Guest guest Posted July 29, 2010 Report Share Posted July 29, 2010 Hi Elaine, I was so struck by how you told your mother, " I wish I had a happy mom. " That's so insightful for a young child to say, as well as heartbreaking. I'm glad you've found this group and am very glad you have a wonderful family to fill you up. So important to have a good core of people, biological or not, to be there for one another. I know what you mean by needing help recovering after visits with your mother. Man, do I know! Since I've been in therapy and part of this group, my visits haven't become easier but I feel like I handle them better. My latest coping solution is reminding myself that my mother has the emotional capabilities of a 2-year old. If she sees my brother and I talking for too long, she literally sinks into a chair, arms crossed, pouting until someone notices, muttering the whole while. She calls me just to tell me what happened during HER day. If I go on vacation, she never really asks what we did, etc. She treats it like we've abandoned her. Anyway, approaching her as I would a toddler has helped me a lot, b/c I don't expect anything from her. I actually pity her and can laugh a bit at her behaviors, more than I could have in the past. Hope you find the support you need here. Fiona > > > > > > Hello, I happened to have come accross your site while searching for a book on Personality Disorders at Barns & Nobel. I thought, perhaps It would be healing to hear the stories of others who have lived with someone with PD. I think my journey began a long time ago as a young child when I told my mom " I wish I had a happy mom. " Things were different in our family of two girls, two boys and a mom and dad. I hope I can put my thoughts down on paper and someone can undertand: " I'm so sorry, I hate my mother! " > > So here goes; After a family reunion with my late father's side of the family, I have found that my mother has and continues to lie about the relationships she has shared with everyone. I guess this was no big surprise for me or my sister because our mom has spent her life time poisoning everyone against eachother. It's true, no one was exempt or immune. There is not a soul on earth that could please her, and she used religion, minipulation, love and anger to keep us all in tow. Does this sound familiar to anyone? > > We, including my father, never new what to expect when we got home from school or work. > > It' was a game of " She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not. " We just had to substitute the name continually, and keep up with the changes. I'ts a wonder we made it through those days. > > But I want to tell you that I'm not a basket case and have spent MY life making sure I did not follow her path. I have a great husband and 3 kids and we all just adore each other! > > (no...... it's not that fluffy, it's hard work) What I really need is some coping skills to handle the aftermath of my visits with Mom. I hope someone can understand that after a visit with her I feel like I've had the blood sucked out me and left numb and empty. I'm thankful for my family because they usually quickly fill me up again and I'm good to go. I'm hear to listen and learn, and hopefully " pay it forward " to someone else that is hurting. Thank You In Advance ! NaNa Banana > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2010 Report Share Posted July 29, 2010 Hi Elaine, I was so struck by how you told your mother, " I wish I had a happy mom. " That's so insightful for a young child to say, as well as heartbreaking. I'm glad you've found this group and am very glad you have a wonderful family to fill you up. So important to have a good core of people, biological or not, to be there for one another. I know what you mean by needing help recovering after visits with your mother. Man, do I know! Since I've been in therapy and part of this group, my visits haven't become easier but I feel like I handle them better. My latest coping solution is reminding myself that my mother has the emotional capabilities of a 2-year old. If she sees my brother and I talking for too long, she literally sinks into a chair, arms crossed, pouting until someone notices, muttering the whole while. She calls me just to tell me what happened during HER day. If I go on vacation, she never really asks what we did, etc. She treats it like we've abandoned her. Anyway, approaching her as I would a toddler has helped me a lot, b/c I don't expect anything from her. I actually pity her and can laugh a bit at her behaviors, more than I could have in the past. Hope you find the support you need here. Fiona > > > > > > Hello, I happened to have come accross your site while searching for a book on Personality Disorders at Barns & Nobel. I thought, perhaps It would be healing to hear the stories of others who have lived with someone with PD. I think my journey began a long time ago as a young child when I told my mom " I wish I had a happy mom. " Things were different in our family of two girls, two boys and a mom and dad. I hope I can put my thoughts down on paper and someone can undertand: " I'm so sorry, I hate my mother! " > > So here goes; After a family reunion with my late father's side of the family, I have found that my mother has and continues to lie about the relationships she has shared with everyone. I guess this was no big surprise for me or my sister because our mom has spent her life time poisoning everyone against eachother. It's true, no one was exempt or immune. There is not a soul on earth that could please her, and she used religion, minipulation, love and anger to keep us all in tow. Does this sound familiar to anyone? > > We, including my father, never new what to expect when we got home from school or work. > > It' was a game of " She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not. " We just had to substitute the name continually, and keep up with the changes. I'ts a wonder we made it through those days. > > But I want to tell you that I'm not a basket