Re: Can a BPD be married to a BPD?

[Guest guest]

If I remember right, it's fairly common for a BPD to marry an NP. A " King " for

the " Queen " if you will. My mother and father were a case study for that one.

BPD/Queen Witch BPD married to a high NPD.

I think they talk about that in Understanidng the Borderline Mother.

Either way, I think its common. In kind of makes sense to me--they understand

how the other one thinks!

>

> My father, who I beleive had a mother with BPD, subsequently married my mother

with BPD (and paranoid schitzophrenia), then ran screaming from that, leaving me

with her at the age of 4, only to marry another one, more devious, less violent

when I was a teenager.

>

> I've always viewed him as a Dishrag dad (ok, since I found this site) but now

he appears to be " hoovering " me back into a dysfunctional situation with him and

his wife.

>

> I've been LC since Novemberish, and they've been sending my kids birthday

presents etc.

>

> For my eldest daughters birthday, I sent pictures & a thank you. Got no

response.

> For my eldest daughters piano recital, I sent pictures and video. Got no

response (you'd think that a proud grandpa would be eager to call and

congradulate her!).

> For my youngest daughters birthday, I sent nothing. I thought EFF you if you

want to be like that.

>

>

> I got a snotty e-mail that basically said " its been thirty days since her

birthday and I haven't heard if she likes her present " .

>

> I know that it doesn't look like much, but there was an underlying current in

the email that set me off.

>

> My gut response is to get nasty of course. I felt the anxiety, heart racing,

fear, desire for acceptance etc. My husband talked me down from sending the

nasty e-mail that I had written. Instead, i wrote that I had put it away to be

worn on special occasions. He responds that it's for daily wear.

>

> Get this - he sends a 4 year old a pretty pendant and expects her to wear it

daily. Um, NO. She's FOUR!! She puts teeth marks on DVD's. SHE'S FOUR!!!

>

> She's far more destructive than her older sister, she's clumsier, she's more

adventurous....I recently had her at the ER for falling down the stairs and

breaking her nose. She's a klutz! She'd likely strangle herself with it, or

she'd take it off and use it as a slingshot, try to feed it down the heat

registers, use it as a weapon against her sister!

>

> Anyway, venting here, but what i want to know is, is it possible for two BPD's

to be married to one another?

>

> My husband beleives that he's just being fed the BS from the step nada

monster, has no real sense of self and is just regurgitating what she is saying.

>

[Guest guest]

If I remember right, it's fairly common for a BPD to marry an NP. A " King " for

the " Queen " if you will. My mother and father were a case study for that one.

BPD/Queen Witch BPD married to a high NPD.

I think they talk about that in Understanidng the Borderline Mother.

Either way, I think its common. In kind of makes sense to me--they understand

how the other one thinks!

>

> My father, who I beleive had a mother with BPD, subsequently married my mother

with BPD (and paranoid schitzophrenia), then ran screaming from that, leaving me

with her at the age of 4, only to marry another one, more devious, less violent

when I was a teenager.

>

> I've always viewed him as a Dishrag dad (ok, since I found this site) but now

he appears to be " hoovering " me back into a dysfunctional situation with him and

his wife.

>

> I've been LC since Novemberish, and they've been sending my kids birthday

presents etc.

>

> For my eldest daughters birthday, I sent pictures & a thank you. Got no

response.

> For my eldest daughters piano recital, I sent pictures and video. Got no

response (you'd think that a proud grandpa would be eager to call and

congradulate her!).

> For my youngest daughters birthday, I sent nothing. I thought EFF you if you

want to be like that.

>

>

> I got a snotty e-mail that basically said " its been thirty days since her

birthday and I haven't heard if she likes her present " .

>

> I know that it doesn't look like much, but there was an underlying current in

the email that set me off.

>

> My gut response is to get nasty of course. I felt the anxiety, heart racing,

fear, desire for acceptance etc. My husband talked me down from sending the

nasty e-mail that I had written. Instead, i wrote that I had put it away to be

worn on special occasions. He responds that it's for daily wear.

>

> Get this - he sends a 4 year old a pretty pendant and expects her to wear it

daily. Um, NO. She's FOUR!! She puts teeth marks on DVD's. SHE'S FOUR!!!

>

> She's far more destructive than her older sister, she's clumsier, she's more

adventurous....I recently had her at the ER for falling down the stairs and

breaking her nose. She's a klutz! She'd likely strangle herself with it, or

she'd take it off and use it as a slingshot, try to feed it down the heat

registers, use it as a weapon against her sister!

>

> Anyway, venting here, but what i want to know is, is it possible for two BPD's

to be married to one another?

