Question about my Dish Rag dad.

[Guest guest]

On another post it was suggested that he may have NPD (still waiting on

admission to ask this on the NPD board) when I asked if a BPD could be married

to another BPD.

But something has been bothering me.

From what I've read about NPD, many of the aspects of this condition fit him,

but much doesnt.

Some of the things that he has done:

Not invited me to his wedding (I was 13 or so living about 40 minutes away).

You'd think that he'd want me there? As part of his attention seeking?

Didn't tell me that his father died until christmas when he announced " he'd 6

feet under " when I asked how he was.

Told me his grandmother was dead, when she wasnt. Found out she was still alive

when I was 19 or 20. He didn't seem to think this was a big deal.

Cut his sisters out of his life completely. They're mystified as to why.

Never makes an effort to come see his grandkids.

Thrives in drama.

Told me when I was 12, and was living with him after my mothers attempt on my

life that I had to go back to her. He said " one day you'll make a choice between

your child and your partner " . He had known my now-step-nada monster for all of 6

months.

These are just the highlights. He was never around when I was growing up,

preferring the company of his girlfriends instead. When I did see him, it was

all about him and his relationships. He made and broke so many promises I cannot

even count.

He put his step sons through university, they lived with them for free. When I

was homeless for a few months I asked to live with him and he told me that it

would be $400 a month.

Now, some of that sounds NPDish, but if he had NPD, don't you think he'd want to

be in my life, to control me, to ensure that I admire and love him constantly?

Instead, I feel like he's always kept me at arms length, and there I am

desperately seeking his love and approval for the last 36 years (no more

though!).

He makes no effort to see, talk or get to know my kids, yet if I don't send him

a picture or thank you on their birthdays, all hell breaks loose. Otherwise I

never hear a word.

In fact, he got mad at me because I didn't send an e-mail, and when I told him

that I'd send pictures of my youngests birthday, most recent accident and her

gluten/dairy free cake....he never even asked what happened and why we HAD a

GF/DF cake. All he cared about was the fact that he didn't get the damn

pictures.

I never know how their health is, I've asked and get stonewalled. We never

receive invites to their family functions. We never hear whats going on on " his "

side of the family (aka, his wife and step sons and their families).

I feel like a complete outcast, but at the same time get shit for not wanting to

relay any information about OUR family to them. Why should I? People who care

about each other are supposed to share right?

Oy. It really makes me wonder if I'm the fucked up one. But then I look at my

husbands side of the family, who are all normal. Who are loving and actually

WANT to spend time with us, call us and be involved and I think, well if I was

nuts, I think they'd tell me.

So, does he sound like he has BPD or NPD or an a-typical dishrag dad?

Any insight is greatly appreciated.