Re: And the crap just keeps coming...

[Guest guest]

My thoughts exactly! She's 40!!! And I think this proves she doesn't really care

how I am feeling.

>

> sounds like your cousin is the immature one !! she sounds like how a 7th

> grader would..

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> Latest email from my cousin- I haven't responded to her since her original

> email but did delete her off my FB:

> " You are so immature! Screw you if that is how you want to be. I can't

> believe you deleted me off your facebook. WHATEVER!! Your Mom would be so

> upset. All for what because you suck and are handling affairs wrong. Who

> let's their Mother's ashes sit at the morgue for weeks???You will be sorry

> some day "

>

[Guest guest]

Mozz - You know what? Anybody in the U.S. has a right to assemble for lawful

purposes, even if it's for a memorial service for somebody who didn't want one.

Let them have their memorial service. You don't have to go, you don't have to

provide the ashes and urn, you don't have to send flowers. If any of the

organizers (I am thinking this would be her old schoolmates, not your freaky

cousin) asks you to participate, you can decline graciously and tell them that

your mother specifically asked that there NOT be such a service, so you are

honoring her request. What do you want to bet that Cousin Loopy has been busy

setting all this up? I bet the schoolmates would be quite relieved to simply

make a donation to a charity of your choice, in your mother's honor, rather than

take time off work to go to a memorial service for someone they haven't seen in

years.

> >

> > sounds like your cousin is the immature one !! she sounds like how a 7th

> > grader would..

> >

> > Jackie

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Latest email from my cousin- I haven't responded to her since her original

> > email but did delete her off my FB:

> > " You are so immature! Screw you if that is how you want to be. I can't

> > believe you deleted me off your facebook. WHATEVER!! Your Mom would be so

> > upset. All for what because you suck and are handling affairs wrong. Who

> > let's their Mother's ashes sit at the morgue for weeks???You will be sorry

> > some day "

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Mozz - You know what? Anybody in the U.S. has a right to assemble for lawful

purposes, even if it's for a memorial service for somebody who didn't want one.

Let them have their memorial service. You don't have to go, you don't have to

provide the ashes and urn, you don't have to send flowers. If any of the

organizers (I am thinking this would be her old schoolmates, not your freaky

cousin) asks you to participate, you can decline graciously and tell them that

your mother specifically asked that there NOT be such a service, so you are

honoring her request. What do you want to bet that Cousin Loopy has been busy

setting all this up? I bet the schoolmates would be quite relieved to simply

make a donation to a charity of your choice, in your mother's honor, rather than

take time off work to go to a memorial service for someone they haven't seen in

years.

> >

> > sounds like your cousin is the immature one !! she sounds like how a 7th

> > grader would..

> >

> > Jackie

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Latest email from my cousin- I haven't responded to her since her original

> > email but did delete her off my FB:

> > " You are so immature! Screw you if that is how you want to be. I can't

> > believe you deleted me off your facebook. WHATEVER!! Your Mom would be so

> > upset. All for what because you suck and are handling affairs wrong. Who

> > let's their Mother's ashes sit at the morgue for weeks???You will be sorry

> > some day "

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Mozz - You know what? Anybody in the U.S. has a right to assemble for lawful

purposes, even if it's for a memorial service for somebody who didn't want one.

Let them have their memorial service. You don't have to go, you don't have to

provide the ashes and urn, you don't have to send flowers. If any of the

organizers (I am thinking this would be her old schoolmates, not your freaky

cousin) asks you to participate, you can decline graciously and tell them that

your mother specifically asked that there NOT be such a service, so you are

honoring her request. What do you want to bet that Cousin Loopy has been busy

setting all this up? I bet the schoolmates would be quite relieved to simply

make a donation to a charity of your choice, in your mother's honor, rather than

take time off work to go to a memorial service for someone they haven't seen in

years.

> >

> > sounds like your cousin is the immature one !! she sounds like how a 7th

> > grader would..

