Re: ways to know you are in a no-win relationship

[Guest guest]

Karla and ...Thanks for the positive response.

To explain my share : It just really struck me this past few days

that the BPD creates the ultimate no-win relationship with their

spouse and children. I found myself so wanting to write an article

about it.

I felt very far from my goal when I wrote this. Maybe I am closer

than I thought. Except for humor.

Also I am not sure my examples of " signs " of a no-win relationship

were concrete enough or bittersweet enough.

If any of you are motivated to share your experience with a nada or

fada...please feel free to add " signs " of your own?

smithvictoria@...

[Guest guest]

I love it - I want to print it out and show my father and brother. I am FINALLY

taking care of myself now, FINALLY starting to really love myself and throwing

away all that guilt. There is nothing wrong with me/us after all!

Take care

> >

> > Life with a person who has untreated borderline personality disorder

> > is nothing short of a tragedy. It is a tragedy in endless acts.

> > Eventually you will see that no matter how hard you try, in your

> > accompanying role, you can only fail.

> >

> > To be sure you are not there when the play comes to its unsatisfying

> > end, it helps to share the unfolding story with others. In that way

> > you come to see for yourself that you are in a no-win relationship.

> >

> > There are many signs that you might be in a no-win relationship, the

> > kind that indicates someone in your screenplay has BPD. One is when

> > an actor is constantly pulling the rug out from under you. When you

> > hear things told about yourself that are not true; when you find your

> > goodness and your intentions questioned; when you eventually find out

> > there is nothing that you can do that is right; when your words are

> > used against you and you find the best thing is to be speechless; when

> > someone blames you for their shortcomings; when humor backfires nearly

> > every time; when you finally make progress at keeping your own self-

> > esteem intact, and your intimate partner tears the foundation of your

> > beliefs from underneath you. (I can use more examples on this, and I

> > know I need concrete ones. I'd appreciate your input, and even humor

> > on this one.)

> >

> > Here is kind of where I want to end up on this essay:

> >

> > " That is not a relationship, " said a dear friend. " I would not call

> > what you have with your mother a relationship. "

> >

> > Stymied then, I offered humor. " How about, a leaking ship? "

> >

> > " An unpatchable ship. " she said. I could tell she was getting impatient.

> >

> > " You've got to know when to jump out! " I grinned.

> >

> > Her eyes were wide. " I'd say you did it just in time. "

> >

> > You can't set a boundary in a sinking ship, and take care of

> > someone else's emotions, too. To save a drowning person, when they

> > have decided you are only worthy of attacking you, means you pay the

> > price of saving them, with your life. Jumping out of the ship,

> > leaving them to patch it up themselves is the only way.

> >

> >

> > Failure to me meant saving my own life. It meant to stop trying to

> > be a good daughter. It felt like tear-filled, belly emptying, joy.

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I love it - I want to print it out and show my father and brother. I am FINALLY

taking care of myself now, FINALLY starting to really love myself and throwing

away all that guilt. There is nothing wrong with me/us after all!

Take care

> >

> > Life with a person who has untreated borderline personality disorder

> > is nothing short of a tragedy. It is a tragedy in endless acts.

> > Eventually you will see that no matter how hard you try, in your

> > accompanying role, you can only fail.

> >

> > To be sure you are not there when the play comes to its unsatisfying

> > end, it helps to share the unfolding story with others. In that way

> > you come to see for yourself that you are in a no-win relationship.

> >

> > There are many signs that you might be in a no-win relationship, the

> > kind that indicates someone in your screenplay has BPD. One is when

> > an actor is constantly pulling the rug out from under you. When you

> > hear things told about yourself that are not true; when you find your

> > goodness and your intentions questioned; when you eventually find out

> > there is nothing that you can do that is right; when your words are

> > used against you and you find the best thing is to be speechless; when

> > someone blames you for their shortcomings; when humor backfires nearly

> > every time; when you finally make progress at keeping your own self-

> > esteem intact, and your intimate partner tears the foundation of your

> > beliefs from underneath you. (I can use more examples on this, and I

> > know I need concrete ones. I'd appreciate your input, and even humor

> > on this one.)

> >

> > Here is kind of where I want to end up on this essay:

> >

> > " That is not a relationship, " said a dear friend. " I would not call

> > what you have with your mother a relationship. "

> >

> > Stymied then, I offered humor. " How about, a leaking ship? "

> >

> > " An unpatchable ship. " she said. I could tell she was getting impatient.

> >

> > " You've got to know when to jump out! " I grinned.

> >

> > Her eyes were wide. " I'd say you did it just in time. "

> >

> > You can't set a boundary in a sinking ship, and take care of

> > someone else's emotions, too. To save a drowning person, when they

> > have decided you are only worthy of attacking you, means you pay the

> > price of saving them, with your life. Jumping out of the ship,

> > leaving them to patch it up themselves is the only way.

> >

> >

> > Failure to me meant saving my own life. It meant to stop trying to

> > be a good daughter. It felt like tear-filled, belly emptying, joy.

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I love it - I want to print it out and show my father and brother. I am FINALLY

taking care of myself now, FINALLY starting to really love myself and throwing

away all that guilt. There is nothing wrong with me/us after all!

Take care

> >

> > Life with a person who has untreated borderline personality disorder

> > is nothing short of a tragedy. It is a tragedy in endless acts.

> > Eventually you will see that no matter how hard you try, in your

> > accompanying role, you can only fail.

> >

> > To be sure you are not there when the play comes to its unsatisfying

> > end, it helps to share the unfolding story with others. In that way

> > you come to see for yourself that you are in a no-win relationship.

> >

> > There are many signs that you might be in a no-win relationship, the

> > kind that indicates someone in your screenplay has BPD. One is when

> > an actor is constantly pulling the rug out from under you. When you

> > hear things told about yourself that are not true; when you find your

> > goodness and your intentions questioned; when you eventually find out

> > there is nothing that you can do that is right; when your words are

> > used against you and you find the best thing is to be speechless; when

> > someone blames you for their shortcomings; when humor backfires nearly

> > every time; when you finally make progress at keeping your own self-

> > esteem intact, and your intimate partner tears the foundation of your

> > beliefs from underneath you. (I can use more examples on this, and I

> > know I need concrete ones. I'd appreciate your input, and even humor

> > on this one.)

> >

> > Here is kind of where I want to end up on this essay:

> >

> > " That is not a relationship, " said a dear friend. " I would not call

> > what you have with your mother a relationship. "

> >

> > Stymied then, I offered humor. " How about, a leaking ship? "

> >

> > " An unpatchable ship. " she said. I could tell she was getting impatient.

> >

> > " You've got to know when to jump out! " I grinned.

> >

> > Her eyes were wide. " I'd say you did it just in time. "

> >

> > You can't set a boundary in a sinking ship, and take care of

> > someone else's emotions, too. To save a drowning person, when they

> > have decided you are only worthy of attacking you, means you pay the

> > price of saving them, with your life. Jumping out of the ship,

> > leaving them to patch it up themselves is the only way.

> >

> >

> > Failure to me meant saving my own life. It meant to stop trying to

> > be a good daughter. It felt like tear-filled, belly emptying, joy.

> >

> >

> >

> >