case and have spent MY life making sure I did not follow her path. I have a great husband and 3 kids and we all just adore each other! > > (no...... it's not that fluffy, it's hard work) What I really need is some coping skills to handle the aftermath of my visits with Mom. I hope someone can understand that after a visit with her I feel like I've had the blood sucked out me and left numb and empty. I'm thankful for my family because they usually quickly fill me up again and I'm good to go. I'm hear to listen and learn, and hopefully " pay it forward " to someone else that is hurting. Thank You In Advance ! NaNa Banana > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2010 Report Share Posted July 29, 2010 Hi Elaine, I was so struck by how you told your mother, " I wish I had a happy mom. " That's so insightful for a young child to say, as well as heartbreaking. I'm glad you've found this group and am very glad you have a wonderful family to fill you up. So important to have a good core of people, biological or not, to be there for one another. I know what you mean by needing help recovering after visits with your mother. Man, do I know! Since I've been in therapy and part of this group, my visits haven't become easier but I feel like I handle them better. My latest coping solution is reminding myself that my mother has the emotional capabilities of a 2-year old. If she sees my brother and I talking for too long, she literally sinks into a chair, arms crossed, pouting until someone notices, muttering the whole while. She calls me just to tell me what happened during HER day. If I go on vacation, she never really asks what we did, etc. She treats it like we've abandoned her. Anyway, approaching her as I would a toddler has helped me a lot, b/c I don't expect anything from her. I actually pity her and can laugh a bit at her behaviors, more than I could have in the past. Hope you find the support you need here. Fiona > > > > > > Hello, I happened to have come accross your site while searching for a book on Personality Disorders at Barns & Nobel. I thought, perhaps It would be healing to hear the stories of others who have lived with someone with PD. I think my journey began a long time ago as a young child when I told my mom " I wish I had a happy mom. " Things were different in our family of two girls, two boys and a mom and dad. I hope I can put my thoughts down on paper and someone can undertand: " I'm so sorry, I hate my mother! " > > So here goes; After a family reunion with my late father's side of the family, I have found that my mother has and continues to lie about the relationships she has shared with everyone. I guess this was no big surprise for me or my sister because our mom has spent her life time poisoning everyone against eachother. It's true, no one was exempt or immune. There is not a soul on earth that could please her, and she used religion, minipulation, love and anger to keep us all in tow. Does this sound familiar to anyone? > > We, including my father, never new what to expect when we got home from school or work. > > It' was a game of " She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not. " We just had to substitute the name continually, and keep up with the changes. I'ts a wonder we made it through those days. > > But I want to tell you that I'm not a basket case and have spent MY life making sure I did not follow her path. I have a great husband and 3 kids and we all just adore each other! > > (no...... it's not that fluffy, it's hard work) What I really need is some coping skills to handle the aftermath of my visits with Mom. I hope someone can understand that after a visit with her I feel like I've had the blood sucked out me and left numb and empty. I'm thankful for my family because they usually quickly fill me up again and I'm good to go. I'm hear to listen and learn, and hopefully " pay it forward " to someone else that is hurting. Thank You In Advance ! NaNa Banana > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2010 Report Share Posted July 29, 2010  I wish I had a happy mom. sums up my whole life. As a child I remember trying so hard to make nada happy. Now I too approach her as a 2 yr old and it has helped . Visit with Nada today. Dreading it already. Taking her to eat. Is this just my way of still trying to make her happy? Funny thing I became so emeshed in her happiness that when she gave a glimmer of being happy(when I was buying her something) it would make the little child in me happy as if I was finally succeeding in bringing her happiness. Such garbage it was never my responsibility to make her happy. Does this happen to anyone else. Thanks, Subject: Re: My Journey Begins! To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Thursday, July 29, 2010, 12:52 PM  Hi Elaine, I was so struck by how you told your mother, " I wish I had a happy mom. " That's so insightful for a young child to say, as well as heartbreaking. I'm glad you've found this group and am very glad you have a wonderful family to fill you up. So important to have a good core of people, biological or not, to be there for one another. I know what you mean by needing help recovering after visits with your mother. Man, do I know! Since I've been in therapy and part of this group, my visits haven't become easier but I feel like I handle them better. My latest coping solution is reminding myself that my mother has the emotional capabilities of a 2-year old. If she sees my brother and I talking for too long, she literally sinks into a chair, arms crossed, pouting until someone notices, muttering the whole while. She calls me just to tell me what happened during HER day. If I go on vacation, she never really asks what we did, etc. She treats it like we've abandoned her. Anyway, approaching her as I would a toddler has helped me a lot, b/c I don't expect anything from her. I actually pity her and can laugh a bit at her behaviors, more than I could have in the past. Hope you find the support you need here. Fiona > > > > > > Hello,   I happened to have come accross your site while searching for a book on Personality Disorders at Barns & Nobel. I thought, perhaps It would be healing to hear the stories of others who have lived with someone with PD.   