid on crutches I always wondered how

> those kids managed to get the crutches when they were hurt. It was a mystery

> to me.

>

> Another time I smashed my fingers in an old wooden window pane that slid

> down fast, and I mean SMASHED my fingers to bits. Blood, swelling, finger

> nails fallen off, crushed bone, awful just awful. I was about 7 or so. I

> screamed bloody murder and cried, OBVIOUSLY, and nada got so frustrated at me

> that she kept yelling at me and snapping with temper outbursts.

>

> I learned very early on to stifle my pain and shut the hell up, suffer in

> silence. It's better than a nada rage whilst in pain. She waited until at

> least a day, or even several days to take me to the Doctor. All they did was

> soak my hand in disinfecting fluid. No xrays, nada didn't insist either. I

> think the only reason she took me in was because my hand was in such bad

> shape that it was evident to the other adults around and nada likely

> couldn't get away with neglecting the injury. (we were at the lake with my

uncle,

> aunt, and cousins) My right middle finger is permanently flat and the last

> joint (tip) is much larger than the left with a funny round spot near the

> joint. Clearly the bone was squished owwwww!

>

> I have memories of many, many similar incidents. The golden child (eldest

> boy) however; he was a delicate flower for which nada would move heaven and

> earth to pamper. Nada also facilitated his violent abuse towards me, the

> younger sibling for years and years. He was all that mattered to her.

>

> Just recently I was preparing for a cooking event at work and dropped a

> giant knife on my foot and impailed my toe. I made the mistake of breifly

> mentioning it to nada (I had to since she asked about the cooking event that

I

> missed because I was in the hospital patching up the toe). I got a blank

> reaction, nothing. No empathy, questions about if the toe will be ok,

> nothing, blank. Nada however talks endlessly about her latest arthritic woe,

> pain, discomfort, procedure, etc. Endlessly. I guess some things never

change.

>

> I just realized I am kind of accident prone! LOL

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh gosh, I had the same inhaler fight when I got pneumonia (and bronchitis later

that year)... I could hardly breath and I was given an inhaler and Nada yelled

bloody murder.

>

> My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

> If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

> because they didn't eat right. Etc.

> When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had a

> huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I got it

> - what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being born?

> And so on and so on.

> But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

> fault. Ever.

> She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the asthma -

> she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers to

> control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never could

> grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should suffer.

> She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about people

> who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again because

> it was their fault.

> Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

>

>

> In a message dated 7/28/2010 12:49:33 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> hellfireblonde99@... writes:

>

>

>

>

> I can relate to the extreme nada behaviors. My nada was the same, either

> all or nothing. Nada used to constantly deny if I was hurt or sick depending

> on her mood. Then for a minor thing, she'd send me to the Doctor or insist

> on unnecessary antibiotics, for nothing. Yet if I was hurt badly she could

> care less.

>

> The worst was when I was really hurt and she would yell at me. I severely

> sprained my ankle sledding when I was five or so and she refused to ice,

> elevate, or allow me crutches. I walked on that mangled ankle and it has

> never been the same since. My right foot still curls inwards at a funny angle.

> Actually I think I remember her laughing at how badly I was limping and

> telling everybody what happened but I don't remember her helping me in any

> way. Throughout school if there was a kid on crutches I always wondered how

> those kids managed to get the crutches when they were hurt. It was a mystery

> to me.

>

> Another time I smashed my fingers in an old wooden window pane that slid

> down fast, and I mean SMASHED my fingers to bits. Blood, swelling, finger

> nails fallen off, crushed bone, awful just awful. I was about 7 or so. I

> screamed bloody murder and cried, OBVIOUSLY, and nada got so frustrated at me

> that she kept yelling at me and snapping with temper outbursts.

>

> I learned very early on to stifle my pain and shut the hell up, suffer in

> silence. It's better than a nada rage whilst in pain. She waited until at

> least a day, or even several days to take me to the Doctor. All they did was

> soak my hand in disinfecting fluid. No xrays, nada didn't insist either. I

> think the only reason she took me in was because my hand was in such bad

> shape that it was evident to the other adults around and nada likely

> couldn't get away with neglecting the injury. (we were at the lake with my

uncle,

> aunt, and cousins) My right middle finger is permanently flat and the last

> joint (tip) is much larger than the left with a funny round spot near the

> joint. Clearly the bone was squished owwwww!

>

> I have memories of many, many similar incidents. The golden child (eldest

> boy) however; he was a delicate flower for which nada would move heaven and

> earth to pamper. Nada also facilitated his violent abuse towards me, the

> younger sibling for years and years. He was all that mattered to her.

