Guest guest Posted July 25, 2010 Report Share Posted July 25, 2010 Oh what a great insight- and so true! > > I was listening to Zig Ziglar last night. Great CDs that have really helped me. He was making the point that the more good will and kindness you give to people, the more you get back. > > I couldn't help but be sad. The rules for BP are opposite. You give kindness, and get back abuse. You gave compassion, and get split and trashed for your efforts. You give sacrifice, they are furious you didn't do close to enough. You give love, which hits their buttons and then you get hated. > > Just made me sad for anyone that has had to deal with BPD. If only the rules were so clear. > > Blessings, > Karla > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2010 Report Share Posted July 25, 2010 Oh what a great insight- and so true! > > I was listening to Zig Ziglar last night. Great CDs that have really helped me. He was making the point that the more good will and kindness you give to people, the more you get back. > > I couldn't help but be sad. The rules for BP are opposite. You give kindness, and get back abuse. You gave compassion, and get split and trashed for your efforts. You give sacrifice, they are furious you didn't do close to enough. You give love, which hits their buttons and then you get hated. > > Just made me sad for anyone that has had to deal with BPD. If only the rules were so clear. > > Blessings, > Karla > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2010 Report Share Posted July 25, 2010 Oh what a great insight- and so true! > > I was listening to Zig Ziglar last night. Great CDs that have really helped me. He was making the point that the more good will and kindness you give to people, the more you get back. > > I couldn't help but be sad. The rules for BP are opposite. You give kindness, and get back abuse. You gave compassion, and get split and trashed for your efforts. You give sacrifice, they are furious you didn't do close to enough. You give love, which hits their buttons and then you get hated. > > Just made me sad for anyone that has had to deal with BPD. If only the rules were so clear. > > Blessings, > Karla > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2010 Report Share Posted July 25, 2010 that is so true. For me it all comes down to the great myth in this culture that early childhood trauma isn't as life-destroying as it is. That it's forgotten and there are no consequences. There is post after post on here daily showing that people with no outlet for expression of it express it on their own children, and KO's have to figure a way out of the maze of confusion. I am almost 42 and only learning how to find my way out of the darkness. I did recovery (12 step) for many years and it is still a big part of my life and mind but it was ironic for me the the religion behind which so much of the abuse in my family was hidden was now going to be a necessary part of my flight out of addiction. I have never been able to reconcile it. It's not something that troubles me greatly, it's just an annoying aspect I have never been able to reconcile. But I never knew positivity until I got into recovery. And I never knew that there was nothing positive in my family. I never knew how embedded in their childhood traumas my parents were. I find as an adult that just about everything they ever taught me is wrong. I kept waiting to wake up one day and be one of those that says, 'mom and dad were right' but that never happened. I learned horrible habits from them about relating with others that are so ingrained it's hard to move on from them. One of the main things I think it's important for KO's to know is that we are not the core of darkness in the universe. For painted black kids that is news to us. So for me, learning to 'give' positivity, or give anything was a revelation because I was taught I was useless and had nothing to offer. So even without an expectation of return, it's amazing to think I can give in a positive way, and that i am a normal human being in that way instead of a piece of useless garbage that is just in the way. > > I was listening to Zig Ziglar last night. Great CDs that have really helped me. He was making the point that the more good will and kindness you give to people, the more you get back. > > I couldn't help but be sad. The rules for BP are opposite. You give kindness, and get back abuse. You gave compassion, and get split and trashed for your efforts. You give sacrifice, they are furious you didn't do close to enough. You give love, which hits their buttons and then you get hated. > > Just made me sad for anyone that has had to deal with BPD. If only the rules were so clear. > > Blessings, > Karla > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2010 Report Share Posted July 25, 2010 that is so true. For me it all comes down to the great myth in this culture that early childhood trauma isn't as life-destroying as it is. That it's forgotten and there are no consequences. There is post after post on here daily showing that people with no outlet for expression of it express it on their own children, and KO's have to figure a way out of the maze of confusion. I am almost 42 and only learning how to find my way out of the darkness. I did recovery (12 step) for many years and it is still a big part of my life and mind but it was ironic for me the the religion behind which so much of the abuse in my family was hidden was now going to be a necessary part of my flight out of addiction. I have never been able to reconcile it. It's not something that troubles me greatly, it's just an annoying aspect I have never been able to