Re: Re: do nice moms trigger you?

[Guest guest]

My mother came up here when I had my son. He was c-section and spent 17 days in

the NICU. This is how it happened...literally. They got there after I had gone

into surgery. She walked into my recovery room and went on and on about how

stressed I had made my father because I needed a c-section and that she thought

he was going to have a heart attack. Then she stayed in my room complaining it

was too cold and she wanted to smoke. She literally stayed less than 20 minutes

and left. She went back to the hotel (because she was a weirdo and wouldn't stay

at my house) and came back the following morning for all of 10 minutes and then

went home...back to Florida.

Then in 2005 she got sick and was in the hospital. I was home with 3 kids ages

7, 5, and 3...my oldest being severely disabled and I was the horrible daughter

for not coming to take care of her. Me calling multiple times a day to check on

her (and the fact that my dad, sister, and her brother were there to help her)

didn't seem to matter.

They are so selfish.

Re: do nice moms trigger you?

wow. that's an interesting perspective. how the other half lives. all I really

remember about college was that at some point during my sophomore year my mother

had her gallbladder removed and I didn't come home from college to be there

during her surgery and it was a big freaking deal, for years, how I 'wasn't

there for her during her surgery'. I never thought about it going the other way.

>

> My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

> mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

> takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes, play

> gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That kind

> of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very closely

> for 4 years.

>

> So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

> probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a good

> doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go the

> natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

> And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the office

> to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

> checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter - who

> is in her early 20s.

>

> Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

> jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

> severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it until

> I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every single

> time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

> mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we were

> all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I was

> about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

>

> And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

> because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

>

> Thoughts?

>

> xoxo, GS

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My mother came up here when I had my son. He was c-section and spent 17 days in

the NICU. This is how it happened...literally. They got there after I had gone

into surgery. She walked into my recovery room and went on and on about how

stressed I had made my father because I needed a c-section and that she thought

he was going to have a heart attack. Then she stayed in my room complaining it

was too cold and she wanted to smoke. She literally stayed less than 20 minutes

and left. She went back to the hotel (because she was a weirdo and wouldn't stay

at my house) and came back the following morning for all of 10 minutes and then

went home...back to Florida.

Then in 2005 she got sick and was in the hospital. I was home with 3 kids ages

7, 5, and 3...my oldest being severely disabled and I was the horrible daughter

for not coming to take care of her. Me calling multiple times a day to check on

her (and the fact that my dad, sister, and her brother were there to help her)

didn't seem to matter.

They are so selfish.

Re: do nice moms trigger you?

wow. that's an interesting perspective. how the other half lives. all I really

remember about college was that at some point during my sophomore year my mother

had her gallbladder removed and I didn't come home from college to be there

during her surgery and it was a big freaking deal, for years, how I 'wasn't

there for her during her surgery'. I never thought about it going the other way.

>

> My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

> mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

> takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes, play

> gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That kind

> of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very closely

> for 4 years.

>

> So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

> probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a good

> doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go the

> natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

> And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the office

> to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

> checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter - who

> is in her early 20s.

>

> Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

> jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

> severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it until

> I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every single

> time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

> mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we were

> all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I was

> about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

>

> And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

> because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

>

> Thoughts?

>

> xoxo, GS

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My mother came up here when I had my son. He was c-section and spent 17 days in

the NICU. This is how it happened...literally. They got there after I had gone

into surgery. She walked into my recovery room and went on and on about how

stressed I had made my father because I needed a c-section and that she thought

he was going to have a heart attack. Then she stayed in my room complaining it

was too cold and she wanted to smoke. She literally stayed less than 20 minutes

and left. She went back to the hotel (because she was a weirdo and wouldn't stay

at my house) and came back the following morning for all of 10 minutes and then

went home...back to Florida.