>

> Just recently I was preparing for a cooking event at work and dropped a

> giant knife on my foot and impailed my toe. I made the mistake of breifly

> mentioning it to nada (I had to since she asked about the cooking event that

I

> missed because I was in the hospital patching up the toe). I got a blank

> reaction, nothing. No empathy, questions about if the toe will be ok,

> nothing, blank. Nada however talks endlessly about her latest arthritic woe,

> pain, discomfort, procedure, etc. Endlessly. I guess some things never

change.

>

> I just realized I am kind of accident prone! LOL

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I've noticed this with my nada too. When I was a child, if I got hurt while

playing or if I became ill, it was my fault and I'd get yelled at, shamed and

humiliated for being clumsy or nada would act very put-out with me for causing

her more work. I don't remember her spending much if any time with me when I was

forced to stay in bed when I had measles and other illnesses. I learned pretty

early on that I couldn't count on her for comfort.

She and dad did take care of our basic medical needs, however, such as regular

check-ups, immunizations, etc. at both the doctor's and the dentist's, which I

am grateful for, but as far as just basic soothing and emotional care, I don't

remember any of that.

But most of the times when she became ill or injured, she demanded to be catered

to and babied.

Empathy seems to be a very one-way street with nada; all empathy must be

directed toward her. I think that is due to her narcissistic pd co-morbidity.

My nada has traits of all the Cluster B pds, in my opinion, although she has

only been formally diagnosed with bpd.

-Annie

>

> My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

> If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

> because they didn't eat right. Etc.

> When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had a

> huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I got it

> - what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being born?

> And so on and so on.

> But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

> fault. Ever.

> She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the asthma -

> she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers to

> control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never could

> grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should suffer.

> She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about people

> who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again because

> it was their fault.

> Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I was ill a lot growing up, asthma and allergies would cause me to be

hospitalized several times a year.

Nada did take us for regular check ups and everything. I remember once though,

when my asthmas was so bad they had to admit me to the hospital, my mom drove me

over to check me in. I was 10 or 11. I could barely breathe, my lungs were

getting ready to collapse. Nada would be smoking in the car, with the window

BARELY cracked to let the smoke out.

She would also accuse me of being HAPPY of having to stay in the hospital, even

though it was terror to me. I hated needles and all the terrible stuff they had

to do to me. She hated it. She resented me when I was sick. She would not

comfort me, hold me, hug me, tell me everything was going to be ok. She would

bring me stuff, though. Like real food to eat, magazines, what not. That was

kind of nice.

~SJJ

> >

> > My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

> > If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

> > because they didn't eat right. Etc.

> > When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had a

> > huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I got it

> > - what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being born?

> > And so on and so on.

> > But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

> > fault. Ever.

> > She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the asthma -

> > she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers to

> > control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never could

> > grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should suffer.

> > She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about people

> > who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again because

> > it was their fault.

> > Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My nada never soothed my wombs or took care of me, either. She fed me, clothed

me, gave a roof over my head and a warm bed so I am grateful for that. But as

far as hugging me when something bad happened or emotionally supporting me, not

only did that not happen but she would always tell me to " suck it up " or " get

over it " or say " you're so weak " . However, my nada has has 12 surgeries and each

time she is sick, she acts like its going to be her 13th surgery and the world

needs to stop!

AJ

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Re: Illness/Injury: How Nada Reacted to YOU?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, July 30, 2010, 12:33 PM

 

I was ill a lot growing up, asthma and allergies would cause me to be

hospitalized several times a year.

Nada did take us for regular check ups and everything. I remember once though,

when my asthmas was so bad they had to admit me to the hospital, my mom drove me

over to check me in. I was 10 or 11. I could barely breathe, my lungs were

getting ready to collapse. Nada would be smoking in the car, with the window

BARELY cracked to let the smoke out.

She would also accuse me of being HAPPY of having to stay in the hospital, even

though it was terror to me. I hated needles and all the terrible stuff they had

to do to me. She hated it. She resented me when I was sick. She would not

comfort me, hold me, hug me, tell me everything was going to be ok. She would

bring me stuff, though. Like real food to eat, magazines, what not. That was

kind of nice.

~SJJ

> >

> > My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

> > If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

> > because they didn't eat right. Etc.

> > When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had a

> > huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I got it

> > - what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being born?

> > And so on and so on.

> > But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

> > fault. Ever.

> > She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the asthma -

> > she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers to

> > control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never could

> > grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should suffer.

> > She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about people

> > who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again because

> > it was their fault.

> > Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My nada never soothed my wombs or took care of me, either. She fed me, clothed

me, gave a roof over my head and a warm bed so I am grateful for that. But as

far as hugging me when something bad happened or emotionally supporting me, not

only did that not happen but she would always tell me to " suck it up " or " get

over it " or say " you're so weak " . However, my nada has has 12 surgeries and each

time she is sick, she acts like its going to be her 13th surgery and the world

needs to stop!

AJ

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Re: Illness/Injury: How Nada Reacted to YOU?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, July 30, 2010, 12:33 PM

 

I was ill a lot growing up, asthma and allergies would cause me to be

hospitalized several times a year.

