Re: Should I go to family funeral?

[Guest guest]

I say no, don't go, unless you really have a strong desire to be there.

You have kids at home, so I'm sure your family will understand if you don't

attend. You don't need additional irritation from nada either.

If it were me, I wouldn't go.

I'm going through a period of anger right now, so I think that is heavily

influencing my opinion here.

I don't even plan on attending my nada's funeral when she dies.

~Sara Jo

>

> Please bear with me in trying to keep a long story short.

> My nada lives on the west coast and we live on the east coast. She was coming

to our coast for business and wanted to extend her trip a few days and stay with

us. I stayed firm and said she could come visit my kids during the day but

could not stay with us.

> About two weeks before her trip my dad's brother died in the Midwest. I flew

to the funeral for two days. The first day my, mom, dad, and I spent together

was fine. Everyone was cordial and getting along. It was actually pleasant. I

found out later that my nada told my sister that I was horrible that first day.

As I was literally getting into a cab the second day to go back the airport my

nada confronted me.

> Nada: If you don't want me to come to your house, I won't.

> Me: I didn't say you couldn't come, just that you couldn't stay over.

> Nada: Why? Do you hate me that much?

> Me: It has nothing to do with hating you it just brings too much tension to

our house when you stay over.

> Nada: Fine

> End of conversation

> My sister also told me that my mom said such horrible things about me when she

got back that it made my sister cry.

> A few days later was mother's day. I called so the kids could wish her happy

mothers day. When I got on the phone she gave me the silent treatment. Since

then (about 3 months now) we have had very limited contact (its been great .

> Ok, finally the question. My dad's mom is only expected to live a few more

months. We are not close. The funeral again will be in the Midwest. DO I

GO???

>

> Thanks everyone.

>

[Guest guest]

I say no, don't go, unless you really have a strong desire to be there.

You have kids at home, so I'm sure your family will understand if you don't

attend. You don't need additional irritation from nada either.

If it were me, I wouldn't go.

I'm going through a period of anger right now, so I think that is heavily

influencing my opinion here.

I don't even plan on attending my nada's funeral when she dies.

~Sara Jo

>

> Please bear with me in trying to keep a long story short.

> My nada lives on the west coast and we live on the east coast. She was coming

to our coast for business and wanted to extend her trip a few days and stay with

us. I stayed firm and said she could come visit my kids during the day but

could not stay with us.

> About two weeks before her trip my dad's brother died in the Midwest. I flew

to the funeral for two days. The first day my, mom, dad, and I spent together

was fine. Everyone was cordial and getting along. It was actually pleasant. I

found out later that my nada told my sister that I was horrible that first day.

As I was literally getting into a cab the second day to go back the airport my

nada confronted me.

> Nada: If you don't want me to come to your house, I won't.

> Me: I didn't say you couldn't come, just that you couldn't stay over.

> Nada: Why? Do you hate me that much?

> Me: It has nothing to do with hating you it just brings too much tension to

our house when you stay over.

> Nada: Fine

> End of conversation

> My sister also told me that my mom said such horrible things about me when she

got back that it made my sister cry.

> A few days later was mother's day. I called so the kids could wish her happy

mothers day. When I got on the phone she gave me the silent treatment. Since

then (about 3 months now) we have had very limited contact (its been great .

> Ok, finally the question. My dad's mom is only expected to live a few more

months. We are not close. The funeral again will be in the Midwest. DO I

GO???

>

> Thanks everyone.

>

[Guest guest]

I say no, don't go, unless you really have a strong desire to be there.

You have kids at home, so I'm sure your family will understand if you don't

attend. You don't need additional irritation from nada either.

If it were me, I wouldn't go.

I'm going through a period of anger right now, so I think that is heavily

influencing my opinion here.

I don't even plan on attending my nada's funeral when she dies.

~Sara Jo

>

> Please bear with me in trying to keep a long story short.

> My nada lives on the west coast and we live on the east coast. She was coming

to our coast for business and wanted to extend her trip a few days and stay with

us. I stayed firm and said she could come visit my kids during the day but

could not stay with us.

> About two weeks before her trip my dad's brother died in the Midwest. I flew

to the funeral for two days. The first day my, mom, dad, and I spent together

was fine. Everyone was cordial and getting along. It was actually pleasant. I

found out later that my nada told my sister that I was horrible that first day.

As I was literally getting into a cab the second day to go back the airport my

nada confronted me.

> Nada: If you don't want me to come to your house, I won't.

> Me: I didn't say you couldn't come, just that you couldn't stay over.

> Nada: Why? Do you hate me that much?

