Re: And the crap just keeps coming...

[Guest guest]

It s been funny Mozz. In one way, yes I do, and in another I miss her. I

miss what I hoped she might have been to me. I m doing a lot of

writing.

I think in a way I m missing what she never was, but during her life

never had the chance to say why don t you become this.

I have realized one thing, and that is the bondage was not real. It was

in me. She manipulated and did all the BP stuff she does, but I had to

give her that power. I can pay the price of bondage to a BP, or pay the

price of deciding to be free.

There is guilt and FOG with each, and we are what we are, KO s , raised

by a BP. It is not all roses and rainbows, peaches and cream.

But by God I m going to do it. I m going to heal.

Anybody who doesnt like it, STEP OFF. That is our choice. A year is

not magic. It s one day at a time. But we can keep going forward. It

still hurts , Mozz, but I m not stopping.

Don t you either dear. We heal. We do. Give it time, and give

yourself permission.

Doug

> > >

> > > So when nada died I thought I would finally be at peace. WRONG.

How

> > could I forget about the rest of my dysfunctional FOO?

> >

> > Here's what happened- apparently my aunt called nada's neighbor and

the

> > neighbor told her that I was having an estate sale for nada's things

> > this weekend. I am mad b/c I asked the neighbor not to talk to my

> > family. This neighbor is one of those types that tries to be helpful

and

> > her heart is in the right place, but she keeps messing things up for

me.

> >

> > It is not up to a neighbor to decided who is invited and who is not.

I

> > have seen more or less functional families tear them selves to bits

over

> > bits of shit left in a deceased persons house. It IS UP TO YOU.

Anyone

> > who doesnt like it can go gargle concrete. Tell them I said so, and

if

> > that is not enough, I was a sailor and I know much more colorful

> > language.

> >

> >

> >

> > For example, she told the postman to take all nada's mail back to

the

> > post office b/c I had filled out a change of address, which I did

NOT.

> > Stuff like that.

> >

> > If the postman acted on that, go to the PO and file a complaint.

They

> > do NOT change mail delivery because Aunt Petunia in the hood says

so.

> > You are the exector and only you can do a change of address.

> > Withholding her mail from her estate, you, is a federal offense.

> >

> >

> >

> > This neighbor is really stressing me out.

> >

> > Usually when we say someone is well meaning, we mean they are a

damned

> > flying monkey, and for thier own reasons do the most irritating crap

> > that they have no right to do. NO prisoners. MIND YOUR OWN

BUSINESS is

> > the message for her and the rest of your FOO.

> >

> > But she's also done a lot to help me too. Anyway, so my aunt calls

my

> > cousin and I get this frantic phone call about how horrible it is

that I

> > am having an estate sale, that these people are going through nada's

> > things, blah, blah blah and that she wanted some of it and would

have

> > treasured it. I let her in the house last weekend and told her to

take

> > whatever she wanted, by the way. She also said that it was wrong of

me

> > to spread nada's ashes even though that's what nada told me to do.

> >

> > I would add to that, GO TO HELL Aunt Petunia. You are not the

executor.

> > The responsility is mine. I had to do the legal stuff and will be ,

( I

> > promise you Mozz, this is absolutely true ) a YEAR settling her

estate.

> > BUTT OUT!

> >

> >

> > So I sent her short email basically saying that these things were

left

> > to me, it's my decision and please respect my wishes. So I get this

> > email back that is just reeking of insult, assumptions and

presumptions

> > that make me think who the hell do you think you are? I am not even

> > going to respond. What's the point? I can't reason with these

people.

> > They hurt me. I am so stressed about all this- I don't need this. I

hate

> > that I let it get to me.

> >

> > It was your Mom, it is your business and not thiers. Repeat after

me

> > Mozz, MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS. If they get pissed or hurt and

you

> > feel bad later and want to make up, remember, I was grieving and out

of

> > my mind with grief. I m not even sure what I said to who. For now,

NO

> > PRISONERS.

> >

> >

> > I mean it was MY mom, and no one cares about my feelings or even

asks

> > about my pregnancy. What really pisses me off is that she gave me

grief

> > for not picking my mom's ashes up yet. Well guess what? It took the

> > crematorium a ridiculously long time to get the job done and I am

> > actually picking them up the soonest that I can, this Tuesday. I am

just

> > SO mad. I am def. going NC with all of them. So do I tell them or

just

> > start ignoring all contact attempts? I have never done this before.

I

> > feel like I should say something, but then again that would just

spark a

> > bunch of back and forth. Like I said, I can't reason with these

people

> > so what's the point? And why tell them how I really feel about them

to

> > make me feel better?

> >

> > You don t OWE them a bit of information. These jerks should be

worried

> > about YOU. You just lost your mom, you re pregnant and your hormones

are

> > in a mess. They should be more concerned about you and your baby

than

> > your moms damned ashes.

> >

> > Once again, I repeat, tell them to MIND THIER OWN BUSINESS.

> >

> >

> > That's not taking the higher road, although I have to admit I am

> > tempted to give them all a piece of my mind. I am really hurt by all

> > this. And MAD. Mad that on top of the grief of nada dying, and

dealing

> > with all those conflicting emotions while being pregnant and trying

to

> > be present of my 17 month old I have to deal with this BS that is so

> > unnecessary. The icing on the cake- my mother in law is visiting and

she

> > is perhaps the most annoying person I have ever met.

> > > Last thought that just occurred to me. I am mad at nada. Mad that

> > every single thing about her and her life had to be difficult.

> >

> >

> > It s ok to be mad, dear. You know it is part of your grief. You do

what

> > YOU have to do. You tell the rest of them to piss off. Deal with it

> > your own way. I have been hurt, and angry, and felt a profound

sense

> > of loss the last year. I lost my nada, and with her my last chance

to

> > see things get right. I can only get things right in me. As can you.

Be

> > the mom.

> >

> > And its ok to grieve, whatever you feel. One last thought, next

time,

> > tell your aunt you may have spread her ashes, but you didnt urinate

on

> > them!

> >

> > No, no, thats not nice. But it is funny.

> >

> > It is your loss, your mom. They can all piss off.

> >

> > Doug

> >

> >

> > >

> >

>