Guest guest Posted August 2, 2010 Report Share Posted August 2, 2010 If she sends emails or leaves voicemails ect asking why, I would just ignore them. It feeds into the drama that nada's love, and anything you say will just get twisted and used as nada ammo when she goes on her next smear campaign. The more you ignore them, the greater the chances that they will move on and find someone else to torture, someone who will play their games and react. She may up her behavior in the short term to try to force you into her web, but it will let off the longer you can keep from communicating with her. I don't even return letters or packages, since that would be a form of communication. Everything just gets deleted or put in the garbage, or thrown in a drawer if I'm worried about needing a restraining order in the future. On Mon, Aug 2, 2010 at 9:27 PM, stefanie_low2006 wrote: > > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big > family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken > to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling > when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's > Love...It like ....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is > " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect > things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do > for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide > attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any > childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it > would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be > wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good > thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 2, 2010 Report Share Posted August 2, 2010 If she sends emails or leaves voicemails ect asking why, I would just ignore them. It feeds into the drama that nada's love, and anything you say will just get twisted and used as nada ammo when she goes on her next smear campaign. The more you ignore them, the greater the chances that they will move on and find someone else to torture, someone who will play their games and react. She may up her behavior in the short term to try to force you into her web, but it will let off the longer you can keep from communicating with her. I don't even return letters or packages, since that would be a form of communication. Everything just gets deleted or put in the garbage, or thrown in a drawer if I'm worried about needing a restraining order in the future. On Mon, Aug 2, 2010 at 9:27 PM, stefanie_low2006 wrote: > > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big > family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken > to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling > when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's > Love...It like ....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is > " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect > things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do > for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide > attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any > childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it > would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be > wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good > thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 2, 2010 Report Share Posted August 2, 2010 That's what I'm expecting too. She wouldn't not e-mail or write or text she is too " I don't know how to do those kind of things " ...But what she will most likely do is call or have others call for her..or worse show up at my door.. On Mon, Aug 2, 2010 at 10:48 PM, Brown wrote: > If she sends emails or leaves voicemails ect asking why, I would just ignore > them. It feeds into the drama that nada's love, and anything you say will > just get twisted and used as nada ammo when she goes on her next smear > campaign. The more you ignore them, the greater the chances that they will > move on and find someone else to torture, someone who will play their games > and react. She may up her behavior in the short term to try to force you > into her web, but it will let off the longer you can keep from communicating > with her. I don't even return letters or packages, since that would be a > form of communication. Everything just gets deleted or put in the garbage, > or thrown in a drawer if I'm worried about needing a restraining order in > the future. > > > > On Mon, Aug 2, 2010 at 9:27 PM, stefanie_low2006 wrote: > >> >> >> I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big >> family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken >> to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling >> when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's >> Love...It like ....nothing..just nothing. >> >> Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is >> " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect >> things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do >> for me. >> >> My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide >> attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any >> childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it >> would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be >> wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good >> thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? >> >> I await your responses.. >> >> Stefanie >> >> >> > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 2, 2010 Report Share Posted August 2, 2010 Stefanie, I doubt that there is anything you could say that would be acceptable to her, so why say anything at all? It isn't likely that she really wants to hear your answer. Your answer isn't going to make her realize that anything she's done was wrong or that she has a mental illness. Anything you say is just going to be used to hurt you and to cause more drama. The only way to avoid letting her win her game is to not play it. Some people think that hate is the opposite of love, but I think that the opposite of love is not caring. Cold emptyness is pretty much what I feel towards my nada too. I've run out of emotion to spend on her. I don't care what she does with herself or how she feels as long as it doesn't cause trouble in my life. At 10:27 PM 08/02/2010 stefanie_low2006 wrote: >I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my >Nada. There was a big family blowout a week ago with her and a >suicide attempt. I have not spoken to her since. I have no >desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling when I think >of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's >Love...It