I think my journey began a long time ago as a young child when I told my mom " I wish I had a happy mom. "  Things were different in our family of two girls, two boys and a mom and dad.  I hope I can put my thoughts down on paper and someone can undertand:   " I'm so sorry, I hate my mother! " > > So here goes;  After a family reunion with my late father's side of the family, I have found that my mother has and continues to lie about the relationships she has shared with everyone. I guess this was no big surprise for me or my sister because our mom has spent her life time poisoning everyone against eachother.  It's true, no one was exempt or immune.   There is not a soul on earth that could please her, and she used religion, minipulation, love and anger to keep us all in tow.  Does this sound familiar to anyone? > > We, including my father, never new what to expect when we got home from school or work. > > It' was a game of " She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not. "  We just had to substitute the name continually, and keep up with the changes.  I'ts a wonder we made it through those days. > > But I want to tell you that I'm not a basket case and have spent MY life making sure I did not follow her path. I have a great husband and 3 kids and we all just adore each other! > > (no...... it's not that fluffy, it's hard work)  What I really need is some coping skills to handle the aftermath of my visits with Mom.  I hope someone can understand that after a visit with her I feel like I've had the blood sucked out me and left numb and empty.    I'm thankful for my family because they usually quickly fill me up again and I'm good to go. I'm hear to listen and learn, and hopefully " pay it forward "  to someone else that is hurting.     Thank You In Advance !              NaNa Banana   > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2010 Report Share Posted July 29, 2010  I wish I had a happy mom. sums up my whole life. As a child I remember trying so hard to make nada happy. Now I too approach her as a 2 yr old and it has helped . Visit with Nada today. Dreading it already. Taking her to eat. Is this just my way of still trying to make her happy? Funny thing I became so emeshed in her happiness that when she gave a glimmer of being happy(when I was buying her something) it would make the little child in me happy as if I was finally succeeding in bringing her happiness. Such garbage it was never my responsibility to make her happy. Does this happen to anyone else. Thanks, Subject: Re: My Journey Begins! To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Thursday, July 29, 2010, 12:52 PM  Hi Elaine, I was so struck by how you told your mother, " I wish I had a happy mom. " That's so insightful for a young child to say, as well as heartbreaking. I'm glad you've found this group and am very glad you have a wonderful family to fill you up. So important to have a good core of people, biological or not, to be there for one another. I know what you mean by needing help recovering after visits with your mother. Man, do I know! Since I've been in therapy and part of this group, my visits haven't become easier but I feel like I handle them better. My latest coping solution is reminding myself that my mother has the emotional capabilities of a 2-year old. If she sees my brother and I talking for too long, she literally sinks into a chair, arms crossed, pouting until someone notices, muttering the whole while. She calls me just to tell me what happened during HER day. If I go on vacation, she never really asks what we did, etc. She treats it like we've abandoned her. Anyway, approaching her as I would a toddler has helped me a lot, b/c I don't expect anything from her. I actually pity her and can laugh a bit at her behaviors, more than I could have in the past. Hope you find the support you need here. Fiona > > > > > > Hello,   I happened to have come accross your site while searching for a book on Personality Disorders at Barns & Nobel. I thought, perhaps It would be healing to hear the stories of others who have lived with someone with PD.   I think my journey began a long time ago as a young child when I told my mom " I wish I had a happy mom. "  Things were different in our family of two girls, two boys and a mom and dad.  I hope I can put my thoughts down on paper and someone can undertand:   " I'm so sorry, I hate my mother! " > > So here goes;  After a family reunion with my late father's side of the family, I have found that my mother has and continues to lie about the relationships she has shared with everyone. I guess this was no big surprise for me or my sister because our mom has spent her life time poisoning everyone against eachother.  It's true, no one was exempt or immune.   There is not a soul on earth that could please her, and she used religion, minipulation, love and anger to keep us all in tow.  Does this sound familiar to anyone? > > We, including my father, never new what to expect when we got home from school or work. > > It' was a game of " She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not. "  We just had to substitute the name continually, and keep up with the changes.  I'ts a wonder we made it through those days. > > But I want to tell you that I'm not a basket case and have spent MY life making sure I did not follow her path. I have a great husband and 3 kids and we all just adore each other! > > (no...... it's not that fluffy, it's hard work)  What I really need is some coping skills to handle the aftermath of my visits with Mom.  I hope someone can understand that after a visit with her I feel like I've had the blood sucked out me and left numb and empty.    I'm thankful for my family because they usually quickly fill me up again and I'm good to go. I'm hear to listen and learn, and hopefully " pay it forward "  to someone else that is hurting.     