>

> My husband beleives that he's just being fed the BS from the step nada

monster, has no real sense of self and is just regurgitating what she is saying.

>

[Guest guest]

That makes sense, it never occured to me that he could have NPD. Will have to go

read more. Certainly seems to fit from what I know of the PD and how he has

behaved my whole life. Compeltely self centered.

He didn't speak to my step brother for an entire year because he didn't send a

birthday card. 0_o

> >

> > My father, who I beleive had a mother with BPD, subsequently married my

mother with BPD (and paranoid schitzophrenia), then ran screaming from that,

leaving me with her at the age of 4, only to marry another one, more devious,

less violent when I was a teenager.

> >

> > I've always viewed him as a Dishrag dad (ok, since I found this site) but

now he appears to be " hoovering " me back into a dysfunctional situation with him

and his wife.

> >

> > I've been LC since Novemberish, and they've been sending my kids birthday

presents etc.

> >

> > For my eldest daughters birthday, I sent pictures & a thank you. Got no

response.

> > For my eldest daughters piano recital, I sent pictures and video. Got no

response (you'd think that a proud grandpa would be eager to call and

congradulate her!).

> > For my youngest daughters birthday, I sent nothing. I thought EFF you if you

want to be like that.

> >

> >

> > I got a snotty e-mail that basically said " its been thirty days since her

birthday and I haven't heard if she likes her present " .

> >

> > I know that it doesn't look like much, but there was an underlying current

in the email that set me off.

> >

> > My gut response is to get nasty of course. I felt the anxiety, heart racing,

fear, desire for acceptance etc. My husband talked me down from sending the

nasty e-mail that I had written. Instead, i wrote that I had put it away to be

worn on special occasions. He responds that it's for daily wear.

> >

> > Get this - he sends a 4 year old a pretty pendant and expects her to wear it

daily. Um, NO. She's FOUR!! She puts teeth marks on DVD's. SHE'S FOUR!!!

> >

> > She's far more destructive than her older sister, she's clumsier, she's more

adventurous....I recently had her at the ER for falling down the stairs and

breaking her nose. She's a klutz! She'd likely strangle herself with it, or

she'd take it off and use it as a slingshot, try to feed it down the heat

registers, use it as a weapon against her sister!

> >

> > Anyway, venting here, but what i want to know is, is it possible for two

BPD's to be married to one another?

> >

> > My husband beleives that he's just being fed the BS from the step nada

monster, has no real sense of self and is just regurgitating what she is saying.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That makes sense, it never occured to me that he could have NPD. Will have to go

read more. Certainly seems to fit from what I know of the PD and how he has

behaved my whole life. Compeltely self centered.

He didn't speak to my step brother for an entire year because he didn't send a

birthday card. 0_o

> >

> > My father, who I beleive had a mother with BPD, subsequently married my

mother with BPD (and paranoid schitzophrenia), then ran screaming from that,

leaving me with her at the age of 4, only to marry another one, more devious,

less violent when I was a teenager.

> >

> > I've always viewed him as a Dishrag dad (ok, since I found this site) but

now he appears to be " hoovering " me back into a dysfunctional situation with him

and his wife.

> >

> > I've been LC since Novemberish, and they've been sending my kids birthday

presents etc.

> >

> > For my eldest daughters birthday, I sent pictures & a thank you. Got no

response.

> > For my eldest daughters piano recital, I sent pictures and video. Got no

response (you'd think that a proud grandpa would be eager to call and

congradulate her!).

> > For my youngest daughters birthday, I sent nothing. I thought EFF you if you

want to be like that.

> >

> >

> > I got a snotty e-mail that basically said " its been thirty days since her

birthday and I haven't heard if she likes her present " .

> >

> > I know that it doesn't look like much, but there was an underlying current

in the email that set me off.

> >

> > My gut response is to get nasty of course. I felt the anxiety, heart racing,

fear, desire for acceptance etc. My husband talked me down from sending the

nasty e-mail that I had written. Instead, i wrote that I had put it away to be

worn on special occasions. He responds that it's for daily wear.

> >

> > Get this - he sends a 4 year old a pretty pendant and expects her to wear it

daily. Um, NO. She's FOUR!! She puts teeth marks on DVD's. SHE'S FOUR!!!

> >

> > She's far more destructive than her older sister, she's clumsier, she's more

adventurous....I recently had her at the ER for falling down the stairs and

breaking her nose. She's a klutz! She'd likely strangle herself with it, or

she'd take it off and use it as a slingshot, try to feed it down the heat

registers, use it as a weapon against her sister!