> Me: It has nothing to do with hating you it just brings too much tension to

our house when you stay over.

> Nada: Fine

> End of conversation

> My sister also told me that my mom said such horrible things about me when she

got back that it made my sister cry.

> A few days later was mother's day. I called so the kids could wish her happy

mothers day. When I got on the phone she gave me the silent treatment. Since

then (about 3 months now) we have had very limited contact (its been great .

> Ok, finally the question. My dad's mom is only expected to live a few more

months. We are not close. The funeral again will be in the Midwest. DO I

GO???

>

> Thanks everyone.

>

[Guest guest]

do you WANT to go ?? you're an adult now..no one can MAKE you go if you

dont want to...how is your relationship with your father ? You go to

funerals for the living, not the dead...do you think HE would be hurt if you

did not go ?

Jackie

Please bear with me in trying to keep a long story short.

My nada lives on the west coast and we live on the east coast. She was

coming to our coast for business and wanted to extend her trip a few days

and stay with us. I stayed firm and said she could come visit my kids

during the day but could not stay with us.

About two weeks before her trip my dad's brother died in the Midwest. I

flew to the funeral for two days. The first day my, mom, dad, and I spent

together was fine. Everyone was cordial and getting along. It was actually

pleasant. I found out later that my nada told my sister that I was horrible

that first day. As I was literally getting into a cab the second day to go

back the airport my nada confronted me.

Nada: If you don't want me to come to your house, I won't.

Me: I didn't say you couldn't come, just that you couldn't stay over.

Nada: Why? Do you hate me that much?

Me: It has nothing to do with hating you it just brings too much tension to

our house when you stay over.

Nada: Fine

End of conversation

My sister also told me that my mom said such horrible things about me when

she got back that it made my sister cry.

A few days later was mother's day. I called so the kids could wish her

happy mothers day. When I got on the phone she gave me the silent

treatment. Since then (about 3 months now) we have had very limited contact

(its been great .

Ok, finally the question. My dad's mom is only expected to live a few more

months. We are not close. The funeral again will be in the Midwest. DO I

GO???

Thanks everyone.

[Guest guest]

do you WANT to go ?? you're an adult now..no one can MAKE you go if you

dont want to...how is your relationship with your father ? You go to

funerals for the living, not the dead...do you think HE would be hurt if you

did not go ?

Jackie

Please bear with me in trying to keep a long story short.

My nada lives on the west coast and we live on the east coast. She was

coming to our coast for business and wanted to extend her trip a few days

and stay with us. I stayed firm and said she could come visit my kids

during the day but could not stay with us.

About two weeks before her trip my dad's brother died in the Midwest. I

flew to the funeral for two days. The first day my, mom, dad, and I spent

together was fine. Everyone was cordial and getting along. It was actually

pleasant. I found out later that my nada told my sister that I was horrible

that first day. As I was literally getting into a cab the second day to go

back the airport my nada confronted me.

Nada: If you don't want me to come to your house, I won't.

Me: I didn't say you couldn't come, just that you couldn't stay over.

Nada: Why? Do you hate me that much?

Me: It has nothing to do with hating you it just brings too much tension to

our house when you stay over.

Nada: Fine

End of conversation

My sister also told me that my mom said such horrible things about me when

she got back that it made my sister cry.

A few days later was mother's day. I called so the kids could wish her

happy mothers day. When I got on the phone she gave me the silent

treatment. Since then (about 3 months now) we have had very limited contact

(its been great .

Ok, finally the question. My dad's mom is only expected to live a few more

months. We are not close. The funeral again will be in the Midwest. DO I

GO???

Thanks everyone.

[Guest guest]

do you WANT to go ?? you're an adult now..no one can MAKE you go if you

dont want to...how is your relationship with your father ? You go to

funerals for the living, not the dead...do you think HE would be hurt if you

did not go ?

Jackie

Please bear with me in trying to keep a long story short.

My nada lives on the west coast and we live on the east coast. She was

coming to our coast for business and wanted to extend her trip a few days

and stay with us. I stayed firm and said she could come visit my kids

during the day but could not stay with us.

About two weeks before her trip my dad's brother died in the Midwest. I

flew to the funeral for two days. The first day my, mom, dad, and I spent

together was fine. Everyone was cordial and getting along. It was actually

pleasant. I found out later that my nada told my sister that I was horrible

that first day. As I was literally getting into a cab the second day to go

back the airport my nada confronted me.

Nada: If you don't want me to come to your house, I won't.

Me: I didn't say you couldn't come, just that you couldn't stay over.

