Re: Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

[Guest guest]

Good for you T..Get it out and be proud you did. It's not gonna change her

you know that but that isn't why you said it. you said it to get it out

of YOU and you have done that. Enjoy that feeling. those kind of thing are

so hard to do... belive me... I know.

Now you know you are not responsible for her cancer, or any of the other

things she accuses you of or implies to you. Don't fall into the guilt.

You know that's gonna be the weapon of choice for then..notice when your

feeling it and tell your self..this is exactly what she wants..I resfuse to

feel this way..I'm not the nutbag she is...It's not your fault none of it

is..you are fine..and maybe a little too kind hearted:)

Hugs,

Stefanie

>

>

> Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better because I

> just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks to me. We've

> had this huge problem where she over reacted to my disinterest in going on a

> vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been sarcastically brow beating me and

> finding as many hurtful things to say to me as she can. She claims that I

> don't show my teeth to her when I'm with her. Yes, it's very difficult for

> me to smile with her while I'm walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get

> it. Verbal abuse=NC and a very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess

> it made me feel better to say the things I did. I was using my " I

> statements " , was impeccable with my words, and very distinctly told her that

> I don't like her criticisms of me, judgements, lack of respect, insults,

> humiliations, sarcasm, assumptions, " mind-raping " , and hurtful things she

> says of me. I told her, you want teeth? Then...and I gave her a list of

> behaviors that would work. I'm drained, but my frustration is subsided.

> Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's " damaged "

> and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer guilt, expects me

> to spend more time with her now that she thinks she's got cancer coming back

> any minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her ex., etc. and doesn't

> think I've done enough to care for her while she's worried about it coming

> back. Then she cries and says, " I hope I've never made you feel guilt. I

> don't want you to ever feel that way. " Then, she says, another day, " You

> don't care about me anyway. You don't ask about my throat. " She thinks her

> sore throat is cancer. Doctor put her on antibiotics.

> Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been difficult

> all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of being held once

> I could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life, she had to be

> trouble when I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I wish she would just

> leave me alone. She has no real friends and my sister lives an hour and a

> half away.

> It feels never ending... " T "

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I wish she would just leave me alone. She has no real friends and my sister

lives an hour and a half away. It feels never ending... "

Lord, yes.

>

> Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better because I

just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks to me. We've had

this huge problem where she over reacted to my disinterest in going on a

vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been sarcastically brow beating me and

finding as many hurtful things to say to me as she can. She claims that I don't

show my teeth to her when I'm with her. Yes, it's very difficult for me to smile

with her while I'm walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get it. Verbal

abuse=NC and a very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess it made me feel

better to say the things I did. I was using my " I statements " , was impeccable

with my words, and very distinctly told her that I don't like her criticisms of

me, judgements, lack of respect, insults, humiliations, sarcasm, assumptions,

" mind-raping " , and hurtful things she says of me. I told her, you want teeth?

Then...and I gave her a list of behaviors that would work. I'm drained, but my

frustration is subsided.

> Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's " damaged "

and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer guilt, expects me to

spend more time with her now that she thinks she's got cancer coming back any

minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her ex., etc. and doesn't think I've

done enough to care for her while she's worried about it coming back. Then she

cries and says, " I hope I've never made you feel guilt. I don't want you to ever

feel that way. " Then, she says, another day, " You don't care about me anyway.

You don't ask about my throat. " She thinks her sore throat is cancer. Doctor put

her on antibiotics.

> Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been difficult

all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of being held once I

could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life, she had to be trouble when

I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I wish she would just leave me alone.

She has no real friends and my sister lives an hour and a half away.

>

It feels never ending... " T "

>

[Guest guest]

I wish she would just leave me alone. She has no real friends and my sister

lives an hour and a half away. It feels never ending... "

Lord, yes.

>

> Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better because I

just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks to me. We've had

this huge problem where she over reacted to my disinterest in going on a

vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been sarcastically brow beating me and

finding as many hurtful things to say to me as she can. She claims that I don't

show my teeth to her when I'm with her. Yes, it's very difficult for me to smile

with her while I'm walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get it. Verbal

abuse=NC and a very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess it made me feel

better to say the things I did. I was using my " I statements " , was impeccable

with my words, and very distinctly told her that I don't like her criticisms of

me, judgements, lack of respect, insults, humiliations, sarcasm, assumptions,

" mind-raping " , and hurtful things she says of me. I told her, you want teeth?

