Re: a day in the life of nada......

[Guest guest]

Hi Malinda,

Your experiences are truly horrific. I'm so sad and full of sorrow

that you had to go through that. I hope you find some peace on this forum.

>

>

> I spent a long day with nada and my father yesterday- and I tried

>

> and in most instances was more of an observer then a participator in

>

> nada's conversations. It at times was most disturbing to listen to

>

> her negative words-crazy ideas-( fighting with a clerk )- omg.

>

> Of course somehow my father did his normal sweeping it under the rug-

>

> and indulging nada to keep the peace.

>

> In the midst of this day- nada talked about how her own mother

>

> threatened to leave her- and my father trying to be comforting said-

>

> he was sorry that her mother's words to her had such an

>

> effect on her still today. Nada immediately raged back at my father

>

> and told him it was just her mother's way of playing a game with her

>

> and though it bothered her- she knew her mother wasn't trying to hurt

>

> her- Then she started crying about how as a very young child she

>

> would dream her mother had left her and she would wake up looking

>

> for her and to this day she is so afraid of being left alone.

>

> Nada also talked about right before her mother died she shared that

>

> she should have left nada's father because her life was so unhappy.

>

> Which again my father tried to comfort her- and she twisted his words

>

> around- and raged back at him.

>

> I said nothing- I just kept thinking how my mother's pain was

>

> quite real and yet- she played games with me as a child.

>

> She would hid in my bed and put the sheets over her face- and just

>

> let her eyes out. When I would come in my room she- would disguise

>

> her voice and say - " I am not your mother- your mother is dead " .

>

> One time she told me she killed my mother and flushed her down the

>

> toilet. I was 4 or 5 and it scared me- and she would see I was

>

> scared or starting to cry and then she'd laugh- and say she was just

>

> teasing me. Always followed by her wanting me to jump into that

>

> same bed with her for hugs and kisses- which made me feel so

>

> umcomfortable. If my mother knew the pain of those games from

>

> her own childhood- why in the hell did she do it to me. I really

>

> am not looking for an answer- I just am so glad I NEVER did that

>

> to my child.

>

> After my encounter with nada yesterday I realize I know so much

>

> more about crazy- then I ever did normal when it came to relationship

>

> with a mother.

>

> I worry just at times why I still want to expose myself to

>

> this craziness- but in between the craziness- there are not normal

>

> moments- but better moments that we actual laugh at something that is

>

> really funny or just share a nice moment. As my mother is aging

>

> those moments unfortunately are less and less- or maybe I just

>

> finally see how crazy she really is.

>

> I just wanted to share with a group of caring people who

>

> understand what I am experiencing. I thank you for listening.

>

> malinda

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow! I recognize so many elements of your experience it's scary. My dad has

also appeased/enabled nada my entire life. I was trained to make allowances for

my mother's horrible childhood, for which she felt real pain, and to deny the

horrible things my mother was doing to me and my siblings. When I began to

acknowledge what my mother had done/was doing, I felt sick and angry. Sometimes

I still do, but I usually feel pity and great sadness, it must be awful to see

the world through the eyes of a nada.