Nada: Why? Do you hate me that much?

Me: It has nothing to do with hating you it just brings too much tension to

our house when you stay over.

Nada: Fine

End of conversation

My sister also told me that my mom said such horrible things about me when

she got back that it made my sister cry.

A few days later was mother's day. I called so the kids could wish her

happy mothers day. When I got on the phone she gave me the silent

treatment. Since then (about 3 months now) we have had very limited contact

(its been great .

Ok, finally the question. My dad's mom is only expected to live a few more

months. We are not close. The funeral again will be in the Midwest. DO I

GO???

Thanks everyone.

[Guest guest]

I think that you should go if you want to go and not go if you

don't want to go. If you want to be there, I wouldn't let your

nada's behavior stop you. If you don't want to go, is there some

reason that you think you should go anyway? If you do go, I

would try to avoid spending time with your nada apart from the

actual funeral-related stuff.

At 04:58 PM 07/27/2010 esti_cohen wrote:

>Please bear with me in trying to keep a long story short.

>My nada lives on the west coast and we live on the east

>coast. She was coming to our coast for business and wanted to

>extend her trip a few days and stay with us. I stayed firm and

>said she could come visit my kids during the day but could not

>stay with us.

>About two weeks before her trip my dad's brother died in the

>Midwest. I flew to the funeral for two days. The first day

>my, mom, dad, and I spent together was fine. Everyone was

>cordial and getting along. It was actually pleasant. I found

>out later that my nada told my sister that I was horrible that

>first day. As I was literally getting into a cab the second

>day to go back the airport my nada confronted me.

>Nada: If you don't want me to come to your house, I won't.

>Me: I didn't say you couldn't come, just that you couldn't stay

>over.

>Nada: Why? Do you hate me that much?

>Me: It has nothing to do with hating you it just brings too

>much tension to our house when you stay over.

>Nada: Fine

>End of conversation

>My sister also told me that my mom said such horrible things

>about me when she got back that it made my sister cry.

>A few days later was mother's day. I called so the kids could

>wish her happy mothers day. When I got on the phone she gave

>me the silent treatment. Since then (about 3 months now) we

>have had very limited contact (its been great .

>Ok, finally the question. My dad's mom is only expected to

>live a few more months. We are not close. The funeral again

>will be in the Midwest. DO I GO???

>

>Thanks everyone.

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I think that you should go if you want to go and not go if you

don't want to go. If you want to be there, I wouldn't let your

nada's behavior stop you. If you don't want to go, is there some

reason that you think you should go anyway? If you do go, I

would try to avoid spending time with your nada apart from the

actual funeral-related stuff.

At 04:58 PM 07/27/2010 esti_cohen wrote:

>Please bear with me in trying to keep a long story short.

>My nada lives on the west coast and we live on the east

>coast. She was coming to our coast for business and wanted to

>extend her trip a few days and stay with us. I stayed firm and

>said she could come visit my kids during the day but could not

>stay with us.

>About two weeks before her trip my dad's brother died in the

>Midwest. I flew to the funeral for two days. The first day

>my, mom, dad, and I spent together was fine. Everyone was

>cordial and getting along. It was actually pleasant. I found

>out later that my nada told my sister that I was horrible that

>first day. As I was literally getting into a cab the second

>day to go back the airport my nada confronted me.

>Nada: If you don't want me to come to your house, I won't.

>Me: I didn't say you couldn't come, just that you couldn't stay

>over.

>Nada: Why? Do you hate me that much?

>Me: It has nothing to do with hating you it just brings too

>much tension to our house when you stay over.

>Nada: Fine

>End of conversation

>My sister also told me that my mom said such horrible things

>about me when she got back that it made my sister cry.

>A few days later was mother's day. I called so the kids could

>wish her happy mothers day. When I got on the phone she gave

>me the silent treatment. Since then (about 3 months now) we

>have had very limited contact (its been great .

>Ok, finally the question. My dad's mom is only expected to

>live a few more months. We are not close. The funeral again

>will be in the Midwest. DO I GO???

>

>Thanks everyone.

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I think that you should go if you want to go and not go if you

don't want to go. If you want to be there, I wouldn't let your

nada's behavior stop you. If you don't want to go, is there some

reason that you think you should go anyway? If you do go, I

would try to avoid spending time with your nada apart from the

actual funeral-related stuff.

At 04:58 PM 07/27/2010 esti_cohen wrote:

>Please bear with me in trying to keep a long story short.

>My nada lives on the west coast and we live on the east

>coast. She was coming to our coast for business and wanted to

>extend her trip a few days and stay with us. I stayed firm and

>said she could come visit my kids during the day but could not

>stay with us.