Nada did take us for regular check ups and everything. I remember once though,

when my asthmas was so bad they had to admit me to the hospital, my mom drove me

over to check me in. I was 10 or 11. I could barely breathe, my lungs were

getting ready to collapse. Nada would be smoking in the car, with the window

BARELY cracked to let the smoke out.

She would also accuse me of being HAPPY of having to stay in the hospital, even

though it was terror to me. I hated needles and all the terrible stuff they had

to do to me. She hated it. She resented me when I was sick. She would not

comfort me, hold me, hug me, tell me everything was going to be ok. She would

bring me stuff, though. Like real food to eat, magazines, what not. That was

kind of nice.

~SJJ

> >

> > My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

> > If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

> > because they didn't eat right. Etc.

> > When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had a

> > huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I got it

> > - what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being born?

> > And so on and so on.

> > But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

> > fault. Ever.

> > She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the asthma -

> > she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers to

> > control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never could

> > grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should suffer.

> > She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about people

> > who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again because

> > it was their fault.

> > Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My nada never soothed my wombs or took care of me, either. She fed me, clothed

me, gave a roof over my head and a warm bed so I am grateful for that. But as

far as hugging me when something bad happened or emotionally supporting me, not

only did that not happen but she would always tell me to " suck it up " or " get

over it " or say " you're so weak " . However, my nada has has 12 surgeries and each

time she is sick, she acts like its going to be her 13th surgery and the world

needs to stop!

AJ

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Re: Illness/Injury: How Nada Reacted to YOU?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, July 30, 2010, 12:33 PM

 

I was ill a lot growing up, asthma and allergies would cause me to be

hospitalized several times a year.

Nada did take us for regular check ups and everything. I remember once though,

when my asthmas was so bad they had to admit me to the hospital, my mom drove me

over to check me in. I was 10 or 11. I could barely breathe, my lungs were

getting ready to collapse. Nada would be smoking in the car, with the window

BARELY cracked to let the smoke out.

She would also accuse me of being HAPPY of having to stay in the hospital, even

though it was terror to me. I hated needles and all the terrible stuff they had

to do to me. She hated it. She resented me when I was sick. She would not

comfort me, hold me, hug me, tell me everything was going to be ok. She would

bring me stuff, though. Like real food to eat, magazines, what not. That was

kind of nice.

~SJJ

> >

> > My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

> > If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

> > because they didn't eat right. Etc.

> > When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had a

> > huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I got it

> > - what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being born?

> > And so on and so on.

> > But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

> > fault. Ever.

> > She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the asthma -

> > she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers to

> > control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never could

> > grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should suffer.

> > She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about people

> > who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again because

> > it was their fault.

> > Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so hello

everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that everyone on here

displays!

I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious behaviour

was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she was just as

manipulative and self-centred before she started drinking in earnest. And so

began the journey that has led me to this place...

I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to the other

nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere where people can

'understand' without a great long explanation of why BPD/HPD is a perfect

description for her and why my feelings seem so harsh.

This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an incurable

(but treatable and not life threatening) neurological disorder laryngeal

dystonia.

Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no she didn't

and no it is not 'nothing').

Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?' Er mum,

nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'- this is her

trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not curable, but you didn't

listen to that did you? Even though you claim to have had the same thing? Oh,

and thanks a lot for asking me to heal for 'our sakes' (translation: nada's

sake). Thanks for trying to give me the resonsibility of getting well from

something that can't be cured so that I can make you feel better. Aaaaaaargh.

By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more disabled by

heart disease and various other ailments over the past few years. However she

claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle of scotch a day is good for her

heart, as is smoking 30 to 40 cigarettes a day. Although she is keen for me to

take steps to 'get better' for her sake, she has never once acknowleged the

connection between her smoking and drinking and her heart disease and

breathlessness, which means she needs a lot of care because she is so frail.

Makes sense to her.

Sorry about the long rant - I am fed-up of dealing with this utter nonsense on

my own (she plays the poor me waif to all my FOO - and paints me as cold hearted

and all but one of them believes her). Actually I'm feeling pretty cold hearted

at the moment, I wonder why that could be?

Thanks for putting up with my venting!

> >

>

> >

>

> > >

>

> > > My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

>

> > > If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

>

> > > because they didn't eat right. Etc.

>

> > > When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had a

>

> > > huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I got

it

>

> > > - what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being born?

>

> > > And so on and so on.

>

> > > But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

>

> > > fault. Ever.

>

> > > She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the asthma

-

>

> > > she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers to

>

> > > control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never could

>

> > > grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should

suffer.

>

> > > She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about people

>

> > > who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again

because

>

> > > it was their fault.

>

> > > Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

>

[Guest guest]

Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so hello

everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that everyone on here

displays!

