Re: My sis.....a carbon copy of NADA

[Guest guest]

Hi sara, I've been thinking about you since I can't imagine how it must feel to

work at the same company as family and have this stuff going on. I wrote my

brother an email about some of the stuff we have discussed about the mess in my

family right now and it ended up being four or five paragraphs and he wrote me

back about 4 sentences, after about a week or two. The last one was 'I love you

too'. I'd asked for some photos and he said they were on my mom's computer. He

didn't acknowledge anything I said in the letter about how we were pitted

against each other as children and how it shouldn't have happened and how much

alike we are. It just felt distant. I was so let down because I have always

wanted so badly to have someone validate the insanity I grew up in, I wanted an

ally, someone on my side. And with that email its' like I realize i will never

have that. my father's distortion campaign vs. me plus my mother's underwriting

it when it's convenient has damaged their view of me too much. It was almost

like an " i love you anyway' even though I am not the one at fault. It was a

complete letdown that I made myself vulnerable and yet once again I am on the

'outside' and I guess i always will be. I can completely relate to your

feelings. Then of course after the disapointment I felt the anger too. Hugs.

>

> So I've had to go NC again with nada because she says she doesn't want a

relationship with me unless I stop talking with my dad and his family. My sis,

being so enmeshed with nada, is mad at me too.

> We've had minimal interaction lately...we work for the same company. She is

civil and polite to me at work. Although she did turn down some baked goods that

I made and brought in for everyone, reserving some for her only as I always do.

I expected that, though.

>

> I don't want her to think that I don't care about her, even though I've made

the decision to stay away from nada and all of nadas messes, which unfortunately

right now, include my sis.

> So I gave her a call today, and left her a message since she didn't answer.

Just said that I hope she was having a good weekend and that I was thinking of

her and love her.

>

> A few minutes later I got a text message from her and this is what she said:

>

> Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. Things aren't the same and I

don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up and

act like nothing is wrong. I love you and hope you are having a good weekend " .

>

> Seems like a friendly enough message, but definitely not the sister that I

know and love.

>

> It's bullsh**. She doesn't love me. Neither does my nada.

> My nada says she will ALWAYS love me, but wants nothing to do with me UNLESS I

stop talking to my dad. Is that love? When you love someone don't you want to

include them in your life?

> I never want to hear those words from either of them ever again. I know they

are meaningless. You can't just get away with saying you love someone while at

the same time telling them they don't want anything to do with you. My sis is

just following my nada's footsteps. Keeping me out because I'm doing something

she/they doesn't like. I'm not doing anything wrong.

>

> I really don't want to ever hear them say they love me. It actually sickens

me.

>

> ~Sara Jo

>

[Guest guest]

Hi sara, I've been thinking about you since I can't imagine how it must feel to

work at the same company as family and have this stuff going on. I wrote my

brother an email about some of the stuff we have discussed about the mess in my

family right now and it ended up being four or five paragraphs and he wrote me

back about 4 sentences, after about a week or two. The last one was 'I love you

too'. I'd asked for some photos and he said they were on my mom's computer. He

didn't acknowledge anything I said in the letter about how we were pitted

against each other as children and how it shouldn't have happened and how much

alike we are. It just felt distant. I was so let down because I have always

wanted so badly to have someone validate the insanity I grew up in, I wanted an

ally, someone on my side. And with that email its' like I realize i will never

have that. my father's distortion campaign vs. me plus my mother's underwriting

it when it's convenient has damaged their view of me too much. It was almost

like an " i love you anyway' even though I am not the one at fault. It was a

complete letdown that I made myself vulnerable and yet once again I am on the

'outside' and I guess i always will be. I can completely relate to your

feelings. Then of course after the disapointment I felt the anger too. Hugs.

>

> So I've had to go NC again with nada because she says she doesn't want a

relationship with me unless I stop talking with my dad and his family. My sis,

being so enmeshed with nada, is mad at me too.

> We've had minimal interaction lately...we work for the same company. She is

civil and polite to me at work. Although she did turn down some baked goods that

I made and brought in for everyone, reserving some for her only as I always do.

