Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 Hugs. That is an awful situation. I think if 99% of the people at the reunion know how nada is, you can make this an ok situation. The family memebers aren't going to blame you for nada's crazy. Nada wants to make YOU responsible for her behavior, but sane rational people will understand that only nada is responsible for nada's crazy. I would find 1-2 people that you know understand nada's crazy and know cannot be manipulated by nada. Let them know about your concern. Let them know that if nada shows, you will be in a bathroom, in a bedroom, in your car until she leaves, and that you (and the majority of the group) agree that she should not be allowed to stay. Ask your trusted person to ask nada to leave, and to let her know she has 10 minutes to get out. If she can't make her goodbyes in that time, threaten to call the police. I've had to tell my nada that if she shows up somewhere that I or my children are, I will call the cops. The threat was enough for nada. She knows that if I have a police report, I'm one step closer to a restraining order. It might help to 'accidentally' let the emeshed cousin know of this plan as well. If nada knows she has been headed off, she might not bother. It's also possible that she would feed off the drama and force your hand. If that happens, that is nada's decision, and not your fault. I'm sure you have family members that have seen her crazy since before you were born, and though the situation sucks, it's NOT YOUR FAULT, and you don't have to worry about ruining anything. You aren't causing the scene, nada is. > > > I need some advice or perspective... > > I have a family reunion coming up with my father's side of the family. I am > fairly close to a couple of the cousins...we have not had a reunion/family > get together in 6 or 7 years. I'm really excited to see everyone who will be > there. > > My parents are divorced. Nada is remarried to a man everyone in the family > cannot stand. Most of my father's family has been very supportive of me > being NC with nada (at least, those who know) and some of them have finally > started saying things about how she was as a nada. > > She made it clear for years that she really did not like any of my father's > siblings...and, being a nada, is pretty quick to trash anyone behind their > back. She once sat trashing one of dad's brothers for over an hour...in > front of one of his adult children!! > > Unfortunately, one of my cousins on that side of the family is completely > enmeshed with nada. > > It is quite possible that this cousin will tell nada about the reunion and > invite her. Nobody knows. Even my brother thinks this would be a terrible > idea. But this cousin and nada...they work together, you know what I mean? > > Nada is not above trying to use anyone she can use...or use any situation > she can use...to try and force contact with me. (years ago, we were NC by > her design...she said I was no longer her daughter for some imagined > slight...I had to go in for surgery for something and she called me out of > the blue to say she was coming with me. I told her no...and she BLEW UP, > saying this was the perfect chance to heal our relationship. Um...no. It > wasn't. I was going in for surgery...I was over stressed and needed to focus > on ME, not on HER. Oy.) > > Anyway...my fear is that nada will show up without warning at this reunion > and expect it to be a chance to " fix " our relationship or to " prove " to the > family how " abusive " I am. Now, I know my family members well enough to know > that they aren't going to buy into her version of me...they know ME well > enough to know who I really am. So the attempt at a smear campaign isn't the > big concern. I just think it is inappropriate for the reunion, you know? And > I don't want to put my family through that. The reunion should be about > EVERYONE catching up, not about her and I. > > Plus, she'll bring her husband and he's a jackass of epic proportions...and > it's pretty classless to bring your husband to a family reunion of your EX > husband's family that you don't even really like all that much, no? > > I'm not sure what to do. I want to go. I need to feel family around me. But > I am entirely unsure what to do if she is there to avoid drama. > > Help. > > Ninera > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 Hugs. That is an awful situation. I think if 99% of the people at the reunion know how nada is, you can make this an ok situation. The family memebers aren't going to blame you for nada's crazy. Nada wants to make YOU responsible for her behavior, but sane rational people will understand that only nada is responsible for nada's crazy. I would find 1-2 people that you know understand nada's crazy and know cannot be manipulated by nada. Let them know about your concern. Let them know that if nada shows, you will be in a bathroom, in a