I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious behaviour

was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she was just as

manipulative and self-centred before she started drinking in earnest. And so

began the journey that has led me to this place...

I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to the other

nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere where people can

'understand' without a great long explanation of why BPD/HPD is a perfect

description for her and why my feelings seem so harsh.

This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an incurable

(but treatable and not life threatening) neurological disorder laryngeal

dystonia.

Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no she didn't

and no it is not 'nothing').

Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?' Er mum,

nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'- this is her

trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not curable, but you didn't

listen to that did you? Even though you claim to have had the same thing? Oh,

and thanks a lot for asking me to heal for 'our sakes' (translation: nada's

sake). Thanks for trying to give me the resonsibility of getting well from

something that can't be cured so that I can make you feel better. Aaaaaaargh.

By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more disabled by

heart disease and various other ailments over the past few years. However she

claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle of scotch a day is good for her

heart, as is smoking 30 to 40 cigarettes a day. Although she is keen for me to

take steps to 'get better' for her sake, she has never once acknowleged the

connection between her smoking and drinking and her heart disease and

breathlessness, which means she needs a lot of care because she is so frail.

Makes sense to her.

Sorry about the long rant - I am fed-up of dealing with this utter nonsense on

my own (she plays the poor me waif to all my FOO - and paints me as cold hearted

and all but one of them believes her). Actually I'm feeling pretty cold hearted

at the moment, I wonder why that could be?

Thanks for putting up with my venting!

> >

>

> >

>

> > >

>

> > > My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

>

> > > If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

>

> > > because they didn't eat right. Etc.

>

> > > When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had a

>

> > > huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I got

it

>

> > > - what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being born?

>

> > > And so on and so on.

>

> > > But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

>

> > > fault. Ever.

>

> > > She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the asthma

-

>

> > > she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers to

>

> > > control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never could

>

> > > grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should

suffer.

>

> > > She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about people

>

> > > who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again

because

>

> > > it was their fault.

>

> > > Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

>

[Guest guest]

Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so hello

everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that everyone on here

displays!

I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious behaviour

was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she was just as

manipulative and self-centred before she started drinking in earnest. And so

began the journey that has led me to this place...

I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to the other

nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere where people can

'understand' without a great long explanation of why BPD/HPD is a perfect

description for her and why my feelings seem so harsh.

This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an incurable

(but treatable and not life threatening) neurological disorder laryngeal

dystonia.

Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no she didn't

and no it is not 'nothing').

Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?' Er mum,

nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'- this is her

trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not curable, but you didn't

listen to that did you? Even though you claim to have had the same thing? Oh,

and thanks a lot for asking me to heal for 'our sakes' (translation: nada's

sake). Thanks for trying to give me the resonsibility of getting well from

something that can't be cured so that I can make you feel better. Aaaaaaargh.

By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more disabled by

heart disease and various other ailments over the past few years. However she

claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle of scotch a day is good for her

heart, as is smoking 30 to 40 cigarettes a day. Although she is keen for me to

take steps to 'get better' for her sake, she has never once acknowleged the

connection between her smoking and drinking and her heart disease and

breathlessness, which means she needs a lot of care because she is so frail.

Makes sense to her.

Sorry about the long rant - I am fed-up of dealing with this utter nonsense on

my own (she plays the poor me waif to all my FOO - and paints me as cold hearted

and all but one of them believes her). Actually I'm feeling pretty cold hearted

at the moment, I wonder why that could be?

Thanks for putting up with my venting!

> >

>

> >

>

> > >

>

> > > My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

>

> > > If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

>

> > > because they didn't eat right. Etc.

>

> > > When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had a

>

> > > huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I got

it

>

> > > - what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being born?

>

> > > And so on and so on.

>

> > > But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

>

> > > fault. Ever.

>

> > > She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the asthma

-

>

> > > she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers to

>

> > > control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never could

>

> > > grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should

suffer.

>

> > > She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about people

>

> > > who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again

because

>

> > > it was their fault.

>

> > > Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

>

[Guest guest]

Wow guys, the health thing is such a loaded topic. My nada would also bounce

back and forth on taking care of my health. Sometimes she would refuse to

get treatment for me. The best example of this, is that I started having

migrain headaches in 3rd grade. Very very bad ones. They took me to the doc,

and he had a BS answer. And then they didn't fight for me. I can remember a

conversation with my dad, him telling me I had to just tough it out and deal

with the pain. I'm like people - when your 8 year old is in mind numbing

pain almost 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, do we not seek a solution. Like

maybe we go to the doctor in the city. So the weird thing is, as I got older

the headaches just got worse and worse and worse. I was 25 years old,

married, had my own career and health insurance before I started getting

help. And the migraines have gotten worse and caused me a lot of other

problems with my health. So I must say, I am super pissed that they didn't

treat it early.