Then...and I gave her a list of behaviors that would work. I'm drained, but my

frustration is subsided.

> Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's " damaged "

and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer guilt, expects me to

spend more time with her now that she thinks she's got cancer coming back any

minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her ex., etc. and doesn't think I've

done enough to care for her while she's worried about it coming back. Then she

cries and says, " I hope I've never made you feel guilt. I don't want you to ever

feel that way. " Then, she says, another day, " You don't care about me anyway.

You don't ask about my throat. " She thinks her sore throat is cancer. Doctor put

her on antibiotics.

> Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been difficult

all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of being held once I

could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life, she had to be trouble when

I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I wish she would just leave me alone.

She has no real friends and my sister lives an hour and a half away.

>

It feels never ending... " T "

>

[Guest guest]

I wish she would just leave me alone. She has no real friends and my sister

lives an hour and a half away. It feels never ending... "

Lord, yes.

>

> Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better because I

just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks to me. We've had

this huge problem where she over reacted to my disinterest in going on a

vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been sarcastically brow beating me and

finding as many hurtful things to say to me as she can. She claims that I don't

show my teeth to her when I'm with her. Yes, it's very difficult for me to smile

with her while I'm walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get it. Verbal

abuse=NC and a very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess it made me feel

better to say the things I did. I was using my " I statements " , was impeccable

with my words, and very distinctly told her that I don't like her criticisms of

me, judgements, lack of respect, insults, humiliations, sarcasm, assumptions,

" mind-raping " , and hurtful things she says of me. I told her, you want teeth?

Then...and I gave her a list of behaviors that would work. I'm drained, but my

frustration is subsided.

> Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's " damaged "

and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer guilt, expects me to

spend more time with her now that she thinks she's got cancer coming back any

minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her ex., etc. and doesn't think I've

done enough to care for her while she's worried about it coming back. Then she

cries and says, " I hope I've never made you feel guilt. I don't want you to ever

feel that way. " Then, she says, another day, " You don't care about me anyway.

You don't ask about my throat. " She thinks her sore throat is cancer. Doctor put

her on antibiotics.

> Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been difficult

all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of being held once I

could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life, she had to be trouble when

I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I wish she would just leave me alone.

She has no real friends and my sister lives an hour and a half away.

>

It feels never ending... " T "

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for your reply. It feels so good to hear others speak

similarly. I do feel so sorry for my Nada. She always proclaimed herself to be

so intelligent and me to be stupid, and now I see her as being so foolish and

lonely. She projects herself onto me and its so obvious and she doesn't see it

at all. I see her as this lonely person way up high in a tower, zapping poison

arrows at everyone. She's the victim, in her eyes, they're the evil

doers/thinkers, in her eyes. But, in reality, they're just going about their

business and don't even see her. They have to pull the arrows out of their butts

every so often, but then they adjust themselves and walk farther away from her,

avoiding her. She reels the new ones and a few old ones back in with a witty

joke or story and her laughter or beautiful roses, but then she's alone again,

with her fear of rejection, fear of imperfection, which then builds to a raging

point where she then starts shooting the poison arrows once again. A viscous

cycle. I'm hanging on the side of the tower, awkwardly, ready to help, listen

dutifully, painting a new bull's eye on myself, wondering why.

Actually, I'm visualizing myself calmly, and self confidently, out of love and

compassion, setting boundaries, and following through on them with her, as if

she were a child. Blessing her, forgiving her, and myself, and staying the hell

away from her! LOL

" T "

>

> >

> >

> > Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better because I

> > just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks to me. We've

> > had this huge problem where she over reacted to my disinterest in going on a

> > vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been sarcastically brow beating me and

> > finding as many hurtful things to say to me as she can. She claims that I

> > don't show my teeth to her when I'm with her. Yes, it's very difficult for

> > me to smile with her while I'm walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get

> > it. Verbal abuse=NC and a very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess

> > it made me feel better to say the things I did. I was using my " I

> > statements " , was impeccable with my words, and very distinctly told her that

> > I don't like her criticisms of me, judgements, lack of respect, insults,

> > humiliations, sarcasm, assumptions, " mind-raping " , and hurtful things she

> > says of me. I told her, you want teeth? Then...and I gave her a list of

> > behaviors that would work. I'm drained, but my frustration is subsided.

> > Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's " damaged "

> > and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer guilt, expects me

> > to spend more time with her now that she thinks she's got cancer coming back

> > any minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her ex., etc. and doesn't

> > think I've done enough to care for her while she's worried about it coming

> > back. Then she cries and says, " I hope I've never made you feel guilt. I

> > don't want you to ever feel that way. " Then, she says, another day, " You

> > don't care about me anyway. You don't ask about my throat. " She thinks her

> > sore throat is cancer. Doctor put her on antibiotics.

> > Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been difficult

> > all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of being held once

> > I could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life, she had to be

> > trouble when I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I wish she would just

> > leave me alone. She has no real friends and my sister lives an hour and a

> > half away.

> > It feels never ending... " T "

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for your reply. It feels so good to hear others speak

similarly. I do feel so sorry for my Nada. She always proclaimed herself to be

so intelligent and me to be stupid, and now I see her as being so foolish and

lonely. She projects herself onto me and its so obvious and she doesn't see it

at all. I see her as this lonely person way up high in a tower, zapping poison

arrows at everyone. She's the victim, in her eyes, they're the evil

doers/thinkers, in her eyes. But, in reality, they're just going about their

business and don't even see her. They have to pull the arrows out of their butts

every so often, but then they adjust themselves and walk farther away from her,

avoiding her. She reels the new ones and a few old ones back in with a witty

joke or story and her laughter or beautiful roses, but then she's alone again,

with her fear of rejection, fear of imperfection, which then builds to a raging

point where she then starts shooting the poison arrows once again. A viscous

cycle. I'm hanging on the side of the tower, awkwardly, ready to help, listen

dutifully, painting a new bull's eye on myself, wondering why.

Actually, I'm visualizing myself calmly, and self confidently, out of love and

compassion, setting boundaries, and following through on them with her, as if

she were a child. Blessing her, forgiving her, and myself, and staying the hell

away from her! LOL

" T "

>

> >

> >

> > Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better because I

> > just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks to me. We've

> > had this huge problem where she over reacted to my disinterest in going on a

> > vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been sarcastically brow beating me and

> > finding as many hurtful things to say to me as she can. She claims that I

> > don't show my teeth to her when I'm with her. Yes, it's very difficult for

> > me to smile with her while I'm walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get

> > it. Verbal abuse=NC and a very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess

> > it made me feel better to say the things I did. I was using my " I

> > statements " , was impeccable with my words, and very distinctly told her that

> > I don't like her criticisms of me, judgements, lack of respect, insults,

> > humiliations, sarcasm, assumptions, " mind-raping " , and hurtful things she

> > says of me. I told her, you want teeth? Then...and I gave her a list of

> > behaviors that would work. I'm drained, but my frustration is subsided.

> > Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's " damaged "

> > and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer guilt, expects me

> > to spend more time with her now that she thinks she's got cancer coming back

> > any minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her ex., etc. and doesn't

> > think I've done enough to care for her while she's worried about it coming

> > back. Then she cries and says, " I hope I've never made you feel guilt. I

> > don't want you to ever feel that way. " Then, she says, another day, " You

> > don't care about me anyway. You don't ask about my throat. " She thinks her

> > sore throat is cancer. Doctor put her on antibiotics.

> > Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been difficult

> > all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of being held once

> > I could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life, she had to be

> > trouble when I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I wish she would just

> > leave me alone. She has no real friends and my sister lives an hour and a

> > half away.

> > It feels never ending... " T "

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for your reply. It feels so good to hear others speak

similarly. I do feel so sorry for my Nada. She always proclaimed herself to be

so intelligent and me to be stupid, and now I see her as being so foolish and

lonely. She projects herself onto me and its so obvious and she doesn't see it

at all. I see her as this lonely person way up high in a tower, zapping poison

arrows at everyone. She's the victim, in her eyes, they're the evil

doers/thinkers, in her eyes. But, in reality, they're just going about their

business and don't even see her. They have to pull the arrows out of their butts

every so often, but then they adjust themselves and walk farther away from her,

avoiding her. She reels the new ones and a few old ones back in with a witty

joke or story and her laughter or beautiful roses, but then she's alone again,

with her fear of rejection, fear of imperfection, which then builds to a raging

point where she then starts shooting the poison arrows once again. A viscous

cycle. I'm hanging on the side of the tower, awkwardly, ready to help, listen

dutifully, painting a new bull's eye on myself, wondering why.