Then in 2005 she got sick and was in the hospital. I was home with 3 kids ages

7, 5, and 3...my oldest being severely disabled and I was the horrible daughter

for not coming to take care of her. Me calling multiple times a day to check on

her (and the fact that my dad, sister, and her brother were there to help her)

didn't seem to matter.

They are so selfish.

Re: do nice moms trigger you?

wow. that's an interesting perspective. how the other half lives. all I really

remember about college was that at some point during my sophomore year my mother

had her gallbladder removed and I didn't come home from college to be there

during her surgery and it was a big freaking deal, for years, how I 'wasn't

there for her during her surgery'. I never thought about it going the other way.

>

> My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

> mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

> takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes, play

> gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That kind

> of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very closely

> for 4 years.

>

> So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

> probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a good

> doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go the

> natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

> And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the office

> to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

> checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter - who

> is in her early 20s.

>

> Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

> jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

> severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it until

> I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every single

> time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

> mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we were

> all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I was

> about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

>

> And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

> because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

>

> Thoughts?

>

> xoxo, GS

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

she doesnt deserve a sweet daughter like you

Jackie

>

> My mother came up here when I had my son. He was c-section and spent 17

> days in the NICU. This is how it happened...literally. They got there

> after I had gone into surgery. She walked into my recovery room and went

> on and on about how stressed I had made my father because I needed a

> c-section and that she thought he was going to have a heart attack. Then

> she stayed in my room complaining it was too cold and she wanted to smoke.

> She literally stayed less than 20 minutes and left. She went back to the

> hotel (because she was a weirdo and wouldn't stay at my house) and came

> back the following morning for all of 10 minutes and then went home...back

> to Florida.

>

> Then in 2005 she got sick and was in the hospital. I was home with 3 kids

> ages 7, 5, and 3...my oldest being severely disabled and I was the

> horrible daughter for not coming to take care of her. Me calling multiple

> times a day to check on her (and the fact that my dad, sister, and her

> brother were there to help her) didn't seem to matter.

>

> They are so selfish.

>

[Guest guest]

aww, thanks Jackie.

Re: Re: do nice moms trigger you?

she doesnt deserve a sweet daughter like you

Jackie

>

> My mother came up here when I had my son. He was c-section and spent 17

> days in the NICU. This is how it happened...literally. They got there

> after I had gone into surgery. She walked into my recovery room and went

> on and on about how stressed I had made my father because I needed a

> c-section and that she thought he was going to have a heart attack. Then

> she stayed in my room complaining it was too cold and she wanted to smoke.

> She literally stayed less than 20 minutes and left. She went back to the

> hotel (because she was a weirdo and wouldn't stay at my house) and came

> back the following morning for all of 10 minutes and then went home...back

> to Florida.

>

> Then in 2005 she got sick and was in the hospital. I was home with 3 kids

> ages 7, 5, and 3...my oldest being severely disabled and I was the

> horrible daughter for not coming to take care of her. Me calling multiple

> times a day to check on her (and the fact that my dad, sister, and her

> brother were there to help her) didn't seem to matter.

>

> They are so selfish.

>

[Guest guest]

aww, thanks Jackie.

Re: Re: do nice moms trigger you?

she doesnt deserve a sweet daughter like you

Jackie

>

> My mother came up here when I had my son. He was c-section and spent 17

> days in the NICU. This is how it happened...literally. They got there

> after I had gone into surgery. She walked into my recovery room and went

> on and on about how stressed I had made my father because I needed a

> c-section and that she thought he was going to have a heart attack. Then

> she stayed in my room complaining it was too cold and she wanted to smoke.

> She literally stayed less than 20 minutes and left. She went back to the

> hotel (because she was a weirdo and wouldn't stay at my house) and came

> back the following morning for all of 10 minutes and then went home...back

> to Florida.

>

> Then in 2005 she got sick and was in the hospital. I was home with 3 kids

> ages 7, 5, and 3...my oldest being severely disabled and I was the

> horrible daughter for not coming to take care of her. Me calling multiple

> times a day to check on her (and the fact that my dad, sister, and her

> brother were there to help her) didn't seem to matter.