Anothere example of neglect, is that when I was 2, I was jumping on my

grandma's bed and cut my cheek wide open. Nada's reaction was to get very

pissed at me (a freaking 2 year old) and refuse to take me for stitches.

Eventually, nada's nada forced her to take me. But she still tells the story

with pride about how she wasn't going to take me cuz it was my own fault.

Another time, around 7th grade, I had an unexplained allergic reaction with

hives after school one day. Of course, being prone to these, I know that you

just take a shower, take a benadryl and change your clothes and usually that

gets the allergen off of you. But at that age, I didn't know these steps.

Nada freaked and took me to the ER where I lay for 4 -6 hours just in hell.

LIke come on people, its just a hive!

And another time, when I was in college I had to have eye surgery after an

accident. I was having an allergic reaction to the latex tubes they put in

my eye. I went down to see nada, and put some allergy drops in my eye. The

weird thing is when I looked in the mirror, one of my pupils was hugely

dialated and the other was normal. Since this is a sign of serious brain

damage, I started to get worried. Nada freaked out, yelled at me, refused to

help and basically had one of her BPD fits.

But, I would say the worst thing about having a nada when you have a health

problem (at least in my case) is that she would lash out at me, be angry, be

neglectful, you name it. and then I would hear her on the phone with her

friends talking about " poor nada, what is she to do, her world is falling a

part, her daughter has X problem " and basically using you as a pawn to get

sympathy, gifts, support etc out of her friends - to the point that the

entire congregation at church and whole neighborhood knows you are on your

period or what ever embarassing thing!!!

Ugh, down with nadas!!!

>

>

> earMy nada never soothed my wombs or took care of me, either. She fed me,

> clothed me, gave a roof over my head and a warm bed so I am grateful for

> that. But as far as hugging me when something bad happened or emotionally

> supporting me, not only did that not happen but she would always tell me to

> " suck it up " or " get over it " or say " you're so weak " . However, my nada has

> has 12 surgeries and each time she is sick, she acts like its going to be

> her 13th surgery and the world needs to stop!

>

> AJ

> Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

>

> Re: Illness/Injury: How Nada Reacted to YOU?

> To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com>

> Date: Friday, July 30, 2010, 12:33 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> I was ill a lot growing up, asthma and allergies would cause me to be

> hospitalized several times a year.

>

>

>

> Nada did take us for regular check ups and everything. I remember once

> though, when my asthmas was so bad they had to admit me to the hospital, my

> mom drove me over to check me in. I was 10 or 11. I could barely breathe, my

> lungs were getting ready to collapse. Nada would be smoking in the car, with

> the window BARELY cracked to let the smoke out.

>

> She would also accuse me of being HAPPY of having to stay in the hospital,

> even though it was terror to me. I hated needles and all the terrible stuff

> they had to do to me. She hated it. She resented me when I was sick. She

> would not comfort me, hold me, hug me, tell me everything was going to be

> ok. She would bring me stuff, though. Like real food to eat, magazines, what

> not. That was kind of nice.

>

>

>

> ~SJJ

>

>

>

>

>

> > >

>

> > > My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

>

> > > If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

>

>

> > > because they didn't eat right. Etc.

>

> > > When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had

> a

>

> > > huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I

> got it

>

> > > - what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being

> born?

>

> > > And so on and so on.

>

> > > But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

>

> > > fault. Ever.

>

> > > She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the

> asthma -

>

> > > she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers

> to

>

> > > control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never

> could

>

> > > grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should

> suffer.

>

> > > She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about

> people

>

> > > who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again

> because

>

> > > it was their fault.

>

> > > Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

>

> > >

>

> > >

>

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow guys, the health thing is such a loaded topic. My nada would also bounce

back and forth on taking care of my health. Sometimes she would refuse to

get treatment for me. The best example of this, is that I started having

migrain headaches in 3rd grade. Very very bad ones. They took me to the doc,

and he had a BS answer. And then they didn't fight for me. I can remember a

conversation with my dad, him telling me I had to just tough it out and deal

with the pain. I'm like people - when your 8 year old is in mind numbing

pain almost 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, do we not seek a solution. Like

maybe we go to the doctor in the city. So the weird thing is, as I got older

the headaches just got worse and worse and worse. I was 25 years old,

married, had my own career and health insurance before I started getting

help. And the migraines have gotten worse and caused me a lot of other

problems with my health. So I must say, I am super pissed that they didn't

treat it early.

Anothere example of neglect, is that when I was 2, I was jumping on my

grandma's bed and cut my cheek wide open. Nada's reaction was to get very

pissed at me (a freaking 2 year old) and refuse to take me for stitches.

Eventually, nada's nada forced her to take me. But she still tells the story

with pride about how she wasn't going to take me cuz it was my own fault.

