Re: Question about my Dish Rag dad.

[Guest guest]

it's hard to say about your dad...he sounds more than just a dish rag

dad...he has to have BPD or NP or something wrong with him..he is not

normal...my nada is BPD, but NP as well...and she has enough people to

control in her life to satisfy her cravings, so does whatever mean thing she

can to " punish " me for not being her slave...

Jackie

> On another post it was suggested that he may have NPD (still waiting on

> admission to ask this on the NPD board) when I asked if a BPD could be

> married to another BPD.

>

> But something has been bothering me.

>

> From what I've read about NPD, many of the aspects of this condition fit

> him, but much doesnt.

>

> Some of the things that he has done:

>

> Not invited me to his wedding (I was 13 or so living about 40 minutes

> away). You'd think that he'd want me there? As part of his attention

> seeking?

> Didn't tell me that his father died until christmas when he announced

> " he'd 6 feet under " when I asked how he was.

> Told me his grandmother was dead, when she wasnt. Found out she was still

> alive when I was 19 or 20. He didn't seem to think this was a big deal.

> Cut his sisters out of his life completely. They're mystified as to why.

> Never makes an effort to come see his grandkids.

> Thrives in drama.

> Told me when I was 12, and was living with him after my mothers attempt on

> my life that I had to go back to her. He said " one day you'll make a

> choice between your child and your partner " . He had known my now-step-nada

> monster for all of 6 months.

>

> These are just the highlights. He was never around when I was growing up,

> preferring the company of his girlfriends instead. When I did see him, it

> was all about him and his relationships. He made and broke so many

> promises I cannot even count.

>

> He put his step sons through university, they lived with them for free.

> When I was homeless for a few months I asked to live with him and he told

> me that it would be $400 a month.

>

> Now, some of that sounds NPDish, but if he had NPD, don't you think he'd

> want to be in my life, to control me, to ensure that I admire and love him

> constantly?

>

> Instead, I feel like he's always kept me at arms length, and there I am

> desperately seeking his love and approval for the last 36 years (no more

> though!).

>

> He makes no effort to see, talk or get to know my kids, yet if I don't

> send him a picture or thank you on their birthdays, all hell breaks loose.

> Otherwise I never hear a word.

>

> In fact, he got mad at me because I didn't send an e-mail, and when I told

> him that I'd send pictures of my youngests birthday, most recent accident

> and her gluten/dairy free cake....he never even asked what happened and

> why we HAD a GF/DF cake. All he cared about was the fact that he didn't

> get the damn pictures.

>

> I never know how their health is, I've asked and get stonewalled. We never

> receive invites to their family functions. We never hear whats going on on

> " his " side of the family (aka, his wife and step sons and their families).

>

> I feel like a complete outcast, but at the same time get shit for not

> wanting to relay any information about OUR family to them. Why should I?

> People who care about each other are supposed to share right?

>

> Oy. It really makes me wonder if I'm the fucked up one. But then I look at

> my husbands side of the family, who are all normal. Who are loving and

> actually WANT to spend time with us, call us and be involved and I think,

> well if I was nuts, I think they'd tell me.

>

> So, does he sound like he has BPD or NPD or an a-typical dishrag dad?

>

> Any insight is greatly appreciated.

>

[Guest guest]

Annie - Thanks for the link, I will definately bookmark it to read and re-read.

I do agree that the issue isn't as much as having a precise label, I think it's

the realization that he isn't normal. That I'm not the damaged one (well, you

know what I mean).

It honestly never even occured to me, in fact I tended to see him as a victim

for a long time. I really needed this " a-ha " moment because I've been able to

process and deal with the other people in my life with a PD, but have never been

able to move past the " heartsick little girl who just wants her daddy to love

her " stage with my father. I think with this knowledge, and with the help I've

gotten here, I'll finally be able to do that. It's really liberating.

Now, I just need to learn the skills I need to recognize when he's being abusive

and learn how to deal with him effectively.

[Guest guest]

Annie - Thanks for the link, I will definately bookmark it to read and re-read.

I do agree that the issue isn't as much as having a precise label, I think it's

the realization that he isn't normal. That I'm not the damaged one (well, you

know what I mean).

It honestly never even occured to me, in fact I tended to see him as a victim

for a long time. I really needed this " a-ha " moment because I've been able to

process and deal with the other people in my life with a PD, but have never been

able to move past the " heartsick little girl who just wants her daddy to love

her " stage with my father. I think with this knowledge, and with the help I've

gotten here, I'll finally be able to do that. It's really liberating.

Now, I just need to learn the skills I need to recognize when he's being abusive

and learn how to deal with him effectively.

[Guest guest]

Annie - Thanks for the link, I will definately bookmark it to read and re-read.

I do agree that the issue isn't as much as having a precise label, I think it's

the realization that he isn't normal. That I'm not the damaged one (well, you

know what I mean).

It honestly never even occured to me, in fact I tended to see him as a victim

for a long time. I really needed this " a-ha " moment because I've been able to

process and deal with the other people in my life with a PD, but have never been

able to move past the " heartsick little girl who just wants her daddy to love

her " stage with my father. I think with this knowledge, and with the help I've

gotten here, I'll finally be able to do that. It's really liberating.

Now, I just need to learn the skills I need to recognize when he's being abusive

and learn how to deal with him effectively.