Actually, I'm visualizing myself calmly, and self confidently, out of love and

compassion, setting boundaries, and following through on them with her, as if

she were a child. Blessing her, forgiving her, and myself, and staying the hell

away from her! LOL

" T "

>

> >

> >

> > Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better because I

> > just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks to me. We've

> > had this huge problem where she over reacted to my disinterest in going on a

> > vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been sarcastically brow beating me and

> > finding as many hurtful things to say to me as she can. She claims that I

> > don't show my teeth to her when I'm with her. Yes, it's very difficult for

> > me to smile with her while I'm walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get

> > it. Verbal abuse=NC and a very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess

> > it made me feel better to say the things I did. I was using my " I

> > statements " , was impeccable with my words, and very distinctly told her that

> > I don't like her criticisms of me, judgements, lack of respect, insults,

> > humiliations, sarcasm, assumptions, " mind-raping " , and hurtful things she

> > says of me. I told her, you want teeth? Then...and I gave her a list of

> > behaviors that would work. I'm drained, but my frustration is subsided.

> > Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's " damaged "

> > and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer guilt, expects me

> > to spend more time with her now that she thinks she's got cancer coming back

> > any minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her ex., etc. and doesn't

> > think I've done enough to care for her while she's worried about it coming

> > back. Then she cries and says, " I hope I've never made you feel guilt. I

> > don't want you to ever feel that way. " Then, she says, another day, " You

> > don't care about me anyway. You don't ask about my throat. " She thinks her

> > sore throat is cancer. Doctor put her on antibiotics.

> > Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been difficult

> > all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of being held once

> > I could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life, she had to be

> > trouble when I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I wish she would just

> > leave me alone. She has no real friends and my sister lives an hour and a

> > half away.

> > It feels never ending... " T "

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think this has great therapuetic possibilities.

We need to do a group scream. So, all KO s, tomorrow, Thursday Aug 5,

at 12 noon EST, ( nods to you on the west coast) , just cut loose and

let it all out! We ll all feel better.

Doug

>

> Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better

because I just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks

to me. We've had this huge problem where she over reacted to my

disinterest in going on a vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been

sarcastically brow beating me and finding as many hurtful things to say

to me as she can. She claims that I don't show my teeth to her when I'm

with her. Yes, it's very difficult for me to smile with her while I'm

walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get it. Verbal abuse=NC and a

very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess it made me feel better

to say the things I did. I was using my " I statements " , was impeccable

with my words, and very distinctly told her that I don't like her

criticisms of me, judgements, lack of respect, insults, humiliations,

sarcasm, assumptions, " mind-raping " , and hurtful things she says of me.

I told her, you want teeth? Then...and I gave her a list of behaviors

that would work. I'm drained, but my frustration is subsided.

> Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's

" damaged " and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer

guilt, expects me to spend more time with her now that she thinks she's

got cancer coming back any minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her

ex., etc. and doesn't think I've done enough to care for her while she's

worried about it coming back. Then she cries and says, " I hope I've

never made you feel guilt. I don't want you to ever feel that way. "

Then, she says, another day, " You don't care about me anyway. You don't

ask about my throat. " She thinks her sore throat is cancer. Doctor put

her on antibiotics.

> Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been

difficult all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of

being held once I could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life,

she had to be trouble when I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I

wish she would just leave me alone. She has no real friends and my

sister lives an hour and a half away.

>

It feels never ending... " T "

>

[Guest guest]

I think this has great therapuetic possibilities.

We need to do a group scream. So, all KO s, tomorrow, Thursday Aug 5,

at 12 noon EST, ( nods to you on the west coast) , just cut loose and

let it all out! We ll all feel better.

Doug

>

> Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better

because I just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks

to me. We've had this huge problem where she over reacted to my

disinterest in going on a vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been

sarcastically brow beating me and finding as many hurtful things to say

to me as she can. She claims that I don't show my teeth to her when I'm

with her. Yes, it's very difficult for me to smile with her while I'm

walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get it. Verbal abuse=NC and a

very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess it made me feel better

to say the things I did. I was using my " I statements " , was impeccable

with my words, and very distinctly told her that I don't like her

criticisms of me, judgements, lack of respect, insults, humiliations,

sarcasm, assumptions, " mind-raping " , and hurtful things she says of me.

I told her, you want teeth? Then...and I gave her a list of behaviors

that would work. I'm drained, but my frustration is subsided.

> Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's

" damaged " and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer

guilt, expects me to spend more time with her now that she thinks she's

got cancer coming back any minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her

ex., etc. and doesn't think I've done enough to care for her while she's

worried about it coming back. Then she cries and says, " I hope I've

never made you feel guilt. I don't want you to ever feel that way. "

Then, she says, another day, " You don't care about me anyway. You don't

ask about my throat. " She thinks her sore throat is cancer. Doctor put

her on antibiotics.

> Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been

difficult all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of

being held once I could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life,

she had to be trouble when I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I

wish she would just leave me alone. She has no real friends and my

sister lives an hour and a half away.

>

It feels never ending... " T "

>

[Guest guest]

T

I love the poison arrow and tower analogy.

>

>

> I think this has great therapuetic possibilities.

>

> We need to do a group scream. So, all KO s, tomorrow, Thursday Aug 5,

> at 12 noon EST, ( nods to you on the west coast) , just cut loose and

> let it all out! We ll all feel better.

>

> Doug

>

>

>

> >

> > Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better

> because I just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks

> to me. We've had this huge problem where she over reacted to my

> disinterest in going on a vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been

> sarcastically brow beating me and finding as many hurtful things to say

> to me as she can. She claims that I don't show my teeth to her when I'm

> with her. Yes, it's very difficult for me to smile with her while I'm

> walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get it. Verbal abuse=NC and a

> very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess it made me feel better

> to say the things I did. I was using my " I statements " , was impeccable

> with my words, and very distinctly told her that I don't like her

> criticisms of me, judgements, lack of respect, insults, humiliations,

> sarcasm, assumptions, " mind-raping " , and hurtful things she says of me.

> I told her, you want teeth? Then...and I gave her a list of behaviors

> that would work. I'm drained, but my frustration is subsided.

> > Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's

> " damaged " and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer

> guilt, expects me to spend more time with her now that she thinks she's

> got cancer coming back any minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her

> ex., etc. and doesn't think I've done enough to care for her while she's

> worried about it coming back. Then she cries and says, " I hope I've

> never made you feel guilt. I don't want you to ever feel that way. "

> Then, she says, another day, " You don't care about me anyway. You don't

> ask about my throat. " She thinks her sore throat is cancer. Doctor put

> her on antibiotics.

> > Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been

> difficult all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of

> being held once I could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life,

> she had to be trouble when I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I

> wish she would just leave me alone. She has no real friends and my

> sister lives an hour and a half away.

> >

> It feels never ending... " T "

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

T

I love the poison arrow and tower analogy.

>

>

> I think this has great therapuetic possibilities.

>

> We need to do a group scream. So, all KO s, tomorrow, Thursday Aug 5,

> at 12 noon EST, ( nods to you on the west coast) , just cut loose and

> let it all out! We ll all feel better.

>

> Doug

>

>

>

> >

> > Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better

> because I just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks

> to me. We've had this huge problem where she over reacted to my

> disinterest in going on a vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been

> sarcastically brow beating me and finding as many hurtful things to say

> to me as she can. She claims that I don't show my teeth to her when I'm

> with her. Yes, it's very difficult for me to smile with her while I'm

> walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get it. Verbal abuse=NC and a

> very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess it made me feel better

> to say the things I did. I was using my " I statements " , was impeccable

> with my words, and very distinctly told her that I don't like her

> criticisms of me, judgements, lack of respect, insults, humiliations,

> sarcasm, assumptions, " mind-raping " , and hurtful things she says of me.

> I told her, you want teeth? Then...and I gave her a list of behaviors

> that would work. I'm drained, but my frustration is subsided.

> > Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's

> " damaged " and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer

> guilt, expects me to spend more time with her now that she thinks she's

> got cancer coming back any minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her

> ex., etc. and doesn't think I've done enough to care for her while she's

> worried about it coming back. Then she cries and says, " I hope I've

> never made you feel guilt. I don't want you to ever feel that way. "

> Then, she says, another day, " You don't care about me anyway. You don't

> ask about my throat. " She thinks her sore throat is cancer. Doctor put

> her on antibiotics.

> > Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been

> difficult all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of

> being held once I could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life,

> she had to be trouble when I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I

> wish she would just leave me alone. She has no real friends and my

> sister lives an hour and a half away.

> >

> It feels never ending... " T "

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

T

I love the poison arrow and tower analogy.

>

>

> I think this has great therapuetic possibilities.

>

> We need to do a group scream. So, all KO s, tomorrow, Thursday Aug 5,

> at 12 noon EST, ( nods to you on the west coast) , just cut loose and

> let it all out! We ll all feel better.