> >

> > Jackie

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Latest email from my cousin- I haven't responded to her since her original

> > email but did delete her off my FB:

> > " You are so immature! Screw you if that is how you want to be. I can't

> > believe you deleted me off your facebook. WHATEVER!! Your Mom would be so

> > upset. All for what because you suck and are handling affairs wrong. Who

> > let's their Mother's ashes sit at the morgue for weeks???You will be sorry

> > some day "

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I actually talked to her best friend from childhood and she didn't know

anything about a service by old classmates. I am 99% sure she would know. This

makes me feel better. I suspect cousin IS behind all of it. And if it really is

happening, I will take your advice and let them do whatever they want without

any help or interference from me. I am really starting to get to the point where

I feel like anyone can do whatever they want- I am starting to actually not

care. And thank goodness I have an appt with my T today- haven't had one in

months except for a short phone appt. when she died. My neighbor told me I can

block certain phone numbers- I need to call the phone company to see if this is

true. That would be GLORIOUS. Today my husband drove to her house to clear it

out and pick up her ashes. We have an offer on the house, possibly a second one

coming in today. I am daring to hope for some closure soon (I hope this works

out without a nightmare escrow). Mom left the house to me in a living trust so I

wouldn't have to go through probate so I am very thankful for that.

> > >

> > > sounds like your cousin is the immature one !! she sounds like how a 7th

> > > grader would..

> > >

> > > Jackie

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Latest email from my cousin- I haven't responded to her since her original

> > > email but did delete her off my FB:

> > > " You are so immature! Screw you if that is how you want to be. I can't

> > > believe you deleted me off your facebook. WHATEVER!! Your Mom would be

so

> > > upset. All for what because you suck and are handling affairs wrong. Who

> > > let's their Mother's ashes sit at the morgue for weeks???You will be sorry

> > > some day "

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I actually talked to her best friend from childhood and she didn't know

anything about a service by old classmates. I am 99% sure she would know. This

makes me feel better. I suspect cousin IS behind all of it. And if it really is

happening, I will take your advice and let them do whatever they want without

any help or interference from me. I am really starting to get to the point where

I feel like anyone can do whatever they want- I am starting to actually not

care. And thank goodness I have an appt with my T today- haven't had one in

months except for a short phone appt. when she died. My neighbor told me I can

block certain phone numbers- I need to call the phone company to see if this is

true. That would be GLORIOUS. Today my husband drove to her house to clear it

out and pick up her ashes. We have an offer on the house, possibly a second one

coming in today. I am daring to hope for some closure soon (I hope this works

out without a nightmare escrow). Mom left the house to me in a living trust so I

wouldn't have to go through probate so I am very thankful for that.

> > >

> > > sounds like your cousin is the immature one !! she sounds like how a 7th

> > > grader would..

> > >

> > > Jackie

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Latest email from my cousin- I haven't responded to her since her original

> > > email but did delete her off my FB:

> > > " You are so immature! Screw you if that is how you want to be. I can't

> > > believe you deleted me off your facebook. WHATEVER!! Your Mom would be

so

> > > upset. All for what because you suck and are handling affairs wrong. Who

> > > let's their Mother's ashes sit at the morgue for weeks???You will be sorry

> > > some day "

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I actually talked to her best friend from childhood and she didn't know

anything about a service by old classmates. I am 99% sure she would know. This

makes me feel better. I suspect cousin IS behind all of it. And if it really is

happening, I will take your advice and let them do whatever they want without

any help or interference from me. I am really starting to get to the point where

I feel like anyone can do whatever they want- I am starting to actually not

care. And thank goodness I have an appt with my T today- haven't had one in

months except for a short phone appt. when she died. My neighbor told me I can

block certain phone numbers- I need to call the phone company to see if this is

true. That would be GLORIOUS. Today my husband drove to her house to clear it

out and pick up her ashes. We have an offer on the house, possibly a second one

coming in today. I am daring to hope for some closure soon (I hope this works

out without a nightmare escrow). Mom left the house to me in a living trust so I

wouldn't have to go through probate so I am very thankful for that.