I expected that, though.

>

> I don't want her to think that I don't care about her, even though I've made

the decision to stay away from nada and all of nadas messes, which unfortunately

right now, include my sis.

> So I gave her a call today, and left her a message since she didn't answer.

Just said that I hope she was having a good weekend and that I was thinking of

her and love her.

>

> A few minutes later I got a text message from her and this is what she said:

>

> Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. Things aren't the same and I

don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up and

act like nothing is wrong. I love you and hope you are having a good weekend " .

>

> Seems like a friendly enough message, but definitely not the sister that I

know and love.

>

> It's bullsh**. She doesn't love me. Neither does my nada.

> My nada says she will ALWAYS love me, but wants nothing to do with me UNLESS I

stop talking to my dad. Is that love? When you love someone don't you want to

include them in your life?

> I never want to hear those words from either of them ever again. I know they

are meaningless. You can't just get away with saying you love someone while at

the same time telling them they don't want anything to do with you. My sis is

just following my nada's footsteps. Keeping me out because I'm doing something

she/they doesn't like. I'm not doing anything wrong.

>

> I really don't want to ever hear them say they love me. It actually sickens

me.

>

> ~Sara Jo

>

[Guest guest]

Hi sara, I've been thinking about you since I can't imagine how it must feel to

work at the same company as family and have this stuff going on. I wrote my

brother an email about some of the stuff we have discussed about the mess in my

family right now and it ended up being four or five paragraphs and he wrote me

back about 4 sentences, after about a week or two. The last one was 'I love you

too'. I'd asked for some photos and he said they were on my mom's computer. He

didn't acknowledge anything I said in the letter about how we were pitted

against each other as children and how it shouldn't have happened and how much

alike we are. It just felt distant. I was so let down because I have always

wanted so badly to have someone validate the insanity I grew up in, I wanted an

ally, someone on my side. And with that email its' like I realize i will never

have that. my father's distortion campaign vs. me plus my mother's underwriting

it when it's convenient has damaged their view of me too much. It was almost

like an " i love you anyway' even though I am not the one at fault. It was a

complete letdown that I made myself vulnerable and yet once again I am on the

'outside' and I guess i always will be. I can completely relate to your

feelings. Then of course after the disapointment I felt the anger too. Hugs.

>

> So I've had to go NC again with nada because she says she doesn't want a

relationship with me unless I stop talking with my dad and his family. My sis,

being so enmeshed with nada, is mad at me too.

> We've had minimal interaction lately...we work for the same company. She is

civil and polite to me at work. Although she did turn down some baked goods that

I made and brought in for everyone, reserving some for her only as I always do.

I expected that, though.

>

> I don't want her to think that I don't care about her, even though I've made

the decision to stay away from nada and all of nadas messes, which unfortunately

right now, include my sis.

> So I gave her a call today, and left her a message since she didn't answer.

Just said that I hope she was having a good weekend and that I was thinking of

her and love her.

>

> A few minutes later I got a text message from her and this is what she said:

>

> Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. Things aren't the same and I

don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up and

act like nothing is wrong. I love you and hope you are having a good weekend " .

>

> Seems like a friendly enough message, but definitely not the sister that I

know and love.

>

> It's bullsh**. She doesn't love me. Neither does my nada.

> My nada says she will ALWAYS love me, but wants nothing to do with me UNLESS I

stop talking to my dad. Is that love? When you love someone don't you want to

include them in your life?

> I never want to hear those words from either of them ever again. I know they

are meaningless. You can't just get away with saying you love someone while at

the same time telling them they don't want anything to do with you. My sis is

just following my nada's footsteps. Keeping me out because I'm doing something

she/they doesn't like. I'm not doing anything wrong.

>

> I really don't want to ever hear them say they love me. It actually sickens

me.

>

> ~Sara Jo

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry, guys. The first time I made this post, it never showed up. So I posted it

again.

>

> So I've been back to NC with nada because she doesn't want a relationship with

me as long as I'm talking to my dad. I knew my sis was upset about it, too

because she is so enmeshed with nada.