>

> Doug

>

>

>

> >

> > Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better

> because I just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks

> to me. We've had this huge problem where she over reacted to my

> disinterest in going on a vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been

> sarcastically brow beating me and finding as many hurtful things to say

> to me as she can. She claims that I don't show my teeth to her when I'm

> with her. Yes, it's very difficult for me to smile with her while I'm

> walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get it. Verbal abuse=NC and a

> very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess it made me feel better

> to say the things I did. I was using my " I statements " , was impeccable

> with my words, and very distinctly told her that I don't like her

> criticisms of me, judgements, lack of respect, insults, humiliations,

> sarcasm, assumptions, " mind-raping " , and hurtful things she says of me.

> I told her, you want teeth? Then...and I gave her a list of behaviors

> that would work. I'm drained, but my frustration is subsided.

> > Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's

> " damaged " and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer

> guilt, expects me to spend more time with her now that she thinks she's

> got cancer coming back any minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her

> ex., etc. and doesn't think I've done enough to care for her while she's

> worried about it coming back. Then she cries and says, " I hope I've

> never made you feel guilt. I don't want you to ever feel that way. "

> Then, she says, another day, " You don't care about me anyway. You don't

> ask about my throat. " She thinks her sore throat is cancer. Doctor put

> her on antibiotics.

> > Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been

> difficult all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of

> being held once I could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life,

> she had to be trouble when I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I

> wish she would just leave me alone. She has no real friends and my

> sister lives an hour and a half away.

> >

> It feels never ending... " T "

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Can I get started early? And just keep on screamin' through the group time?

> >

> > Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better

> because I just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks

> to me. We've had this huge problem where she over reacted to my

> disinterest in going on a vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been

> sarcastically brow beating me and finding as many hurtful things to say

> to me as she can. She claims that I don't show my teeth to her when I'm

> with her. Yes, it's very difficult for me to smile with her while I'm

> walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get it. Verbal abuse=NC and a

> very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess it made me feel better

> to say the things I did. I was using my " I statements " , was impeccable

> with my words, and very distinctly told her that I don't like her

> criticisms of me, judgements, lack of respect, insults, humiliations,

> sarcasm, assumptions, " mind-raping " , and hurtful things she says of me.

> I told her, you want teeth? Then...and I gave her a list of behaviors

> that would work. I'm drained, but my frustration is subsided.

> > Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's

> " damaged " and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer

> guilt, expects me to spend more time with her now that she thinks she's

> got cancer coming back any minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her

> ex., etc. and doesn't think I've done enough to care for her while she's

> worried about it coming back. Then she cries and says, " I hope I've

> never made you feel guilt. I don't want you to ever feel that way. "

> Then, she says, another day, " You don't care about me anyway. You don't

> ask about my throat. " She thinks her sore throat is cancer. Doctor put

> her on antibiotics.

> > Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been

> difficult all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of

> being held once I could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life,

> she had to be trouble when I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I

> wish she would just leave me alone. She has no real friends and my

> sister lives an hour and a half away.

> >

> It feels never ending... " T "

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Great idea. I'm in! I'll join you from London. It'll be 5pm here in the UK.

> >

> > Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better

> because I just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks

> to me. We've had this huge problem where she over reacted to my

> disinterest in going on a vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been

> sarcastically brow beating me and finding as many hurtful things to say

> to me as she can. She claims that I don't show my teeth to her when I'm

> with her. Yes, it's very difficult for me to smile with her while I'm

> walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get it. Verbal abuse=NC and a

> very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess it made me feel better

> to say the things I did. I was using my " I statements " , was impeccable

> with my words, and very distinctly told her that I don't like her

> criticisms of me, judgements, lack of respect, insults, humiliations,

> sarcasm, assumptions, " mind-raping " , and hurtful things she says of me.

> I told her, you want teeth? Then...and I gave her a list of behaviors

> that would work. I'm drained, but my frustration is subsided.

> > Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's

> " damaged " and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer

> guilt, expects me to spend more time with her now that she thinks she's

> got cancer coming back any minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her

> ex., etc. and doesn't think I've done enough to care for her while she's

> worried about it coming back. Then she cries and says, " I hope I've

> never made you feel guilt. I don't want you to ever feel that way. "

> Then, she says, another day, " You don't care about me anyway. You don't

> ask about my throat. " She thinks her sore throat is cancer. Doctor put

> her on antibiotics.

> > Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been

> difficult all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of

> being held once I could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life,

> she had to be trouble when I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I

> wish she would just leave me alone. She has no real friends and my

> sister lives an hour and a half away.

> >

> It feels never ending... " T "

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Great idea. I'm in! I'll join you from London. It'll be 5pm here in the UK.

> >

> > Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better

> because I just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks

> to me. We've had this huge problem where she over reacted to my

> disinterest in going on a vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been

> sarcastically brow beating me and finding as many hurtful things to say

> to me as she can. She claims that I don't show my teeth to her when I'm

> with her. Yes, it's very difficult for me to smile with her while I'm

> walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get it. Verbal abuse=NC and a

> very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess it made me feel better

> to say the things I did. I was using my " I statements " , was impeccable

> with my words, and very distinctly told her that I don't like her

> criticisms of me, judgements, lack of respect, insults, humiliations,

> sarcasm, assumptions, " mind-raping " , and hurtful things she says of me.

> I told her, you want teeth? Then...and I gave her a list of behaviors

> that would work. I'm drained, but my frustration is subsided.

> > Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's

> " damaged " and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer

> guilt, expects me to spend more time with her now that she thinks she's

> got cancer coming back any minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her

> ex., etc. and doesn't think I've done enough to care for her while she's

> worried about it coming back. Then she cries and says, " I hope I've

> never made you feel guilt. I don't want you to ever feel that way. "

> Then, she says, another day, " You don't care about me anyway. You don't

> ask about my throat. " She thinks her sore throat is cancer. Doctor put

> her on antibiotics.

> > Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been

> difficult all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of

> being held once I could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life,

> she had to be trouble when I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I

> wish she would just leave me alone. She has no real friends and my

> sister lives an hour and a half away.

> >

> It feels never ending... " T "

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Great idea. I'm in! I'll join you from London. It'll be 5pm here in the UK.

> >

> > Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better

> because I just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks

> to me. We've had this huge problem where she over reacted to my

> disinterest in going on a vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been

> sarcastically brow beating me and finding as many hurtful things to say

> to me as she can. She claims that I don't show my teeth to her when I'm

> with her. Yes, it's very difficult for me to smile with her while I'm

> walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get it. Verbal abuse=NC and a

> very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess it made me feel better

> to say the things I did. I was using my " I statements " , was impeccable

> with my words, and very distinctly told her that I don't like her

> criticisms of me, judgements, lack of respect, insults, humiliations,

> sarcasm, assumptions, " mind-raping " , and hurtful things she says of me.

> I told her, you want teeth? Then...and I gave her a list of behaviors

> that would work. I'm drained, but my frustration is subsided.

> > Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's

> " damaged " and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer

> guilt, expects me to spend more time with her now that she thinks she's

> got cancer coming back any minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her

> ex., etc. and doesn't think I've done enough to care for her while she's

> worried about it coming back. Then she cries and says, " I hope I've

> never made you feel guilt. I don't want you to ever feel that way. "

> Then, she says, another day, " You don't care about me anyway. You don't

> ask about my throat. " She thinks her sore throat is cancer. Doctor put

> her on antibiotics.

> > Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been

> difficult all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of

> being held once I could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life,

> she had to be trouble when I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I

> wish she would just leave me alone. She has no real friends and my

> sister lives an hour and a half away.

> >

> It feels never ending... " T "

> >

>

[Guest guest]

she sounds oblivious to the fact that as a parent she was supposed to meet YOUR

needs and not the other way around. Hugs.

>

> Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better because I

just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks to me. We've had

this huge problem where she over reacted to my disinterest in going on a

vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been sarcastically brow beating me and

finding as many hurtful things to say to me as she can. She claims that I don't

show my teeth to her when I'm with her. Yes, it's very difficult for me to smile

with her while I'm walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get it. Verbal

abuse=NC and a very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess it made me feel

better to say the things I did. I was using my " I statements " , was impeccable

with my words, and very distinctly told her that I don't like her criticisms of

me, judgements, lack of respect, insults, humiliations, sarcasm, assumptions,

" mind-raping " , and hurtful things she says of me. I told her, you want teeth?

Then...and I gave her a list of behaviors that would work. I'm drained, but my

frustration is subsided.

> Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's " damaged "

and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer guilt, expects me to

spend more time with her now that she thinks she's got cancer coming back any

minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her ex., etc. and doesn't think I've

done enough to care for her while she's worried about it coming back. Then she

cries and says, " I hope I've never made you feel guilt. I don't want you to ever

feel that way. " Then, she says, another day, " You don't care about me anyway.