> > >

> > > sounds like your cousin is the immature one !! she sounds like how a 7th

> > > grader would..

> > >

> > > Jackie

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Latest email from my cousin- I haven't responded to her since her original

> > > email but did delete her off my FB:

> > > " You are so immature! Screw you if that is how you want to be. I can't

> > > believe you deleted me off your facebook. WHATEVER!! Your Mom would be

so

> > > upset. All for what because you suck and are handling affairs wrong. Who

> > > let's their Mother's ashes sit at the morgue for weeks???You will be sorry

> > > some day "

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

It s been funny Mozz. In one way, yes I do, and in another I miss her. I

miss what I hoped she might have been to me. I m doing a lot of

writing.

I think in a way I m missing what she never was, but during her life

never had the chance to say why don t you become this.

I have realized one thing, and that is the bondage was not real. It was

in me. She manipulated and did all the BP stuff she does, but I had to

give her that power. I can pay the price of bondage to a BP, or pay the

price of deciding to be free.

There is guilt and FOG with each, and we are what we are, KO s , raised

by a BP. It is not all roses and rainbows, peaches and cream.

But by God I m going to do it. I m going to heal.

Anybody who doesnt like it, STEP OFF. That is our choice. A year is

not magic. It s one day at a time. But we can keep going forward. It

still hurts , Mozz, but I m not stopping.

Don t you either dear. We heal. We do. Give it time, and give

yourself permission.

Doug

> > >

> > > So when nada died I thought I would finally be at peace. WRONG.

How

> > could I forget about the rest of my dysfunctional FOO?

> >

> > Here's what happened- apparently my aunt called nada's neighbor and

the

> > neighbor told her that I was having an estate sale for nada's things

> > this weekend. I am mad b/c I asked the neighbor not to talk to my

> > family. This neighbor is one of those types that tries to be helpful

and

> > her heart is in the right place, but she keeps messing things up for

me.

> >

> > It is not up to a neighbor to decided who is invited and who is not.

I

> > have seen more or less functional families tear them selves to bits

over

> > bits of shit left in a deceased persons house. It IS UP TO YOU.

Anyone

> > who doesnt like it can go gargle concrete. Tell them I said so, and

if

> > that is not enough, I was a sailor and I know much more colorful

> > language.

> >

> >

> >

> > For example, she told the postman to take all nada's mail back to

the

> > post office b/c I had filled out a change of address, which I did

NOT.

> > Stuff like that.

> >

> > If the postman acted on that, go to the PO and file a complaint.

They

> > do NOT change mail delivery because Aunt Petunia in the hood says

so.

> > You are the exector and only you can do a change of address.

> > Withholding her mail from her estate, you, is a federal offense.

> >

> >

> >

> > This neighbor is really stressing me out.

> >

> > Usually when we say someone is well meaning, we mean they are a

damned

> > flying monkey, and for thier own reasons do the most irritating crap

> > that they have no right to do. NO prisoners. MIND YOUR OWN

BUSINESS is

> > the message for her and the rest of your FOO.

> >

> > But she's also done a lot to help me too. Anyway, so my aunt calls

my

> > cousin and I get this frantic phone call about how horrible it is

that I

> > am having an estate sale, that these people are going through nada's

> > things, blah, blah blah and that she wanted some of it and would

have

> > treasured it. I let her in the house last weekend and told her to

take

> > whatever she wanted, by the way. She also said that it was wrong of

me

> > to spread nada's ashes even though that's what nada told me to do.

> >

> > I would add to that, GO TO HELL Aunt Petunia. You are not the

executor.

> > The responsility is mine. I had to do the legal stuff and will be ,

( I

> > promise you Mozz, this is absolutely true ) a YEAR settling her

estate.