> My sis and I have had minimal interaction with each other lately because we

work for the same company. Although she did reject me when I tried to give her

some baked goods that I had made. I expected it.

> Anyway, today I gave her a call, and she didn't answer. So I left her a

message saying that I hope she's having a good weekend, and that I was thinking

of her.

> She sent me a text back a few minutes later and it said:

>

> Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. things aren't the same and I

don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up and

act like nothing is wrong. Love you and hope you are having a good weekend.

>

> So basically She's doing the same thing my nada is doing. Saying " I love you,

but I want nothing to do with you " .

>

> Does that make sense? IF you love someone do you not want them in your life?

>

> Neither of them freaking love me. I never want to hear that from then again.

>

> ~Sara Jo

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry, guys. The first time I made this post, it never showed up. So I posted it

again.

>

> So I've been back to NC with nada because she doesn't want a relationship with

me as long as I'm talking to my dad. I knew my sis was upset about it, too

because she is so enmeshed with nada.

> My sis and I have had minimal interaction with each other lately because we

work for the same company. Although she did reject me when I tried to give her

some baked goods that I had made. I expected it.

> Anyway, today I gave her a call, and she didn't answer. So I left her a

message saying that I hope she's having a good weekend, and that I was thinking

of her.

> She sent me a text back a few minutes later and it said:

>

> Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. things aren't the same and I

don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up and

act like nothing is wrong. Love you and hope you are having a good weekend.

>

> So basically She's doing the same thing my nada is doing. Saying " I love you,

but I want nothing to do with you " .

>

> Does that make sense? IF you love someone do you not want them in your life?

>

> Neither of them freaking love me. I never want to hear that from then again.

>

> ~Sara Jo

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry, guys. The first time I made this post, it never showed up. So I posted it

again.

>

> So I've been back to NC with nada because she doesn't want a relationship with

me as long as I'm talking to my dad. I knew my sis was upset about it, too

because she is so enmeshed with nada.

> My sis and I have had minimal interaction with each other lately because we

work for the same company. Although she did reject me when I tried to give her

some baked goods that I had made. I expected it.

> Anyway, today I gave her a call, and she didn't answer. So I left her a

message saying that I hope she's having a good weekend, and that I was thinking

of her.

> She sent me a text back a few minutes later and it said:

>

> Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. things aren't the same and I

don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up and

act like nothing is wrong. Love you and hope you are having a good weekend.

>

> So basically She's doing the same thing my nada is doing. Saying " I love you,

but I want nothing to do with you " .

>

> Does that make sense? IF you love someone do you not want them in your life?

>

> Neither of them freaking love me. I never want to hear that from then again.

>

> ~Sara Jo

>

[Guest guest]

I think we have every right to say, " I don't want contact with you if you

continue to behave in XYZ manner toward ME. " I do NOT think we can say, " I

don't want contact with you if you continue to have contact with a group of

other people. " That isn't a right we have.

We only get to demand that others behave toward US (and our family) with

civility. We don't get to dictate who they visit and talk to on their own.

So I think your mom and sister are off base on this count. They don't get to

tell you who you can visit - although they may ask that you not bring up details

about your dad when you visit mom and sis, if it upsets them. That would be

reasonable, and you'd be courteous to refrain from " shoving it down their

throat " that you have renewed your relationship with your dad.

(I can't stand my husband's side of the family, and would gladly cut off all

contact with them forever - but I would NEVER suggest to my husband that he not

see them as he likes. I just don't want to hear about their latest

self-inflicted disasters when he comes home. Since there's nothing I can do

about it, listening to their tales of woe is too much like voyeurism, or

gossip.)

>

> So I've been back to NC with nada because she doesn't want a relationship with

me as long as I'm talking to my dad. I knew my sis was upset about it, too

because she is so enmeshed with nada.

> My sis and I have had minimal interaction with each other lately because we

work for the same company. Although she did reject me when I tried to give her

some baked goods that I had made. I expected it.

> Anyway, today I gave her a call, and she didn't answer. So I left her a

message saying that I hope she's having a good weekend, and that I was thinking

of her.

