Guest guest Posted July 22, 2010 Report Share Posted July 22, 2010 As nada appears to be on her deathbed. i'm having a rollr coaster of horrible emotions and self-talk with issues I thought i resolved. i need some advice on the emotional journey after her death. i'm even concerned abuot answering co-workers questions. I continue to have well meaning friends encourage me to go see her, but i feel no need or guilt.. Joanna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 23, 2010 Report Share Posted July 23, 2010 I wish I could help you. I haven't gone that journey yet. My Dad died almost 2 years ago but that was completely different. I liked him. The guilt I struggle with as my nada gets older, more frail and even more annoying is the occasional thought that I wish she would just go. I keep thinking I would finally be free. But then I feel terrible about wishing someone would die and I wonder if I'll actually feel good about it when she is gone. There must be others out there that have gone through this. I hope they can help. > > As nada appears to be on her deathbed. i'm having a rollr coaster of horrible emotions and self-talk with issues I thought i resolved. i need some advice on the emotional journey after her death. > > > i'm even concerned abuot answering co-workers questions. > > I continue to have well meaning friends encourage me to go see her, but i feel no need or guilt.. > > Joanna > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 23, 2010 Report Share Posted July 23, 2010 I wish I could help you. I haven't gone that journey yet. My Dad died almost 2 years ago but that was completely different. I liked him. The guilt I struggle with as my nada gets older, more frail and even more annoying is the occasional thought that I wish she would just go. I keep thinking I would finally be free. But then I feel terrible about wishing someone would die and I wonder if I'll actually feel good about it when she is gone. There must be others out there that have gone through this. I hope they can help. > > As nada appears to be on her deathbed. i'm having a rollr coaster of horrible emotions and self-talk with issues I thought i resolved. i need some advice on the emotional journey after her death. > > > i'm even concerned abuot answering co-workers questions. > > I continue to have well meaning friends encourage me to go see her, but i feel no need or guilt.. > > Joanna > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 23, 2010 Report Share Posted July 23, 2010 I wish I could help you. I haven't gone that journey yet. My Dad died almost 2 years ago but that was completely different. I liked him. The guilt I struggle with as my nada gets older, more frail and even more annoying is the occasional thought that I wish she would just go. I keep thinking I would finally be free. But then I feel terrible about wishing someone would die and I wonder if I'll actually feel good about it when she is gone. There must be others out there that have gone through this. I hope they can help. > > As nada appears to be on her deathbed. i'm having a rollr coaster of horrible emotions and self-talk with issues I thought i resolved. i need some advice on the emotional journey after her death. > > > i'm even concerned abuot answering co-workers questions. > > I continue to have well meaning friends encourage me to go see her, but i feel no need or guilt.. > > Joanna > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2010 Report Share Posted July 26, 2010 Hi Joanna, My nada died about 3 weeks ago so I am right there with you. When she was on her deathbed (I watched her literally die for 5 days straight) I went from sad to angry, annoyed that she was taking too long to die, back to sad, numb... I basically felt like a crazy person one minute, on autopilot the next. After she died I felt no relief whatsoever, and I was expecting to feel some relief. It still hasn't really come. I still feel somewhat numb, but I am starting to tear up more now and then. That's more for missing the FOO and mom I never had. I hope that I can get to the point where I can focus on her good points, because she did have some. And I know it's essential to forgive at some point. That doesn't come easily, but I am in therapy and trying. It's almost like I am stepping back and taking stock. Analyzing what happened to me my whole life. I almost feel like, " OMG did that REALLY happen? What now? " Kind of like I just woke up and am still trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes. It's confusing. I still have residual feelings of her burden. Again, it's only been 3 weeks so I don't have much input at this point. I wish you the very best though and please be good to yourself and cut yourself some slack. Yu don't owe anybody anything. I have cut out several toxic people since her death and that has helped. > > As nada appears to be on her deathbed. i'm having a rollr coaster of horrible emotions and self-talk with issues I thought i resolved. i need some advice on the emotional journey after her death. > > > i'm even concerned abuot answering co-workers questions. > > I continue to have well meaning friends encourage me to go see her, but i feel no need or guilt.. > > Joanna > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2010 Report Share Posted July 26, 2010 Hi Joanna, My nada died about 3 weeks ago so I am right there with you. When she was on her deathbed (I watched her literally die for 5 days straight) I went from sad to angry, annoyed that she was taking too long to die, back to sad, numb... I basically felt like a crazy person one minute, on autopilot the next. After she died I felt no relief whatsoever, and I was expecting to feel some relief. It still hasn't really come. I still feel somewhat numb, but I am starting to tear up more now and then. That's more for missing the FOO and mom I never had. I hope that I can get to the point where I can focus on her good points, because she did have some. And I know it's essential to forgive at some point. That doesn't come easily, but I am in therapy and trying. It's almost like I am stepping back and taking stock. Analyzing what happened to me my whole life. I almost feel like, " OMG did that REALLY happen? What now? " Kind of like I just woke up and am still trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes. It's confusing. I still have residual feelings of her burden. Again, it's only been 3 weeks so I don't have much input at this point. I wish you the very best though and please be good to yourself and cut yourself some slack. Yu don't owe anybody anything. I have cut out several toxic people since her death and that has helped. > > As nada appears to be on her deathbed. i'm having a rollr coaster of horrible emotions and self-talk with issues I thought i resolved. i need some advice on the emotional journey after her death. > > > i'm even concerned abuot answering co-workers questions. > > I continue to have well meaning friends encourage me to go see her, but i feel no need or guilt.. > > Joanna > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2010 Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 Thanks everyone for the support, validation, and advice. No one else gets it but you guys. I thought Nada was actively dying last week, and that triggered an anxiety I haven't had for a whle and wasn't expecting. As Nada has maintained over the last few days. I have reflected and acknowledged some guilt, some grief at having to accept that the good mother will never be, and the nada mother will no longer exist for superficial visits. I was all over the map emotionally, and I guess thats a preview of things to come....thanks for our support. Joanna > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2010 Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 Thanks everyone for the support, validation, and advice. No one else gets it but you guys. I thought Nada was actively dying last week, and that triggered an anxiety I haven't had for a whle and wasn't expecting. As Nada has maintained over the last few days. I have reflected and acknowledged some guilt, some grief at having to accept that the good mother will never be, and the nada mother will no longer exist for superficial visits. I was all over the map emotionally, and I guess thats a preview of things to come....thanks for our support. Joanna > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2010 Report Share Posted July 27, 2010 Thanks everyone for the support, validation, and advice. No one else gets it but you guys. I thought Nada was actively dying last week, and that triggered an anxiety I haven't had for a whle and wasn't expecting. As Nada has maintained over the last few days. I have reflected and acknowledged some guilt, some grief at having to accept that the good mother will never be, and the nada mother will no longer exist for superficial visits. I was all over the map emotionally, and I guess thats a preview of things to come....thanks for our support. Joanna > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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