Re: Family reunion issue

[Guest guest]

Ninera -

I agree with the previous postings that you need to be ready to make an exit if

Nada and her new husband show up. I think Annie has a good plan here - be the

one with the most class, do not engage, wish everybody well, and make your

adieus WITHOUT a confrontation with your Nada.

So, what I'd do -

I wouldn't get involved in ANY plotting or planning about the reunion. It is

not your party (somebody else is hosting it), and the host or reunion planning

committee should be in charge of who gets in or not. Anything you say about

this can and will be used against you if it gets to the enmeshed cousin and

therefore back to Nada, and it will look like you're " stirring the pot. " If you

have one or two close allies who know the score and can be trusted, you could

let them know that you plan to escape if Nada shows up, " to avoid having a

regrettable scene. " (Oh, you're so thoughtful...)

I would make plans to show up early (to help set up, giving you face time with

the relatives in charge) or at least on time, maintaining the attitude that " of

course everyone will behave, of course Nada won't make a scene, this is going to

be great fun! " (you don't have to believe this, but it will keep you from

saying or doing anything that Nada can use). Then, in further preparation:

Do NOT park your car where it can be blocked in by those who arrive later. Keep

your purse with you, or put your purse in the trunk and your car keys in your

pocket so you don't have to go to a back bedroom to get your stuff. Know where

the back and side exit doors are. Take food in a disposable foil container, if

it's a potluck. Do not let ANYTHING or ANYONE put you in such a position that

you can't head for the door if Nada shows up.

Have a plausible story - " I have an appointment later today, so I have to run,

but it's been SO nice to see everyone! "

So afterward, what your relatives will remember about you is that you were SO

helpful, you brought potato salad, you were outgoing, fun to be with, pleasant,

had great manners, but you're so busy with your fabulous life you could only

stay a short while. What a pity - let's invite you back!

If Nada shows up with her husband and makes an ass of herself, that will be what

people remember about HER - and you will not be part of the picture. After all,

you never said one derogatory word about her, did you?

The goal here is not to make nice with Nada (that ship has sailed, right?) -

it's to forge and reinforce your relationships with your other relatives. Be

classy, be positive, and if Nada shows up, be GONE.