Re: Re: do nice moms trigger you?

[Guest guest]

I think we are kind of all " mothers " eachother..in a way. This group can be

our seregate. We give eachother advice..strength..suggest.. direction. and

lovingingly lift eachother up when we are down:)

>

>

> As triggering as I find them, they also offer validation: no matter what

> Nada says, she *wasn't* a perfect mother, not even close... these women

> prove it! They also prove that it IS possible to have a healthy parent-child

> relationship (not perfect, but NOT abusive), which I find reassuring since I

> *really* want to create a family.

>

> Positive re-framing! CBT! Good stuff... does anyone remember this board

> around Mother's Day? *sigh*

>

> GS: realizing that you never really had a chance to be mothered or be a kid

> is painful, and it's important to let yourself grieve rather than bottle it

> up. Are you seeing a therapist? They might be able to help. And you can

> ALWAYS post on this board. You're not alone! So many of us are in the

> grieving process.

>

> *hugs*

> Frances

>

>

>

> >

> > My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

> > mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

> > takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes,

> play

> > gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That

> kind

> > of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very

> closely

> > for 4 years.

> >

> > So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

> > probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a

> good

> > doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go

> the

> > natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

> > And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the

> office

> > to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

> > checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter -

> who

> > is in her early 20s.

> >

> > Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

> > jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

> > severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it

> until

> > I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every

> single

> > time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

> > mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we

> were

> > all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I

> was

> > about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

> >

> > And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

> > because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

> >

> > Thoughts?

> >

> > xoxo, GS

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

- I can totally relate to you with the not being able to lie..I am

disgustingly honest. I have to talk myself into not revealing more then I

should. And for me the same goes with Job interviews I am currently looking

for work in the IT field and If I have not worked with something and know it

well I feel like I'm lying if I say I am familiar with it. Then I feel like

my face and my body language is telling them I'm hiding something. It feels

like I'm not telling the complete truth.

Stefanie

>

>

> Nice moms, or dads in my case..... make that both moms and dads.... trigger

> a sense of grief and loss. It makes see what I've been missing, and how it

> continues to take it's toll on my emotional state to this day. Just

> thinking about it makes me realize how I still yearn for the parenting and

> love I never had growing up. I then get the urge to reach out to my

> parents, but I know they won't provide the love I hope for. I then start to

> day dream how my life would have been different with the love.

>

> I imagine I would know what good people are like, and know which ones are

> the negative ones to avoid. I had PD boss for 6 years. Don't get me wrong,

> I make lemonade out of lemons 6 days a week, and got him on my side with my

> sense of humor and subservience. But keeping it there was huge burden.

> Every one else knew the guy was trouble and jumped ship years before I did.

>

> My fada..... if I ever messed up the slightest detail recalling a story or

> forgot a piece of information, he would go apesh*t, call me a liar, and

> hurl

> insults, and threaten everything under the sun...... Even if I was telling

> the truth, he would still accuse me lying. Oh the hypocrisy, as if he ever

> told the truth. He would gaslight us to our faces. I walk around to this

> day with a pit in my stomach if I do the slightest bit of lying or not full

> truth telling. The feeling of terror by not disclosing the full truth isn't

> very easy to deal with, especially during job interviews.

>

> I imagine I would have reached out more, and have been better networked, so

> my current job hunt wouldn't be a royally sucking as it does now.....

>

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