bedroom, in your car until she leaves, and that you (and the majority of the group) agree that she should not be allowed to stay. Ask your trusted person to ask nada to leave, and to let her know she has 10 minutes to get out. If she can't make her goodbyes in that time, threaten to call the police. I've had to tell my nada that if she shows up somewhere that I or my children are, I will call the cops. The threat was enough for nada. She knows that if I have a police report, I'm one step closer to a restraining order. It might help to 'accidentally' let the emeshed cousin know of this plan as well. If nada knows she has been headed off, she might not bother. It's also possible that she would feed off the drama and force your hand. If that happens, that is nada's decision, and not your fault. I'm sure you have family members that have seen her crazy since before you were born, and though the situation sucks, it's NOT YOUR FAULT, and you don't have to worry about ruining anything. You aren't causing the scene, nada is. > > > I need some advice or perspective... > > I have a family reunion coming up with my father's side of the family. I am > fairly close to a couple of the cousins...we have not had a reunion/family > get together in 6 or 7 years. I'm really excited to see everyone who will be > there. > > My parents are divorced. Nada is remarried to a man everyone in the family > cannot stand. Most of my father's family has been very supportive of me > being NC with nada (at least, those who know) and some of them have finally > started saying things about how she was as a nada. > > She made it clear for years that she really did not like any of my father's > siblings...and, being a nada, is pretty quick to trash anyone behind their > back. She once sat trashing one of dad's brothers for over an hour...in > front of one of his adult children!! > > Unfortunately, one of my cousins on that side of the family is completely > enmeshed with nada. > > It is quite possible that this cousin will tell nada about the reunion and > invite her. Nobody knows. Even my brother thinks this would be a terrible > idea. But this cousin and nada...they work together, you know what I mean? > > Nada is not above trying to use anyone she can use...or use any situation > she can use...to try and force contact with me. (years ago, we were NC by > her design...she said I was no longer her daughter for some imagined > slight...I had to go in for surgery for something and she called me out of > the blue to say she was coming with me. I told her no...and she BLEW UP, > saying this was the perfect chance to heal our relationship. Um...no. It > wasn't. I was going in for surgery...I was over stressed and needed to focus > on ME, not on HER. Oy.) > > Anyway...my fear is that nada will show up without warning at this reunion > and expect it to be a chance to " fix " our relationship or to " prove " to the > family how " abusive " I am. Now, I know my family members well enough to know > that they aren't going to buy into her version of me...they know ME well > enough to know who I really am. So the attempt at a smear campaign isn't the > big concern. I just think it is inappropriate for the reunion, you know? And > I don't want to put my family through that. The reunion should be about > EVERYONE catching up, not about her and I. > > Plus, she'll bring her husband and he's a jackass of epic proportions...and > it's pretty classless to bring your husband to a family reunion of your EX > husband's family that you don't even really like all that much, no? > > I'm not sure what to do. I want to go. I need to feel family around me. But > I am entirely unsure what to do if she is there to avoid drama. > > Help. > > Ninera > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 Hugs. That is an awful situation. I think if 99% of the people at the reunion know how nada is, you can make this an ok situation. The family memebers aren't going to blame you for nada's crazy. Nada wants to make YOU responsible for her behavior, but sane rational people will understand that only nada is responsible for nada's crazy. I would find 1-2 people that you know understand nada's crazy and know cannot be manipulated by nada. Let them know about your concern. Let them know that if nada shows, you will be in a bathroom, in a bedroom, in your car until she leaves, and that you (and the majority of the group) agree that she should not be allowed to stay. Ask your trusted person to ask nada to leave, and to let her know she has 10 minutes to get out. If she can't make her goodbyes in that time, threaten to call the police. I've had to tell my nada that if she shows up somewhere that I or my children are, I will call the cops. The threat was enough for nada. She knows that if I have a police report, I'm one step closer to a restraining order. It might help to 'accidentally' let the emeshed cousin know of this plan