> >

> > Anyway, venting here, but what i want to know is, is it possible for two

BPD's to be married to one another?

> >

> > My husband beleives that he's just being fed the BS from the step nada

monster, has no real sense of self and is just regurgitating what she is saying.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Doug--

Thankfully, I was raised in the flatlands. No bridges to jump from!!

I now just have to laugh. If you only saw how " pretty " they clean up for the

outside world!

Good to have you back, Doug--I've been wondering where you'd gone to!

Blessings,

Karla

>

> > Anyway, venting here, but what i want to know is, is it possible for

> two BPD's to be married to one another?

> >

> > My husband beleives that he's just being fed the BS from the step nada

> monster, has no real sense of self and is just regurgitating what she is

> saying.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Karla - Hey, as long as they're not first cousins or the same gender (oh, heaven

forfend!), it doesn't matter how crazy or destructive the affianced couple is -

there are no " crazy tests " for marriage (or childbearing). More's the pity...

Your 4yo sounds like a real pistol. I hope you're able to keep that adventurous

spirit (and her!) alive.

It also sounds like your dad is a real stickler for the niceties of etiquette,

but not interested in other aspects of family bonding. So maybe if you send

printed (not email) thank-you cards after each gift, you can get away with

having a very formal relationship with him. All in all, much easier than trying

to let him be Grandpa to your kids.

> >

> > > Anyway, venting here, but what i want to know is, is it possible for

> > two BPD's to be married to one another?

> > >

> > > My husband beleives that he's just being fed the BS from the step nada

> > monster, has no real sense of self and is just regurgitating what she is

> > saying.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Karla - Hey, as long as they're not first cousins or the same gender (oh, heaven

forfend!), it doesn't matter how crazy or destructive the affianced couple is -

there are no " crazy tests " for marriage (or childbearing). More's the pity...

Your 4yo sounds like a real pistol. I hope you're able to keep that adventurous

spirit (and her!) alive.

It also sounds like your dad is a real stickler for the niceties of etiquette,

but not interested in other aspects of family bonding. So maybe if you send

printed (not email) thank-you cards after each gift, you can get away with

having a very formal relationship with him. All in all, much easier than trying

to let him be Grandpa to your kids.

> >

> > > Anyway, venting here, but what i want to know is, is it possible for

> > two BPD's to be married to one another?

> > >

> > > My husband beleives that he's just being fed the BS from the step nada

> > monster, has no real sense of self and is just regurgitating what she is

> > saying.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Ninera- Do you happen to have the name of that book?

For MANY years I've been thinking that there must have been something inherently

unloveable or detestable about me to have these people who are supposed to love

and protect me do horrible, mind boggling things to me. I've been able to move

past my mothers attempted murder of me, and the neglect and abuse at her hands.

But I am having a bitch of a time getting past what my father did, all the

things that he has done.

By putting a label on it, its like a lightbulb went off. I'm hoping that the

more I learn about NPD the better, and more likely I'll be able to get past the

feelings.

> > >

> > > My father, who I beleive had a mother with BPD,

> > subsequently married my mother with BPD (and paranoid

> > schitzophrenia), then ran screaming from that, leaving me

> > with her at the age of 4, only to marry another one, more

> > devious, less violent when I was a teenager.

> > >

> > > I've always viewed him as a Dishrag dad (ok, since I

> > found this site) but now he appears to be " hoovering " me

> > back into a dysfunctional situation with him and his wife.

> > >

> > > I've been LC since Novemberish, and they've been

> > sending my kids birthday presents etc.

> > >

> > > For my eldest daughters birthday, I sent pictures

> > & a thank you. Got no response.

> > > For my eldest daughters piano recital, I sent pictures

> > and video. Got no response (you'd think that a proud grandpa

> > would be eager to call and congradulate her!).

> > > For my youngest daughters birthday, I sent nothing. I

> > thought EFF you if you want to be like that.

> > >

> > >

> > > I got a snotty e-mail that basically said " its been

> > thirty days since her birthday and I haven't heard if she

> > likes her present " .

> > >

> > > I know that it doesn't look like much, but there was

> > an underlying current in the email that set me off.

> > >

> > > My gut response is to get nasty of course. I felt the

> > anxiety, heart racing, fear, desire for acceptance etc. My

> > husband talked me down from sending the nasty e-mail that I

> > had written. Instead, i wrote that I had put it away to be

> > worn on special occasions. He responds that it's for daily

> > wear.

> > >

> > > Get this - he sends a 4 year old a pretty pendant and

> > expects her to wear it daily. Um, NO. She's FOUR!! She puts

> > teeth marks on DVD's. SHE'S FOUR!!!