You don't ask about my throat. " She thinks her sore throat is cancer. Doctor put

her on antibiotics.

> Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been difficult

all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of being held once I

could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life, she had to be trouble when

I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I wish she would just leave me alone.

She has no real friends and my sister lives an hour and a half away.

>

It feels never ending... " T "

>

[Guest guest]

she sounds oblivious to the fact that as a parent she was supposed to meet YOUR

needs and not the other way around. Hugs.

>

> Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better because I

just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks to me. We've had

this huge problem where she over reacted to my disinterest in going on a

vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been sarcastically brow beating me and

finding as many hurtful things to say to me as she can. She claims that I don't

show my teeth to her when I'm with her. Yes, it's very difficult for me to smile

with her while I'm walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get it. Verbal

abuse=NC and a very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess it made me feel

better to say the things I did. I was using my " I statements " , was impeccable

with my words, and very distinctly told her that I don't like her criticisms of

me, judgements, lack of respect, insults, humiliations, sarcasm, assumptions,

" mind-raping " , and hurtful things she says of me. I told her, you want teeth?

Then...and I gave her a list of behaviors that would work. I'm drained, but my

frustration is subsided.

> Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's " damaged "

and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer guilt, expects me to

spend more time with her now that she thinks she's got cancer coming back any

minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her ex., etc. and doesn't think I've

done enough to care for her while she's worried about it coming back. Then she

cries and says, " I hope I've never made you feel guilt. I don't want you to ever

feel that way. " Then, she says, another day, " You don't care about me anyway.

You don't ask about my throat. " She thinks her sore throat is cancer. Doctor put

her on antibiotics.

> Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been difficult

all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of being held once I

could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life, she had to be trouble when

I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I wish she would just leave me alone.

She has no real friends and my sister lives an hour and a half away.

>

It feels never ending... " T "

>

[Guest guest]

she sounds oblivious to the fact that as a parent she was supposed to meet YOUR

needs and not the other way around. Hugs.

>

> Ok, after that scream I feel better now. Actually, I feel better because I

just finished emailing my Nada what I don't like how she talks to me. We've had

this huge problem where she over reacted to my disinterest in going on a

vacation with her (I'm 56!) and has been sarcastically brow beating me and

finding as many hurtful things to say to me as she can. She claims that I don't

show my teeth to her when I'm with her. Yes, it's very difficult for me to smile

with her while I'm walking on those eggshells. She doesn't get it. Verbal

abuse=NC and a very unenergetic guest when I do see her. I guess it made me feel

better to say the things I did. I was using my " I statements " , was impeccable

with my words, and very distinctly told her that I don't like her criticisms of

me, judgements, lack of respect, insults, humiliations, sarcasm, assumptions,

" mind-raping " , and hurtful things she says of me. I told her, you want teeth?

Then...and I gave her a list of behaviors that would work. I'm drained, but my

frustration is subsided.

> Silly me, I want her to get it. I still can't accept that's she's " damaged "

and is not going to get it. She plagues me with her cancer guilt, expects me to

spend more time with her now that she thinks she's got cancer coming back any

minute. Blames her cancer episodes on me, her ex., etc. and doesn't think I've

done enough to care for her while she's worried about it coming back. Then she

cries and says, " I hope I've never made you feel guilt. I don't want you to ever

feel that way. " Then, she says, another day, " You don't care about me anyway.

You don't ask about my throat. " She thinks her sore throat is cancer. Doctor put

her on antibiotics.

> Yes, she told me that my first words were " No " and that I've been difficult

all my life. She, too, says I always wriggled my way out of being held once I

could walk. Duh! If she was like this my entire life, she had to be trouble when

I was a toddler! Guilt...guilt...guilt...I wish she would just leave me alone.

She has no real friends and my sister lives an hour and a half away.

>

It feels never ending... " T "

>

[Guest guest]

Didn't anyone ever tell her that most kids first real word is NO. LOL. My

FIL always says that is because we say NO to them so much. My DD said ma

and da then NO.

[Guest guest]

Didn't anyone ever tell her that most kids first real word is NO. LOL. My

FIL always says that is because we say NO to them so much. My DD said ma

and da then NO.

[Guest guest]

Didn't anyone ever tell her that most kids first real word is NO. LOL. My

FIL always says that is because we say NO to them so much. My DD said ma

and da then NO.