> > BUTT OUT!

> >

> >

> > So I sent her short email basically saying that these things were

left

> > to me, it's my decision and please respect my wishes. So I get this

> > email back that is just reeking of insult, assumptions and

presumptions

> > that make me think who the hell do you think you are? I am not even

> > going to respond. What's the point? I can't reason with these

people.

> > They hurt me. I am so stressed about all this- I don't need this. I

hate

> > that I let it get to me.

> >

> > It was your Mom, it is your business and not thiers. Repeat after

me

> > Mozz, MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS. If they get pissed or hurt and

you

> > feel bad later and want to make up, remember, I was grieving and out

of

> > my mind with grief. I m not even sure what I said to who. For now,

NO

> > PRISONERS.

> >

> >

> > I mean it was MY mom, and no one cares about my feelings or even

asks

> > about my pregnancy. What really pisses me off is that she gave me

grief

> > for not picking my mom's ashes up yet. Well guess what? It took the

> > crematorium a ridiculously long time to get the job done and I am

> > actually picking them up the soonest that I can, this Tuesday. I am

just

> > SO mad. I am def. going NC with all of them. So do I tell them or

just

> > start ignoring all contact attempts? I have never done this before.

I

> > feel like I should say something, but then again that would just

spark a

> > bunch of back and forth. Like I said, I can't reason with these

people

> > so what's the point? And why tell them how I really feel about them

to

> > make me feel better?

> >

> > You don t OWE them a bit of information. These jerks should be

worried

> > about YOU. You just lost your mom, you re pregnant and your hormones

are

> > in a mess. They should be more concerned about you and your baby

than

> > your moms damned ashes.

> >

> > Once again, I repeat, tell them to MIND THIER OWN BUSINESS.

> >

> >

> > That's not taking the higher road, although I have to admit I am

> > tempted to give them all a piece of my mind. I am really hurt by all

> > this. And MAD. Mad that on top of the grief of nada dying, and

dealing

> > with all those conflicting emotions while being pregnant and trying

to

> > be present of my 17 month old I have to deal with this BS that is so

> > unnecessary. The icing on the cake- my mother in law is visiting and

she

> > is perhaps the most annoying person I have ever met.

> > > Last thought that just occurred to me. I am mad at nada. Mad that

> > every single thing about her and her life had to be difficult.

> >

> >

> > It s ok to be mad, dear. You know it is part of your grief. You do

what

> > YOU have to do. You tell the rest of them to piss off. Deal with it

> > your own way. I have been hurt, and angry, and felt a profound

sense

> > of loss the last year. I lost my nada, and with her my last chance

to

> > see things get right. I can only get things right in me. As can you.

Be

> > the mom.

> >

> > And its ok to grieve, whatever you feel. One last thought, next

time,

> > tell your aunt you may have spread her ashes, but you didnt urinate

on

> > them!

> >

> > No, no, thats not nice. But it is funny.

> >

> > It is your loss, your mom. They can all piss off.

> >

> > Doug

> >

> >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I just blocked her email address. This may seem small, but I am really proud of

myself. And I didn't even tell her I am doing it. Moving on!!!

>

> I agree, you dont need people like this in your life...

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> My thoughts exactly! She's 40!!! And I think this proves she doesn't really

> care how I am feeling.

>

[Guest guest]

I just blocked her email address. This may seem small, but I am really proud of

myself. And I didn't even tell her I am doing it. Moving on!!!

>

> I agree, you dont need people like this in your life...

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> My thoughts exactly! She's 40!!! And I think this proves she doesn't really

> care how I am feeling.

>

[Guest guest]

I just blocked her email address. This may seem small, but I am really proud of

myself. And I didn't even tell her I am doing it. Moving on!!!

>

> I agree, you dont need people like this in your life...

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> My thoughts exactly! She's 40!!! And I think this proves she doesn't really

> care how I am feeling.

>