Re: Re: Am I crazy??!!

[Guest guest]

NADA having breathing problems going for chest xray today.  Hard to be

concerned when she has cryed wolf for 58 of my 58 years.  These posts help me

so!  Keep writing.

Stay strong.  Blessings,

Subject: Re: Am I crazy??!!

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Wednesday, July 28, 2010, 12:31 PM

 

--- In WTOAdultChildren1 , Katrina Dear Fiona,

Thanks so much for your response. I get so much from reading your posts too and

feel I can relate so much to your experiences. I'm not sure mine are articulated

any better. I do know that I always feel bad after I write anything here because

I always feel I crap on so much and include every excruciating detail! Once I

start, that's it, it all pours out! My partner is often in the background saying

" Why do you always have to talk so much about your feelings? " LOL

It really helps though. The support I find here is just amazing.

I really appreciate you sharing your experience. It has given me some hope and

some idea of what to expect. I can't tell you how helpful that is to me at the

moment. I think as you said I can expect it to be rocky at first, but with some

persistence it could just work for both of us.

You were spot on when you said it sounds like she has a fear of being abandoned.

I think that is what all of her behaviour comes back to.

I also think that you're right about clear routines helping them with their

anxiety.

It sounds like you've come a long way in setting some strong boundaries with

your mother. That couldn't have been easy! I hope that your sense of guilt and

responsibility is diminishing more and more. I have struggled a lot with that

too, but am really moving through that lately, which is part of the reason I am

hopeful that I might be able to maintain some emotional distance and create a

workable dynamic with her. That has been especially difficult because our

relationship has never had boundaries and it took me a long time to realise this

was not " normal " or healthy.

Keep guarding your rules and protecting yourself won't you.

Oh and thank you for asking about my baby. She is just lovely. Full of smiles

and giggles and baby babble. I am trying so hard to not let all of this get on

top of me so I can really enjoy her. It is hard at times as it always seems to

be on my mind in one way or another, but I try and be in the moment as much as I

can so I can really be the best for my family.

Katrina and thank you also for your fantastic input.

It sounds like you've both done really well setting up some clear boundaries

with your Nadas as well. It was so helpful to read about how you both navigated

your relationships.

,it is always great to be reminded of the 3 C's and FOG.

Thanks heaps for that and for sharing your strategies. I really like your line

" I can see you're having a bad day, so I'll see you later " . I feel I need to be

armed with plans of attack and lines like that!

Katrina, thanks for pointing out the importance of consequences as this seems to

really complete the picture and I hadn't really thought that far ahead. Your

advice about how to get her to comply with no phone messaging was really great,

because I really want to stay strong on that, thank you.

Oh, she cancelled our first catch up by the way. I kind of expected it, because

I am calling the shots. She left some sad sounding messages on my machine first

sounding slightly annoyed and asking if I could come to her house instead of

meet for coffee. This was followed by one saying she was glad it didn't work

out, because it was raining and she liked knowing I was home in the warm. I

haven't responded to her because I don't want daily chit chat and I have told

her I don't want phone contact because I don't know what to expect from her, so

I want to keep strong on that. My plan is to just stick to seeing her at our

planned time next week so that our arrangement doesn't become open for

negotiation. She will be thinking I'm horrible because her reason for cancelling

is a bad back. She is saying it's just as bad as it was when she first got the

injury. I can tell she wants me to rush over there or will at least expect a

make up visit, but I'm going to

stick to our plan.

I'll see how it goes I guess.

Well, I've certainly crapped on again and written another lengthy one! Sorry

about that!

I can't thank you all enough for your great advice. I can't tell you how much it

has helped!

All the best for your journeys.

With warmth,

Lynda