Re: bpd stable partnerships

[Guest guest]

Girlscout - " Done her part " ...wow, by pawning her actual responsibility to be a

real mother off on everyone else, wow the chutzpah of that is astounding!

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> > My parents divorced when I was a baby, but I always wondered (more

like hopeful fantasies) that if my nada had met and married a man who could be

" her rock " , if she could have been more functional and stable. And would it

have taken the heat off of me as the only child? I've had many a therapist say

I was spousified and/or parentified. I wonder if a husband who would have

played those roles had come along if she could have been a more normal mother.

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> > From what I've read here it sounds like the " dishrag " is the most common and

he seems to serve as an enabler mostly. What happens if there is a divorce or

the dishrag dad dies - does the nada's functioning plummet?

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[Guest guest]

, that's so sad thinking about what your Dad knew but didn't want for you

but really couldn't stop. I think that's one of the most difficult parts of

BPD - and especially FOG inducing for me - is that their sanity/functioning is

dependent on others. And woe be unto the one the Eye of Sauron focuses on.

>

> " From what I've read here it sounds like the " dishrag " is the most common and

he seems to serve as an enabler mostly. What happens if there is a divorce or

the dishrag dad dies - does the nada's functioning plummet? "

>

> - My poor, hapless Dad put up with my mom but seemed mystified as to

what to do with her. They divorced (her idea) and remarried, and during the

split, I was de facto housekeeper and babysitter while she enjoyed her belated

adolescence. Then after they remarried, when he was in his final weeks of life

and we had our last face-to-face conversation, I told him not to worry about

Mom, I'd help (being the responsible adult daughter - this was a couple of

decades before I learned about BPD). He said, " NO! Don't do that - she's like

a child. " He was very weak, and I didn't push it, but it astounded me that he

was trying to warn me away from taking on the role. It wasn't until much later

that I realized what he was trying to say.

>

> To answer your question, yes, her functioning plummeted after his death. She

promptly focused her tractor-beam on me (visual image here - the Eye of Sauron

looking around Mordor), and since I didn't have a clue about the true nature of

her mental illness, I fell right into the role of Nada's Good Helper. And it

took over twenty years for me to realize that she wasn't nearly as helpless as I

thought, and that nothing I ever did for her was enough, or right, or of

permanent value.

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[Guest guest]

, that's so sad thinking about what your Dad knew but didn't want for you

but really couldn't stop. I think that's one of the most difficult parts of

BPD - and especially FOG inducing for me - is that their sanity/functioning is

dependent on others. And woe be unto the one the Eye of Sauron focuses on.

>

> " From what I've read here it sounds like the " dishrag " is the most common and

he seems to serve as an enabler mostly. What happens if there is a divorce or

the dishrag dad dies - does the nada's functioning plummet? "

>

> - My poor, hapless Dad put up with my mom but seemed mystified as to

what to do with her. They divorced (her idea) and remarried, and during the

split, I was de facto housekeeper and babysitter while she enjoyed her belated

adolescence. Then after they remarried, when he was in his final weeks of life

and we had our last face-to-face conversation, I told him not to worry about

Mom, I'd help (being the responsible adult daughter - this was a couple of

decades before I learned about BPD). He said, " NO! Don't do that - she's like

a child. " He was very weak, and I didn't push it, but it astounded me that he

was trying to warn me away from taking on the role. It wasn't until much later

that I realized what he was trying to say.

>

> To answer your question, yes, her functioning plummeted after his death. She

promptly focused her tractor-beam on me (visual image here - the Eye of Sauron

looking around Mordor), and since I didn't have a clue about the true nature of

her mental illness, I fell right into the role of Nada's Good Helper. And it

took over twenty years for me to realize that she wasn't nearly as helpless as I

thought, and that nothing I ever did for her was enough, or right, or of

permanent value.

>

>

> >

>

[Guest guest]

, that's so sad thinking about what your Dad knew but didn't want for you

but really couldn't stop. I think that's one of the most difficult parts of

BPD - and especially FOG inducing for me - is that their sanity/functioning is

dependent on others. And woe be unto the one the Eye of Sauron focuses on.

>

> " From what I've read here it sounds like the " dishrag " is the most common and

he seems to serve as an enabler mostly. What happens if there is a divorce or

the dishrag dad dies - does the nada's functioning plummet? "

>

> - My poor, hapless Dad put up with my mom but seemed mystified as to

what to do with her. They divorced (her idea) and remarried, and during the

split, I was de facto housekeeper and babysitter while she enjoyed her belated

adolescence. Then after they remarried, when he was in his final weeks of life

and we had our last face-to-face conversation, I told him not to worry about

Mom, I'd help (being the responsible adult daughter - this was a couple of

decades before I learned about BPD). He said, " NO! Don't do that - she's like

a child. " He was very weak, and I didn't push it, but it astounded me that he

was trying to warn me away from taking on the role. It wasn't until much later

that I realized what he was trying to say.

>

> To answer your question, yes, her functioning plummeted after his death. She

promptly focused her tractor-beam on me (visual image here - the Eye of Sauron

looking around Mordor), and since I didn't have a clue about the true nature of

her mental illness, I fell right into the role of Nada's Good Helper. And it

took over twenty years for me to realize that she wasn't nearly as helpless as I

thought, and that nothing I ever did for her was enough, or right, or of

permanent value.

>

>

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Annie, your poor dad though I guess the enabling doesn't make him innocent

either. I guess my wish that somebody would come along and be her lifeline

(even still I imagine her meeting some silverhaired gentleman) is something to

set aside given what it would sentence them to.

I wonder how successful therapists are getting BPD's who want to heal to develop

that emotional stability/management function inside of themselves rather than

capturing an external person?

> >

> > My parents divorced when I was a baby, but I always wondered (more like

hopeful fantasies) that if my nada had met and married a man who could be " her

rock " , if she could have been more functional and stable. And would it have

taken the heat off of me as the only child? I've had many a therapist say I

was spousified and/or parentified. I wonder if a husband who would have played

those roles had come along if she could have been a more normal mother.

> >

> > From what I've read here it sounds like the " dishrag " is the most common and

he seems to serve as an enabler mostly. What happens if there is a divorce or

the dishrag dad dies - does the nada's functioning plummet?

> >

> >

> >

>