Re: do nice moms trigger you?

August 5, 2010

I hear ya..completely! I get envious of women who get excited to see there mom.

" oh my mom is coming to visit I miss her so much can't wait to see her " I

wonder what that feels like? Or even on TV when I see girls turning to there

mom for support.

I told a fairly new friend of mine (my gym buddie) My mother is driving m e

crazy today. And she said Oh you don't know how much you'll miss that when

she's gone...she says:.I wish I had a mother. I told her she can have mine she

said sure...She didn't get it and I felt a bit angry...maybe envious that she

loved her mother.

When I was in my 20 I got sick and was hospitalize too. I had a fever of

106!..they didn't know what was wrong with me I was in the hospital for 10

days..It sucked!. My mother stood right beside me the whole time...driving me

crazy telling me all the crazy thoughts that went thru her head. All the things

I needed to do for her when I get out. All the bad things she has lived thru in

her life..She sat beside me in bed chewing some crunchy stuff all day. Daddy

would drop her off in the morning before he went to work and pick her up when he

got out..They has a baby sitter a therapist. And she got to look like the

concerned mother. I cried so much mom please don't come I'm so tired I wanna

sleep...she just kept talking and talking about Crazy people and how they

treated her...

When I had a baby..I made arrangement with the hospital the Dr and everyone to

PLEASE only allow her entry after the baby is born show she could visit.

Stefanie

>

> My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

> mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

> takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes, play

> gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That kind

> of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very closely

> for 4 years.

>

> So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

> probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a good

> doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go the

> natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

> And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the office

> to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

> checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter - who

> is in her early 20s.

>

> Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

> jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

> severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it until

> I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every single

> time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

> mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we were

> all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I was

> about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

>

> And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

> because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

>

> Thoughts?

>

> xoxo, GS

>

August 5, 2010

YES!!! Especially when it's my therapist talking about her daughter. I hate

it...really. I don't want to come across as some needy weirdo, but I have this

insatiable need for a mother to love me. I can totally understand how you

feel.

do nice moms trigger you?

My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes, play

gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That kind

of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very closely

for 4 years.

So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a good

doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go the

natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the office

to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter - who

is in her early 20s.

Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it until

I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every single

time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we were

all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I was

about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

Thoughts?

xoxo, GS

August 5, 2010

YES!!! Especially when it's my therapist talking about her daughter. I hate

it...really. I don't want to come across as some needy weirdo, but I have this

insatiable need for a mother to love me. I can totally understand how you

feel.

do nice moms trigger you?

My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes, play

gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That kind

of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very closely

for 4 years.

So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a good

doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go the

natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the office

to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter - who

is in her early 20s.

Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it until

I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every single

time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we were

all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I was

about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

Thoughts?

xoxo, GS

August 5, 2010

wow. that's an interesting perspective. how the other half lives. all I really

remember about college was that at some point during my sophomore year my mother

had her gallbladder removed and I didn't come home from college to be there

during her surgery and it was a big freaking deal, for years, how I 'wasn't

there for her during her surgery'. I never thought about it going the other

way.

>

> My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

> mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

> takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes, play

> gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That kind

> of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very closely

> for 4 years.

>

> So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

> probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a good

> doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go the

> natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

> And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the office

> to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

> checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter - who

> is in her early 20s.

>

> Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

> jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

> severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it until

> I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every single

> time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

> mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we were

> all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I was

> about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

>

> And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

> because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

>

> Thoughts?

>

> xoxo, GS

>

August 5, 2010

wow. that's an interesting perspective. how the other half lives. all I really

remember about college was that at some point during my sophomore year my mother

had her gallbladder removed and I didn't come home from college to be there

during her surgery and it was a big freaking deal, for years, how I 'wasn't

there for her during her surgery'. I never thought about it going the other

way.

>

> My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

> mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

> takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes, play

> gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That kind

> of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very closely

> for 4 years.

>

> So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

> probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a good

> doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go the

> natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

> And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the office

> to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

> checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter - who

> is in her early 20s.

>

> Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

> jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

> severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it until

> I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every single

> time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

> mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we were

> all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I was

> about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

>

> And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

> because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

>

> Thoughts?

>

> xoxo, GS

>

August 5, 2010

wow. that's an interesting perspective. how the other half lives. all I really

remember about college was that at some point during my sophomore year my mother

had her gallbladder removed and I didn't come home from college to be there

during her surgery and it was a big freaking deal, for years, how I 'wasn't

there for her during her surgery'. I never thought about it going the other

way.

>

> My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

> mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

> takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes, play

> gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That kind

> of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very closely

> for 4 years.

>

> So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

> probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a good

> doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go the

> natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

> And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the office

> to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

> checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter - who

> is in her early 20s.

>

> Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

> jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

> severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it until

> I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every single

> time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

> mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we were

> all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I was

> about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

>

> And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

> because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

>

> Thoughts?

>

> xoxo, GS

>

August 5, 2010

When my therapist tells me about an emotional moment her daughter has, and how

she helps her daughter deal with her feelings.

When I see a parent be genuinely happy for their child's success.

When I see a baby cry and she is comforted by a concerned, calming parent.

All of these things bring me to tears.

Deanna

>

> My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

> mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

> takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes, play

> gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That kind

> of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very closely

> for 4 years.

>

> So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

> probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a good

> doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go the

> natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

> And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the office

> to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

> checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter - who

> is in her early 20s.