>

> They are so selfish.

>

[Guest guest]

aww, thanks Jackie.

Re: Re: do nice moms trigger you?

she doesnt deserve a sweet daughter like you

Jackie

>

> My mother came up here when I had my son. He was c-section and spent 17

> days in the NICU. This is how it happened...literally. They got there

> after I had gone into surgery. She walked into my recovery room and went

> on and on about how stressed I had made my father because I needed a

> c-section and that she thought he was going to have a heart attack. Then

> she stayed in my room complaining it was too cold and she wanted to smoke.

> She literally stayed less than 20 minutes and left. She went back to the

> hotel (because she was a weirdo and wouldn't stay at my house) and came

> back the following morning for all of 10 minutes and then went home...back

> to Florida.

>

> Then in 2005 she got sick and was in the hospital. I was home with 3 kids

> ages 7, 5, and 3...my oldest being severely disabled and I was the

> horrible daughter for not coming to take care of her. Me calling multiple

> times a day to check on her (and the fact that my dad, sister, and her

> brother were there to help her) didn't seem to matter.

>

> They are so selfish.

>

[Guest guest]

Me too. I went through a period where this bothered me soooo much. Lately, I've

just tried to rechannel that energy into my own kids as much as I can and think

about how my relationship with them is so different than mine was with my

mother. It's actually <gasp> dare I say....NORMAL.

Re: do nice moms trigger you?

When my therapist tells me about an emotional moment her daughter has, and how

she helps her daughter deal with her feelings.

When I see a parent be genuinely happy for their child's success.

When I see a baby cry and she is comforted by a concerned, calming parent.

All of these things bring me to tears.

Deanna

>

> My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

> mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

> takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes, play

> gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That kind

> of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very closely

> for 4 years.

>

> So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

> probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a good

> doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go the

> natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

> And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the office

> to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

> checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter - who

> is in her early 20s.

>

> Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

> jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

> severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it until

> I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every single

> time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

> mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we were

> all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I was

> about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

>

> And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

> because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

>

> Thoughts?

>

> xoxo, GS

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Me too. I went through a period where this bothered me soooo much. Lately, I've

just tried to rechannel that energy into my own kids as much as I can and think

about how my relationship with them is so different than mine was with my

mother. It's actually <gasp> dare I say....NORMAL.

Re: do nice moms trigger you?

When my therapist tells me about an emotional moment her daughter has, and how

she helps her daughter deal with her feelings.

When I see a parent be genuinely happy for their child's success.

When I see a baby cry and she is comforted by a concerned, calming parent.

All of these things bring me to tears.

Deanna

>

> My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

> mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

> takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes, play

> gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That kind

> of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very closely

> for 4 years.

>

> So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

> probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a good

> doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go the

> natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

> And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the office

> to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

> checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter - who

> is in her early 20s.

>

> Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

> jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

> severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it until

> I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every single

> time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

> mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we were

> all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I was

> about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

>

> And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

> because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

>

> Thoughts?

>

> xoxo, GS

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Me too. I went through a period where this bothered me soooo much. Lately, I've

just tried to rechannel that energy into my own kids as much as I can and think

about how my relationship with them is so different than mine was with my

mother. It's actually <gasp> dare I say....NORMAL.

Re: do nice moms trigger you?

When my therapist tells me about an emotional moment her daughter has, and how

she helps her daughter deal with her feelings.

When I see a parent be genuinely happy for their child's success.

When I see a baby cry and she is comforted by a concerned, calming parent.

All of these things bring me to tears.

Deanna

>

> My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

> mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

> takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes, play

> gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That kind

> of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very closely

> for 4 years.

>

> So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

> probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a good

> doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go the

> natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

> And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the office

> to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

> checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter - who

> is in her early 20s.

