Re: Things we WISH we could say to our nada's (or fadas).

[Guest guest]

I know what it's like to feel this way. I have written so many letters like this

to my father (unsent). and I suspect that now that I am understanding more and

more what is going on with my mother I will begin that process, she's been

extroardinarily hard to pin down. I empathized so much with your feelings about

your sister. My relationships with my siblings are some of the worst casualties

of my family problems. My father has carried out a lifelong distortion campaign

against me. Though lately he says character assassinating things about all of my

siblings pretty much on a daily basis, he' just about lost his mind I think. I

think most of those relationships are beyond repair because of this...I know it

hurts so much to have a sibling blinded by loyalty and lies to a parent like

this. Hugs.

>

> So I've been going through this painful/hurt time of the reality of having to

go NC again. Now that hurt has turned into anger, and all day long I've had

these words in my head of what I really WANT to say to my nada, but never will

because I know it won't make anything better or fix anything. Maybe you guys can

post things you wish you could say. Here is my tirade of the day....feel free to

not read the whole thing.

>

> Mom, I think you are being such a b****. You are being selfish, manipulative,

and it DISGUSTS me. I imagine how you are at home with your boyfriend just

sitting around pouting about how your first born daughter is so awful, and " why

doesn't she love me " and all of that. Feeling sorry for yourself, the so called

long suffering, all loving mother. What an act. It makes me sick how you want my

world to revolve around you.

> A friend of mine got married the other weekend, and it made me think of my own

wedding. Yeah, you weren't invited. I couldn't imagine you there to ruin the

best day of MY life. I could only imagine you being fake at best. I can imagine

you not being nice to my husbands family, I can imagine you treating my husband

with disrespect. I could see you treating ME with disrespect. I wasn't going to

let you ruin my wedding day. When I saw my friends wedding pictures with her

parents smiling, and hugging, and dancing, it made me think of how you are the

opposite of those things. You would have just been sitting in a corner pouting

because your daughter didn't listen to everything you say.

> You are nothing but a little child. There have been ulterior motives for

EVERYTHING nice you have done in your life. You don't know how to truly love or

be caring.That is very sad. You could learn those things...but you refuse to.

Everything is about you all the time. You exhaust those around you and stress

people out.

> You have a sick, unhealthy obsession with your dead father, my grandfather,

who molested me. You made excuses for him, and you still do. I guess it's ok for

someone to hurt your child both mentally and physically as long as they were

your own dad, and recently diagnosed with leukemia. That made it ok. You made me

feel worthless. Your own child, your own flesh and blood wasn't even worth

having a talk with your dad to tell him not to hurt me anymore. You wouldn't

stand up for me.

> You kept people that loved me out of my life. I found those people again when

I grew up, but you are making me pay a price for that. You gave me an ultimatum

to stay away from my father and his family or not have a relationship with you.

Seeing as my father and his family don't hurt me, forsake me, or treat me like

scum of the earth, I'm not going to give in to your little ultimatum. You can

cut me out of your life for it, and maybe it's better that way. Maybe I can be

done with the pain and the crying, and the panic attacks, and the stomach

problems.

> You have ruined any relationship i will ever have with my dear little sister,

just because of your games and manipulation.

> I love you, but I also feel hate for you. Hate for complicating my otherwise

fantastic life. You are a smudge on an otherwise perfect picture. I don't know

if I will ever forgive you. You don't really deserve my forgiveness. You don't

deserve anything from me..not anymore. I've given you way too much of myself to

feel like I need to give anymore.

> You will sit and waste away an old, lonely, bitter, nasty woman. And I won't

watch that happen, I want no part of it. You can be miserable and alone...you

bring the unhappiness on yourself you old, cowering, miserable B****.

>

> ~Sara Jo

>