Guest guest Posted August 4, 2010 Report Share Posted August 4, 2010 wow, it sounds like you are extremely self-aware and that says alot about you. I am really sorry you are dealing with such volatility in your mom, that is too much to ask of anyone. I, personally, feel that doing what is best for you (i.e. leaving, in this situation) is almost always also what is best for the bpd as well. because you are moving them closer to facing that there is something wrong with THEM. most of them will probably never face it, but at least you didn't enable them (or your brother, who, like you said, is OLDER than you). Enabling does more harm than good. The only reason you question your decision is because of a warped sense of responsibility that we as KO's develop over time after living with someone with a personality disorder. Hugs. > > Hi, I am new to this group so bear with me if I seem naive or ignorant to any of the facts regarding BPD. > > First off, I will tell you that I had never heard of bpd until this week. I noticed a book at the bookstore " Stop Walking on Eggshells " and read about the characteristics of someone suffering from BPD and new instantly that it is what my mother has. > > Ever since I was little, I feel like I have been dealing with a ticking time bomb. I never know what I will do or say that will make my mother go off in an irrational verbal rage. Outside of the house, she'll tell everyone that I'm such a good daughter and her pride and joy, but in the house she'll accuse me of being a failure, not capable of love, and not having a life. > > It can be something so small as not chewing my food the " right " way that sets her off. She'll think that I hate the meal, which in her mind means I hate how she cooks, and, because of that, I hate her. I don't know how many times I can tell her I don't hate her before it becomes a truth. She has said some of the most hurtful, painful, mean things to me in my lifetime and, of course, says the only reason she says these things is because I never loved her. > > She'll bring up things from the past or from when I was a teenager and use them against me. She pits herself against my father in an unnecessary competition, and if I so much go out to dinner with my father once a week, I love him more than her in her mind. > > I know deep down it is not me. I have always been a good kid. Straight A's, focused, never did a drug in my life. How could I mess up? I've always lived in constant fear of the next irrational blowout and tried to delay them as long as possible. > > The thing I need help with is this-I really want to leave the house and have the opportunity to do so and live with friends. I don't know if this is necessarily the best for her but I feel that if I stay here I could be self-destructive. Because of my fearful childhood and my now distorted view on relationships, I feel I need to get out of this situation before it gets worse. I already suffer from depression and OCD. But I am afraid if I leave this will cause her BPD to get worse so I am not sure what to do. > > On top of all this, I have an older brother who lives at home. If I left, I know that I could possibly recover from the issues I have with my mother, but I would feel an endless, heavy guilt for leaving him alone to deal with her irrationality. > > If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions that would be great. I really need the support and don't know where else to turn. > > Thank you. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 4, 2010 Report Share Posted August 4, 2010 wow, it sounds like you are extremely self-aware and that says alot about you. I am really sorry you are dealing with such volatility in your mom, that is too much to ask of anyone. I, personally, feel that doing what is best for you (i.e. leaving, in this situation) is almost always also what is best for the bpd as well. because you are moving them closer to facing that there is something wrong with THEM. most of them will probably never face it, but at least you didn't enable them (or your brother, who, like you said, is OLDER than you). Enabling does more harm than good. The only reason you question your decision is because of a warped sense of responsibility that we as KO's develop over time after living with someone with a personality disorder. Hugs. > > Hi, I am new to this group so bear with me if I seem naive or ignorant to any of the facts regarding BPD. > > First off, I will tell you that I had never heard of bpd until this week. I noticed a book at the bookstore " Stop Walking on Eggshells " and read about the characteristics of someone suffering from BPD and new instantly that it is what my mother has. > > Ever since I was little, I feel like I have been dealing with a ticking time bomb. I never know what I will do or say that will make my mother go off in an irrational verbal rage. Outside of the house, she'll tell everyone that I'm such a good daughter and her pride and joy, but in the house she'll accuse me of being a failure, not capable of love, and not having a life. > > It can be something so small as not chewing my food the " right " way that sets her off. She'll think that I hate the meal, which in her mind means I hate how she cooks, and, because of that, I hate her. I don't