Thank You In Advance !              NaNa Banana   > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2010 Report Share Posted July 29, 2010  I wish I had a happy mom. sums up my whole life. As a child I remember trying so hard to make nada happy. Now I too approach her as a 2 yr old and it has helped . Visit with Nada today. Dreading it already. Taking her to eat. Is this just my way of still trying to make her happy? Funny thing I became so emeshed in her happiness that when she gave a glimmer of being happy(when I was buying her something) it would make the little child in me happy as if I was finally succeeding in bringing her happiness. Such garbage it was never my responsibility to make her happy. Does this happen to anyone else. Thanks, Subject: Re: My Journey Begins! To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Thursday, July 29, 2010, 12:52 PM  Hi Elaine, I was so struck by how you told your mother, " I wish I had a happy mom. " That's so insightful for a young child to say, as well as heartbreaking. I'm glad you've found this group and am very glad you have a wonderful family to fill you up. So important to have a good core of people, biological or not, to be there for one another. I know what you mean by needing help recovering after visits with your mother. Man, do I know! Since I've been in therapy and part of this group, my visits haven't become easier but I feel like I handle them better. My latest coping solution is reminding myself that my mother has the emotional capabilities of a 2-year old. If she sees my brother and I talking for too long, she literally sinks into a chair, arms crossed, pouting until someone notices, muttering the whole while. She calls me just to tell me what happened during HER day. If I go on vacation, she never really asks what we did, etc. She treats it like we've abandoned her. Anyway, approaching her as I would a toddler has helped me a lot, b/c I don't expect anything from her. I actually pity her and can laugh a bit at her behaviors, more than I could have in the past. Hope you find the support you need here. Fiona > > > > > > Hello,   I happened to have come accross your site while searching for a book on Personality Disorders at Barns & Nobel. I thought, perhaps It would be healing to hear the stories of others who have lived with someone with PD.   I think my journey began a long time ago as a young child when I told my mom " I wish I had a happy mom. "  Things were different in our family of two girls, two boys and a mom and dad.  I hope I can put my thoughts down on paper and someone can undertand:   " I'm so sorry, I hate my mother! " > > So here goes;  After a family reunion with my late father's side of the family, I have found that my mother has and continues to lie about the relationships she has shared with everyone. I guess this was no big surprise for me or my sister because our mom has spent her life time poisoning everyone against eachother.  It's true, no one was exempt or immune.   There is not a soul on earth that could please her, and she used religion, minipulation, love and anger to keep us all in tow.  Does this sound familiar to anyone? > > We, including my father, never new what to expect when we got home from school or work. > > It' was a game of " She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not. "  We just had to substitute the name continually, and keep up with the changes.  I'ts a wonder we made it through those days. > > But I want to tell you that I'm not a basket case and have spent MY life making sure I did not follow her path. I have a great husband and 3 kids and we all just adore each other! > > (no...... it's not that fluffy, it's hard work)  What I really need is some coping skills to handle the aftermath of my visits with Mom.  I hope someone can understand that after a visit with her I feel like I've had the blood sucked out me and left numb and empty.    I'm thankful for my family because they usually quickly fill me up again and I'm good to go. I'm hear to listen and learn, and hopefully " pay it forward "  to someone else that is hurting.     Thank You In Advance !              NaNa Banana   > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 1, 2010 Report Share Posted August 1, 2010 It sounds all too familiar! I'm glad to hear your insight, but also sad we all had to experience it. > > So here goes; After a family reunion with my late father's side of the family, I have found that my mother has and continues to lie about the relationships she has shared with everyone. I guess this was no big surprise for me or my sister because our mom has spent her life time poisoning everyone against eachother. It's true, no one was exempt or immune. There is not a soul on earth that could please her, and she used religion, minipulation, love and anger to keep us all in tow. Does this sound familiar to anyone? > We, including my father, never new what to expect when we got home from school or work. > It' was a game of " She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not. " We just had to substitute the name continually, and keep up with the changes. I'ts a wonder we made it through those days. > But I want to tell you that I'm not a basket case and have spent MY life making sure I did not follow her path. I have a great husband and 3 kids and we all just adore each other! > (no...... it's not that fluffy, it's hard work) What I really need is some coping skills to handle the aftermath of my visits with Mom. I hope someone can understand that after a visit with her I feel like I've had the blood sucked out me and left numb and empty. I'm thankful for my family because they usually quickly fill me up again and I'm good to go. I'm hear to listen and learn, and hopefully " pay it forward " to someone else that is hurting. Thank You In Advance ! NaNa Banana > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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