as well. If nada knows she has been headed off, she might not bother. It's also possible that she would feed off the drama and force your hand. If that happens, that is nada's decision, and not your fault. I'm sure you have family members that have seen her crazy since before you were born, and though the situation sucks, it's NOT YOUR FAULT, and you don't have to worry about ruining anything. You aren't causing the scene, nada is. > > > I need some advice or perspective... > > I have a family reunion coming up with my father's side of the family. I am > fairly close to a couple of the cousins...we have not had a reunion/family > get together in 6 or 7 years. I'm really excited to see everyone who will be > there. > > My parents are divorced. Nada is remarried to a man everyone in the family > cannot stand. Most of my father's family has been very supportive of me > being NC with nada (at least, those who know) and some of them have finally > started saying things about how she was as a nada. > > She made it clear for years that she really did not like any of my father's > siblings...and, being a nada, is pretty quick to trash anyone behind their > back. She once sat trashing one of dad's brothers for over an hour...in > front of one of his adult children!! > > Unfortunately, one of my cousins on that side of the family is completely > enmeshed with nada. > > It is quite possible that this cousin will tell nada about the reunion and > invite her. Nobody knows. Even my brother thinks this would be a terrible > idea. But this cousin and nada...they work together, you know what I mean? > > Nada is not above trying to use anyone she can use...or use any situation > she can use...to try and force contact with me. (years ago, we were NC by > her design...she said I was no longer her daughter for some imagined > slight...I had to go in for surgery for something and she called me out of > the blue to say she was coming with me. I told her no...and she BLEW UP, > saying this was the perfect chance to heal our relationship. Um...no. It > wasn't. I was going in for surgery...I was over stressed and needed to focus > on ME, not on HER. Oy.) > > Anyway...my fear is that nada will show up without warning at this reunion > and expect it to be a chance to " fix " our relationship or to " prove " to the > family how " abusive " I am. Now, I know my family members well enough to know > that they aren't going to buy into her version of me...they know ME well > enough to know who I really am. So the attempt at a smear campaign isn't the > big concern. I just think it is inappropriate for the reunion, you know? And > I don't want to put my family through that. The reunion should be about > EVERYONE catching up, not about her and I. > > Plus, she'll bring her husband and he's a jackass of epic proportions...and > it's pretty classless to bring your husband to a family reunion of your EX > husband's family that you don't even really like all that much, no? > > I'm not sure what to do. I want to go. I need to feel family around me. But > I am entirely unsure what to do if she is there to avoid drama. > > Help. > > Ninera > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 That's a tough one, I agree. Perhaps the individual who is hosting the get-together (at his or her home?) would be open to the idea of hiring an off-duty police officer to be the " door warden " and prevent your nada and her husband from even entering the premises? Otherwise, all I can think of to offer is to go ahead and attend, but if your nada shows up (with or without her husband), you simply wish your host and your other relatives well, individually, and leave. You don't have to go into great detail or be dramatic, just convey your regrets with something like, " I'm so sorry but I'll be going now; it was so good to see you. Maybe we can have lunch together soon and catch up? Drop me a line and we'll plan something. I'm just not ready to spend time with my mother right now. " -Annie > > I need some advice or perspective... > > I have a family reunion coming up with my father's side of the family. I am fairly close to a couple of the cousins...we have not had a reunion/family get together in 6 or 7 years. I'm really excited to see everyone who will be there. > > My parents are divorced. Nada is remarried to a man everyone in the family cannot stand. Most of my father's family has been very supportive of me being NC with nada (at least, those who know) and some of them have finally started saying things about how she was as a nada. > > She made it clear for years that she really did not like any of my father's siblings...and, being a nada, is pretty quick to trash anyone behind their back. She once sat trashing one of dad's brothers for over an hour...in front of one of his adult children!! > > Unfortunately, one of my cousins on that side of the family is completely enmeshed with nada. > > It is