Re: Am I crazy??!!

[Guest guest]

I agree with treating them like they are 2 yr olds, it does seem to help. I told

nada in a letter that I don't want to hear the nasty trash talk from her anymore

about other people or her belittling me and first thing she did was call me a

f*cking b*tch in front of my 8 yr old niece so she was obviously throwing a

temper tantrum. I am having to really consciously be careful what I say around

her, more than I ever have in the past, and it helps a lot. I ignore her more

now and don't feed into her tirades. Our interactions now are very business-like

with hardly any emotions. I feel very cold and numb when I talk to her but it

cannot be any other way. Just my thoughts.

Good luck Lynda

> >I'm seeing her tomorrow and I'm wondering if I'm totally

> >crazy?!?!!

> >

> >The last month has been incredibly emotionally draining as I

> >have been trying to navigate my way through setting boundaries

> >with my mother.

> >

> >I have been reading some great posts on this issue of boundary

> >setting and the difficult question of communicating these to

> >Nadas or not and I have received some fantastic support from

> >you lovely folk here as I have been fumbling through this

> >process.

> >

> >I have attempted L.C which has been met with some pretty strong

> >resistance on her part, resulting in volatile behaviour, from

> >more raging, insults and attacks to over the top praise,

> >proclamations of love etc. Consequently I have been

> >contemplating N.C and feeling fairly relieved at the prospect I

> >must say!

> >

> >Nothing has seemed to work thus far and I have felt at a loss.

> >I have tried to implement a weekly catch up with her, but

> >without telling her my intentions and it was quite disastrous.

> >I can tell she hasn't liked her control being taken away and

> >has been desperately trying to work out the " new rules " . So

> >much so that she messaged me to ask whether she could sms me

> >sometimes to say nigh nigh or that she loved me. I must say

> >that was just as infuriating as receiving a message full of

> >insults!

> >

> >I stuck to my guns and said I would rather no sms contact (I

> >have already told her this is because I don't know what to

> >expect from her), but that I would be willing to meet her once

> >a week for a coffee. My best friend who has known me and my

> >mother forever suggested I do this - make a set time each week

> >to see her. That way if she " misbehaves " I can withdraw and she

> >might have incentive to behave if I don't put up with any

> >crappy behaviour and refuse to see her.

> >

> >Well that is the reasoning anyway, but I'm wondering if this

> >could actually work?? If setting up a routine with clear

> > " rules " will help her behave. Or am I totally crazy to think

> >this could work? I feel like she will try and sabotage any

> >attempts on my part to gain control in the relationship.

> >

> >I am also worried that she will keep pushing and pushing- Can I

> >just come over and see my grand daughter? Can I just message

> >you sometimes etc etc

> >

> >There are a couple of factors that make me think it's possible:

> >

> >1. I no longer feel responsible for her

> >happiness/behaviour/well-being.

> >

> >2. I could easily walk away if I don't like her behaviour and

> >not feel guilty about not seeing her.

> >

> >I guess I just want to explore a few different options so that

> >if I do decide it's necessary to go N.C, I can live with my

> >decision knowing I have tried my hardest to do the fair and

> >decent thing by her.

> >

> >I would love any thoughts, ideas about this.

> >

> >

> >Dear God this is like preparing for combat. Sigh!

> >

> >With warmth,

> >

> >Lynda

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

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