> She sent me a text back a few minutes later and it said:

>

> Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. things aren't the same and I

don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up and

act like nothing is wrong. Love you and hope you are having a good weekend.

>

> So basically She's doing the same thing my nada is doing. Saying " I love you,

but I want nothing to do with you " .

>

> Does that make sense? IF you love someone do you not want them in your life?

>

> Neither of them freaking love me. I never want to hear that from then again.

>

> ~Sara Jo

>

[Guest guest]

I think we have every right to say, " I don't want contact with you if you

continue to behave in XYZ manner toward ME. " I do NOT think we can say, " I

don't want contact with you if you continue to have contact with a group of

other people. " That isn't a right we have.

We only get to demand that others behave toward US (and our family) with

civility. We don't get to dictate who they visit and talk to on their own.

So I think your mom and sister are off base on this count. They don't get to

tell you who you can visit - although they may ask that you not bring up details

about your dad when you visit mom and sis, if it upsets them. That would be

reasonable, and you'd be courteous to refrain from " shoving it down their

throat " that you have renewed your relationship with your dad.

(I can't stand my husband's side of the family, and would gladly cut off all

contact with them forever - but I would NEVER suggest to my husband that he not

see them as he likes. I just don't want to hear about their latest

self-inflicted disasters when he comes home. Since there's nothing I can do

about it, listening to their tales of woe is too much like voyeurism, or

gossip.)

>

> So I've been back to NC with nada because she doesn't want a relationship with

me as long as I'm talking to my dad. I knew my sis was upset about it, too

because she is so enmeshed with nada.

> My sis and I have had minimal interaction with each other lately because we

work for the same company. Although she did reject me when I tried to give her

some baked goods that I had made. I expected it.

> Anyway, today I gave her a call, and she didn't answer. So I left her a

message saying that I hope she's having a good weekend, and that I was thinking

of her.

> She sent me a text back a few minutes later and it said:

>

> Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. things aren't the same and I

don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up and

act like nothing is wrong. Love you and hope you are having a good weekend.

>

> So basically She's doing the same thing my nada is doing. Saying " I love you,

but I want nothing to do with you " .

>

> Does that make sense? IF you love someone do you not want them in your life?

>

> Neither of them freaking love me. I never want to hear that from then again.

>

> ~Sara Jo

>

[Guest guest]

I think we have every right to say, " I don't want contact with you if you

continue to behave in XYZ manner toward ME. " I do NOT think we can say, " I

don't want contact with you if you continue to have contact with a group of

other people. " That isn't a right we have.

We only get to demand that others behave toward US (and our family) with

civility. We don't get to dictate who they visit and talk to on their own.

So I think your mom and sister are off base on this count. They don't get to

tell you who you can visit - although they may ask that you not bring up details

about your dad when you visit mom and sis, if it upsets them. That would be

reasonable, and you'd be courteous to refrain from " shoving it down their

throat " that you have renewed your relationship with your dad.

(I can't stand my husband's side of the family, and would gladly cut off all

contact with them forever - but I would NEVER suggest to my husband that he not

see them as he likes. I just don't want to hear about their latest

self-inflicted disasters when he comes home. Since there's nothing I can do

about it, listening to their tales of woe is too much like voyeurism, or

gossip.)

>

> So I've been back to NC with nada because she doesn't want a relationship with

me as long as I'm talking to my dad. I knew my sis was upset about it, too

because she is so enmeshed with nada.

> My sis and I have had minimal interaction with each other lately because we

work for the same company. Although she did reject me when I tried to give her

some baked goods that I had made. I expected it.

> Anyway, today I gave her a call, and she didn't answer. So I left her a

message saying that I hope she's having a good weekend, and that I was thinking

of her.

> She sent me a text back a few minutes later and it said:

>

> Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. things aren't the same and I

don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up and

act like nothing is wrong. Love you and hope you are having a good weekend.

>

> So basically She's doing the same thing my nada is doing. Saying " I love you,

but I want nothing to do with you " .

>

> Does that make sense? IF you love someone do you not want them in your life?

>

> Neither of them freaking love me. I never want to hear that from then again.

