Re: Can a BPD be married to a BPD?

[Guest guest]

Ninera- Do you happen to have the name of that book?

For MANY years I've been thinking that there must have been something inherently

unloveable or detestable about me to have these people who are supposed to love

and protect me do horrible, mind boggling things to me. I've been able to move

past my mothers attempted murder of me, and the neglect and abuse at her hands.

But I am having a bitch of a time getting past what my father did, all the

things that he has done.

By putting a label on it, its like a lightbulb went off. I'm hoping that the

more I learn about NPD the better, and more likely I'll be able to get past the

feelings.

> > >

> > > My father, who I beleive had a mother with BPD,

> > subsequently married my mother with BPD (and paranoid

> > schitzophrenia), then ran screaming from that, leaving me

> > with her at the age of 4, only to marry another one, more

> > devious, less violent when I was a teenager.

> > >

> > > I've always viewed him as a Dishrag dad (ok, since I

> > found this site) but now he appears to be " hoovering " me

> > back into a dysfunctional situation with him and his wife.

> > >

> > > I've been LC since Novemberish, and they've been

> > sending my kids birthday presents etc.

> > >

> > > For my eldest daughters birthday, I sent pictures

> > & a thank you. Got no response.

> > > For my eldest daughters piano recital, I sent pictures

> > and video. Got no response (you'd think that a proud grandpa

> > would be eager to call and congradulate her!).

> > > For my youngest daughters birthday, I sent nothing. I

> > thought EFF you if you want to be like that.

> > >

> > >

> > > I got a snotty e-mail that basically said " its been

> > thirty days since her birthday and I haven't heard if she

> > likes her present " .

> > >

> > > I know that it doesn't look like much, but there was

> > an underlying current in the email that set me off.

> > >

> > > My gut response is to get nasty of course. I felt the

> > anxiety, heart racing, fear, desire for acceptance etc. My

> > husband talked me down from sending the nasty e-mail that I

> > had written. Instead, i wrote that I had put it away to be

> > worn on special occasions. He responds that it's for daily

> > wear.

> > >

> > > Get this - he sends a 4 year old a pretty pendant and

> > expects her to wear it daily. Um, NO. She's FOUR!! She puts

> > teeth marks on DVD's. SHE'S FOUR!!!

> > >

> > > She's far more destructive than her older sister,

> > she's clumsier, she's more adventurous....I recently had her

> > at the ER for falling down the stairs and breaking her nose.

> > She's a klutz! She'd likely strangle herself with it, or

> > she'd take it off and use it as a slingshot, try to feed it

> > down the heat registers, use it as a weapon against her

> > sister!

> > >

> > > Anyway, venting here, but what i want to know is, is

> > it possible for two BPD's to be married to one another?

> > >

> > > My husband beleives that he's just being fed the BS

> > from the step nada monster, has no real sense of self and is

> > just regurgitating what she is saying.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> > book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> > Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> > available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @...

> > DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> >

> > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

> >

> >

> > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> > Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> > find)

[Guest guest]

" It also sounds like your dad is a real stickler for the niceties of etiquette,

but not interested in other aspects of family bonding. So maybe if you send

printed (not email) thank-you cards after each gift, you can get away with

having a very formal relationship with him. All in all, much easier than trying

to let him be Grandpa to your kids. "

That is a great idea.

I think after this incident, I may have to resort to it. I've spent SO much time

and energy trying to get him and the step nada to be grandparents it's pathetic.

I really just have to relize that it will never happen, and he can complain

about my husbands parents having a better relationship with my girls than he

does till he's blue in the face.

[Guest guest]

" It also sounds like your dad is a real stickler for the niceties of etiquette,

but not interested in other aspects of family bonding. So maybe if you send

printed (not email) thank-you cards after each gift, you can get away with

having a very formal relationship with him. All in all, much easier than trying

to let him be Grandpa to your kids. "

That is a great idea.

I think after this incident, I may have to resort to it. I've spent SO much time

and energy trying to get him and the step nada to be grandparents it's pathetic.

I really just have to relize that it will never happen, and he can complain

about my husbands parents having a better relationship with my girls than he

does till he's blue in the face.

[Guest guest]

" It also sounds like your dad is a real stickler for the niceties of etiquette,

but not interested in other aspects of family bonding. So maybe if you send

printed (not email) thank-you cards after each gift, you can get away with

having a very formal relationship with him. All in all, much easier than trying

to let him be Grandpa to your kids. "

That is a great idea.

I think after this incident, I may have to resort to it. I've spent SO much time

and energy trying to get him and the step nada to be grandparents it's pathetic.

I really just have to relize that it will never happen, and he can complain

about my husbands parents having a better relationship with my girls than he

does till he's blue in the face.