Another time, around 7th grade, I had an unexplained allergic reaction with

hives after school one day. Of course, being prone to these, I know that you

just take a shower, take a benadryl and change your clothes and usually that

gets the allergen off of you. But at that age, I didn't know these steps.

Nada freaked and took me to the ER where I lay for 4 -6 hours just in hell.

LIke come on people, its just a hive!

And another time, when I was in college I had to have eye surgery after an

accident. I was having an allergic reaction to the latex tubes they put in

my eye. I went down to see nada, and put some allergy drops in my eye. The

weird thing is when I looked in the mirror, one of my pupils was hugely

dialated and the other was normal. Since this is a sign of serious brain

damage, I started to get worried. Nada freaked out, yelled at me, refused to

help and basically had one of her BPD fits.

But, I would say the worst thing about having a nada when you have a health

problem (at least in my case) is that she would lash out at me, be angry, be

neglectful, you name it. and then I would hear her on the phone with her

friends talking about " poor nada, what is she to do, her world is falling a

part, her daughter has X problem " and basically using you as a pawn to get

sympathy, gifts, support etc out of her friends - to the point that the

entire congregation at church and whole neighborhood knows you are on your

period or what ever embarassing thing!!!

Ugh, down with nadas!!!

>

>

> earMy nada never soothed my wombs or took care of me, either. She fed me,

> clothed me, gave a roof over my head and a warm bed so I am grateful for

> that. But as far as hugging me when something bad happened or emotionally

> supporting me, not only did that not happen but she would always tell me to

> " suck it up " or " get over it " or say " you're so weak " . However, my nada has

> has 12 surgeries and each time she is sick, she acts like its going to be

> her 13th surgery and the world needs to stop!

>

> AJ

> Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

>

> Re: Illness/Injury: How Nada Reacted to YOU?

> To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com>

> Date: Friday, July 30, 2010, 12:33 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> I was ill a lot growing up, asthma and allergies would cause me to be

> hospitalized several times a year.

>

>

>

> Nada did take us for regular check ups and everything. I remember once

> though, when my asthmas was so bad they had to admit me to the hospital, my

> mom drove me over to check me in. I was 10 or 11. I could barely breathe, my

> lungs were getting ready to collapse. Nada would be smoking in the car, with

> the window BARELY cracked to let the smoke out.

>

> She would also accuse me of being HAPPY of having to stay in the hospital,

> even though it was terror to me. I hated needles and all the terrible stuff

> they had to do to me. She hated it. She resented me when I was sick. She

> would not comfort me, hold me, hug me, tell me everything was going to be

> ok. She would bring me stuff, though. Like real food to eat, magazines, what

> not. That was kind of nice.

>

>

>

> ~SJJ

>

>

>

>

>

> > >

>

> > > My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

>

> > > If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

>

>

> > > because they didn't eat right. Etc.

>

> > > When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had

> a

>

> > > huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I

> got it

>

> > > - what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being

> born?

>

> > > And so on and so on.

>

> > > But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

>

> > > fault. Ever.

>

> > > She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the

> asthma -

>

> > > she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers

> to

>

> > > control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never

> could

>

> > > grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should

> suffer.

>

> > > She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about

> people

>

> > > who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again

> because

>

> > > it was their fault.

>

> > > Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

>

> > >

>

> > >

>

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow guys, the health thing is such a loaded topic. My nada would also bounce

back and forth on taking care of my health. Sometimes she would refuse to

get treatment for me. The best example of this, is that I started having

migrain headaches in 3rd grade. Very very bad ones. They took me to the doc,

and he had a BS answer. And then they didn't fight for me. I can remember a

conversation with my dad, him telling me I had to just tough it out and deal

with the pain. I'm like people - when your 8 year old is in mind numbing

pain almost 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, do we not seek a solution. Like

maybe we go to the doctor in the city. So the weird thing is, as I got older

the headaches just got worse and worse and worse. I was 25 years old,

married, had my own career and health insurance before I started getting

help. And the migraines have gotten worse and caused me a lot of other

problems with my health. So I must say, I am super pissed that they didn't

treat it early.

Anothere example of neglect, is that when I was 2, I was jumping on my

grandma's bed and cut my cheek wide open. Nada's reaction was to get very

pissed at me (a freaking 2 year old) and refuse to take me for stitches.

Eventually, nada's nada forced her to take me. But she still tells the story

with pride about how she wasn't going to take me cuz it was my own fault.

Another time, around 7th grade, I had an unexplained allergic reaction with

hives after school one day. Of course, being prone to these, I know that you

just take a shower, take a benadryl and change your clothes and usually that

gets the allergen off of you. But at that age, I didn't know these steps.

Nada freaked and took me to the ER where I lay for 4 -6 hours just in hell.

LIke come on people, its just a hive!

