kids - Enjoy

[Guest guest]

1) NUDITY -- I was driving with my three young children one

warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of

us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling

from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back

seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS -- On the first day of school, a first-grader

handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read,

'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily

those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP -- A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out

of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked

her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't

come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting

the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY -- A little boy got lost at the YMCA and

found himself in the women's locker room. When he was

spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing

towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in

amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you

ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1 -- While taking a routine vandalism report at

an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl

about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she

asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued

writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I

should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told

her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would

you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2 -- It was the end of the day when I parked my

police van in front of the station. As I gathered my

equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a

little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back

there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy

looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally

he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY -- While working for an organization that

delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my

4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was

unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,

particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I

found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a

glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of

questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy

will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP -- A little girl was watching her parents dress

for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she

warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not,

darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the

next morning.'

9) DEATH -- While walking along the sidewalk in front of his

church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that

nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son

and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that

proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small

box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for

the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen

to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity

intoned his version of what he thought his father always

said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and

into the hole hegoooes.'

10) SCHOOL -- A little girl had just finished her first week

of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her

mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me

talk!'

11) BIBLE -- A little boy opened the big family Bible. He

was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.

Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the

object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that

had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I

found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?'

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I

think it's Adam's underwear!'

IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT

It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your travel deal here.

[Guest guest]

Rogene, thank you for these funny little jokes, read them all, and he loved them too.

Just get well soon, we love you always.....Lea and

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``

kids - Enjoy

1) NUDITY -- I was driving with my three young children one

warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of

us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling

from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back

seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS -- On the first day of school, a first-grader

handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read,

'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily

those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP -- A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out

of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked

her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't

come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting

the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY -- A little boy got lost at the YMCA and

found himself in the women's locker room. When he was

spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing

towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in

amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you

ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1 -- While taking a routine vandalism report at

an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl

about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she

asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued

writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I

should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told

her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would

you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2 -- It was the end of the day when I parked my

police van in front of the station. As I gathered my

equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a

little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back

there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy

looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally

he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY -- While working for an organization that

delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my

4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was

unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,

particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I

found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a

glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of

questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy

will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP -- A little girl was watching her parents dress

for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she

warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not,

darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the

next morning.'

9) DEATH -- While walking along the sidewalk in front of his

church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that

nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son

and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that

proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small

box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for

the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen

to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity

intoned his version of what he thought his father always

said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and

into the hole hegoooes.'

10) SCHOOL -- A little girl had just finished her first week

of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her

mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me

talk!'

11) BIBLE -- A little boy opened the big family Bible. He

was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.

Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the

object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that

had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I

found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?'

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I

think it's Adam's underwear!'

IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT

It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your travel deal here.