>

> Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

> jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

> severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it until

> I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every single

> time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

> mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we were

> all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I was

> about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

>

> And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

> because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

>

> Thoughts?

>

> xoxo, GS

>

August 6, 2010

--- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " kyjohnson40days " what I had to tell

myself to survive. " You're not that bad off. You can hanlde it. Don't be such

a baby. You're 6, so you can handle walking to the ER on a broken leg. " Any of

those sound familiar?

Yep, that self-talk is so familiar. I remember thinking I was a bit nutso to

talk to myself so much but it was always " you have to get through this " " you

have to keep going " " you'll find a way out " I think I tried to create an

internal mother inside my head but in the end it's hard for a kid to really

mother themselves.

GS, totally get where you are coming from, thanks for starting this thread.

August 6, 2010

It's true - people don't understand why we aren't all warm and fuzzy about our

nadas. Why we aren't excited about having them around. I get sick to my stomach

when I hear people talk about how precious their mom is to them. I don't know if

it's a jealousy thing or just the idea that I " should " feel that way towards my

own parent. Ick.

I try to smile, say something nice and just realize they'll never know what it's

like to have a parent like ours. It's a different world.

I try to be a real Mom to my own kids. I know I made mistakes while they were

growing up, some residual garbage from my own childhood. But I guess my kids

still love me in spite of it because they actually want to spend time with me.

My daughter calls and wants me to go shopping with her, she came over this week

to bake cookies with me. Can you imagine doing that with your own nada? Oh the

complaints we would hear. LOL So I feel thankful that I escaped the jaws of BP

and my kids are free from that type of miserable childhood.

>

> Me too. I went through a period where this bothered me soooo much. Lately,

I've just tried to rechannel that energy into my own kids as much as I can and

think about how my relationship with them is so different than mine was with my

mother. It's actually <gasp> dare I say....NORMAL.

August 6, 2010

Hmmm...interesting question.

it's not so much that it triggers me. It does cause an emotional reaction in me,

but it's more of an interest in understanding how " close " these " normal " moms

and daughters are.

It's almost like I WANT to find a chip in the china. I can't believe these

people who are supposedly close are really all that happy. And usually, I DO

find enmeshment or one or both of them secretly resenting the other.

But, if I discover they really are close, I just conclude they're weird and

distance myself from them. I can't relate to it and feel uncomfortable around

it. I think it's a defense mechanism to not have to think about how lacking in

affection my parents were.

>

> My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

> mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

> takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes, play

> gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That kind

> of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very closely

> for 4 years.

>

> So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

> probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a good

> doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go the

> natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

> And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the office

> to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

> checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter - who

> is in her early 20s.

>

> Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

> jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

> severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it until

> I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every single

> time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

> mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we were

> all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I was

> about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

>

> And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

> because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

>

> Thoughts?

>

> xoxo, GS

>

August 6, 2010

Nice moms, families having fun together and appearing to have lives of relative

ease and caring...all trigger me anymore.

I've spent my life, not by choice, but, by birth with BPD disordered people and

narcissistic siblings...none of which appeared to genuinely be in my corner.

While, I felt the burdens of their problems were mine to carry.

I envy it all. I'd like to claim even a part of it. But, I guess you can say

that I've given up on the dream that does not appear to be ever available to me.

I do remember when mom dragged me to counseling around the start of college. I

wanted to move out. Apparently, she thought something was wrong with me.

Because, I wanted to make my own decisions. Including the clothes I wore.

Which, she had always had to spend an hour choosing for me at the store. I'd

given up wearing what I wanted to...because, it was too dang much effort to get

it.

Anyways, that was one of the reasons she took me into counseling...it was my

fault that I didn't like the clothes she chose for me. " Fix my daughter. " She

told the therapist.

The counselor said to me, " It is not your fault. You are a perfectly normal and

wonderful young woman. It's your mother that is at fault here. And we are going

to get you out of that home and situation. " Needless to say, we never went

back to counseling.

>

> My boss is a very nice woman. Perhaps in some ways she is a substitute

> mother for me. She's about my nada's age, but she straightens my skirt,

> takes an interest in my personal projects, we laugh together at jokes, play

> gentle tricks on each other and celebrate each other's birthdays. That kind

> of thing. We've known each other for years, but worked together very closely

> for 4 years.

>

> So her daughter just finished college. She is emotionally a bit fragile,

> probably depressed, anxious, probably needs some good meds and maybe a good

> doctor or therapist. And of course she resists treatment wanting to go the

> natual route. The daughter moved home with her parents about 2 weeks ago.

> And then yesterday she was not feeling well so my boss ran out of the office

> to go to her daughter and take her to the hospital and get everything

> checked out. Then she took the next day off to spend with her daughter - who

> is in her early 20s.

>

> Would this trigger anyone else? I am oscillating between feelings of

> jealousy (I spent some time in the hospital at that age due to surgeries,

> severe migraines etc, and I always made sure Nada didn't know about it until

> I was fully recovered, and of course she still lashed out at me every single

> time) and then other times I think her daughter is a wimp for needing her

> mom at her age (which I think is a fada thing, according to my dad, we were

> all wimps and needed to learn to be independent- and I was by the time I was

> about 7, taking care of everyone else by 10 or 12).

>

> And the whole thing just triggers me. Plus I'm already triggering still

> because of my stalking situation last week.Ahhh brain - stop!

>

> Thoughts?

>

> xoxo, GS

>

August 6, 2010