>

> ~Sara Jo

>

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. The important thing to note is that you

have the right to have a relationship with your father and his family.

If that makes your mother and your sister mad, that is their problem, not yours.

If they cut you out of their lives because of it, that is their controlling,

unfair, dysfunctional choice, not yours.

You have EVERY RIGHT to have these relationships with your father's family. You

can only hope that some day, one or both of them will get it.

Deanna

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. The important thing to note is that you

have the right to have a relationship with your father and his family.

If that makes your mother and your sister mad, that is their problem, not yours.

If they cut you out of their lives because of it, that is their controlling,

unfair, dysfunctional choice, not yours.

You have EVERY RIGHT to have these relationships with your father's family. You

can only hope that some day, one or both of them will get it.

Deanna

[Guest guest]

Lynette,

Thanks for posting that. It definitely is a new perspective.

It's so hard to think positive about a response like that.

I wish she really would say how she feels....

~Sara Jo

> >

> > So I've been back to NC with nada because she doesn't want a relationship

with me as long as I'm talking to my dad. I knew my sis was upset about it, too

because she is so enmeshed with nada.

> > My sis and I have had minimal interaction with each other lately because we

work for the same company. Although she did reject me when I tried to give her

some baked goods that I had made. I expected it.

> > Anyway, today I gave her a call, and she didn't answer. So I left her a

message saying that I hope she's having a good weekend, and that I was thinking

of her.

> > She sent me a text back a few minutes later and it said:

> >

> > Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. things aren't the same and I

don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up and

act like nothing is wrong. Love you and hope you are having a good weekend.

> >

> > So basically She's doing the same thing my nada is doing. Saying " I love

you, but I want nothing to do with you " .

> >

> > Does that make sense? IF you love someone do you not want them in your life?

> >

> > Neither of them freaking love me. I never want to hear that from then again.

> >

> > ~Sara Jo

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lynette,

Thanks for posting that. It definitely is a new perspective.

It's so hard to think positive about a response like that.

I wish she really would say how she feels....

~Sara Jo

> >

> > So I've been back to NC with nada because she doesn't want a relationship

with me as long as I'm talking to my dad. I knew my sis was upset about it, too

because she is so enmeshed with nada.

> > My sis and I have had minimal interaction with each other lately because we

work for the same company. Although she did reject me when I tried to give her

some baked goods that I had made. I expected it.

> > Anyway, today I gave her a call, and she didn't answer. So I left her a

message saying that I hope she's having a good weekend, and that I was thinking

of her.

> > She sent me a text back a few minutes later and it said:

> >

> > Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. things aren't the same and I

don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up and

act like nothing is wrong. Love you and hope you are having a good weekend.

> >

> > So basically She's doing the same thing my nada is doing. Saying " I love

you, but I want nothing to do with you " .

> >

> > Does that make sense? IF you love someone do you not want them in your life?

> >

> > Neither of them freaking love me. I never want to hear that from then again.

> >

> > ~Sara Jo

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lynette,

Thanks for posting that. It definitely is a new perspective.

It's so hard to think positive about a response like that.

I wish she really would say how she feels....

~Sara Jo

> >

> > So I've been back to NC with nada because she doesn't want a relationship

with me as long as I'm talking to my dad. I knew my sis was upset about it, too

because she is so enmeshed with nada.

> > My sis and I have had minimal interaction with each other lately because we

work for the same company. Although she did reject me when I tried to give her

some baked goods that I had made. I expected it.

> > Anyway, today I gave her a call, and she didn't answer. So I left her a

message saying that I hope she's having a good weekend, and that I was thinking

of her.

> > She sent me a text back a few minutes later and it said:

> >

> > Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. things aren't the same and I

don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up and

act like nothing is wrong. Love you and hope you are having a good weekend.

> >

> > So basically She's doing the same thing my nada is doing. Saying " I love

you, but I want nothing to do with you " .

> >

> > Does that make sense? IF you love someone do you not want them in your life?

> >

> > Neither of them freaking love me. I never want to hear that from then again.

> >

> > ~Sara Jo

> >

>

[Guest guest]

phine...

