Re: Re: You get what you give

[Guest guest]

hi, so admired the strength and courage in this post.. thanks.  i have found

that in 12-step like pretty much everything you can 'take what you like and

leave the rest'.. and if religion is not for you (for very good reasons!) then i

would go easy on the 'higher power' part of the program.. maybe taking the

'power' of the group and it's love for you as your 'higher' guide and help in

life and for fighting your addiction, not the traditional 'higher power' of

religion.  just a suggestion.all my best wishes to you, ann

Subject: Re: You get what you give

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Sunday, July 25, 2010, 6:42 PM

 

that is so true. For me it all comes down to the great myth in this

culture that early childhood trauma isn't as life-destroying as it is. That it's

forgotten and there are no consequences. There is post after post on here daily

showing that people with no outlet for expression of it express it on their own

children, and KO's have to figure a way out of the maze of confusion.

I am almost 42 and only learning how to find my way out of the darkness. I did

recovery (12 step) for many years and it is still a big part of my life and mind

but it was ironic for me the the religion behind which so much of the abuse in

my family was hidden was now going to be a necessary part of my flight out of

addiction. I have never been able to reconcile it. It's not something that

troubles me greatly, it's just an annoying aspect I have never been able to

reconcile. But I never knew positivity until I got into recovery. And I never

knew that there was nothing positive in my family. I never knew how embedded in

their childhood traumas my parents were. I find as an adult that just about

everything they ever taught me is wrong. I kept waiting to wake up one day and

be one of those that says, 'mom and dad were right' but that never happened. I

learned horrible habits from them about relating with others that are so

ingrained it's hard to move on

from them.

One of the main things I think it's important for KO's to know is that we are

not the core of darkness in the universe. For painted black kids that is news to

us. So for me, learning to 'give' positivity, or give anything was a revelation

because I was taught I was useless and had nothing to offer. So even without an

expectation of return, it's amazing to think I can give in a positive way, and

that i am a normal human being in that way instead of a piece of useless garbage

that is just in the way.

>

> I was listening to Zig Ziglar last night. Great CDs that have really helped

me. He was making the point that the more good will and kindness you give to

people, the more you get back.

>

> I couldn't help but be sad. The rules for BP are opposite. You give

kindness, and get back abuse. You gave compassion, and get split and trashed

for your efforts. You give sacrifice, they are furious you didn't do close to

enough. You give love, which hits their buttons and then you get hated.

>

> Just made me sad for anyone that has had to deal with BPD. If only the rules

were so clear.

>

> Blessings,

> Karla

>