like ....nothing..just nothing. > >Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows >she is " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then >me..she doesn't expect things from him...instead she does >things for him..things she would never do for me. > >My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything >wrong..The suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault >I made her...She denies any childhood abuse. And even if I >could give an example of her wrong doing it would be twisted >into something completely diffrent...and she would not be wrong >in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is >a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what >have you said? > >I await your responses.. > >Stefanie -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 2, 2010 Report Share Posted August 2, 2010 I'm so sorry you've had to endure such abuse; you're not alone. There are members here now and in earlier years who have posted very similar experiences growing up in a family where the mother has borderline pd and probably narcissistic pd as well, who scapegoats her daughter and treats her son as the golden child. One approach you can try when you decide to go " NC " or No Contact (or remain in no contact) with someone who is or has been abusive to you, is to just say, " I need a time out. I need to work on healing myself and I need peace and calm in order to do that. I'll let you know if I feel that I am ready to try resuming contact with you. " Putting your message in the form of " I " statements is harder for the disordered individual to argue with. She or he will argue with you, if you let them, but using " I " statements gives them less ammunition to lob at you. Its really difficult for us adult children of the personality disordered (because we have been brainwashed from birth that we are responsible for our parents' feelings and happiness, and that we owe them obedience, subservience and loyalty) to wrap our minds around the notion that as adults we are no longer obligated at all to explain ourselves or our decisions to our parents. It isn't necessary for your mother to understand why you are deciding to remain in no contact with her; you don't need her to agree to it, or approve of it, or be happy about it. As you have pointed out, when you try to explain your side of an issue, she only twists and distorts what you say in order to make herself the victim, anyway, so listing all your reasons to her is rather pointless. You are in control, now. So, a simple " I need time alone, and when I'm ready I'll contact you at some point in the future. " is just stating the way things are going to be from now on in an assertive, adult way. -Annie > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's Love...It like .....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 2, 2010 Report Share Posted August 2, 2010 I'm so sorry you've had to endure such abuse; you're not alone. There are members here now and in earlier years who have posted very similar experiences growing up in a family where the mother has borderline pd and probably narcissistic pd as well, who scapegoats her daughter and treats her son as the golden child. One approach you can try when you decide to go " NC " or No Contact (or remain in no contact) with someone who is or has been abusive to you, is to just say, " I need a time out. I need to work on healing myself and I need peace and calm in order to do that. I'll let you know if I feel that I am ready to try resuming contact with you. " Putting your message in the form of " I " statements is harder for the disordered individual to argue with. She or he will argue with you, if you let them, but using " I " statements gives them less ammunition to lob at you. Its really difficult for us adult children of the personality disordered (because we have been brainwashed from birth that we are responsible for our parents' feelings and happiness, and that we owe them obedience, subservience and loyalty) to wrap our minds around the notion that as adults we are no longer obligated at all to explain ourselves or our decisions to our parents. It isn't necessary for your mother to understand why you are deciding to remain in no contact with her; you don't need her to agree to it, or approve of it, or be happy about it. As you have pointed out, when you try to explain your side of an issue, she only twists and distorts what you say in order to make herself the victim, anyway, so listing all your reasons to her is rather pointless. You are in control, now. So, a simple " I need time alone, and when I'm ready I'll contact you at some point in the future. " is just stating the way things are going to be from now on in an assertive, adult way. -Annie > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's Love...It like .....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 2, 2010 Report Share Posted August 2, 2010 I'm so sorry you've had to endure such abuse; you're not alone. There are members here now and in earlier years who have posted very similar experiences growing up in a family where the mother has borderline pd and probably narcissistic pd as well, who scapegoats her daughter and treats her son as the golden child. One approach you can try when you decide to go " NC " or No Contact (or remain in no contact) with someone who is or has been abusive to you, is to just say, " I need a time out. I need to work on healing myself and I need peace and calm in order to do that. I'll let you know if I feel that I am ready to try resuming contact with you. " Putting your message in the form of " I " statements is harder for the disordered individual to argue with. She or he will argue with you, if you let them, but using " I " statements gives them less ammunition to lob at you. Its really difficult for us adult children of the personality disordered (because we have been brainwashed from birth that we are responsible for our parents' feelings and happiness, and that we owe them obedience, subservience and loyalty) to wrap our minds around the notion that as adults we are no longer obligated at all to explain ourselves or our decisions to our parents. It isn't necessary for your mother to understand why you are deciding to remain in no contact with her; you don't need her to agree to it, or approve of it, or be happy about it. As you have pointed out, when you try to explain your side of an issue, she only twists and distorts what you say in order to make herself the victim, anyway, so listing all your reasons to her is rather pointless. You are in control, now. So, a simple " I need time alone, and when I'm ready I'll contact you at some point in the future. " is just stating the way things are going to be from now on in an assertive, adult way. -Annie > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's Love...It like .....