>

> Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

> jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

> severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it until

> I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every single

> time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

> mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we were

> all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I was

> about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

>

> And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

> because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

>

> Thoughts?

>

> xoxo, GS

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

" how stressed I had made my father "

Wow, do I ever hear that! I think Nada figured out that I didn't give a shit

what she thought because she was such a horrible mother. So after she

figured that out, probably sometime between age 8 and 13, everything she had

to say to me came in the form of what my father thought about it, according

to her. I was like wow, wonder why he didn't just tell me that himself? It

quit working pretty early and then went on to make me furrious every time.

The best hospital story I have is that when I was still married I was having

a bitch of a time with my migraines and was either in the doc's office for

an IV of a special drug combo or in the er for morphine all the time. I just

got out of the ER one day and she called, and I told her where I had been.

Her response:

" When are you going to give me grandchildren? " with utter venom in her

voice.

That conversation was pretty much the beginning of the end. I didn't go NC,

but I went very LC. She came up to my house and said " It think I know why

you are angry with me. Its because I always loved your brotherssssss

(emphasis on the s because I only have 1 living brother) SOOOO much more

than I EVER loved you. "

Bye mom. Time to go. That was pretty much my reaction. I think I was 26.

Wow. It doesn't really hurt, its just like holy. . . pure evil just walked

into the room. Did you feel the cold wind and hear the dramatic villian

music?

>

>

>

> My mother came up here when I had my son. He was c-section and spent 17

> days in the NICU. This is how it happened...literally. They got there after

> I had gone into surgery. She walked into my recovery room and went on and on

> about how stressed I had made my father because I needed a c-section and

> that she thought he was going to have a heart attack. Then she stayed in my

> room complaining it was too cold and she wanted to smoke. She literally

> stayed less than 20 minutes and left. She went back to the hotel (because

> she was a weirdo and wouldn't stay at my house) and came back the following

> morning for all of 10 minutes and then went home...back to Florida.

>

> Then in 2005 she got sick and was in the hospital. I was home with 3 kids

> ages 7, 5, and 3...my oldest being severely disabled and I was the horrible

> daughter for not coming to take care of her. Me calling multiple times a day

> to check on her (and the fact that my dad, sister, and her brother were

> there to help her) didn't seem to matter.

>

> They are so selfish.

>

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

" how stressed I had made my father "

Wow, do I ever hear that! I think Nada figured out that I didn't give a shit

what she thought because she was such a horrible mother. So after she

figured that out, probably sometime between age 8 and 13, everything she had

to say to me came in the form of what my father thought about it, according

to her. I was like wow, wonder why he didn't just tell me that himself? It

quit working pretty early and then went on to make me furrious every time.

The best hospital story I have is that when I was still married I was having

a bitch of a time with my migraines and was either in the doc's office for

an IV of a special drug combo or in the er for morphine all the time. I just

got out of the ER one day and she called, and I told her where I had been.

Her response:

" When are you going to give me grandchildren? " with utter venom in her

voice.

That conversation was pretty much the beginning of the end. I didn't go NC,

but I went very LC. She came up to my house and said " It think I know why

you are angry with me. Its because I always loved your brotherssssss

(emphasis on the s because I only have 1 living brother) SOOOO much more

than I EVER loved you. "

Bye mom. Time to go. That was pretty much my reaction. I think I was 26.

Wow. It doesn't really hurt, its just like holy. . . pure evil just walked

into the room. Did you feel the cold wind and hear the dramatic villian

music?

>

>

>

> My mother came up here when I had my son. He was c-section and spent 17

> days in the NICU. This is how it happened...literally. They got there after

> I had gone into surgery. She walked into my recovery room and went on and on

> about how stressed I had made my father because I needed a c-section and

> that she thought he was going to have a heart attack. Then she stayed in my

> room complaining it was too cold and she wanted to smoke. She literally

> stayed less than 20 minutes and left. She went back to the hotel (because

> she was a weirdo and wouldn't stay at my house) and came back the following

> morning for all of 10 minutes and then went home...back to Florida.