And another time, when I was in college I had to have eye surgery after an

accident. I was having an allergic reaction to the latex tubes they put in

my eye. I went down to see nada, and put some allergy drops in my eye. The

weird thing is when I looked in the mirror, one of my pupils was hugely

dialated and the other was normal. Since this is a sign of serious brain

damage, I started to get worried. Nada freaked out, yelled at me, refused to

help and basically had one of her BPD fits.

But, I would say the worst thing about having a nada when you have a health

problem (at least in my case) is that she would lash out at me, be angry, be

neglectful, you name it. and then I would hear her on the phone with her

friends talking about " poor nada, what is she to do, her world is falling a

part, her daughter has X problem " and basically using you as a pawn to get

sympathy, gifts, support etc out of her friends - to the point that the

entire congregation at church and whole neighborhood knows you are on your

period or what ever embarassing thing!!!

Ugh, down with nadas!!!

>

>

> earMy nada never soothed my wombs or took care of me, either. She fed me,

> clothed me, gave a roof over my head and a warm bed so I am grateful for

> that. But as far as hugging me when something bad happened or emotionally

> supporting me, not only did that not happen but she would always tell me to

> " suck it up " or " get over it " or say " you're so weak " . However, my nada has

> has 12 surgeries and each time she is sick, she acts like its going to be

> her 13th surgery and the world needs to stop!

>

> AJ

> Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

>

> Re: Illness/Injury: How Nada Reacted to YOU?

> To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com>

> Date: Friday, July 30, 2010, 12:33 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> I was ill a lot growing up, asthma and allergies would cause me to be

> hospitalized several times a year.

>

>

>

> Nada did take us for regular check ups and everything. I remember once

> though, when my asthmas was so bad they had to admit me to the hospital, my

> mom drove me over to check me in. I was 10 or 11. I could barely breathe, my

> lungs were getting ready to collapse. Nada would be smoking in the car, with

> the window BARELY cracked to let the smoke out.

>

> She would also accuse me of being HAPPY of having to stay in the hospital,

> even though it was terror to me. I hated needles and all the terrible stuff

> they had to do to me. She hated it. She resented me when I was sick. She

> would not comfort me, hold me, hug me, tell me everything was going to be

> ok. She would bring me stuff, though. Like real food to eat, magazines, what

> not. That was kind of nice.

>

>

>

> ~SJJ

>

>

>

>

>

> > >

>

> > > My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

>

> > > If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

>

>

> > > because they didn't eat right. Etc.

>

> > > When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had

> a

>

> > > huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I

> got it

>

> > > - what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being

> born?

>

> > > And so on and so on.

>

> > > But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

>

> > > fault. Ever.

>

> > > She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the

> asthma -

>

> > > she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers

> to

>

> > > control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never

> could

>

> > > grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should

> suffer.

>

> > > She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about

> people

>

> > > who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again

> because

>

> > > it was their fault.

>

> > > Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

>

> > >

>

> > >

>

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Totally. And it doesn't change, even as you get older does it? My nada scheduled

her elective back surgery to be on my due date. I couldn't believe she would

take the spotlight away from me while I was about to have a baby! The only thing

I could think of saying was " gee- I'm sorry I won't be able to help you

recuperate " since the only thing she understands is how it all relates to her.

>

> yes, I can relate to this...our illness or injuries always seemed to make

> nada angry..was it time she wasn't in the spotlight ? or just the

> inconvenience of having to take a child to the dr/hospital when she'd rather

> sit and watch her soaps ?? I'll never know ,but like you, unless I was

> actually DYING better not let nada know your hurt or sick...my sister had to

> take me to the hospital when I was a kid because I got stung by 2 bees in

> the neck and was having trouble breathing...nada decided I was faking...I'm

> allergic to bee stings !!

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> I can relate to the extreme nada behaviors. My nada was the same, either all

> or nothing. Nada used to constantly deny if I was hurt or sick depending on

> her mood. Then for a minor thing, she'd send me to the Doctor or insist on

> unnecessary antibiotics, for nothing. Yet if I was hurt badly she could care

> less.

>

> The worst was when I was really hurt and she would yell at me. I severely

> sprained my ankle sledding when I was five or so and she refused to ice,

> elevate, or allow me crutches. I walked on that mangled ankle and it has

> never been the same since. My right foot still curls inwards at a funny

> angle. Actually I think I remember her laughing at how badly I was limping

> and telling everybody what happened but I don't remember her helping me in

> any way. Throughout school if there was a kid on crutches I always wondered

> how those kids managed to get the crutches when they were hurt. It was a

> mystery to me.

>

> Another time I smashed my fingers in an old wooden window pane that slid

> down fast, and I mean SMASHED my fingers to bits. Blood, swelling, finger

> nails fallen off, crushed bone, awful just awful. I was about 7 or so. I

> screamed bloody murder and cried, OBVIOUSLY, and nada got so frustrated at

> me that she kept yelling at me and snapping with temper outbursts.

