Re: Long term scars from my nada lying so much when I was growing up

[Guest guest]

sorry to get this out so late.. yes, long term scars are a part of many of our

lives as ko's .. i overreact to people too, not just about lying but other

things too.  i am trying to both accept and know myself as well as work towards

changing and become more trusting of people i care about.  i get a lot of help

from therapy, 12-step groups, mental health groups and talking things out with

friends.  processing what is happening, both inside me with my fleas and

outside, how a more appropriate response can be.  it has been a long term

project for me and a lot of work, but well worth it i think.  best wishes to

you, ann

Subject: Long term scars from my nada lying so much when I

was growing up

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Saturday, July 17, 2010, 10:25 PM

 

Hi folks. To this day I get very angry and feel threatened when someone

lies to me. I never lose my vigilance against that. I know my vigilance comes

from my nada's habitual lying. And yet I feel that I overreact. Any suggestions

on how to feel less defensive when lied to or more trusting in people near and

dear?

[Guest guest]

Here's what I read:

Someone close to me shows me they are dishonest and, therefore, not trustworthy.

I respect their character (as dishonest) and I don't give them my trust.

That just sounds plain wise to me.

I've found that honesty is a reasonable expectation in a relationship. If all

of us KOs have the capability to be honest, we can choose friends who have the

same capacity.

For me, it isn't what they lied about: it is the fact they have proven

themselves to be liars. And that is very unsafe for me. I just can't be around

that and still function.

Thanks for this great post. I never appreciated how hard and twisted and unreal

this lying thing is for all of us. The sad truth is, out of all the things nada

did to hurt me, her bold-faced lies and false accusations against MY honesty

hurt me the worst.

Lying came so naturally for them, no wonder they assumed everyone else was a

liar. Those false accusations really hurt.

Thanks--

>

> Hi folks. To this day I get very angry and feel threatened when someone lies

to me. I never lose my vigilance against that. I know my vigilance comes from my

nada's habitual lying. And yet I feel that I overreact. Any suggestions on how

to feel less defensive when lied to or more trusting in people near and dear?

>

[Guest guest]

Here's what I read:

Someone close to me shows me they are dishonest and, therefore, not trustworthy.

I respect their character (as dishonest) and I don't give them my trust.

That just sounds plain wise to me.

I've found that honesty is a reasonable expectation in a relationship. If all

of us KOs have the capability to be honest, we can choose friends who have the

same capacity.

For me, it isn't what they lied about: it is the fact they have proven

themselves to be liars. And that is very unsafe for me. I just can't be around

that and still function.

Thanks for this great post. I never appreciated how hard and twisted and unreal

this lying thing is for all of us. The sad truth is, out of all the things nada

did to hurt me, her bold-faced lies and false accusations against MY honesty

hurt me the worst.

Lying came so naturally for them, no wonder they assumed everyone else was a

liar. Those false accusations really hurt.

Thanks--

>

> Hi folks. To this day I get very angry and feel threatened when someone lies

to me. I never lose my vigilance against that. I know my vigilance comes from my

nada's habitual lying. And yet I feel that I overreact. Any suggestions on how

to feel less defensive when lied to or more trusting in people near and dear?

>

[Guest guest]

Here's what I read:

Someone close to me shows me they are dishonest and, therefore, not trustworthy.

I respect their character (as dishonest) and I don't give them my trust.

That just sounds plain wise to me.

I've found that honesty is a reasonable expectation in a relationship. If all

of us KOs have the capability to be honest, we can choose friends who have the

same capacity.

For me, it isn't what they lied about: it is the fact they have proven

themselves to be liars. And that is very unsafe for me. I just can't be around

that and still function.

Thanks for this great post. I never appreciated how hard and twisted and unreal

this lying thing is for all of us. The sad truth is, out of all the things nada

did to hurt me, her bold-faced lies and false accusations against MY honesty

hurt me the worst.

Lying came so naturally for them, no wonder they assumed everyone else was a

liar. Those false accusations really hurt.

Thanks--

>

> Hi folks. To this day I get very angry and feel threatened when someone lies

to me. I never lose my vigilance against that. I know my vigilance comes from my

nada's habitual lying. And yet I feel that I overreact. Any suggestions on how

to feel less defensive when lied to or more trusting in people near and dear?

>