>

> Then in 2005 she got sick and was in the hospital. I was home with 3 kids

> ages 7, 5, and 3...my oldest being severely disabled and I was the horrible

> daughter for not coming to take care of her. Me calling multiple times a day

> to check on her (and the fact that my dad, sister, and her brother were

> there to help her) didn't seem to matter.

>

> They are so selfish.

>

>

>

>

> Reply to

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[Guest guest]

" how stressed I had made my father "

Wow, do I ever hear that! I think Nada figured out that I didn't give a shit

what she thought because she was such a horrible mother. So after she

figured that out, probably sometime between age 8 and 13, everything she had

to say to me came in the form of what my father thought about it, according

to her. I was like wow, wonder why he didn't just tell me that himself? It

quit working pretty early and then went on to make me furrious every time.

The best hospital story I have is that when I was still married I was having

a bitch of a time with my migraines and was either in the doc's office for

an IV of a special drug combo or in the er for morphine all the time. I just

got out of the ER one day and she called, and I told her where I had been.

Her response:

" When are you going to give me grandchildren? " with utter venom in her

voice.

That conversation was pretty much the beginning of the end. I didn't go NC,

but I went very LC. She came up to my house and said " It think I know why

you are angry with me. Its because I always loved your brotherssssss

(emphasis on the s because I only have 1 living brother) SOOOO much more

than I EVER loved you. "

Bye mom. Time to go. That was pretty much my reaction. I think I was 26.

Wow. It doesn't really hurt, its just like holy. . . pure evil just walked

into the room. Did you feel the cold wind and hear the dramatic villian

music?

>

>

>

> My mother came up here when I had my son. He was c-section and spent 17

> days in the NICU. This is how it happened...literally. They got there after

> I had gone into surgery. She walked into my recovery room and went on and on

> about how stressed I had made my father because I needed a c-section and

> that she thought he was going to have a heart attack. Then she stayed in my

> room complaining it was too cold and she wanted to smoke. She literally

> stayed less than 20 minutes and left. She went back to the hotel (because

> she was a weirdo and wouldn't stay at my house) and came back the following

> morning for all of 10 minutes and then went home...back to Florida.

>

> Then in 2005 she got sick and was in the hospital. I was home with 3 kids

> ages 7, 5, and 3...my oldest being severely disabled and I was the horrible

> daughter for not coming to take care of her. Me calling multiple times a day

> to check on her (and the fact that my dad, sister, and her brother were

> there to help her) didn't seem to matter.

>

> They are so selfish.

>

>

>

>

> Reply to

sender<hummingbird1298@...?subject=Re:+%5BWTOAdultChildren1%5D+Re:+do+nice+m\

oms+trigger+you?>| Reply

> to

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3RpbWUDMTI4MTAzNzgzMw-->

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The

> Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and

> Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.**

> Problems? Write @.... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

> WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

> " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

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[Guest guest]

I think we are kind of all " mothers " eachother..in a way. This group can be

our seregate. We give eachother advice..strength..suggest.. direction. and

lovingingly lift eachother up when we are down:)

>

>

> As triggering as I find them, they also offer validation: no matter what

> Nada says, she *wasn't* a perfect mother, not even close... these women

> prove it! They also prove that it IS possible to have a healthy parent-child

> relationship (not perfect, but NOT abusive), which I find reassuring since I

> *really* want to create a family.

>

> Positive re-framing! CBT! Good stuff... does anyone remember this board

> around Mother's Day? *sigh*

>

> GS: realizing that you never really had a chance to be mothered or be a kid

> is painful, and it's important to let yourself grieve rather than bottle it

> up. Are you seeing a therapist? They might be able to help. And you can

> ALWAYS post on this board. You're not alone! So many of us are in the

> grieving process.

>

> *hugs*

> Frances

>

>

>

> >

> > My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

> > mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

> > takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes,

> play

> > gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That

> kind

> > of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very

> closely

> > for 4 years.

