Family reunion issue

[Guest guest]

I need some advice or perspective...

I have a family reunion coming up with my father's side of the family. I am

fairly close to a couple of the cousins...we have not had a reunion/family get

together in 6 or 7 years. I'm really excited to see everyone who will be there.

My parents are divorced. Nada is remarried to a man everyone in the family

cannot stand. Most of my father's family has been very supportive of me being

NC with nada (at least, those who know) and some of them have finally started

saying things about how she was as a nada.

She made it clear for years that she really did not like any of my father's

siblings...and, being a nada, is pretty quick to trash anyone behind their back.

She once sat trashing one of dad's brothers for over an hour...in front of one

of his adult children!!

Unfortunately, one of my cousins on that side of the family is completely

enmeshed with nada.

It is quite possible that this cousin will tell nada about the reunion and

invite her. Nobody knows. Even my brother thinks this would be a terrible

idea. But this cousin and nada...they work together, you know what I mean?

Nada is not above trying to use anyone she can use...or use any situation she

can use...to try and force contact with me. (years ago, we were NC by her

design...she said I was no longer her daughter for some imagined slight...I had

to go in for surgery for something and she called me out of the blue to say she

was coming with me. I told her no...and she BLEW UP, saying this was the

perfect chance to heal our relationship. Um...no. It wasn't. I was going in

for surgery...I was over stressed and needed to focus on ME, not on HER. Oy.)

Anyway...my fear is that nada will show up without warning at this reunion and

expect it to be a chance to " fix " our relationship or to " prove " to the family

how " abusive " I am. Now, I know my family members well enough to know that they

aren't going to buy into her version of me...they know ME well enough to know

who I really am. So the attempt at a smear campaign isn't the big concern. I

just think it is inappropriate for the reunion, you know? And I don't want to

put my family through that. The reunion should be about EVERYONE catching up,

not about her and I.

Plus, she'll bring her husband and he's a jackass of epic proportions...and it's

pretty classless to bring your husband to a family reunion of your EX husband's

family that you don't even really like all that much, no?

I'm not sure what to do. I want to go. I need to feel family around me. But I

am entirely unsure what to do if she is there to avoid drama.

Help.

Ninera