quite possible that this cousin will tell nada about the reunion and invite her. Nobody knows. Even my brother thinks this would be a terrible idea. But this cousin and nada...they work together, you know what I mean? > > Nada is not above trying to use anyone she can use...or use any situation she can use...to try and force contact with me. (years ago, we were NC by her design...she said I was no longer her daughter for some imagined slight...I had to go in for surgery for something and she called me out of the blue to say she was coming with me. I told her no...and she BLEW UP, saying this was the perfect chance to heal our relationship. Um...no. It wasn't. I was going in for surgery...I was over stressed and needed to focus on ME, not on HER. Oy.) > > Anyway...my fear is that nada will show up without warning at this reunion and expect it to be a chance to " fix " our relationship or to " prove " to the family how " abusive " I am. Now, I know my family members well enough to know that they aren't going to buy into her version of me...they know ME well enough to know who I really am. So the attempt at a smear campaign isn't the big concern. I just think it is inappropriate for the reunion, you know? And I don't want to put my family through that. The reunion should be about EVERYONE catching up, not about her and I. > > Plus, she'll bring her husband and he's a jackass of epic proportions...and it's pretty classless to bring your husband to a family reunion of your EX husband's family that you don't even really like all that much, no? > > I'm not sure what to do. I want to go. I need to feel family around me. But I am entirely unsure what to do if she is there to avoid drama. > > Help. > > Ninera > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 That's a tough one, I agree. Perhaps the individual who is hosting the get-together (at his or her home?) would be open to the idea of hiring an off-duty police officer to be the " door warden " and prevent your nada and her husband from even entering the premises? Otherwise, all I can think of to offer is to go ahead and attend, but if your nada shows up (with or without her husband), you simply wish your host and your other relatives well, individually, and leave. You don't have to go into great detail or be dramatic, just convey your regrets with something like, " I'm so sorry but I'll be going now; it was so good to see you. Maybe we can have lunch together soon and catch up? Drop me a line and we'll plan something. I'm just not ready to spend time with my mother right now. " -Annie > > I need some advice or perspective... > > I have a family reunion coming up with my father's side of the family. I am fairly close to a couple of the cousins...we have not had a reunion/family get together in 6 or 7 years. I'm really excited to see everyone who will be there. > > My parents are divorced. Nada is remarried to a man everyone in the family cannot stand. Most of my father's family has been very supportive of me being NC with nada (at least, those who know) and some of them have finally started saying things about how she was as a nada. > > She made it clear for years that she really did not like any of my father's siblings...and, being a nada, is pretty quick to trash anyone behind their back. She once sat trashing one of dad's brothers for over an hour...in front of one of his adult children!! > > Unfortunately, one of my cousins on that side of the family is completely enmeshed with nada. > > It is quite possible that this cousin will tell nada about the reunion and invite her. Nobody knows. Even my brother thinks this would be a terrible idea. But this cousin and nada...they work together, you know what I mean? > > Nada is not above trying to use anyone she can use...or use any situation she can use...to try and force contact with me. (years ago, we were NC by her design...she said I was no longer her daughter for some imagined slight...I had to go in for surgery for something and she called me out of the blue to say she was coming with me. I told her no...and she BLEW UP, saying this was the perfect chance to heal our relationship. Um...no. It wasn't. I was going in for surgery...I was over stressed and needed to focus on ME, not on HER. Oy.) > > Anyway...my fear is that nada will show up without warning at this reunion and expect it to be a chance to " fix " our relationship or to " prove " to the family how " abusive " I am. Now, I know my family members well enough to know that they aren't going to buy into her version of me...they know ME well enough to know who I really am. So the attempt at a smear campaign isn't the big concern. I just think it is inappropriate for the reunion, you know? And I don't want to put my family through that. The reunion should be about EVERYONE catching up, not about her and I. > > Plus, she'll bring her husband and he's a jackass of epic proportions...and it's pretty