> >

> > So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

> > probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a

> good

> > doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go

> the

> > natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

> > And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the

> office

> > to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

> > checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter -

> who

> > is in her early 20s.

> >

> > Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

> > jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

> > severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it

> until

> > I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every

> single

> > time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

> > mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we

> were

> > all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I

> was

> > about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

> >

> > And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

> > because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

> >

> > Thoughts?

> >

> > xoxo, GS

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi guys,

I have a psychiatrist but not a therapist. Saw him today and we talked about

getting me into a therapist. So good.

Hugs to all.

>

>

> As triggering as I find them, they also offer validation: no matter what

> Nada says, she *wasn't* a perfect mother, not even close... these women

> prove it! They also prove that it IS possible to have a healthy parent-child

> relationship (not perfect, but NOT abusive), which I find reassuring since I

> *really* want to create a family.

>

> Positive re-framing! CBT! Good stuff... does anyone remember this board

> around Mother's Day? *sigh*

>

> GS: realizing that you never really had a chance to be mothered or be a kid

> is painful, and it's important to let yourself grieve rather than bottle it

> up. Are you seeing a therapist? They might be able to help. And you can

> ALWAYS post on this board. You're not alone! So many of us are in the

> grieving process.

>

> *hugs*

> Frances

>

>

>

> >

> > My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

> > mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

> > takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes,

> play

> > gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That

> kind

> > of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very

> closely

> > for 4 years.

> >

> > So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

> > probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a

> good

> > doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go

> the

> > natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

> > And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the

> office

> > to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

> > checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter -

> who

> > is in her early 20s.

> >

> > Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

> > jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

> > severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it

> until

> > I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every

> single

> > time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

> > mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we

> were

> > all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I

> was

> > about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

> >

> > And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

> > because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

> >

> > Thoughts?

> >

> > xoxo, GS

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Nice moms, or dads in my case..... make that both moms and dads.... trigger

a sense of grief and loss. It makes see what I've been missing, and how it

continues to take it's toll on my emotional state to this day. Just

thinking about it makes me realize how I still yearn for the parenting and

love I never had growing up. I then get the urge to reach out to my

parents, but I know they won't provide the love I hope for. I then start to

day dream how my life would have been different with the love.

I imagine I would know what good people are like, and know which ones are

the negative ones to avoid. I had PD boss for 6 years. Don't get me wrong,

I make lemonade out of lemons 6 days a week, and got him on my side with my

sense of humor and subservience. But keeping it there was huge burden.

Every one else knew the guy was trouble and jumped ship years before I did.

My fada..... if I ever messed up the slightest detail recalling a story or

forgot a piece of information, he would go apesh*t, call me a liar, and hurl

insults, and threaten everything under the sun...... Even if I was telling

the truth, he would still accuse me lying. Oh the hypocrisy, as if he ever

told the truth. He would gaslight us to our faces. I walk around to this

day with a pit in my stomach if I do the slightest bit of lying or not full

truth telling. The feeling of terror by not disclosing the full truth isn't

very easy to deal with, especially during job interviews.

I imagine I would have reached out more, and have been better networked, so

my current job hunt wouldn't be a royally sucking as it does now.....

[Guest guest]

Nice moms, or dads in my case..... make that both moms and dads.... trigger

a sense of grief and loss. It makes see what I've been missing, and how it

continues to take it's toll on my emotional state to this day. Just

thinking about it makes me realize how I still yearn for the parenting and

love I never had growing up. I then get the urge to reach out to my

parents, but I know they won't provide the love I hope for. I then start to

day dream how my life would have been different with the love.

I imagine I would know what good people are like, and know which ones are

the negative ones to avoid. I had PD boss for 6 years. Don't get me wrong,

I make lemonade out of lemons 6 days a week, and got him on my side with my

sense of humor and subservience. But keeping it there was huge burden.