>About two weeks before her trip my dad's brother died in the

>Midwest. I flew to the funeral for two days. The first day

>my, mom, dad, and I spent together was fine. Everyone was

>cordial and getting along. It was actually pleasant. I found

>out later that my nada told my sister that I was horrible that

>first day. As I was literally getting into a cab the second

>day to go back the airport my nada confronted me.

>Nada: If you don't want me to come to your house, I won't.

>Me: I didn't say you couldn't come, just that you couldn't stay

>over.

>Nada: Why? Do you hate me that much?

>Me: It has nothing to do with hating you it just brings too

>much tension to our house when you stay over.

>Nada: Fine

>End of conversation

>My sister also told me that my mom said such horrible things

>about me when she got back that it made my sister cry.

>A few days later was mother's day. I called so the kids could

>wish her happy mothers day. When I got on the phone she gave

>me the silent treatment. Since then (about 3 months now) we

>have had very limited contact (its been great .

>Ok, finally the question. My dad's mom is only expected to

>live a few more months. We are not close. The funeral again

>will be in the Midwest. DO I GO???

>

>Thanks everyone.

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I wont go to my nadas funeral/service either..I couldn't stand to hear the

priest say what a wonderful person she was and how everyone loved her and

she was so generous !! I will go to the food/get together afterward...to

catch up with family...

Jackie

I say no, don't go, unless you really have a strong desire to be there.

You have kids at home, so I'm sure your family will understand if you don't

attend. You don't need additional irritation from nada either.

If it were me, I wouldn't go.

I'm going through a period of anger right now, so I think that is heavily

influencing my opinion here.

I don't even plan on attending my nada's funeral when she dies.

~Sara Jo

[Guest guest]

I wont go to my nadas funeral/service either..I couldn't stand to hear the

priest say what a wonderful person she was and how everyone loved her and

she was so generous !! I will go to the food/get together afterward...to

catch up with family...

Jackie

I say no, don't go, unless you really have a strong desire to be there.

You have kids at home, so I'm sure your family will understand if you don't

attend. You don't need additional irritation from nada either.

If it were me, I wouldn't go.

I'm going through a period of anger right now, so I think that is heavily

influencing my opinion here.

I don't even plan on attending my nada's funeral when she dies.

~Sara Jo

[Guest guest]

I wont go to my nadas funeral/service either..I couldn't stand to hear the

priest say what a wonderful person she was and how everyone loved her and

she was so generous !! I will go to the food/get together afterward...to

catch up with family...

Jackie

I say no, don't go, unless you really have a strong desire to be there.

You have kids at home, so I'm sure your family will understand if you don't

attend. You don't need additional irritation from nada either.

If it were me, I wouldn't go.

I'm going through a period of anger right now, so I think that is heavily

influencing my opinion here.

I don't even plan on attending my nada's funeral when she dies.

~Sara Jo

[Guest guest]

Wow, that's such a difficult decision. btw, you are my hero for confronting your

mother and sticking to it.

You mentioned you weren't close to your grandmother...are you close to your

father? do you feel like you would like to be there for him? That's the only

consideration I can think of, really. If not, maybe you could just send flowers?

I'm not much help.

>

> Please bear with me in trying to keep a long story short.

> My nada lives on the west coast and we live on the east coast. She was coming

to our coast for business and wanted to extend her trip a few days and stay with

us. I stayed firm and said she could come visit my kids during the day but

could not stay with us.

> About two weeks before her trip my dad's brother died in the Midwest. I flew

to the funeral for two days. The first day my, mom, dad, and I spent together

was fine. Everyone was cordial and getting along. It was actually pleasant. I

found out later that my nada told my sister that I was horrible that first day.

As I was literally getting into a cab the second day to go back the airport my

nada confronted me.

> Nada: If you don't want me to come to your house, I won't.

> Me: I didn't say you couldn't come, just that you couldn't stay over.

> Nada: Why? Do you hate me that much?

> Me: It has nothing to do with hating you it just brings too much tension to

our house when you stay over.

> Nada: Fine

> End of conversation

> My sister also told me that my mom said such horrible things about me when she

got back that it made my sister cry.

> A few days later was mother's day. I called so the kids could wish her happy

mothers day. When I got on the phone she gave me the silent treatment. Since

then (about 3 months now) we have had very limited contact (its been great .

> Ok, finally the question. My dad's mom is only expected to live a few more

months. We are not close. The funeral again will be in the Midwest. DO I

GO???

>

> Thanks everyone.

>