>

> I learned very early on to stifle my pain and shut the hell up, suffer in

> silence. It's better than a nada rage whilst in pain. She waited until at

> least a day, or even several days to take me to the Doctor. All they did was

> soak my hand in disinfecting fluid. No xrays, nada didn't insist either. I

> think the only reason she took me in was because my hand was in such bad

> shape that it was evident to the other adults around and nada likely

> couldn't get away with neglecting the injury. (we were at the lake with my

> uncle, aunt, and cousins) My right middle finger is permanently flat and the

> last joint (tip) is much larger than the left with a funny round spot near

> the joint. Clearly the bone was squished owwwww!

>

> I have memories of many, many similar incidents. The golden child (eldest

> boy) however; he was a delicate flower for which nada would move heaven and

> earth to pamper. Nada also facilitated his violent abuse towards me, the

> younger sibling for years and years. He was all that mattered to her.

>

> Just recently I was preparing for a cooking event at work and dropped a

> giant knife on my foot and impailed my toe. I made the mistake of breifly

> mentioning it to nada (I had to since she asked about the cooking event that

> I missed because I was in the hospital patching up the toe). I got a blank

> reaction, nothing. No empathy, questions about if the toe will be ok,

> nothing, blank. Nada however talks endlessly about her latest arthritic woe,

> pain, discomfort, procedure, etc. Endlessly. I guess some things never

> change.

>

> I just realized I am kind of accident prone! LOL

>

[Guest guest]

Totally. And it doesn't change, even as you get older does it? My nada scheduled

her elective back surgery to be on my due date. I couldn't believe she would

take the spotlight away from me while I was about to have a baby! The only thing

I could think of saying was " gee- I'm sorry I won't be able to help you

recuperate " since the only thing she understands is how it all relates to her.

>

> yes, I can relate to this...our illness or injuries always seemed to make

> nada angry..was it time she wasn't in the spotlight ? or just the

> inconvenience of having to take a child to the dr/hospital when she'd rather

> sit and watch her soaps ?? I'll never know ,but like you, unless I was

> actually DYING better not let nada know your hurt or sick...my sister had to

> take me to the hospital when I was a kid because I got stung by 2 bees in

> the neck and was having trouble breathing...nada decided I was faking...I'm

> allergic to bee stings !!

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> I can relate to the extreme nada behaviors. My nada was the same, either all

> or nothing. Nada used to constantly deny if I was hurt or sick depending on

> her mood. Then for a minor thing, she'd send me to the Doctor or insist on

> unnecessary antibiotics, for nothing. Yet if I was hurt badly she could care

> less.

>

> The worst was when I was really hurt and she would yell at me. I severely

> sprained my ankle sledding when I was five or so and she refused to ice,

> elevate, or allow me crutches. I walked on that mangled ankle and it has

> never been the same since. My right foot still curls inwards at a funny

> angle. Actually I think I remember her laughing at how badly I was limping

> and telling everybody what happened but I don't remember her helping me in

> any way. Throughout school if there was a kid on crutches I always wondered

> how those kids managed to get the crutches when they were hurt. It was a

> mystery to me.

>

> Another time I smashed my fingers in an old wooden window pane that slid

> down fast, and I mean SMASHED my fingers to bits. Blood, swelling, finger

> nails fallen off, crushed bone, awful just awful. I was about 7 or so. I

> screamed bloody murder and cried, OBVIOUSLY, and nada got so frustrated at

> me that she kept yelling at me and snapping with temper outbursts.

>

> I learned very early on to stifle my pain and shut the hell up, suffer in

> silence. It's better than a nada rage whilst in pain. She waited until at

> least a day, or even several days to take me to the Doctor. All they did was

> soak my hand in disinfecting fluid. No xrays, nada didn't insist either. I

> think the only reason she took me in was because my hand was in such bad

> shape that it was evident to the other adults around and nada likely

> couldn't get away with neglecting the injury. (we were at the lake with my

> uncle, aunt, and cousins) My right middle finger is permanently flat and the

> last joint (tip) is much larger than the left with a funny round spot near

> the joint. Clearly the bone was squished owwwww!

>

> I have memories of many, many similar incidents. The golden child (eldest

> boy) however; he was a delicate flower for which nada would move heaven and

> earth to pamper. Nada also facilitated his violent abuse towards me, the

> younger sibling for years and years. He was all that mattered to her.

>

> Just recently I was preparing for a cooking event at work and dropped a

> giant knife on my foot and impailed my toe. I made the mistake of breifly

> mentioning it to nada (I had to since she asked about the cooking event that

> I missed because I was in the hospital patching up the toe). I got a blank

> reaction, nothing. No empathy, questions about if the toe will be ok,

> nothing, blank. Nada however talks endlessly about her latest arthritic woe,

> pain, discomfort, procedure, etc. Endlessly. I guess some things never

> change.

>

> I just realized I am kind of accident prone! LOL

>