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 Seriously Annie, that was profound. I C & P'd some of that for me to read and absorb again and again. That 4th paragraph nailed my feelings as a KO perfectly. > > > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's Love...It like .....nothing..just nothing. > > > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do for me. > > > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > > > I await your responses.. > > > > Stefanie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 Seriously Annie, that was profound. I C & P'd some of that for me to read and absorb again and again. That 4th paragraph nailed my feelings as a KO perfectly. > > > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's Love...It like .....nothing..just nothing. > > > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do for me. > > > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > > > I await your responses.. > > > > Stefanie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 Seriously Annie, that was profound. I C & P'd some of that for me to read and absorb again and again. That 4th paragraph nailed my feelings as a KO perfectly. > > > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's Love...It like .....nothing..just nothing. > > > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do for me. > > > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > > > I await your responses.. > > > > Stefanie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 The sad truth is that there is no good thing to say, because anything you say will be twisted into something you hadn't intended. I think you would be perfectly justified in saying precisely nothing. Or changing the subject. Or breaking out into a rousing chorus of " It's a Grand Old Flag " , because in the end, they're going to claim to be " confused " about your behavior anyway. If you feel you must say something, how about " Because I don't want to, " or " Because I don't feel like it. " When they ask why, simply repeat until they drop it. By the way, I have the same feelings, or lack thereof, towards my nada. I've been NC about 3 years, give or take. Every now and then I think about getting back in touch with my parents and I have to remind myself that while I'd like to have contact with parents I don't want to have contact with *them*. > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's Love...It like .....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 The sad truth is that there is no good thing to say, because anything you say will be twisted into something you hadn't intended. I think you would be perfectly justified in saying precisely nothing. Or changing the subject. Or breaking out into a rousing chorus of " It's a Grand Old Flag " , because in the end, they're going to claim to be " confused " about your behavior anyway. If you feel you must say something, how about " Because I don't want to, " or " Because I don't feel like it. " When they ask why, simply repeat until they drop it. By the way, I have the same feelings, or lack thereof, towards my nada. I've been NC about 3 years, give or take. Every now and then I think about getting back in touch with my parents and I have to remind myself that while I'd like to have contact with parents I don't want to have contact with *them*. > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's Love...It like .....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 The sad truth is that there is no good thing to say, because anything you say will be twisted into something you hadn't intended. I think you would be perfectly justified in saying precisely nothing. Or changing the subject. Or breaking out into a rousing chorus of " It's a Grand Old Flag " , because in the end, they're going to claim to be " confused " about your behavior anyway. If you feel you must say something, how about " Because I don't want to, " or " Because I don't feel like it. " When they ask why, simply repeat until they drop it. By the way, I have the same feelings, or lack thereof, towards my nada. I've been NC about 3 years, give or take. Every now and then I think about getting back in touch with my parents and I have to remind myself that while I'd like to have contact with parents I don't want to have contact with *them*. > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's Love...It like .....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 Sweetie, you say nothing. As for me, myboyfriend listens to and deletes phone msgs, just so I know if someone has died. And then emails are ignored. It's about what works for you, not nada and not foo. >i > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's Love...It like .....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 Sweetie, you say nothing. As for me, myboyfriend listens to and deletes phone msgs, just so I know if someone has died. And then emails are ignored. It's about what works for you, not nada and not foo. >i > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's Love...It like .....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 Sweetie, you say nothing. As for me, myboyfriend listens to and deletes phone msgs, just so I know if someone has died. And then emails are ignored. It's about what works for you, not nada and not foo. >i > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's Love...It like .....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 actually, I dont even bother...because she DOES twist everything around...and turns everything into my fault...if she starts heading there, I tell her not to go there or I will stop talking to her again...no, they DON'T think they've done anything wrong...thats the part I dont get...they think it's perfectly OK to say XYZ and treat me like crap, when they would never think of saying/treating my brothers or outsiders this way...only us girls... Jackie >I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big >family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not >spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty >feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think >it's Love...It like ....