Every one else knew the guy was trouble and jumped ship years before I did.

My fada..... if I ever messed up the slightest detail recalling a story or

forgot a piece of information, he would go apesh*t, call me a liar, and hurl

insults, and threaten everything under the sun...... Even if I was telling

the truth, he would still accuse me lying. Oh the hypocrisy, as if he ever

told the truth. He would gaslight us to our faces. I walk around to this

day with a pit in my stomach if I do the slightest bit of lying or not full

truth telling. The feeling of terror by not disclosing the full truth isn't

very easy to deal with, especially during job interviews.

I imagine I would have reached out more, and have been better networked, so

my current job hunt wouldn't be a royally sucking as it does now.....

[Guest guest]

Nice moms, or dads in my case..... make that both moms and dads.... trigger

a sense of grief and loss. It makes see what I've been missing, and how it

continues to take it's toll on my emotional state to this day. Just

thinking about it makes me realize how I still yearn for the parenting and

love I never had growing up. I then get the urge to reach out to my

parents, but I know they won't provide the love I hope for. I then start to

day dream how my life would have been different with the love.

I imagine I would know what good people are like, and know which ones are

the negative ones to avoid. I had PD boss for 6 years. Don't get me wrong,

I make lemonade out of lemons 6 days a week, and got him on my side with my

sense of humor and subservience. But keeping it there was huge burden.

Every one else knew the guy was trouble and jumped ship years before I did.

My fada..... if I ever messed up the slightest detail recalling a story or

forgot a piece of information, he would go apesh*t, call me a liar, and hurl

insults, and threaten everything under the sun...... Even if I was telling

the truth, he would still accuse me lying. Oh the hypocrisy, as if he ever

told the truth. He would gaslight us to our faces. I walk around to this

day with a pit in my stomach if I do the slightest bit of lying or not full

truth telling. The feeling of terror by not disclosing the full truth isn't

very easy to deal with, especially during job interviews.

I imagine I would have reached out more, and have been better networked, so

my current job hunt wouldn't be a royally sucking as it does now.....

[Guest guest]

- I can totally relate to you with the not being able to lie..I am

disgustingly honest. I have to talk myself into not revealing more then I

should. And for me the same goes with Job interviews I am currently looking

for work in the IT field and If I have not worked with something and know it

well I feel like I'm lying if I say I am familiar with it. Then I feel like

my face and my body language is telling them I'm hiding something. It feels

like I'm not telling the complete truth.

Stefanie

>

>

> Nice moms, or dads in my case..... make that both moms and dads.... trigger

> a sense of grief and loss. It makes see what I've been missing, and how it

> continues to take it's toll on my emotional state to this day. Just

> thinking about it makes me realize how I still yearn for the parenting and

> love I never had growing up. I then get the urge to reach out to my

> parents, but I know they won't provide the love I hope for. I then start to

> day dream how my life would have been different with the love.

>

> I imagine I would know what good people are like, and know which ones are

> the negative ones to avoid. I had PD boss for 6 years. Don't get me wrong,

> I make lemonade out of lemons 6 days a week, and got him on my side with my

> sense of humor and subservience. But keeping it there was huge burden.

> Every one else knew the guy was trouble and jumped ship years before I did.

>

> My fada..... if I ever messed up the slightest detail recalling a story or

> forgot a piece of information, he would go apesh*t, call me a liar, and

> hurl

> insults, and threaten everything under the sun...... Even if I was telling

> the truth, he would still accuse me lying. Oh the hypocrisy, as if he ever

> told the truth. He would gaslight us to our faces. I walk around to this

> day with a pit in my stomach if I do the slightest bit of lying or not full

> truth telling. The feeling of terror by not disclosing the full truth isn't

> very easy to deal with, especially during job interviews.

>

> I imagine I would have reached out more, and have been better networked, so

> my current job hunt wouldn't be a royally sucking as it does now.....

>

>

>

>

>