Yeah. Vulnerability. That's a good word here.

We tried to break some ice with our siblings and all we got was a cold,

emotionless response.

I'm afraid to say anything to my sis about what's really going on here, about

how nada always has a way of turning me and sis against each other. I don't want

it coming back to me. My sis might share that with nada and nada will react

badly to it and I will get a scathing response from her. I am too vulnerable

right now to deal with that, not strong enough right now to hear her say

horrible things to me.

You did your part. You tried to reach out to your brother. It's all you can do.

I'm sorry you are having the same problem I am. IT's terrible what our parents

do to our relationship with our siblings.

~Sara Jo

> >

> > So I've had to go NC again with nada because she says she doesn't want a

relationship with me unless I stop talking with my dad and his family. My sis,

being so enmeshed with nada, is mad at me too.

> > We've had minimal interaction lately...we work for the same company. She is

civil and polite to me at work. Although she did turn down some baked goods that

I made and brought in for everyone, reserving some for her only as I always do.

I expected that, though.

> >

> > I don't want her to think that I don't care about her, even though I've made

the decision to stay away from nada and all of nadas messes, which unfortunately

right now, include my sis.

> > So I gave her a call today, and left her a message since she didn't answer.

Just said that I hope she was having a good weekend and that I was thinking of

her and love her.

> >

> > A few minutes later I got a text message from her and this is what she said:

> >

> > Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. Things aren't the same and I

don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up and

act like nothing is wrong. I love you and hope you are having a good weekend " .

> >

> > Seems like a friendly enough message, but definitely not the sister that I

know and love.

> >

> > It's bullsh**. She doesn't love me. Neither does my nada.

> > My nada says she will ALWAYS love me, but wants nothing to do with me UNLESS

I stop talking to my dad. Is that love? When you love someone don't you want to

include them in your life?

> > I never want to hear those words from either of them ever again. I know they

are meaningless. You can't just get away with saying you love someone while at

the same time telling them they don't want anything to do with you. My sis is

just following my nada's footsteps. Keeping me out because I'm doing something

she/they doesn't like. I'm not doing anything wrong.

> >

> > I really don't want to ever hear them say they love me. It actually sickens

me.

> >

> > ~Sara Jo

> >

>

[Guest guest]

phine...

Yeah. Vulnerability. That's a good word here.

We tried to break some ice with our siblings and all we got was a cold,

emotionless response.

I'm afraid to say anything to my sis about what's really going on here, about

how nada always has a way of turning me and sis against each other. I don't want

it coming back to me. My sis might share that with nada and nada will react

badly to it and I will get a scathing response from her. I am too vulnerable

right now to deal with that, not strong enough right now to hear her say

horrible things to me.

You did your part. You tried to reach out to your brother. It's all you can do.

I'm sorry you are having the same problem I am. IT's terrible what our parents

do to our relationship with our siblings.

~Sara Jo

> >

> > So I've had to go NC again with nada because she says she doesn't want a

relationship with me unless I stop talking with my dad and his family. My sis,

being so enmeshed with nada, is mad at me too.

> > We've had minimal interaction lately...we work for the same company. She is

civil and polite to me at work. Although she did turn down some baked goods that

I made and brought in for everyone, reserving some for her only as I always do.

I expected that, though.

> >

> > I don't want her to think that I don't care about her, even though I've made

the decision to stay away from nada and all of nadas messes, which unfortunately

right now, include my sis.

> > So I gave her a call today, and left her a message since she didn't answer.

Just said that I hope she was having a good weekend and that I was thinking of

her and love her.

> >

> > A few minutes later I got a text message from her and this is what she said:

> >

> > Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. Things aren't the same and I

don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up and

act like nothing is wrong. I love you and hope you are having a good weekend " .

> >

> > Seems like a friendly enough message, but definitely not the sister that I

know and love.

> >

> > It's bullsh**. She doesn't love me. Neither does my nada.

> > My nada says she will ALWAYS love me, but wants nothing to do with me UNLESS

I stop talking to my dad. Is that love? When you love someone don't you want to

include them in your life?

