Re: Setting Boundaries or Cutting Ties?

July 23, 2010

Thanks for the thoughts, everyone. I guess I'll just keep on taking things one

day at a time.

I'm NC right now; it was a shotgun decision. Nada kept making plans for one

holiay, then another holiday, then a birthday, then another birthday, and then

my birthday and I just kinda snapped and quit answering the phone. I haven't

seen her now for 6 months or so, and have only talked to her briefly a few

times.

This was all *after* she announced that we should " face facts " and only spend

Christmases together which made me feel extremely relieved ... then when she

started making all these plans to spend time together I panicked.

She is getting old ... she's 67, but she doesn't take care of herself. She

doesn't have a working car and just from a few things she's told me I think

she's managed to piss off everyone who was giving her rides. (I quit giving her

rides a couple of years ago when she falsely accused my father and/or father in

law of sexually abusing my daughter. She didn't call the cops or anything ...

because I think she knew somewhere in her diseased brain that it wasn't true.)

She refuses to take the bus because she won't walk one block to the bus station

and because she thinks she's too good for public transport.

I also own her house with my brother, so when things go wrong over there, I have

an obligation to fix them. (My brother can barely take care of himself, so

having him take over looking after Nada is pretty much out of the question.)

I felt really GREAT at first about not speaking with her, but now I'm wrestling

with this horrible guilt. She has no idea why I'm not speaking to her, but I

know if I try to explain it, she won't understand anyway, because she never

understands anything I say. Sometimes I think about her sitting all alone in her

house (my house) with no friends, and her children who don't call, and no

significant other and I feel sorry for her.

So I spoke with a therapist who thought that maybe the guilt I'm experiencing is

from not making a concrete decision.

Maybe I'm just having a better day, but I'm starting to feel more comfortable

with just playing things by ear. Maybe talking with you all has helped.

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