know how many times I can tell her I don't hate her before it becomes a truth. She has said some of the most hurtful, painful, mean things to me in my lifetime and, of course, says the only reason she says these things is because I never loved her. > > She'll bring up things from the past or from when I was a teenager and use them against me. She pits herself against my father in an unnecessary competition, and if I so much go out to dinner with my father once a week, I love him more than her in her mind. > > I know deep down it is not me. I have always been a good kid. Straight A's, focused, never did a drug in my life. How could I mess up? I've always lived in constant fear of the next irrational blowout and tried to delay them as long as possible. > > The thing I need help with is this-I really want to leave the house and have the opportunity to do so and live with friends. I don't know if this is necessarily the best for her but I feel that if I stay here I could be self-destructive. Because of my fearful childhood and my now distorted view on relationships, I feel I need to get out of this situation before it gets worse. I already suffer from depression and OCD. But I am afraid if I leave this will cause her BPD to get worse so I am not sure what to do. > > On top of all this, I have an older brother who lives at home. If I left, I know that I could possibly recover from the issues I have with my mother, but I would feel an endless, heavy guilt for leaving him alone to deal with her irrationality. > > If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions that would be great. I really need the support and don't know where else to turn. > > Thank you. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 4, 2010 Report Share Posted August 4, 2010 wow, it sounds like you are extremely self-aware and that says alot about you. I am really sorry you are dealing with such volatility in your mom, that is too much to ask of anyone. I, personally, feel that doing what is best for you (i.e. leaving, in this situation) is almost always also what is best for the bpd as well. because you are moving them closer to facing that there is something wrong with THEM. most of them will probably never face it, but at least you didn't enable them (or your brother, who, like you said, is OLDER than you). Enabling does more harm than good. The only reason you question your decision is because of a warped sense of responsibility that we as KO's develop over time after living with someone with a personality disorder. Hugs. > > Hi, I am new to this group so bear with me if I seem naive or ignorant to any of the facts regarding BPD. > > First off, I will tell you that I had never heard of bpd until this week. I noticed a book at the bookstore " Stop Walking on Eggshells " and read about the characteristics of someone suffering from BPD and new instantly that it is what my mother has. > > Ever since I was little, I feel like I have been dealing with a ticking time bomb. I never know what I will do or say that will make my mother go off in an irrational verbal rage. Outside of the house, she'll tell everyone that I'm such a good daughter and her pride and joy, but in the house she'll accuse me of being a failure, not capable of love, and not having a life. > > It can be something so small as not chewing my food the " right " way that sets her off. She'll think that I hate the meal, which in her mind means I hate how she cooks, and, because of that, I hate her. I don't know how many times I can tell her I don't hate her before it becomes a truth. She has said some of the most hurtful, painful, mean things to me in my lifetime and, of course, says the only reason she says these things is because I never loved her. > > She'll bring up things from the past or from when I was a teenager and use them against me. She pits herself against my father in an unnecessary competition, and if I so much go out to dinner with my father once a week, I love him more than her in her mind. > > I know deep down it is not me. I have always been a good kid. Straight A's, focused, never did a drug in my life. How could I mess up? I've always lived in constant fear of the next irrational blowout and tried to delay them as long as possible. > > The thing I need help with is this-I really want to leave the house and have the opportunity to do so and live with friends. I don't know if this is necessarily the best for her but I feel that if I stay here I could be self-destructive. Because of my fearful childhood and my now distorted view on relationships, I feel I need to get out of this situation before it gets worse. I already suffer from depression and OCD. But I am afraid if I leave this will cause her BPD to get worse so I am not sure what to do. > > On top of all this, I have an older brother who lives at home. If I left, I know that I could possibly recover from the issues I have with my mother, but I would feel an endless, heavy guilt for leaving him alone to deal with her irrationality. > > If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions that would be great. I really need the support and don't know where else to turn. > > Thank you. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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