reconcile. But I never knew positivity until I got into recovery. And I never knew that there was nothing positive in my family. I never knew how embedded in their childhood traumas my parents were. I find as an adult that just about everything they ever taught me is wrong. I kept waiting to wake up one day and be one of those that says, 'mom and dad were right' but that never happened. I learned horrible habits from them about relating with others that are so ingrained it's hard to move on from them. One of the main things I think it's important for KO's to know is that we are not the core of darkness in the universe. For painted black kids that is news to us. So for me, learning to 'give' positivity, or give anything was a revelation because I was taught I was useless and had nothing to offer. So even without an expectation of return, it's amazing to think I can give in a positive way, and that i am a normal human being in that way instead of a piece of useless garbage that is just in the way. > > I was listening to Zig Ziglar last night. Great CDs that have really helped me. He was making the point that the more good will and kindness you give to people, the more you get back. > > I couldn't help but be sad. The rules for BP are opposite. You give kindness, and get back abuse. You gave compassion, and get split and trashed for your efforts. You give sacrifice, they are furious you didn't do close to enough. You give love, which hits their buttons and then you get hated. > > Just made me sad for anyone that has had to deal with BPD. If only the rules were so clear. > > Blessings, > Karla > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2010 Report Share Posted July 26, 2010 I was just thinking about this after a conversation with my sister about my mother this morning. How nothing we ever did was good enough and later our failures were thrown in our faces. It would have been nice to get what you give growing up, but BP's are uncapable of seeing past our failures. Of course, it says more about them then us, but it doesn't make it any easier. (((HUGS))) to you. You get what you give I was listening to Zig Ziglar last night. Great CDs that have really helped me. He was making the point that the more good will and kindness you give to people, the more you get back. I couldn't help but be sad. The rules for BP are opposite. You give kindness, and get back abuse. You gave compassion, and get split and trashed for your efforts. You give sacrifice, they are furious you didn't do close to enough. You give love, which hits their buttons and then you get hated. Just made me sad for anyone that has had to deal with BPD. If only the rules were so clear. Blessings, Karla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2010 Report Share Posted July 26, 2010 I was just thinking about this after a conversation with my sister about my mother this morning. How nothing we ever did was good enough and later our failures were thrown in our faces. It would have been nice to get what you give growing up, but BP's are uncapable of seeing past our failures. Of course, it says more about them then us, but it doesn't make it any easier. (((HUGS))) to you. You get what you give I was listening to Zig Ziglar last night. Great CDs that have really helped me. He was making the point that the more good will and kindness you give to people, the more you get back. I couldn't help but be sad. The rules for BP are opposite. You give kindness, and get back abuse. You gave compassion, and get split and trashed for your efforts. You give sacrifice, they are furious you didn't do close to enough. You give love, which hits their buttons and then you get hated. Just made me sad for anyone that has had to deal with BPD. If only the rules were so clear. Blessings, Karla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2010 Report Share Posted July 26, 2010 I was just thinking about this after a conversation with my sister about my mother this morning. How nothing we ever did was good enough and later our failures were thrown in our faces. It would have been nice to get what you give growing up, but BP's are uncapable of seeing past our failures. Of course, it says more about them then us, but it doesn't make it any easier. (((HUGS))) to you. You get what you give I was listening to Zig Ziglar last night. Great CDs that have really helped me. He was making the point that the more good will and kindness you give to people, the more you get back. I couldn't help but be sad. The rules for BP are opposite. You give kindness, and get back abuse. You gave compassion, and get split and trashed for your efforts. You give sacrifice, they are furious you didn't do close to enough. You give love, which hits their buttons and then you get hated. Just made me sad for anyone that has had to deal with BPD. If only the rules were so clear. Blessings, Karla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 3, 2010 Report Share Posted August 3, 2010 OK, that made me cry. It sums up having a BP parent so concisely and it's so painful and discouraging. I just want it to be over. I'm still trying to do the " right thing " and be content with that, be proud of myself. But the games, manipulations and negativity are soul sucking. irene > > > > > > > The rules for BP are opposite. You give kindness, and get back abuse. You gave compassion, and get split and trashed for your efforts. You give sacrifice, they are furious you didn't do close to enough. You give love, which hits their buttons and then you get hated. > > Blessings, > > > Karla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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