> > I never want to hear those words from either of them ever again. I know they

are meaningless. You can't just get away with saying you love someone while at

the same time telling them they don't want anything to do with you. My sis is

just following my nada's footsteps. Keeping me out because I'm doing something

she/they doesn't like. I'm not doing anything wrong.

> >

> > I really don't want to ever hear them say they love me. It actually sickens

me.

> >

> > ~Sara Jo

> >

>

[Guest guest]

phine...

Yeah. Vulnerability. That's a good word here.

We tried to break some ice with our siblings and all we got was a cold,

emotionless response.

I'm afraid to say anything to my sis about what's really going on here, about

how nada always has a way of turning me and sis against each other. I don't want

it coming back to me. My sis might share that with nada and nada will react

badly to it and I will get a scathing response from her. I am too vulnerable

right now to deal with that, not strong enough right now to hear her say

horrible things to me.

You did your part. You tried to reach out to your brother. It's all you can do.

I'm sorry you are having the same problem I am. IT's terrible what our parents

do to our relationship with our siblings.

~Sara Jo

> >

> > So I've had to go NC again with nada because she says she doesn't want a

relationship with me unless I stop talking with my dad and his family. My sis,

being so enmeshed with nada, is mad at me too.

> > We've had minimal interaction lately...we work for the same company. She is

civil and polite to me at work. Although she did turn down some baked goods that

I made and brought in for everyone, reserving some for her only as I always do.

I expected that, though.

> >

> > I don't want her to think that I don't care about her, even though I've made

the decision to stay away from nada and all of nadas messes, which unfortunately

right now, include my sis.

> > So I gave her a call today, and left her a message since she didn't answer.

Just said that I hope she was having a good weekend and that I was thinking of

her and love her.

> >

> > A few minutes later I got a text message from her and this is what she said:

> >

> > Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. Things aren't the same and I

don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up and

act like nothing is wrong. I love you and hope you are having a good weekend " .

> >

> > Seems like a friendly enough message, but definitely not the sister that I

know and love.

> >

> > It's bullsh**. She doesn't love me. Neither does my nada.

> > My nada says she will ALWAYS love me, but wants nothing to do with me UNLESS

I stop talking to my dad. Is that love? When you love someone don't you want to

include them in your life?

> > I never want to hear those words from either of them ever again. I know they

are meaningless. You can't just get away with saying you love someone while at

the same time telling them they don't want anything to do with you. My sis is

just following my nada's footsteps. Keeping me out because I'm doing something

she/they doesn't like. I'm not doing anything wrong.

> >

> > I really don't want to ever hear them say they love me. It actually sickens

me.

> >

> > ~Sara Jo

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sara Jo,

Consider this: You wish she would say how she feels. BUT, she's under nada's

control. She isn't allowed to have a feeling different from nada's. She

probably doesn't even know how she feels on the surface except to tow the party

line. Obviously that's not working for her or she wouldn't have called you

back... somewhere deep in there is a scared girl to break free... wether she

realizes it or not... we were all there...

Lynnette

> > >

> > > So I've been back to NC with nada because she doesn't want a relationship

with me as long as I'm talking to my dad. I knew my sis was upset about it, too

because she is so enmeshed with nada.

> > > My sis and I have had minimal interaction with each other lately because

we work for the same company. Although she did reject me when I tried to give

her some baked goods that I had made. I expected it.

> > > Anyway, today I gave her a call, and she didn't answer. So I left her a

message saying that I hope she's having a good weekend, and that I was thinking

of her.

> > > She sent me a text back a few minutes later and it said:

> > >

> > > Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. things aren't the same and

I don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up

and act like nothing is wrong. Love you and hope you are having a good weekend.

> > >

> > > So basically She's doing the same thing my nada is doing. Saying " I love

you, but I want nothing to do with you " .

> > >

> > > Does that make sense? IF you love someone do you not want them in your

life?

> > >

> > > Neither of them freaking love me. I never want to hear that from then

again.