> > >

> > > She's far more destructive than her older sister,

> > she's clumsier, she's more adventurous....I recently had her

> > at the ER for falling down the stairs and breaking her nose.

> > She's a klutz! She'd likely strangle herself with it, or

> > she'd take it off and use it as a slingshot, try to feed it

> > down the heat registers, use it as a weapon against her

> > sister!

> > >

> > > Anyway, venting here, but what i want to know is, is

> > it possible for two BPD's to be married to one another?

> > >

> > > My husband beleives that he's just being fed the BS

> > from the step nada monster, has no real sense of self and is

> > just regurgitating what she is saying.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> > book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> > Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> > available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @...

> > DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> >

> > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

> >

> >

> > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> > Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> > find)

[Guest guest]

I had to look it up! :-) It's for clinicians, I think...but it just struck me

that there's enough of that match up to warrant a book, you know?

" The Narcissitic/Borderline Couple " by Joan Lachkar

Ninera

>

> Subject: Re: Can a BPD be married to a BPD?

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Tuesday, August 3, 2010, 2:48 AM

> Ninera- Do you happen to have the

> name of that book?

>

> For MANY years I've been thinking that there must have been

> something inherently unloveable or detestable about me to

> have these people who are supposed to love and protect me do

> horrible, mind boggling things to me. I've been able to move

> past my mothers attempted murder of me, and the neglect and

> abuse at her hands. But I am having a bitch of a time

> getting past what my father did, all the things that he has

> done.

>

> By putting a label on it, its like a lightbulb went off.

> I'm hoping that the more I learn about NPD the better, and

> more likely I'll be able to get past the feelings.

>

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > My father, who I beleive had a mother with

> BPD,

> > > subsequently married my mother with BPD (and

> paranoid

> > > schitzophrenia), then ran screaming from that,

> leaving me

> > > with her at the age of 4, only to marry another

> one, more

> > > devious, less violent when I was a teenager.

> > > >

> > > > I've always viewed him as a Dishrag dad (ok,

> since I

> > > found this site) but now he appears to be

> " hoovering " me

> > > back into a dysfunctional situation with him and

> his wife.

> > > >

> > > > I've been LC since Novemberish, and they've

> been

> > > sending my kids birthday presents etc.

> > > >

> > > > For my eldest daughters birthday, I sent

> pictures

> > > & a thank you. Got no response.

> > > > For my eldest daughters piano recital, I

> sent pictures

> > > and video. Got no response (you'd think that a

> proud grandpa

> > > would be eager to call and congradulate her!).

> > > > For my youngest daughters birthday, I sent

> nothing. I

> > > thought EFF you if you want to be like that.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I got a snotty e-mail that basically said

> " its been

> > > thirty days since her birthday and I haven't

> heard if she

> > > likes her present " .

> > > >

> > > > I know that it doesn't look like much, but

> there was

> > > an underlying current in the email that set me

> off.

> > > >

> > > > My gut response is to get nasty of course. I

> felt the

> > > anxiety, heart racing, fear, desire for

> acceptance etc. My

> > > husband talked me down from sending the nasty

> e-mail that I

> > > had written. Instead, i wrote that I had put it

> away to be

> > > worn on special occasions. He responds that it's

> for daily

> > > wear.

> > > >

> > > > Get this - he sends a 4 year old a pretty

> pendant and

> > > expects her to wear it daily. Um, NO. She's

> FOUR!! She puts

> > > teeth marks on DVD's. SHE'S FOUR!!!

> > > >

> > > > She's far more destructive than her older

> sister,

> > > she's clumsier, she's more adventurous....I

> recently had her

> > > at the ER for falling down the stairs and

> breaking her nose.

> > > She's a klutz! She'd likely strangle herself with

> it, or

> > > she'd take it off and use it as a slingshot, try

> to feed it

> > > down the heat registers, use it as a weapon

> against her

> > > sister!

> > > >

> > > > Anyway, venting here, but what i want to

> know is, is

> > > it possible for two BPD's to be married to one

> another?

> > > >

> > > > My husband beleives that he's just being fed

> the BS

> > > from the step nada monster, has no real sense of

> self and is

> > > just regurgitating what she is saying.

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ------------------------------------

> > >

> > > **This group is based on principles in

> Randi Kreger's new

> > > book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline

> Personality

> > > Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on

> Eggshells,

> > > available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems?

> Write @...

> > > DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> > >

> > > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

> > >

> > >

> > > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a

> Borderline

> > > Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline

> Mother " (hard to

> > > find)