classless to bring your husband to a family reunion of your EX husband's family that you don't even really like all that much, no? > > I'm not sure what to do. I want to go. I need to feel family around me. But I am entirely unsure what to do if she is there to avoid drama. > > Help. > > Ninera > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 That's a tough one, I agree. Perhaps the individual who is hosting the get-together (at his or her home?) would be open to the idea of hiring an off-duty police officer to be the " door warden " and prevent your nada and her husband from even entering the premises? Otherwise, all I can think of to offer is to go ahead and attend, but if your nada shows up (with or without her husband), you simply wish your host and your other relatives well, individually, and leave. You don't have to go into great detail or be dramatic, just convey your regrets with something like, " I'm so sorry but I'll be going now; it was so good to see you. Maybe we can have lunch together soon and catch up? Drop me a line and we'll plan something. I'm just not ready to spend time with my mother right now. " -Annie > > I need some advice or perspective... > > I have a family reunion coming up with my father's side of the family. I am fairly close to a couple of the cousins...we have not had a reunion/family get together in 6 or 7 years. I'm really excited to see everyone who will be there. > > My parents are divorced. Nada is remarried to a man everyone in the family cannot stand. Most of my father's family has been very supportive of me being NC with nada (at least, those who know) and some of them have finally started saying things about how she was as a nada. > > She made it clear for years that she really did not like any of my father's siblings...and, being a nada, is pretty quick to trash anyone behind their back. She once sat trashing one of dad's brothers for over an hour...in front of one of his adult children!! > > Unfortunately, one of my cousins on that side of the family is completely enmeshed with nada. > > It is quite possible that this cousin will tell nada about the reunion and invite her. Nobody knows. Even my brother thinks this would be a terrible idea. But this cousin and nada...they work together, you know what I mean? > > Nada is not above trying to use anyone she can use...or use any situation she can use...to try and force contact with me. (years ago, we were NC by her design...she said I was no longer her daughter for some imagined slight...I had to go in for surgery for something and she called me out of the blue to say she was coming with me. I told her no...and she BLEW UP, saying this was the perfect chance to heal our relationship. Um...no. It wasn't. I was going in for surgery...I was over stressed and needed to focus on ME, not on HER. Oy.) > > Anyway...my fear is that nada will show up without warning at this reunion and expect it to be a chance to " fix " our relationship or to " prove " to the family how " abusive " I am. Now, I know my family members well enough to know that they aren't going to buy into her version of me...they know ME well enough to know who I really am. So the attempt at a smear campaign isn't the big concern. I just think it is inappropriate for the reunion, you know? And I don't want to put my family through that. The reunion should be about EVERYONE catching up, not about her and I. > > Plus, she'll bring her husband and he's a jackass of epic proportions...and it's pretty classless to bring your husband to a family reunion of your EX husband's family that you don't even really like all that much, no? > > I'm not sure what to do. I want to go. I need to feel family around me. But I am entirely unsure what to do if she is there to avoid drama. > > Help. > > Ninera > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 4, 2010 Report Share Posted August 4, 2010 Hey there N! Haven't talked to you in so long. I'm sorry you are still fighting the demons! For me, I probably wouldn't go. Even a nada sighting can set me off for weeks. But if that's no good, i like the idea to just make your exit if she shows. Or can you call the cousin and ask them not to invite her? Hugs and best wishes. I'm sorry! On Tue, Aug 3, 2010 at 4:20 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > That's a tough one, I agree. Perhaps the individual who is hosting the > get-together (at his or her home?) would be open to the idea of hiring an > off-duty police officer to be the " door warden " and prevent your nada and > her husband from even entering the premises? > > Otherwise, all I can think of to offer is to go ahead and attend, but if > your nada shows up (with or without her husband), you simply wish your host > and your other relatives well, individually, and leave. > > You don't have to go into great detail or be dramatic, just convey your > regrets with something like, " I'm so sorry but