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is > " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect > things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never > do for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The > suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She > denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her > wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and > she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to > me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what > have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 actually, I dont even bother...because she DOES twist everything around...and turns everything into my fault...if she starts heading there, I tell her not to go there or I will stop talking to her again...no, they DON'T think they've done anything wrong...thats the part I dont get...they think it's perfectly OK to say XYZ and treat me like crap, when they would never think of saying/treating my brothers or outsiders this way...only us girls... Jackie >I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big >family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not >spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty >feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think >it's Love...It like ....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is > " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect > things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never > do for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The > suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She > denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her > wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and > she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to > me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what > have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 actually, I dont even bother...because she DOES twist everything around...and turns everything into my fault...if she starts heading there, I tell her not to go there or I will stop talking to her again...no, they DON'T think they've done anything wrong...thats the part I dont get...they think it's perfectly OK to say XYZ and treat me like crap, when they would never think of saying/treating my brothers or outsiders this way...only us girls... Jackie >I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big >family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not >spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty >feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think >it's Love...It like ....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is > " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect > things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never > do for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The > suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She > denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her > wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and > she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to > me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what > have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 Exactly Jackie! Boy you guys are so right. As I read your responses I felt I already knew this but was hoping there might be an answer...but there isn't is there? I'm back to the only person I can change is me and I can protect me too. She's not my responsibility..But I am.. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I ran to meet my own needs like I do hers...Maybe it needs to be more that way. Annie I really like how you worded things..it's as if I were talking to myself:) Thanks guys I really appreciate your responses..I went to Barns and Noble and bought SWOE today and Living with a borderline parent (I think that what it's called?) I feel like I'm at the beginning and have so far to go...but I feel I'm on the right road. Stefanie > > > actually, I dont even bother...because she DOES twist everything > around...and turns everything into my fault...if she starts heading there, > I > tell her not to go there or I will stop talking to her again...no, they > DON'T think they've done anything wrong...thats the part I dont get...they > think it's perfectly OK to say XYZ and treat me like crap, when they would > never think of saying/treating my brothers or outsiders this way...only us > girls... > > Jackie > > > >I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big > >family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not > >spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty > >feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think > >it's Love...It like ....nothing..just nothing. > > > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is > > " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect > > things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never > > > do for me. > > > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The > > suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She > > denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her > > wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and > > she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to > > me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what > > have you said? > > > > I await your responses.. > > > > Stefanie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 Exactly Jackie! Boy you guys are so right. As I read your responses I felt I already knew this but was hoping there might be an answer...but there isn't is there? I'm back to the only person I can change is me and I can protect me too. She's not my responsibility..But I am.. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I ran to meet my own needs like I do hers...Maybe it needs to be more that way. Annie I really like how you worded things..it's as if I were talking to myself:) Thanks guys I really appreciate your responses..I went to Barns and Noble and bought SWOE today and Living with a borderline parent (I think that what it's called?) I feel like I'm at the beginning and have so far to go...but I feel I'm on the right road. Stefanie > > > actually, I dont even bother...because she DOES twist everything > around...and turns everything into my fault...if she starts heading there, > I > tell her not to go there or I will stop talking to her again...no, they > DON'T think they've done anything wrong...thats the part I dont get...they > think it's perfectly OK to say XYZ and treat me like crap, when they would > never think of saying/treating my brothers or outsiders this way...only us > girls... > > Jackie > > > >I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big > >family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not > >spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty > >feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think > >it's Love...It like ....nothing..just nothing. > > > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is > > " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect > > things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never > > > do for me. > > > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The > > suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She > > denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her > > wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and > > she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to > > me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what > > have you said? > > > > I await your responses.. > > > > Stefanie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 Exactly Jackie! Boy you guys are so right. As I read your responses I felt I already knew this but was hoping there might be an answer...but there isn't is there? I'm back to the only person I can change is me and I can protect me too. She's not my responsibility..But I am.. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I ran to meet my own needs like I do hers...Maybe it needs to be more that way. Annie I really like how you worded things..it's as if I were talking to myself:) Thanks guys I really appreciate your responses..I went to Barns and Noble and bought SWOE today and Living with a borderline parent (I think that what it's called?) I feel like I'm at the beginning and have so far to go...but I feel I'm on the right road. Stefanie > > > actually, I dont even bother...because she DOES twist everything > around...and turns everything into my fault...if she starts heading there, > I > tell her not to go there or I will stop talking to her again...no, they > DON'T think they've done anything wrong...thats the part I dont get...they > think it's perfectly OK to say XYZ and treat me like crap, when they would > never think of saying/treating my brothers or outsiders this way...only us > girls... > > Jackie > > > >I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big > >family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not > >spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty > >feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think > >it's Love...It like ....nothing..just nothing. > > > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is > > " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect > > things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never > > > do for me. > > > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The > > suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She > > denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her > > wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and > > she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to > > me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what > > have you said? > > > > I await your responses.. > > > > Stefanie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 I agree with Anne--you owe them no explanation, and your first and foremost concern is protecting your boundaries. I would just repeat: " Please don't contact me in the future. " " Your emails, phone calls, or visits are not welcome. " When they argue, and they will argue, just keep saying the same thing. When they continue to argue, add: " If you keep contacting me, I will research a restraining order. " Just keep your voice calm. Don't trigger. At least, not while they are on the phone!! Sorry you are going through this. It's hard enough being without a family. It's much worse when those people who should be family are your would-be " predators. " Healing would be so much easier if they just left us alone. Blessings, Karla > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's Love...It like .....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 I agree with Anne--you owe them no explanation, and your first and foremost concern is protecting your boundaries. I would just repeat: " Please don't contact me in the future. " " Your emails, phone calls, or visits are not welcome. " When they argue, and they will argue, just keep saying the same thing. When they continue to argue, add: " If you keep contacting me, I will research a restraining order. " Just keep your voice calm. Don't trigger. At least, not while they are on the phone!! Sorry you are going through this. It's hard enough being without a family. It's much worse when those people who should be family are your would-be " predators. " Healing would be so much easier if they just left us alone. Blessings, Karla > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's Love...It like .....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 I agree with Anne--you owe them no explanation, and your first and foremost concern is protecting your boundaries. I would just repeat: " Please don't contact me in the future. " " Your emails, phone calls, or visits are not welcome. " When they argue, and they will argue, just keep saying the same thing. When they continue to argue, add: " If you keep contacting me, I will research a restraining order. " Just keep your voice calm. Don't trigger. At least, not while they are on the phone!! Sorry you are going through this. It's hard enough being without a family. It's much worse when those people who should be family are your would-be " predators. " Healing would be so much easier if they just left us alone. Blessings, Karla > > I have a question. I am currenty no contact with my Nada. There was a big family blowout a week ago with her and a suicide attempt. I have not spoken to her since. I have no desire to ever..I feel just a cold empty feeling when I think of her..I don't think it's hate...But I don't think it's Love...It like .....nothing..just nothing. > > Any way..since then my brother has made up with her. He knows she is " crazy " but He has been treat much diffrent then me..she doesn't expect things from him...instead she does things for him..things she would never do for me. > > My question is ..she doesn't think she has done anything wrong..The suicide attemt ...well in her mind that was my fault I made her...She denies any childhood abuse. And even if I could give an example of her wrong doing it would be twisted into something completely diffrent...and she would not be wrong in the end....So when asked why won't you talk to me ..what is a good thing to say? Have you answered that question? what have you said? > > I await your responses.. > > Stefanie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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