> > >

> > > ~Sara Jo

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sara Jo,

Consider this: You wish she would say how she feels. BUT, she's under nada's

control. She isn't allowed to have a feeling different from nada's. She

probably doesn't even know how she feels on the surface except to tow the party

line. Obviously that's not working for her or she wouldn't have called you

back... somewhere deep in there is a scared girl to break free... wether she

realizes it or not... we were all there...

Lynnette

> > >

> > > So I've been back to NC with nada because she doesn't want a relationship

with me as long as I'm talking to my dad. I knew my sis was upset about it, too

because she is so enmeshed with nada.

> > > My sis and I have had minimal interaction with each other lately because

we work for the same company. Although she did reject me when I tried to give

her some baked goods that I had made. I expected it.

> > > Anyway, today I gave her a call, and she didn't answer. So I left her a

message saying that I hope she's having a good weekend, and that I was thinking

of her.

> > > She sent me a text back a few minutes later and it said:

> > >

> > > Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. things aren't the same and

I don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up

and act like nothing is wrong. Love you and hope you are having a good weekend.

> > >

> > > So basically She's doing the same thing my nada is doing. Saying " I love

you, but I want nothing to do with you " .

> > >

> > > Does that make sense? IF you love someone do you not want them in your

life?

> > >

> > > Neither of them freaking love me. I never want to hear that from then

again.

> > >

> > > ~Sara Jo

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sara Jo,

Consider this: You wish she would say how she feels. BUT, she's under nada's

control. She isn't allowed to have a feeling different from nada's. She

probably doesn't even know how she feels on the surface except to tow the party

line. Obviously that's not working for her or she wouldn't have called you

back... somewhere deep in there is a scared girl to break free... wether she

realizes it or not... we were all there...

Lynnette

> > >

> > > So I've been back to NC with nada because she doesn't want a relationship

with me as long as I'm talking to my dad. I knew my sis was upset about it, too

because she is so enmeshed with nada.

> > > My sis and I have had minimal interaction with each other lately because

we work for the same company. Although she did reject me when I tried to give

her some baked goods that I had made. I expected it.

> > > Anyway, today I gave her a call, and she didn't answer. So I left her a

message saying that I hope she's having a good weekend, and that I was thinking

of her.

> > > She sent me a text back a few minutes later and it said:

> > >

> > > Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. things aren't the same and

I don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you up

and act like nothing is wrong. Love you and hope you are having a good weekend.

> > >

> > > So basically She's doing the same thing my nada is doing. Saying " I love

you, but I want nothing to do with you " .

> > >

> > > Does that make sense? IF you love someone do you not want them in your

life?

> > >

> > > Neither of them freaking love me. I never want to hear that from then

again.

> > >

> > > ~Sara Jo

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I know my sis is under nada's control. In fact, I know what it is like to be in

that position. I was in the same place for many years, ganging up on my sis

because she did something to upset nada.

I just want to be past that.

My sister is a very smart girl. There was a time where she DID she through

nada's BS. She's done it before, why can't she do it now?

I've tried to reach out and have been rejected. I refuse to plead and beg to

have people in my life that should love me anyway.

~Sara Jo

> > > >

> > > > So I've been back to NC with nada because she doesn't want a

relationship with me as long as I'm talking to my dad. I knew my sis was upset

about it, too because she is so enmeshed with nada.

> > > > My sis and I have had minimal interaction with each other lately because

we work for the same company. Although she did reject me when I tried to give

her some baked goods that I had made. I expected it.

> > > > Anyway, today I gave her a call, and she didn't answer. So I left her a

message saying that I hope she's having a good weekend, and that I was thinking

of her.

> > > > She sent me a text back a few minutes later and it said:

> > > >

> > > > Hey I just got your message. Hope all is well. things aren't the same

and I don't know how to handle it right now. It's hard for me to just call you

up and act like nothing is wrong. Love you and hope you are having a good

weekend.

> > > >

> > > > So basically She's doing the same thing my nada is doing. Saying " I love

you, but I want nothing to do with you " .

> > > >

> > > > Does that make sense? IF you love someone do you not want them in your

life?

> > > >

> > > > Neither of them freaking love me. I never want to hear that from then

again.

> > > >

> > > > ~Sara Jo

> > > >

> > >

> >

>