I'll be going now; it was so > good to see you. Maybe we can have lunch together soon and catch up? Drop me > a line and we'll plan something. I'm just not ready to spend time with my > mother right now. " > > -Annie > > > > > > I need some advice or perspective... > > > > I have a family reunion coming up with my father's side of the family. I > am fairly close to a couple of the cousins...we have not had a > reunion/family get together in 6 or 7 years. I'm really excited to see > everyone who will be there. > > > > My parents are divorced. Nada is remarried to a man everyone in the > family cannot stand. Most of my father's family has been very supportive of > me being NC with nada (at least, those who know) and some of them have > finally started saying things about how she was as a nada. > > > > She made it clear for years that she really did not like any of my > father's siblings...and, being a nada, is pretty quick to trash anyone > behind their back. She once sat trashing one of dad's brothers for over an > hour...in front of one of his adult children!! > > > > Unfortunately, one of my cousins on that side of the family is completely > enmeshed with nada. > > > > It is quite possible that this cousin will tell nada about the reunion > and invite her. Nobody knows. Even my brother thinks this would be a > terrible idea. But this cousin and nada...they work together, you know what > I mean? > > > > Nada is not above trying to use anyone she can use...or use any situation > she can use...to try and force contact with me. (years ago, we were NC by > her design...she said I was no longer her daughter for some imagined > slight...I had to go in for surgery for something and she called me out of > the blue to say she was coming with me. I told her no...and she BLEW UP, > saying this was the perfect chance to heal our relationship. Um...no. It > wasn't. I was going in for surgery...I was over stressed and needed to focus > on ME, not on HER. Oy.) > > > > Anyway...my fear is that nada will show up without warning at this > reunion and expect it to be a chance to " fix " our relationship or to " prove " > to the family how " abusive " I am. Now, I know my family members well enough > to know that they aren't going to buy into her version of me...they know ME > well enough to know who I really am. So the attempt at a smear campaign > isn't the big concern. I just think it is inappropriate for the reunion, you > know? And I don't want to put my family through that. The reunion should be > about EVERYONE catching up, not about her and I. > > > > Plus, she'll bring her husband and he's a jackass of epic > proportions...and it's pretty classless to bring your husband to a family > reunion of your EX husband's family that you don't even really like all that > much, no? > > > > I'm not sure what to do. I want to go. I need to feel family around me. > But I am entirely unsure what to do if she is there to avoid drama. > > > > Help. > > > > Ninera > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 4, 2010 Report Share Posted August 4, 2010 Hey there N! Haven't talked to you in so long. I'm sorry you are still fighting the demons! For me, I probably wouldn't go. Even a nada sighting can set me off for weeks. But if that's no good, i like the idea to just make your exit if she shows. Or can you call the cousin and ask them not to invite her? Hugs and best wishes. I'm sorry! On Tue, Aug 3, 2010 at 4:20 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > That's a tough one, I agree. Perhaps the individual who is hosting the > get-together (at his or her home?) would be open to the idea of hiring an > off-duty police officer to be the " door warden " and prevent your nada and > her husband from even entering the premises? > > Otherwise, all I can think of to offer is to go ahead and attend, but if > your nada shows up (with or without her husband), you simply wish your host > and your other relatives well, individually, and leave. > > You don't have to go into great detail or be dramatic, just convey your > regrets with something like, " I'm so sorry but I'll be going now; it was so > good to see you. Maybe we can have lunch together soon and catch up? Drop me > a line and we'll plan something. I'm just not ready to spend time with my > mother right now. " > > -Annie > > > > > > I need some advice or perspective... > > > > I have a family reunion coming up with my father's side of the family. I > am fairly close to a couple of the cousins...we have not had a > reunion/family get together in 6 or 7 years. I'm really excited to see > everyone who will be there. > > > > My parents are divorced. Nada is remarried to a man everyone in the > family cannot stand. Most of my father's family has been very supportive of > me being NC with nada (at least, those who know) and some of them have > finally started saying things about how she was as a nada. > > > > She made it clear for years that she really did not like any of my > father's siblings...and, being a nada, is pretty quick to trash anyone > behind their back. She once sat trashing one of dad's brothers for over an > hour...in front of one of his adult children!! > > > > Unfortunately, one of my cousins on that side of the family is completely > enmeshed with nada. > > > > It is quite possible that this cousin will tell nada about the reunion > and invite her. Nobody knows. Even my brother thinks this would be a > terrible idea. But this cousin and nada...they work together, you know what > I mean? > > > > Nada is not above trying to use anyone she can use...or use any situation > she can use...to try and force contact with me. (years ago, we were NC by > her design...she said I was no longer her daughter for some imagined > slight...I had to go in for surgery for something and she called me out of > the blue to say she was coming with me. I told her no...and she BLEW UP, > saying this was the perfect chance to heal our relationship. Um...no. It > wasn't. I was going in for surgery...I was over stressed and needed to focus > on ME, not on HER. Oy.) > > > > Anyway...my fear is that nada will show up without warning at this > reunion and expect it to be a chance to " fix " our relationship or to " prove " > to the family how " abusive " I am. Now, I know my family members well enough > to know that they aren't going to buy into her version of me...they know ME > well enough to know who I really am. So the attempt at a smear campaign > isn't the big concern. I just think it is inappropriate for the reunion, you > know? And I don't want to put my family through that. The reunion should be > about EVERYONE catching up, not about her and I. > > > > Plus, she'll bring her husband and he's a jackass of epic > proportions...and it's pretty classless to bring your husband to a family > reunion of your EX husband's family that you don't even really like all that > much, no? > > > > I'm not sure what to do. I want to go. I need to feel family around me. > But I am entirely unsure what to do if she is there to avoid drama. > > > > Help. > > > > Ninera > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 4, 2010 Report Share Posted August 4, 2010 Ninera - I agree with the previous postings that you need to be ready to make an exit if Nada and her new husband show up. I think Annie has a good plan here - be the one with the most class, do not engage, wish everybody well, and make your adieus WITHOUT a confrontation with your Nada. So, what I'd do - I wouldn't get involved in ANY plotting or planning about the reunion. It is not your party (somebody else is hosting it), and the host or reunion planning committee should be in charge of who gets in or not. Anything you say about this can and will be used against you if it gets to the enmeshed cousin and therefore back to Nada, and it will look like you're " stirring the pot. " If you have one or two close allies who know the score and can be trusted, you could let them know that you plan to escape if Nada shows up, " to avoid having a regrettable scene. " (Oh, you're so thoughtful...) I would make plans to show up early (to help set up, giving you face time with the relatives in charge) or at least on time, maintaining the attitude that " of course everyone will behave, of course Nada won't make a scene, this is going to be great fun! " (you don't have to believe this, but it will keep you from saying or doing anything that Nada can use). Then, in further preparation: Do NOT park your car where it can be blocked in by those who arrive later. Keep your purse with you, or put your purse in the trunk and your car keys in your pocket so you don't have to go to a back bedroom to get your stuff. Know where the back and side exit doors are. Take food in a disposable foil container, if it's a potluck. Do not let ANYTHING or ANYONE put you in such a position that you can't head for the door if Nada shows up. Have a plausible story - " I have an appointment later today, so I have to run, but it's been SO nice to see everyone! " So afterward, what your relatives will remember about you is that you were SO helpful, you brought potato salad, you were outgoing, fun to be with, pleasant, had great manners, but you're so busy with your fabulous life you could only stay a short while. What a pity - let's invite you back! If Nada shows up with her husband and makes an ass of herself, that will be what people remember about HER - and you will not be part of the picture. After all, you never said one derogatory word about her, did you? The goal here is not to make nice with Nada (that ship has sailed, right?) - it's to forge and reinforce your relationships with your other relatives. Be classy, be positive, and if Nada shows up, be GONE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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